[Faith_Machine]

Re: Elves are evil and should be eradicated

It's serviceable, but a bit drab. Don't we have any ex-gays around who might be able to jazz it up a little? Maybe some color-coordinated decorations of some sort?

[Witch Hammer]

Re: Elves are evil and should be eradicated

The only good elf...



...is a dead elf.

[Marko Loimaan-Aho]

Re: Elves are evil and should be eradicated

I think at the next mens' working bee, we should construct some gallows.
I've found a design which I rather like. What do others think?

Is this self-service model? You just kick and the trapdoor opens? How we get the elves do that, they are pretty stupid?

[Jim Farmer]

Re: Elves are evil and should be eradicated

Is this self-service model? You just kick and the trapdoor opens? How we get the elves do that, they are pretty stupid?

I figured that the red handle was for the executioner. But I suppose if you tickled them enough, they might kick it themselves. We could even get the children involved in that

[Joanna Lytton-Vasey]

Re: Elves are evil and should be eradicated

I think at the next mens' working bee, we should construct some gallows.
I've found a design which I rather like. What do others think?

My eldest boy says you'd probably need to adjust the measurements, because the drop heights given with that plan don't allow for anyone under 112 pounds, So the platform would need to be higher off the ground.

He suggests you could reduce the height of the hanging frame, because elves are quite short. But the twins suggest that you could maybe compensate for that with a longer rope?

Thursday mornings we have a Practical Math lesson here, so they'll be working on the exact measurements. Does anyone know how tall an average elf is?

[Jim Farmer]

Re: Elves are evil and should be eradicated

That sounds like an excellent maths project for the boys. I would be most keen to see the results.

[Joanna Lytton-Vasey]

Re: Elves are evil and should be eradicated

Thank you, Brother Jim. We always like to work on something useful and relevant to our Holy Mission.

Does anyone know how tall an average elf is?

I am a fool! I should also have asked how much they weigh.

[Jim Farmer]

Re: Elves are evil and should be eradicated

You may find some references to their size by following the links here.
Alternatively, take a trip to the Alden Valley, Lancashire which has a strong elf heritage. The locals may know.


Bear in mind though, that these gallows will be used for many other sinners, not just elves.

[Marko Loimaan-Aho]

Re: Elves are evil and should be eradicated

My eldest boy says you'd probably need to adjust the measurements, because the drop heights given with that plan don't allow for anyone under 112 pounds, So the platform would need to be higher off the ground.

He suggests you could reduce the height of the hanging frame, because elves are quite short. But the twins suggest that you could maybe compensate for that with a longer rope?

Thursday mornings we have a Practical Math lesson here, so they'll be working on the exact measurements. Does anyone know how tall an average elf is?

Elves are about 60 centimeters tall. Usually they are so fat, that hanging is no problem, there is enough weight.

[Ezekiel Bathfire]

Re: Elves are evil and should be eradicated

I am a fool! I should also have asked how much they weigh.

The last time an elf was seen in Landover was in 1803 by Mary “Blesséd” Carswell.

The elf, if elf it were, was averred to be “One score and five barleycorns in height, of a slim frame and agile disposition, such that its weight could have scare exceed five and thirty drachms.”

[Daisy Mae Johnson]

Re: Elves are evil and should be eradicated

Ah, just in time for Christmas.

I think every time I see an Elf on a Shelf in a store - I will set it on fire while I rebuke them IN THE NAME OF !

Elves are vile little demonic perverts!