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  • #31
    Re: Jesus Destroys Haiti

    Hallelujah, my prayers have been answered. As most of you know, my company got a bum rap for selling melamine-tainted milk. I say "bum rap" because I swear to this day that melamine is actually an important nutritional food supplement widely used to make counter tops, fabrics, glue, housewares and flame retardants. Nevertheless, many countries unfairly banned our Chinese-made milk powder products. As a result, we've got literally tons of this stuff stockpiled in warehouses in China, and we haven't been able to sell it. This represents a huge loss for us.

    And now The Lord, bless him, sends us a disaster in Haiti. This is just what we've been waiting for. Using our carefully crafted political connections, we won the no-bid contract to supply the Haitians with disaster relief. And guess what food stuffs we will be sending them? That's right, pure nutritious milk powder! Plus some mouth-watering nourishing melamine-tainted dog food that's been sitting in the warehouse since 2007.



    The Lord sure works in mysterious ways!

    Praise Jesus!
    Brother Fred
    Praise Jesus!
    Brother Fred
    CEO, The Uranus Corporation
    Put your faith in Uranus!

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    • #32
      Re: Jesus Destroys Haiti

      Originally posted by Free Market Fred View Post
      Hallelujah, my prayers have been answered. As most of you know, my company got a bum rap for selling melamine-tainted milk. I say "bum rap" because I swear to this day that melamine is actually an important nutritional food supplement widely used to make counter tops, fabrics, glue, housewares and flame retardants. Nevertheless, many countries unfairly banned our Chinese-made milk powder products. As a result, we've got literally tons of this stuff stockpiled in warehouses in China, and we haven't been able to sell it. This represents a huge loss for us.

      And now The Lord, bless him, sends us a disaster in Haiti. This is just what we've been waiting for. Using our carefully crafted political connections, we won the no-bid contract to supply the Haitians with disaster relief. And guess what food stuffs we will be sending them? That's right, pure nutritious milk powder! Plus some mouth-watering nourishing melamine-tainted dog food that's been sitting in the warehouse since 2007.
      Excellent news, Fred. Congratulations. How's that proposal coming for the RFP concerned with harvesting the perfectly good kidneys and such from the tragic, recent victims of the disaster? It's my understanding that the Haitians themselves are getting impatient for the air-freighting to Europe and North America to begin.
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      I loved Newt before Newt was invincible

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      • #33
        Re: Jesus Destroys Haiti

        Originally posted by Free Market Fred View Post
        Hallelujah, my prayers have been answered. As most of you know, my company got a bum rap for selling melamine-tainted milk. I say "bum rap" because I swear to this day that melamine is actually an important nutritional food supplement widely used to make counter tops, fabrics, glue, housewares and flame retardants. Nevertheless, many countries unfairly banned our Chinese-made milk powder products. As a result, we've got literally tons of this stuff stockpiled in warehouses in China, and we haven't been able to sell it. This represents a huge loss for us.

        And now The Lord, bless him, sends us a disaster in Haiti. This is just what we've been waiting for. Using our carefully crafted political connections, we won the no-bid contract to supply the Haitians with disaster relief. And guess what food stuffs we will be sending them? That's right, pure nutritious milk powder! Plus some mouth-watering nourishing melamine-tainted dog food that's been sitting in the warehouse since 2007.



        The Lord sure works in mysterious ways!

        Praise Jesus!
        Brother Fred
        Your joking, right?
        Surah 4:169 O people of the Book! do not exceed in your religion, nor say against God aught save the truth. The Messiah, Jesus the son of Mary, is but the apostle of God ... say not "Trinity." Desist! it will be better for you. God is only one God, far be it for Him that He should beget a Son!

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        • #34
          Re: Jesus Destroys Haiti

          That would be a very tasteless subject to joke about. I'm sure Fred isn't the kind of nasty man who'd say something like that for a joke.
          O Lord our God, help us to tear their soldiers to bloody shreds with our shells; help us to cover their smiling fields with the pale forms of their patriot dead; help us to drown the thunder of the guns with the shrieks of their wounded, writhing in pain; help us to lay waste their humble homes with a hurricane of fire; help us to wring the hearts of their unoffending widows with unavailing grief; help us to turn them out roofless with little children to wander unfriended the wastes of their desolated land in rags and hunger and thirst, sports of the sun flames of summer and the icy winds of winter, broken in spirit, worn with travail, imploring Thee for the refuge of the grave and denied it--for our sakes who adore Thee, Lord, blast their hopes, blight their lives, protract their bitter pilgrimage, make heavy their steps, water their way with their tears, stain the white snow with the blood of their wounded feet! We ask it, in the spirit of love, of Him Who is the Source of Love, and Who is the ever-faithful refuge and friend of all that are sore beset and seek His aid with humble and contrite hearts. Amen.



          God being truth, justice, goodness, beauty, power, and life, man is falsehood, iniquity, evil, ugliness, impotence, and death. God being master, man is the slave. Incapable of finding justice, truth, and eternal life by his own effort, he can attain them only through a divine revelation... he who desires to worship God must harbor no childish illusions about the matter, but bravely renounce his liberty and humanity.

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          • #35
            Re: Jesus Destroys Haiti

            As I watched Pat Robertson today I was feeling sinfully tingly. I actually put on my old knee length cheerleader uniform.
            Genesis 19: 31,32
            31-And the firstborn said unto the younger, Our father is old, and there is not a man in the earth to come in unto us after the manner of all the earth:
            32-Come, let us make our father drink wine, and we will lie with him, that we may preserve seed of our father.

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            • #36
              Re: Jesus Destroys Haiti

              I'm just curious... why do you hate black people? Aren't there alot of black Christians?
              =] Life's too short to frown!

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              • #37
                Re: Jesus Destroys Haiti

                And why am I automatically unsaved trash?
                =] Life's too short to frown!

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                • #38
                  Re: Jesus Destroys Haiti

                  Originally posted by bethany356 View Post
                  And why am I automatically unsaved trash?
                  Jesus Himself hopes you'll prove your're not, but until then, perhaps the concept of "original sin" will ring a bell of recognition with you. Now, how do you feel about the Lord's glorious movement in Haiti?
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                  I loved Newt before Newt was invincible

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                  • #39
                    Re: Jesus Destroys Haiti

                    I think that it is sad. Those people don't have very much, and now they have even less. It's always sad when people die through no fault of their own.
                    =] Life's too short to frown!

                    Comment


                    • #40
                      Re: Jesus Destroys Haiti

                      Originally posted by bethany356 View Post
                      I think that it is sad. Those people don't have very much, and now they have even less. It's always sad when people die through no fault of their own.
                      Surely you're not suggesting that Jesus made a mistake in exercising his wrath against the demon-worshiping, personal hygiene avoidant Haitians, are you?
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                      I loved Newt before Newt was invincible

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                      • #41
                        Re: Jesus Destroys Haiti

                        Originally posted by bethany356 View Post
                        I think that it is sad. Those people don't have very much, and now they have even less. It's always sad when people die through no fault of their own.
                        I would think it is horrible, if not for the fact that Jesus did it. In fact, God knew this was going to happen from the moment he decided to create the universe! The Lord works in mysterious ways, no?
                        Yours In Christ,

                        Gabriel Reproba, Esq. (Lawyer for the Lord)

                        Further reading to help you become a True Christian™

                        Stoning Sinners: A How-To Guide
                        Scientific Study: Bible is NOT "All About Love"
                        The One Sin Jesus Says He Won't EVER Forgive!
                        Should we only follow SOME of the Bible?
                        How will YOU sacrifice your kids?
                        20 Questions To See If Your Son Is A Fag
                        God: Dress Like A Whore...Get Raped!
                        Bible: If You Love Your Wife, Beat Her!
                        Logic and Bible Agree: Gay is a choice!
                        Nursery Rhymes Teach kids that Christ is Lord!
                        There is no such thing as an "agnostic!"
                        Science: People are Only Islamic Because They are Depressed!

                        Reading only the parts of the Bible your pastor tells you to (those that make you feel warm and fuzzy) is nothing but mental and spiritual masturbation. Read the WHOLE Bible to find out what Christianity is REALLY all about! Only then can you talk to us about why we try so hard to save people from Hell.

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                        • #42
                          Re: Jesus Destroys Haiti

                          There are Christian Hatians, and they're unhygenic because they're poor. Hati is the poorest country in the western hemisphere, because of a corrupt government. Why should the people be punished for what a corrupt and unmanageable government does?
                          =] Life's too short to frown!

                          Comment


                          • #43
                            Re: Jesus Destroys Haiti

                            Originally posted by bethany356 View Post
                            There are Christian Hatians, and they're unhygenic because they're poor. Hati is the poorest country in the western hemisphere, because of a corrupt government. Why should the people be punished for what a corrupt and unmanageable government does?
                            You didn't listen to Pat Robinson's Godly commentary on the Haitians' pack with Satan.
                            sigpic

                            I loved Newt before Newt was invincible

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                            • #44
                              Re: Jesus Destroys Haiti

                              No, I'm sorry.
                              =] Life's too short to frown!

                              Comment


                              • #45
                                Re: Jesus Destroys Haiti

                                CNN is even poking fun at Haiti right now! Here is an ACTUAL SCREEN SHOT I took about 2 minutes agao of CNN's home page... Note that even the Nyquil add looke like a dead Haitian!

                                Go check it out for yourself!
                                Attached Files
                                Yours In Christ,

                                Gabriel Reproba, Esq. (Lawyer for the Lord)

                                Further reading to help you become a True Christian™

                                Stoning Sinners: A How-To Guide
                                Scientific Study: Bible is NOT "All About Love"
                                The One Sin Jesus Says He Won't EVER Forgive!
                                Should we only follow SOME of the Bible?
                                How will YOU sacrifice your kids?
                                20 Questions To See If Your Son Is A Fag
                                God: Dress Like A Whore...Get Raped!
                                Bible: If You Love Your Wife, Beat Her!
                                Logic and Bible Agree: Gay is a choice!
                                Nursery Rhymes Teach kids that Christ is Lord!
                                There is no such thing as an "agnostic!"
                                Science: People are Only Islamic Because They are Depressed!

                                Reading only the parts of the Bible your pastor tells you to (those that make you feel warm and fuzzy) is nothing but mental and spiritual masturbation. Read the WHOLE Bible to find out what Christianity is REALLY all about! Only then can you talk to us about why we try so hard to save people from Hell.

                                Comment

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