[Ofc. Don W. Richards]

Re: Policing Freehold

FPD PREPS FOR HALLOWEEN

The Freehold Police Department has been preparing for the devil's birthday and we are enacting a zero-tolerance ban on all Halloween decorations and celebrations.

Banned decorations include but are not limited to: Ghosts, witches, skeletons, jackolanterns, cauldrons, black cats, the color orange used with black, pitchforks, tombstones, coffins, black candles and inflatable pentagrams.

Persons found in violation of this ban will be subject to no less than four weeks imprisonment and will be required to undergo Bible study and rehabilitation during their sentence.

[Daisy Mae Johnson]

Re: Policing Freehold

FPD PREPS FOR HALLOWEEN

The Freehold Police Department has been preparing for the devil's birthday and we are enacting a zero-tolerance ban on all Halloween decorations and celebrations.

Banned decorations include but are not limited to: Ghosts, witches, skeletons, jackolanterns, cauldrons, black cats, the color orange used with black, pitchforks, tombstones, coffins, black candles and inflatable pentagrams.

Persons found in violation of this ban will be subject to no less than four weeks imprisonment and will be required to undergo Bible study and rehabilitation during their sentence.

Please don't shoot or arrest Puddles (or me). You see I dress him up as a demon about this time every year to scare away any small kids or pets who want to come playin my yard or use it as a toilet.

[SUV]

Re: Policing Freehold

I have Puddleses #1, 2 and 3 too, Sister!

[Ofc. Don W. Richards]

Re: Policing Freehold

MONDAY, OCTOBER 19, 2009

This morning I was cruising down town when I stopped for a red light just in front of the Freehold Fitness Center. As and Officer of the Law, I am always on the lookout for trouble and things that are out of the ordinary.

Well I'll tell you it didn't but two seconds for me to see two young men breaking the law inside. They were fist fighting! I immediately jumped out of my cruiser and ran inside.

I think these two men must have been engaged in a gang initiation because they were wearing boxing gloves. One set was red and the other was blue, so I bet they were Bloods and Crisps.

My intense police training immediately took over and I made a running leap through the air with arms outstretched and body-slammed them both to the ground. With the two men subdued on the ground I immediately drew my pepper spray and alternated between spraying both their faces.

The cuffs came out quick and before they knew it they were in the back of my patrol car.

"So what's the story? Your gangs are battling for control of Freehold Fitness Center?" I asked.

Well they weren't so tough now and they just blubbered about how they were friends who were "boxing for exercise." I didn't believe them for a minute of course. They had no proof that they had known each other since junior high, which is what they told me.

They went to jail for assault and battery. The citizens of Freehold can sleep peacefully knowing that two vicious gang members are off the streets.

[Rev. Jim Osborne]

Re: Policing Freehold

I don't buy their BS story one bit. If they were "friends" why would they be beating each other up? I'd never slug a friend in the face and I expect my friends would not hit me either. What probably happened is they were too rival gang members, and got all up in each other's faces in the gym. At the gym, lots of guys like to act macho and tough. It wouldn't be long before they resorted to fisticuffs.

Good work, Officer Don.

[Daisy Mae Johnson]

Re: Policing Freehold

MONDAY, OCTOBER 19, 2009

This morning I was cruising down town when I stopped for a red light just in front of the Freehold Fitness Center. As and Officer of the Law, I am always on the lookout for trouble and things that are out of the ordinary.

Well I'll tell you it didn't but two seconds for me to see two young men breaking the law inside. They were fist fighting! I immediately jumped out of my cruiser and ran inside.

I think these two men must have been engaged in a gang initiation because they were wearing boxing gloves. One set was red and the other was blue, so I bet they were Bloods and Crisps.

My intense police training immediately took over and I made a running leap through the air with arms outstretched and body-slammed them both to the ground. With the two men subdued on the ground I immediately drew my pepper spray and alternated between spraying both their faces.

The cuffs came out quick and before they knew it they were in the back of my patrol car.

"So what's the story? Your gangs are battling for control of Freehold Fitness Center?" I asked.

Well they weren't so tough now and they just blubbered about how they were friends who were "boxing for exercise." I didn't believe them for a minute of course. They had no proof that they had known each other since junior high, which is what they told me.

They went to jail for assault and battery. The citizens of Freehold can sleep peacefully knowing that two vicious gang members are off the streets.

You are soooo brave! Those Crisps are dangerous and deadly! He could have whipped out a knife and tried to slice you up with it! I bet he was a filthy Messicant wasn't he?

Thank you so much for so bravely protecting Freehold. With you and JESUS on patrol we feel very safe and secure.

[Buford T Scoggins]

Re: Policing Freehold

Officer Don, first, congratulations on busting those two vicious gangbangers. I applaud your zero-tolerance policy. Personally, considering that you had no backup, if it had been me I think that I'd shoot first and ask questions later, but I admire you for your self-control. Your ability to remain calm in the face of danger and not overreact is just amazing.

I just wanted to mention that when I attended your 4th of July wedding, we drove past the playground adjacent to the Genesis Nursery School and there were two young punks (I'd estimate maybe age 6) that were having a gang fight with water pistols. I would have called you right away - I'm sure that you wouldn't have minded interrupting your wedding ceremony for a bit of law enforcement - but I didn't have a cell phone. Sad to say, those punks got away, though I'm sure that they're still out there lurking in the shadows. I hope that you can catch them before they endanger the lives of good, hardworking white Christian folk.

yours in Christ,
Brother Buford

[Ofc. Don W. Richards]

Re: Policing Freehold

Sad to say, those punks got away, though I'm sure that they're still out there lurking in the shadows. I hope that you can catch them before they endanger the lives of good, hardworking white Christian folk.

Thank you for the tip, Buford. Rest assured, I will be spending quite a lot of time hanging around the playground for the next several weeks.

[H. Montague Worthington]

Re: Policing Freehold

The surefire way to tell that a Nigra is lying to you is if they break a sweat. Did you notice if the two lying Nigras at the Freehold Fitness Center were sweating? Because that's a dead giveaway, I've heard.

[SUV]

Re: Policing Freehold

Officer, you were so brave to suddue that awful Crypt! And, the "Blood."

I Cringe in horror to think of how difficult your Job will be on Hellywe'en night

[Ofc. Don W. Richards]

Re: Policing Freehold

THURSDAY, OCTOBER 22, 2009

I went cruising out by Landover Lake this evening and I came across a white Sunfire parked in front of a picnic area. Well this could only mean one or two things: Either somebody was doing drugs, or they were engaging in lustful sins of the flesh. Or both.

I jumped out of my cruiser and ran up to the driver's door. If there was something bad going on inside I wanted to see it. I banged on the door with my flashlight to alert them of my presence. (I'm pretty sure the door was already dented, but I may have left a tiny mark.)

Boy were they surprised to see me! I told them that a family picnic area was NOT the place to shame the Lord and their families, and if they didn't scram they'd have themselves a big fat ticket.

They made some insincere apology and then drove off.

Now, as an Officer of the Law, I know how kids are today. When you tell them not to do something, they just wait till you're not looking. I had an hour left on my shift, so I decided to follow them from a distance.

Well, our little journey ended at a seedy motel out by the highway. The two lustful lovers disappeared quickly into the lobby, and like a ninja, I followed them inside, undetected.

Most people don't know this about me, but I can just melt into any environment. I can be anywhere at any time and nobody knows anything about it. Fortunately, this was made really easy because there was a gigantic potted plant right there by the door, and I slipped silently behind it without even breaking a twig.

The kid went up to the dirty looking Mexican clerk and said "We need a room."

"How long?" the clerk asked.

"Just tonight." The pervert responded.

"$29.00" the clerk said.

The kid handed him a wad of cash, and the clerk handed the kid a key and said "room 14."

The two disappeared down the hall, and with liquid motion, I emerged from the plant like I had just strolled in through the door.

"I need to use your phone" I said. The clerk scooted it towards me, and I promptly dialed room 14. It rang for a bit and then a frustrated female voice answered. I cleared my throat and loudly recited 1 Corinthians 6:18: Flee fornication. Every sin that a man doeth is without the body; but he that committeth fornication sinneth against his own body.

All I heard was a loud click and then no response.

"I need a spare key to room 14" I said. When Mr. Mexican protested, I drew my tazer, aimed it at his head and shouted "POLICE BUSINESS, DO NOT INTERFERE!" Boy, you should've seen that toothless rat of a Mexican toss over the keys!

I ran down the hall, jammed the key into the lock and kicked the door open. The first thing I saw was the girl with her sweater pulled up over her head, in the process of removing it! This was a time for action! I lunged through the air and tackled her onto the bed. Demonic shrieks filled the room as she thrashed beneath me, with head and arms trapped within her sweater. "GET YE BEHIND ME SATAN" I shouted. I used my hands to cover her shameful breasts and told her to stop resisting.

It was at this point that her thug boyfriend attacked. He grabbed me by the shoulders and attempted to fling me off of his whore, but I was too much man for him to handle. I rolled off of the harlot and whipped my tazer out and planted a barb right in his bare chest. He fell to the floor in a heap and I slapped the cuffs on him.

All I could hear was the filthy swearing of his girlfriend as she attempted to get her head and arms from out of her sweater. I whipped out the ol' pepper spray, shoved the bottle down her turtle neck and just started spraying where I thought her face would be. Her curses turned to incoherent screams. I reached in, grabbed her arm and handcuffed her to the bed.

I grabbed her boyfriend up off the floor and escorted him to my patrol car. I came back and sat down on the bed next to the crying harlot and we had a nice little chat about resisting arrest and being a naughty slut. Eventually I uncuffed her and sat her in the back of the car right next to her boyfriend.

In the end, they'll have a lot of time to think about the benefits of abstinence and respect for authority as they serve their sentences. In separate cells.

Over and out.

[SUV]

Re: Policing Freehold

Godly, Ofc. Richards. Simply....GODLY

And I'm Sure© that you remembered to cite these homer!s for apparently having driven this little ant of a "vehicle" (Plymouth Sunfire) along our highways and causing problems for real traffic (like that below).

[Buford T Scoggins]

Re: Policing Freehold

Great job again, Officer Don. If this keeps up, you'll no doubt soon be promoted to police chief!

As for those fornicators, this is just the result of that there sex education in public schools. Ever since Osambo stole the presidency (with the help of ACORN), students have been forced to listen to such nonsense like "condoms can prevent AIDS" and "birth-control pills prevent pregnancy." Of course, when George W Bush was president, students heard the truth - that abstinence-only was the answer, and that masturbation would lead to blindness and hair growing on your palms.

With Osambo in the "White House" (ought to be renamed now), I'm afraid this fornication problem is gonna really gonna spiral out of control. The homo population is already exploding, and it won't be long before people start going to motels to have sex with their pets. After all, it was having sex with chimps that created negroes in the first place. Anyway, I sure feel safer with Officer Don on the job!

yours in Christ,
Brother Buford

[Ofc. Don W. Richards]

Re: Policing Freehold

WEDNESDAY, OCTOBER 28, 2009

Every once in a while I take a swing through the old Landover train yard. You find a lot of drug and gang activity out there.

Well, it was after dark so I had my spotlight on, when it swept across three figures standing near an old box car. I rolled up to them and jumped out of my cruiser ready for action.

The picture was pretty clear to me: Three white teenagers with cans of spray paint, freshly sprayed white power symbols and slogans, and three young, scared faces.

I didn't recognize the kids, but already knew what they were up to.

Painted on the side of the car were images of black-faced 'gangstas' hanging from trees captioned with "die nigger, die!", flaming crosses, Swastikas and stylized Confederate flags.

As I stood there looking at their artwork and looking at their fearful faces, I realized I was dealing with some very angry young men. But then I thought to myself, "Who among us isn't angry?" Aren't we all confused and angry about the takeover of America by Latinos and blacks? Aren't we all backed into a corner, with our numbers dwindling and tax dollars being handed out to unemployed coloreds and Mexicans?

I'm not sure how many minutes passed, but nobody said anything. There was no need for words. I just got back in the cruiser and drove off.

How could I punish somebody for being proud of their heritage?

[Buford T Scoggins]

Re: Policing Freehold

WEDNESDAY, OCTOBER 28, 2009

Every once in a while I take a swing through the old Landover train yard. You find a lot of drug and gang activity out there.

Well, it was after dark so I had my spotlight on, when it swept across three figures standing near an old box car. I rolled up to them and jumped out of my cruiser ready for action.

The picture was pretty clear to me: Three white teenagers with cans of spray paint, freshly sprayed white power symbols and slogans, and three young, scared faces.

I didn't recognize the kids, but already knew what they were up to.

Painted on the side of the car were images of black-faced 'gangstas' hanging from trees captioned with "die nigger, die!", flaming crosses, Swastikas and stylized Confederate flags.

As I stood there looking at their artwork and looking at their fearful faces, I realized I was dealing with some very angry young men. But then I thought to myself, "Who among us isn't angry?" Aren't we all confused and angry about the takeover of America by Latinos and blacks? Aren't we all backed into a corner, with our numbers dwindling and tax dollars being handed out to unemployed coloreds and Mexicans?

I'm not sure how many minutes passed, but nobody said anything. There was no need for words. I just got back in the cruiser and drove off.

How could I punish somebody for being proud of their heritage?

That was such a touching story it brought a tear to my eye. Not that I would cry like a sissy homo, you understand. But still...

Anyway, I'm sure that those fine young men will now act responsibly after their brush with the law. In the future, they'll be more careful to make sure that they don't get caught. We Christians can forgive them for their errors of judgement - after all, even George W Bush had a wild youth but went on to become the greatest president in world history.

I, too, can understand the anger that those young men must feel. With ACORN stealing elections and running death panels to euthanize grandma, I can barely contain my rage. Fortunately, down here in Texas we'll be seceding from the United States Socialist Republic (USSR) soon enough, and then we'll begin the task of building a theocracy based on the King James Bible. Abortion, interracial marriage and speaking non-English gibberish will all be outlawed - it's going to be a showcase of freedom and democracy! I can hardly wait!

yours in Christ,
Brother Buford