[Jeb Stuart Thurmond]

Last night I was at a dinner party, and was having a good time, until a decaying corpse highjacked it.

The father of the host called, saying he was bored and lonely, but he still didn't want to go to a nursing home. Why not? Because he didn't want to be surrounded by old people!

Hey buddy, I know just how you feel! Because all evening, this decripit heap of saggy skin and rotting meat was the guest of honor (in spirit), with every conversation ending up "What to do about Dad? Can he come here? How hard can changing his diapers be?" How's that for a fine evening: meatballs, chocolate ice cream for dessert, to the musical accompanyment of people talking about changing old people's diapers.

You know, we have a serious demographic problem in the civilized world - not enough young people to care for the huge amount of old people. (Or rather, to care ABOUT the huge amount of old people. We don't care what you did in the war, daddy!) Liberals use this as an excuse to import immigrants. Unless they are female and come from the Philipines, that won't help. At best the geezers will have bowel problems due to all the spicy cooking, and what's more likely is they'll have the hudcaps off their motor-scooters stolen.

I believe that people need to lead, follow, or get out of the way. Other than John McCain, they aren't leading, and they stopped following whenever belts at nipple hight was still fashionable, so all that's left for them to do is get out of the way.

Now, I'm not going to suggest that old people indulge in self-murder. The time of your death is God's decision, and if God wants you to spend decades alone, in pain, and soaking in your own feces, with nothing to look forward to but more intense pain and ever smellier feces - who are you to question the loving gifts of God?

However, if old people were encouraged to take up extreme sports, there's nothing wrong with that. I want to see reality shows where old people set off kayaking around Antartica, or trying to tame hyenas, or climbing volcanoes and so on. Of course they'll need an attractive young female co-host to guide them. And those spooky-sound-effect music scores that make absolutely any TV show become instantly interesting.

Hey, if you live, you've finally done something interesting with your life, and maybe someone will come visit and consentually listen to your stories. And it turns out that God wants you off His lawn, well, it was God's will.

[Trent Harvey, Jr.]

In case anyone claims this is inappropriate for Father's Day, here's what Jesus says:

"If any man come to me, and hate not his father, and mother...he cannot be my disciple." (Luke 14:26).

Got that? Not only does God hate, God commands that we hate as well. Our own fathers, specifically.

[James Hutchins]

I heard of this wonderful drug for old people, it is like a fountain of youth I think. It is called 'Youth in Asia'. As I understand it, all complaining ceases after just one shot, can you imagine, one shot and a quiet blissful home. Reminds me of my first wife.

[Cranky Old Man]

Originally Posted by Jeb Thurmond

However, if old people were encouraged to take up extreme sports, there's nothing wrong with that. I want to see reality shows where old people set off kayaking around Antartica, or trying to tame hyenas, or climbing volcanoes and so on. Of course they'll need an attractive young female co-host to guide them. And those spooky-sound-effect music scores that make absolutely any TV show become instantly interesting.

Eh, I think I have a problem with what you are suggesting here...

[Palmer C. Eldrich]

I'm glad I'm not old, yet.

[Shela Tansper]

Didn't they just sort of wander off like an animal and curl up under a bush or in a ditch so they wouldn't bother anyone when thay died, i think my dad done that well thats what mum told me after he walked out the house with a holdall one afternoon and didnt come back again.

[Johny Joe Hold]

Reading these posts got me to thinking.

We have a really nice senior citizens' center here in Freehold. I'm wondering if we made a mistake by building one that is so nice. Does it encourage our old folks to live longer? Would our City be better off if they did not?

These questions about the greater good are always challenging.

[James Hutchins]

No, I do not think having a nice old peoples center is a bad thing, assuming the admission is priced right (old people all have lots of money) and the mortuary is allowed open and free access to solicit.
What do you do about the smell?