Personal assistant needed.

[James Dewitt]

Good day.
As many of you know I am a businessman. I am in need of a personal assistant. Travel is required, approximately 2 weeks per month. I currently have business in the following countries, USA,Canada, China, Korea, Thailand, Australia, Scotland , Mexico, Peru and Africa.
I have homes in Freehold IA, The Florida Keys, Bahamas, Monaco, London and Madrid. My base of operations is in Freehold.
As my assistant you will be at my beckon call 24 hours a day. You will oversee the day to day operations of each estate, the hiring and dismissal of domestic help.
You will travel with me on one of my Private Jets. Making sure that they and the crews are ready for take off at a moments notice. All of your expenses will be taken care of as well as a clothing allowance each month.
You will be required to attend dinner meetings, so a knowledge of proper dinner etiquette is imperative.
You will be required to dress in a modest manor, after all God expects it.
1 Timothy 2:9

In like manner also, that women adorn themselves in modest apparel, with shamefacedness and sobriety; not with broided hair, or gold, or pearls, or costly array;

Unless spoken to at dinner meetings you shall remain silent.
1 Timothy 2:11-Let the woman learn in silence with all subjection. But I suffer not a woman to teach, nor to usurp authority over the man, but to be in silence.

A modest 6 figure salary will be given as well as two weeks vacation each year. A clothing allowance of $20,000 per month. If you are interested please post a picture of yourself as well as your applicable experiences. You must be over the age of 18 with a currant passport.
YIC James Dewitt

[Dutch Girl]

Re: Personal assistant needed.

Sounds like fun. Does she also have to have sex with you?

[James Dewitt]

Re: Personal assistant needed.

Sounds like fun. Does she also have to have sex with you?

Sex? I am not looking for a wife! Get your mind out of the gutter.
1 Corinthians 7

Now concerning the things whereof ye wrote unto me: It is good for a man not to touch a woman.

In case anyone applying has the misconception of landing a " Rich Husband" I dont think so.

[Lycia The Repentant]

Re: Personal assistant needed.

Let me be the first non-Denmarkistani harlot to put in a job application, Brother!

As you know, my name is Sister Lycia. I've worked in sales for a number of years, often in a supervisory position, and have experience directing operations with as many as six people directly below me. I will also be PMing you my video resume.

My other skills include cooking, cleaning, reading, writing, cooking, baking, being quiet, a willingness to learn, obedient, cooking and cleaning.

Did I also mention I am Saved©, unlike some denmarkian girls?

"Who can find a virtuous woman? for her price is far above rubies." Proverbs 31:10

Please let me know if you would like me to clarify anything or get more in-depth as to my work experience.

[James Dewitt]

Re: Personal assistant needed.

=Lycia The Repentant;645058]Let me be the first non-Denmarkistani harlot to put in a job application, Brother!

I am very happy that the position interests you.

As you know, my name is Sister Lycia. I've worked in sales for a number of years, often in a supervisory position, and have experience directing operations with as many as six people directly below me. I will also be PMing you my video resume.

Managing people is a definite requirement. As my assistant you will be working under me quite often, lets just say daily. I hope that spending many hours a day and night with me is acceptable. A viedo of you would be a plus.

My other skills include cooking, cleaning, reading, writing, cooking, baking, being quiet, a willingness to learn, obedient, cooking and cleaning.

Quiet, obedient are most important. Willingness to learn a positive. As far as cooking and cleaning, this is an executive position. I have domestic help for that. You will be required to assure that my homes are in proper order, so your advanced knowledge of domestic skills will be a plus.
It is however possible that you could be needed to lend a hand if needed.

Did I also mention I am Saved©, unlike some denmarkian girls?

"Who can find a virtuous woman? for her price is far above rubies." Proverbs 31:10

It is imperative that you be saved(C)

Please let me know if you would like me to clarify anything or get more in-depth as to my work experience.

I will be accepting resumes for the next week or so. I will fly all the final selections in for a final interview at that time.

I do have a question, do you have good taste in men's and women's clothing? Please show me some examples of proper attire.

[HTannor]

Re: Personal assistant needed.

Brother DeWitt, it is so nice to hear from you again even though I thought I would have received something more in the nature of personal message. I’m sure posting this notice where Unsaved Trash can spot was probably just an oversight. I take no offense.

I followed with great interest your travails in that unfortunate incident over the Pacific. I can safely assure you that your Hummer limo remains in competent hands. Upon a mere moment’s notice I can have the wheels replaced and given a hour or so, I can drain your synthetic oil out of my lawn tractor and have it back in the Hummer’s crankcase. The cracker crumbs and chicken feed will disappear with just a light touch of my Dirt Devil. The stains on the leather seats should clean right up with a little Formula 409.

But I digress.

You intriguing offer of an exciting position got my attention very quickly and I think you need look no further than me.

The qualifications you mention are well within my education, experience, and abilities. All of which were earned while managing the trailer park here on the outskirts of Freehold.

I can hire and fire with the best of them as evidenced by the quick turnover in our hired help. And I am quite used to having women work under me – or in front of me from time to time.

I’ve become quite bi-lingualistical while engaged in human resource activities. For example, when I yell, “Cerveza, por favor!” one magically appears in my hand. Another two Mexican words I know are “Penelope Cruz”. Pretty good, eh?

Private jet travel, or any sort of travel for that matter, comes easily to me. I’ve been on the run travelling for years and have yet to suffer jet lag. Barf bags have never touched my lips - or other publically viewable parts of my body.

My passport is around here somewhere, but if I can’t find it, I have a Nigerian contact that provided it to me and I’m sure he can quickly secure another through his contact – a Nigerian Princess of some sort that deals in government finances.

It that doesn’t work out, I’ll borrow Roger’s and paste my picture in it. If you carry a wheelchair on board, we’re home free.

The clothing allowance is a nice perk, but I doubt I would ever use all of it provided there are Goodwill or Salvation Army stores in any of our destinations. I dress modestly.

Do not be concerned about my evening attire as I have a rather nice powder blue tuxedo I picked up in Boise, Idaho (or maybe it was Helena, Mt), so I should fit right in during cocktails with your business associates. (In the spirit of full disclosure, I should add I don’t mix well with queers, slants, frogs, spics, greasers, commies, or democrats – but for your Republican and Tea Party friends, I’m all in.)

As far as my table etiquette, I will match my manners with anyone at any Waffle House you could name.

There you have it, Dear Brother DeWitt, a resume that meets all your needs.

Now we need to talk salary, insurance benefits, vacation leave, retirement, Corvette, and your contributions to my 401K. My needs are not that great, but generally non-negotiable – well, except the Corvette – it can be a lease.

When do I start?

[Lycia The Repentant]

Re: Personal assistant needed.

First of all Brother James, let me say it fills my heart with joy to see there is already another resume posted here! Though I would love to take the position for you, I also want to make sure you find the best person for the job. Though I am sure Brother HTannor's skills and virtues are many, perhaps this is a position that requires more of a woman's touch?

"Favour is deceitful, and beauty is vain: but a woman that feareth the LORD, she shall be praised. Give her of the fruit of her hands; and let her own works praise her in the gates." Proverbs 31:30-31

Managing people is a definite requirement. As my assistant you will be working under me quite often, lets just say daily. I hope that spending many hours a day and night with me is acceptable. A viedo of you would be a plus.

Of course sir! Though I have ample experience working above people, that doesn't mean I'm a stranger to working under people either! I will be happy to provide references that can attest to my ability to work quickly and efficiently, keep cool under pressure, and pay attention to details while keeping the big picture in mind.

I have also sent off my video resume. I think you will find it showcases my professional skills very well.

Quiet, obedient are most important. Willingness to learn a positive. As far as cooking and cleaning, this is an executive position. I have domestic help for that. You will be required to assure that my homes are in proper order, so your advanced knowledge of domestic skills will be a plus.
It is however possible that you could be needed to lend a hand if needed.

While I'm sure that my primary professional skillset will suffice for most of my duties, I just mentioned my other skills to let you know I am always happy to lend a hand wherever its needed.

I will be accepting resumes for the next week or so. I will fly all the final selections in for a final interview at that time.

And I am hoping to be in that final selection, sir! And might I add that along with your many other virtues, your generosity knows no bounds, Brother.

I do have a question, do you have good taste in men's and women's clothing? Please show me some examples of proper attire.

Well, a man's proper attire should be conservative, yet slightly casual. Something to let people know "I'm successful and made better choices in life than most people, but don't think you can't have a beer with me". Something along the lines of this:



Included in my private message was a picture of myself wearing what I think would be proper attire for the position. I hope you like it!

And on a final note, let me add that, if hired, I will not be needing a Corvette, or any car for that matter. I never got the hang of driving, too many pedals and levers to keep track of.

[Gabriel Reproba]

Re: Personal assistant needed.

My other skills include ...reading, writing, ....

Be glad he didn't hold that against you! I guess it is because of all of your other qualifications.

[HTannor]

Re: Personal assistant needed.

Far be it from me to point this out, but could it be Sister Lycia is a ......cross dresser?








If you want a lady fag on the staff.....well, so be it. But..........

[Gabriel Reproba]

Re: Personal assistant needed.

Far be it from me to point this out, but could it be Sister Lycia is a ......cross dresser?
If you want a lady fag on the staff.....well, so be it. But..........

Brother HTannor, I assume you are having a laugh. The good sister is a vetted True Christian. She would never stoop to such devilry. Though I admit that it does make me laugh so hard at the idea that ANY True Christian could EVER be so deviant! Good one!

[Lycia The Repentant]

Re: Personal assistant needed.

Brother HTannor, I assume you are having a laugh. The good sister is a vetted True Christian. She would never stoop to such devilry. Though I admit that it does make me laugh so hard at the idea that ANY True Christian could EVER be so deviant! Good one!

Yes, Brother HTannor seems to be quite the jester! Its a good thing he is obviously only joking and not spreading lies and slander in an effort to get the job with Brother Dewitt!

Perhaps you would be better suited looking for a job as a clown rather than a personal assistant, Brother HTannor. I have a feeling Brother Dewitt won't want his personal affairs treated with such levity.

[James Dewitt]

Re: Personal assistant needed.

Yes, Brother HTannor seems to be quite the jester! Its a good thing he is obviously only joking and not spreading lies and slander in an effort to get the job with Brother Dewitt!

Perhaps you would be better suited looking for a job as a clown rather than a personal assistant, Brother HTannor. I have a feeling Brother Dewitt won't want his personal affairs treated with such levity.

I tend to agree Sister. I am sure that even Brother Tannor understood that the picture of the man in a suit was as a request of mine. You seem to have very nice taste in men's attire. I have received your video am I am impressed with your skills. I will review it again later. I do need to discuss your flexibility in attire, and a few other minor issues.

Mr Tannor, I do appreciate your application, but I am afraid that this position does require a feminine touch. I am not sure that some of my more narrow minded business acquaintances in Europe and Asia would understand a male for this position. I am however closing of the strip mall directly adjacent to the Trailer Park in which you reside. After the final paper work is complete, the tenants in 2 of the stores will not be able to renew their leases. Mohammad's discount tobacco store and Pedro's Tire shop will be closing. In their place I will open Dewitt's Pay Day and Car Title Loan, and a Dewitt's General Store. I am hoping to hire you as general manager of the General Store. I will get with you some time after the first of the year.

[HTannor]

Re: Personal assistant needed.

I am hoping to hire you as general manager of the General Store. I will get with you some time after the first of the year.

Sure thing, DeWitt.













I just looked outside and the limo seems to be gone. Must have been the darkies or the spics. Who am I to judge?

Well, off to the Waffle House to dine with those who don't measure up to your standards.

And tell those camel-toes to enjoy the A-rabs you'll hook them up with.

And tell those North Koreans you deal with to enjoy the nuclear winter coming their way to grab an extra blanket.

[James Dewitt]

Re: Personal assistant needed.

Sure thing, DeWitt.

I just looked outside and the limo seems to be gone. Must have been the darkies or the spics. Who am I to judge?

Well, off to the Waffle House to dine with those who don't measure up to your standards.

And tell those camel-toes to enjoy the A-rabs you'll hook them up with.

And tell those North Koreans you deal with to enjoy the nuclear winter coming their way to grab an extra blanket.

Brother don't take it that way. You must realize that I deal with different cultures in other lands. Not everyone is as open minded as you and I are.
I don't think you have the legs to pull off an evening gown.

As for the Hummer limo, I had it towed in. I traded it in for a new one. But you still have my boat don't you?

[HTannor]

Re: Personal assistant needed.

.......But you still have my boat don't you?.....

yes, but it's seen better days.