X
Collapse
 
  • Page of 5
  • Filter
  • Time
  • Show
Clear All
new posts
Previous 1 2 3 4 5 template Next
  • #1

    Survival Camp

    Brothers, on orders from Pastor Pistle, I will be taking part in a 2 week survival program where I will live in the woods and eat whatever I can catch with my bare hands.

    I will be leaving after tomorrow.

    Please stay clear of the woods while I am there, or you might get seriously hurt or injured from any traps I might set.

    PS: To stop the spread of any rumours, my trip has NOTHING to do with my unequally yoked flirting with Moon. It is by sheer coincidence that I am going to be dwelling in the woods where she lives.

    Pray for me that I come out a stronger TC(tm) after this experience.

    YIC
    Brother Mike
    Me
    Got Jesus?
    Tags: None
  • #2
    Re: Survival Camp

    Originally posted by Brother_Mike View Post
    Pray for me that I come out a stronger TC(tm) after this experience.

    YIC
    Brother Mike
    Brother, if you come out of the woods with Moonflower tied over your shoulder and turn her in to the Department of Faith, you will get your just reward. If you come back with the mark of the beast on you, you will also be rewarded....with a trip to meet JESUS in person.

    Good luck!
    Our Prayers are with you!

    PS: Take a few kittens to lure MF out of the trees. If she doesn't appear, you can eat the kittens.
    Emeritus Professor of the Christ Jesus Chair of Theology at Landover Baptist University.
    "God loves you. Let us arrange for you to meet Him".
    Break their teeth, O God, in their mouth.--Psalms 58:6


    Comment

    • #3
      Re: Survival Camp

      Beware of the wild men who live in the woods and cut themselves with glass -- those crazy negroes can't be understood. The Lord will be with you, and, of course, you will have the Totally Manly Armor of God on, I presume?
      Trump 2020: "For Real This Time"

      Comment

      • #4
        Re: Survival Camp

        Does Mike have a brother? Because I just saw someone sneaking out of Billy Bob's bar be que Barn who looked a bit like Mike.
        Matthew:
        5:17 Think not that I am come to destroy the law, or the prophets: I am not come to destroy, but to fulfil.
        5:18 For verily I say unto you, Till heaven and earth pass, one jot or one tittle shall in no wise pass from the law, till all be fulfilled
        10:21 And the brother shall deliver up the brother to death, and the father the child: and the children shall rise up against their parents, and cause them to be put to death.
        10:34 Think not that I am come to send peace on earth: I came not to send peace, but a sword.


        sigpic

        Comment

        • #5
          Re: Survival Camp

          Originally posted by Pastor Al E Pistle View Post
          Brother, if you come out of the woods with Moonflower tied over your shoulder and turn her in to the Department of Faith, you will get your just reward. If you come back with the mark of the beast on you, you will also be rewarded....with a trip to meet JESUS in person.
          Do scratch marks all on his back count as the "mark of the beast"?

          Originally posted by Pastor Al E Pistle View Post
          PS: Take a few kittens to lure MF out of the trees. If she doesn't appear, you can eat the kittens.
          That's it...I'm hiding all my baby kitties in my Rapture Bunker (....made one just in case)!

          Moon

          Originally posted by Brother_Mike View Post
          Brothers, on orders from Pastor Pistle, I will be taking part in a 2 week survival program where I will live in the woods and eat whatever I can catch with my bare hands.

          I will be leaving after tomorrow.

          Please stay clear of the woods while I am there, or you might get seriously hurt or injured from any traps I might set.

          PS: To stop the spread of any rumours, my trip has NOTHING to do with my unequally yoked flirting with Moon. It is by sheer coincidence that I am going to be dwelling in the woods where she lives.

          Pray for me that I come out a stronger TC(tm) after this experience.

          YIC
          Brother Mike
          I'll be sure to leave some food out just for you. I'd hate to see you eating the lovely creatures of the forrest. I have no doubt you'll come out of this a leaner, stronger TC. I have all my faith in you, love.

          Moon
          Last edited by MoonFlower; 09-26-2006, 02:45 PM.
          You pray...I dance naked in the forest

          Comment

          • #6
            Re: Survival Camp

            Originally posted by Brother_Mike View Post
            Brothers, on orders from Pastor Pistle, I will be taking part in a 2 week survival program where I will live in the woods and eat whatever I can catch with my bare hands.

            I will be leaving after tomorrow.

            Please stay clear of the woods while I am there, or you might get seriously hurt or injured from any traps I might set.

            PS: To stop the spread of any rumours, my trip has NOTHING to do with my unequally yoked flirting with Moon. It is by sheer coincidence that I am going to be dwelling in the woods where she lives.

            Pray for me that I come out a stronger TC(tm) after this experience.

            YIC
            Brother Mike
            Do beware Brother, those woods are filled with flesh eating witches. I'll will pray that The Lord has better uses for you Brother than a midnight snack for some greasy wickers.

            Time to reclaim our FREEDOM from the “Mullah in Chief” and his growing activist voter hoards of socialists, communists, anti-Semites, anti-Christians, atheists, radical gays and lesbians, feminists, illegal immigrants, Muslims, anti-Anglo whites and others.

            Hot Must ReadThreads!


            Time to come clean on Benghazi Mr Obama!

            Comment

            • #7
              Re: Survival Camp

              Pray for me brothers, I'm leaving for the woods. See you all in 2 weeks when I get back.
              Me
              Got Jesus?

              Comment

              • #8
                Re: Survival Camp

                Shhhhhh.

                :::::Whispering :::::::::: I know I'm not supposed to be in here....but I wanted to bring you a few rain coats for 'protection'.... you never know where those filthy witches have been. Oh...... and some tuna and turkey sammiches.

                Stay safe dear Brother. I'll be praying for you.

                :::::::::sneaking back out ::::::::::::

                With Love, Sister Thumper
                sigpic

                Tweet me Here
                My GODLY Bio Here

                Comment

                • #9
                  Re: Survival Camp

                  Originally posted by BibleThumpinBlonde View Post
                  Shhhhhh.

                  :::::Whispering :::::::::: I know I'm not supposed to be in here....but I wanted to bring you a few rain coats for 'protection'.... you never know where those filthy witches have been. Oh...... and some tuna and turkey sammiches.

                  Stay safe dear Brother. I'll be praying for you.

                  :::::::::sneaking back out ::::::::::::

                  With Love, Sister Thumper
                  God Lord Protecter!

                  Sister Thumper; for the Love of Jesus(r) don't do that! Witches are like Negroes; they live to make blonde Christian white women their victims! Christian Scientist show one bite from a witch instantly infects a woman with the THESPIAN VIRUS!

                  Time to reclaim our FREEDOM from the “Mullah in Chief” and his growing activist voter hoards of socialists, communists, anti-Semites, anti-Christians, atheists, radical gays and lesbians, feminists, illegal immigrants, Muslims, anti-Anglo whites and others.

                  Hot Must ReadThreads!


                  Time to come clean on Benghazi Mr Obama!

                  Comment

                  • #10
                    Re: Survival Camp

                    but...but.... Brother BJ, I was only sneaking him a few sammiches.

                    God knows what those wiccers will feed him.... I can barely stand the thought of him gnawing on roasted baby's arm or kitty cakes.

                    Please Sir, forgive me........

                    Repentent, Sister Thumper
                    sigpic

                    Tweet me Here
                    My GODLY Bio Here

                    Comment

                    • #11
                      Re: Survival Camp

                      A few sammiches should be ok sister, thank you. Although I should be concentrating on hunting down Moon and bringing her back to Landover.

                      Well, I better get back to organizing and cleaning my guns.


                      ----------------------


                      Well, I'm outta here guys! Wish me luck! Time to go wiccan huntin!
                      Last edited by Brother_Mike; 09-27-2006, 04:33 AM.
                      Me
                      Got Jesus?

                      Comment

                      • #12
                        Re: Survival Camp

                        Originally posted by Brother_Mike View Post
                        A few sammiches should be ok sister, thank you. Although I should be concentrating on hunting down Moon and bringing her back to Landover.

                        Well, I better get back to organizing and cleaning my guns.


                        ----------------------


                        Well, I'm outta here guys! Wish me luck! Time to go wiccan huntin!
                        Is it true that there are Quakers living in those woods?
                        O Lord our God, help us to tear their soldiers to bloody shreds with our shells; help us to cover their smiling fields with the pale forms of their patriot dead; help us to drown the thunder of the guns with the shrieks of their wounded, writhing in pain; help us to lay waste their humble homes with a hurricane of fire; help us to wring the hearts of their unoffending widows with unavailing grief; help us to turn them out roofless with little children to wander unfriended the wastes of their desolated land in rags and hunger and thirst, sports of the sun flames of summer and the icy winds of winter, broken in spirit, worn with travail, imploring Thee for the refuge of the grave and denied it--for our sakes who adore Thee, Lord, blast their hopes, blight their lives, protract their bitter pilgrimage, make heavy their steps, water their way with their tears, stain the white snow with the blood of their wounded feet! We ask it, in the spirit of love, of Him Who is the Source of Love, and Who is the ever-faithful refuge and friend of all that are sore beset and seek His aid with humble and contrite hearts. Amen.



                        God being truth, justice, goodness, beauty, power, and life, man is falsehood, iniquity, evil, ugliness, impotence, and death. God being master, man is the slave. Incapable of finding justice, truth, and eternal life by his own effort, he can attain them only through a divine revelation... he who desires to worship God must harbor no childish illusions about the matter, but bravely renounce his liberty and humanity.

                        Comment

                        • #13
                          Re: Survival Camp

                          Originally posted by Brother Temperance View Post
                          Is it true that there are Quakers living in those woods?
                          Even worse Brother, we have had reports of the savage and primitive Meninites.

                          Time to reclaim our FREEDOM from the “Mullah in Chief” and his growing activist voter hoards of socialists, communists, anti-Semites, anti-Christians, atheists, radical gays and lesbians, feminists, illegal immigrants, Muslims, anti-Anglo whites and others.

                          Hot Must ReadThreads!


                          Time to come clean on Benghazi Mr Obama!

                          Comment

                          • #14
                            Re: Survival Camp

                            I don't want to be a negative nelly here, but I have to say, I have bad feelings about Brother Mike's little adventure in the woods...Jesus is telling me that something is not right.....
                            Who Will Jesus Damn?

                            Here is a partial list from just a few scripture verses:

                            Hypocrites (Matthew 24:51), The Unforgiving (Mark 11:26), Homosexuals (Romans 1:26, 27), Fornicators (Romans 1:29), The Wicked (Romans 1:29), The Covetous (Romans 1:29), The Malicious (Romans 1:29), The Envious (Romans 1:29), Murderers (Romans 1:29), The Deceitful (Romans 1:29), Backbiters (Romans 1:30), Haters of God (Romans 1:30), The Despiteful (Romans 1:30), The Proud (Romans 1:30), Boasters (Romans 1:30), Inventors of evil (Romans 1:30), Disobedient to parents (Romans 1:30), Covenant breakers (Romans 1:31), The Unmerciful (Romans 1:31), The Implacable (Romans 1:31), The Unrighteous (1Corinthians 6:9), Idolaters (1Corinthians 6:9), Adulterers (1Corinthians 6:9), The Effeminate (1Corinthians 6:9), Thieves (1Corinthians 6:10), Drunkards (1Corinthians 6:10), Reviler (1Corinthians 6:10), Extortioners (1Corinthians 6:10), The Fearful (Revelation 21:8), The Unbelieving (Revelation 21:8), The Abominable (Revelation 21:8), Whoremongers (Revelation 21:8), Sorcerers (Revelation 21:8), All Liars (Revelation 21:8)

                            Need Pastoral Advice? Contact me privately at PastorEzekiel@landoverbaptist.net TODAY!!

                            Comment

                            • #15
                              Re: Survival Camp

                              I heard it may have something to do with the amish.

                              I did see a horse drawn buggy with an orange reflective triangle on the back of it the other day.
                              Judges 9:21 And Jotham ran away, and fled, and went to Beer, and dwelt there, for fear of Abimelech his brother.

                              Comment

                              Previous 1 2 3 4 5 template Next
                              Working...
                              X