Friendly reminder; Women, do not touch male genitals!

[Alphonse Alban]

If your husband is in fight, you may NOT help him by sexually abusing your husbands opponent. If you would do so, your hand should be cut off without any pity. I think this applies to any other situation as well,
you should never touch them.

Deuteronomy 25:11-12 When men strive together one with another, and the wife of the one draweth near for to deliver her husband out of the hand of him that smiteth him,
and putteth forth her hand, and taketh him by the secrets: Then thou shalt cut off her hand, thine eye shall not pity her.

PS. You should not touch your genitals either.

YiC,

Alphonse.

[Pastor Ezekiel]

Re: Friendly reminder; Women, do not touch male genitals!

If your husband is in fight, you may NOT help him by sexually abusing your husbands opponent. If you would do so, your hand should be cut off without any pity. I think this applies to any other situation as well,
you should never touch them.

Deuteronomy 25:11-12 When men strive together one with another, and the wife of the one draweth near for to deliver her husband out of the hand of him that smiteth him,
and putteth forth her hand, and taketh him by the secrets: Then thou shalt cut off her hand, thine eye shall not pity her.

PS. You should not touch your genitals either.

YiC,

Alphonse.

You know, I thought that I'd made it clear that I didn't want any mention of Deuteronomy 25:11-12 anywhere on the forum.

All it does is open old wounds for me.

[Billy Bob Jenkins]

Re: Friendly reminder; Women, do not touch male genitals!

You know, I thought that I'd made it clear that I didn't want any mention of Deuteronomy 25:11-12 anywhere on the forum.

All it does is open old wounds for me.

Pastor Ezekiel...

You are a hero to my wife and children. No one in Freehold has ever dared to question your status as a Manly White Christian Republican.

There is absolutely no shame in sharing the wisdom of experience. We all live and grow in Jesus.

Please, for everybody's sake, for the sake of the younger generation, share the story with us. I think everybody could learn from it.

You don't want them to have to learn the hard way.

[Pastor Ezekiel]

Re: Friendly reminder; Women, do not touch male genitals!

Pastor Ezekiel...

Please, for everybody's sake, for the sake of the younger generation, share the story with us. I think everybody could learn from it.

You don't want them to have to learn the hard way.

NO! It's just too painful! It serves no purpose but to open old wounds.

And think of my daughter! Think about Brother Bobby Joe! He'll NEVER live that horrible night down!

[Billy Bob Jenkins]

Re: Friendly reminder; Women, do not touch male genitals!

NO! It's just too painful! It serves no purpose but to open old wounds.

And think of my daughter! Think about Brother Bobby Joe! He'll NEVER live that horrible night down!

It does serve a purpose. Your suffering will not have been in vain. Jesus has made you a teacher. You said yourself that Jesus gives you unique experiences so that others can learn from them in your sermons.

Don't let your suffering have been for nothing! If we go to our graves with it, think of all the innocent Christians you could have warned! Brother, let the truth set them free!

[Zechariah Smyth]

Re: Friendly reminder; Women, do not touch male genitals!

If your husband is in fight, you may NOT help him by sexually abusing your husbands opponent. If you would do so, your hand should be cut off without any pity. I think this applies to any other situation as well,
you should never touch them.

Deuteronomy 25:11-12 When men strive together one with another, and the wife of the one draweth near for to deliver her husband out of the hand of him that smiteth him,
and putteth forth her hand, and taketh him by the secrets: Then thou shalt cut off her hand, thine eye shall not pity her.

PS. You should not touch your genitals either.

YiC,

Alphonse.

Brother Alphonse, is there something you want to get off your chest?

(James 5:16) "Confess your faults one to another, and pray one for another, that ye may be healed. The effectual fervent prayer of a righteous man availeth much."



Sincerely in Christ,

Zech

P.S. This goes for EVERYONE.

<--- me

[Alphonse Alban]

Re: Friendly reminder; Women, do not touch male genitals!

You know, I thought that I'd made it clear that I didn't want any mention of Deuteronomy 25:11-12 anywhere on the forum.

I apologize, I forgot about the passage we shall not speak again.

My intentions were pure, I just wanted to post a little reminder so we could avoid any other hand cutting "incidents" in the future.

[Pastor Ezekiel]

Re: Friendly reminder; Women, do not touch male genitals!

Brother BJ, how do YOU feel about it? Is it time for me to tell the whole story? Can you handle it, Brother?!

[Bobby-Joe]

Re: Friendly reminder; Women, do not touch male genitals!

Brother BJ, how do YOU feel about it? Is it time for me to tell the whole story? Can you handle it, Brother?!

Pastor, I mean how many times we both had to have counseling because of this? If it wasn't for Pastor Pistle I don't think we would have made it. Almost every day I have to remind myself "the right thing, isn't the easy thing"

[Pastor Ezekiel]

Re: Friendly reminder; Women, do not touch male genitals!

Okay, here goes...

It was a dark and story Thursday night. I was in my Pastor's study, working on my Sermon for the following Sunday. My father, Pastor Lamentations Flint, was finally giving me a chance to work the big room. Now that I was married (yes, I was married and we had a baby girl!) to the girl my father picked for me, he was beginning to allow me the chance to prove myself as a Man.

When the window burst open and a naked, sweaty, muscular young man jumped in, I panicked. He jumped on me in a thrice and began tearing my clothes off and wrestling me to the ground. I was naked and grappling with my intruder, when suddenly my darling wife flew into the room, KJV Bible in one hand, rolling pin in the other. With Deuteronomy 25:11-12 springing to mind, I shouted out to her, warning her not to intervene in the fracas.

Unfortunately she didn't listen. (She never did listen during the entire 10 months of our marriage, which is why she got daily beatings.) She dropped her KJV Bible and, in a vain attempt to save me from my attacker, she entered the melee. Within moments, her hand had brushed up against my foe's family jewels. He squealed, and it was then I knew then that her fate was sealed, according to God's Commandments.

What makes this even even more unfortunate was the fact that I had totally forgotten that Brother Bobby-Joe had agreed to train me in the True Christian(tm) Ninja techniques that he had developed, and that we had agreed every Thursday night that he would spring a nude surprise attack on me in the privacy of my Pastor's Study, the better to prepare me to do combat with satan. It had just slipped my mind.

Well once we all realized what had happened I felt a bit ridiculous. After sharing a good laugh, I asked Brother BJ to fetch my special knife. My wife, being a good Christian lady, didn't need much restraint when I sliced her hand off, as Scripture demands. Neither Bobby-Joe nor eye felt pity for her (also commanded in the Scripture), so we let her bleed to death.

Praise Jesus. Let this be a lesson to all the women out there: Keep out of manly encounters or suffer the consequences!

[Dr Laurence Niles]

Re: Friendly reminder; Women, do not touch male genitals!

Cut to the chase, did you learn to be a True Christian (tm) Ninja, or not? Not being a woman I skimmed the the rest of the post.

I would love to learn from Brother BJ and his methods seem inspired (if inconvenient, in this case: who cooked your dinner?). I hope Brother BJ can teach me.

2 Samuel 22:35 He teaches my hands to make war, So that my arms can bend a bow of bronze

If I bend his bow of bronze will I pass muster?
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[ditzygurl83]

Re: Friendly reminder; Women, do not touch male genitals!

Oh I'm so sorry to hear this story! It made me cry. Of course you did the right thing Pastor Ezekiel as it is commanded! So how did the rest of the True Christian Ninja training go? Did you do anymore after that incident? I would love to give a BJ if I were a man, oh sorry, I meant I would love to learn that from Brother BJ if I were a man. Apologies!

[Rev. M. Rodimer]

Re: Friendly reminder; Women, do not touch male genitals!

Women should also not touch FEMALE genitals.

[Lady Effect]

Re: Friendly reminder; Women, do not touch male genitals!

My wife, being a good Christian lady, didn't need much restraint when I sliced her hand off, as Scripture demands. Neither Bobby-Joe nor eye felt pity for her (also commanded in the Scripture), so we let her bleed to death.

Praise Jesus. Let this be a lesson to all the women out there: Keep out of manly encounters or suffer the consequences!

So sorry, Pastor! Must have been hard, but you did the right thing!

Unfortunately she didn't listen. (She never did listen during the entire 10 months of our marriage, which is why she got daily beatings.)

See? This happens when a rib makes an attempt to think of her own. Perfect example: a woman should never think (we cannot literally say it is thinking anyway, I mean, one flesh only has one heart to think with, see Genesis 2:20-24)! Women should listen. Or die, of course!

This story totally goes on my prayer list!

God bless you richly, Pastor!

[Art Speir]

Re: Friendly reminder; Women, do not touch male genitals!

I read the title and was very curious. If women are not allowed to touch male genitals then how does a wife and husband create children? There has to be some form of touching in there.

Then I read the rest of the thread. I didn't know you meant another man's genitals I apologize for my misunderstandings.