[SUV]

Re: Policing Freehold

I carefully deposited the penny into a baggy

No doubt these three little potheads were Saving up for a "baggy" of their own

[Free Market Fred]

Re: Policing Freehold

[/B]Kids today make me sick...Upon closer inspection it turned out to be a penny, which had been severely deformed. It was obviously placed here on purpose.

When I read this, Officer Don, I was so shocked that I spilled my pina collada and fell out of my chair.

I thought I'd heard everything. Students taking drugs, stealing, school shootings, but this - DESTROYING MONEY! - takes the cake.

No matter what the law says, God will not forgive such behavior. Those kids will burn in Hell. Of course, we must try to reform these children if at all possible. I do hope that the authorities at least waterboard them. This kind of immoral behavior has to be stopped before it spreads, like a disease.

I suppose that these kids were thinking, "it's only a penny." Yeah, like that's nothing! In fact, we pay nearly that much per hour to our factory workers here in China.

Officer Don, do you think it would be possible for my company to get custody of those kids for a few months (or years)? We could put them to work in one of our garment factories at the standard Chinese minimum wage. That will teach them the value of a penny. Obviously, they're living in a disfunctional home. For their own safety, they need to be immediately moved away from their unfit parents and raised in an environment where they can learn some fiscal responsibility.


Home is where the heart is.

[SUV]

Re: Policing Freehold

No doubt these three little potheads were Saving up for a "baggy" of their own

Yes, that's it - THAT'S IT! They were attempting to stretch the penny into a nickel so as to purchase a "nickel bag"

[Ofc. Don W. Richards]

Re: Policing Freehold

FRIDAY, FEBRUARY 26, 2010

I think sometimes that living in such a Godly town as Freehold gives us a false sense of security. We look at events in other parts of the country and say, "that could never happen here!"

Well, I don't mean to alarm anyone, but this is something that needs to get out there.

Today I was sitting on a park bench eating a 2 lb beef burrito and drinking a thermos of coffee.

There were a lot of little kids running around and they were really annoying.

A bicyclist was approaching from the east side of the park. He looked late twenties.

Approaching from the west was a mother and her young daughter, who was probably about 8 or 9.

The woman with her daughter and the bicyclist were lining up to pass each other on the sidewalk right where I was sitting, when suddenly, the bicyclist's front wheel locked up and sent him flying face first into the pavement, about seven feet in front of the woman and daughter.

The first words out of his mouth were "f**k me!"

Then he started rolling around calling for help.

I immediately sprang to my feet and ran over to where he was. He rolled over onto his back and looked up at me through a very bloody face. Lip split, eyes watering, nose bleeding... He was a mess.

"Stay down!" I yelled.

"Get on your stomach, put your hands behind your back!" I commanded.

Apparently my words went in one ear and out the other so I had to manually roll him over onto his stomach with my foot. I placed my knee in his back, pulled his arms behind him and cuffed him.

He was struggling so I had to threaten him with pepper spray. Unfortunately, I didn't actually get to spray him.

"I am placing you under arrest for attempting to solicit sex from a minor." I said. He didn't seem to comprehend. I think he was playing dumb.

I wiped some of the bean and beef stains off of a napkin I had and gave it to him to hold to his face as I escorted him to my cruiser.

Once he was locked safely inside (far away from the young girl whom he cleverly attempted to molest) I returned to the scene of the crime.

The woman and her daughter were both standing there in front of the broken bike and stained pavement in bewilderment.

"I am very sorry that you had to witness that, ma'am, but the important thing is that your daughter is safe from that predator. I've heard of this happening before. Sex pervert cruises around town looking for young kids, fakes an accident, pretends to need help, and then lures the child into giving or receiving sex. You're lucky I was here."

The mother was exceedingly thankful to me and God for protecting her innocent child today, and I am pleased to report that this recent graduate from a secular university with a veterinary degree who was just starting his own practice is now being plugged into the sex offender's registry and will hopefully spend the rest of his life in the system.

So the next time you hear of some terrible news story about a child molester, don't assume it can't happen here. Just be glad you have Officers of the Law like me to protect your families.

[Free Market Fred]

Re: Policing Freehold

...and I am pleased to report that this recent graduate from a secular university with a veterinary degree who was just starting his own practice is now being plugged into the sex offender's registry and will hopefully spend the rest of his life in the system.

A veterinary degree, huh? Sounds like one of them GreenPeace environwackos. You can give him the death penalty, for all I care. These save-the-gay-whales types continue to harass Godly corporations like mine every time we dump chemical or nuclear waste into the ocean. They're as bad as terrorists.


GreenPeace pervert about to engage
in unnatural acts with puppy

[Ofc. Don W. Richards]

Re: Policing Freehold

TUESDAY, MARCH 2, 2010

Was on patrol this afternoon when I spied that all too familiar white Sunfire. It was that hellion, Shane.

I decided that today would be the day, I finally get to write that little creep a ticket. There really was nothing else going on so I followed him.

I followed him all the way back to Angel's Pizza. He rolled into the lot, and parked in front of the store. I was about to give up hope of ever writing him a big fat ticket, when suddenly I saw my window of opportunity open right before my eyes!

The left-hand tires of his car were about two inches onto the yellow parking line! He had improperly parked his vehicle!

I nearly fell out of my cruiser. I ran over to him as fast as I could and immediately he knew he was busted.

"Do you know what you just did wrong there, kid?" I asked.

His smart mouth reply: "Could literally be anything."

"Your vehicle is improperly parked."

He stared blankly at his car for a moment.

"How?" He asked.

I pointed to his left-hand tires.

I was smiling from ear to ear as I wrote out his ticket. In the meantime, I had to listen to him make excuses.

His excuse was that he always crowded the left-hand side of his parking space so he would leave the drivers parking on his right side plenty of room to open their doors and get in and out of the car with their pizzas.

I was not impressed by this excuse at all. His style of parking is dangerous and shows a complete lack of respect for authority.

I handed him his $142 fine, and informed him that I would be keeping a close eye on him. He complained that if he receives three tickets that are within six months of each other, he will lose his job.

I was very grateful for the information. My work is now cut out for me.

[Cranky Old Man]

Re: Policing Freehold

a complete lack of respect for authority

Indeed. Why did you not just shoot the punk?

[SUV]

Re: Policing Freehold

"I am placing you under arrest for attempting to solicit sex from a minor."

Bless You, Ofc. Richards. Instead of soliciting mere Children, these preverts need to pick on Mature Ladies instead.

Same goes for this "Shane," whose Pizza-delivery route is obviously just a 'cover' for his loathsome pedophilia. He is seldom interested in doing more than a quick Delivery to slightly older Ladies, at least myself, and then running as though Mr Burns has unleashed the Hounds of Hell behind him

I would like to give them both a piece. Of my mind.

[Free Market Fred]

Re: Policing Freehold

TUESDAY, MARCH 2, 2010

Was on patrol this afternoon when I spied that all too familiar white Sunfire. It was that hellion, Shane...

...I handed him his $142 fine, and informed him that I would be keeping a close eye on him. He complained that if he receives three tickets that are within six months of each other, he will lose his job.

I was very grateful for the information. My work is now cut out for me.

In my opinion, Officer Don, you're doing Shane's employer a favor if you get the punk fired from his job. The US federal wage was raised to $7.25 PER HOUR on January 1, 2010, and now Obamarama is talking about raising it again. That's outrageous! You can get an illegal beaner to work for $7 PER DAY. Best of all, some of them beaners got cute younger sisters or daughters who will perform "extra services" if you threaten to call the Immigration people. Try that with an American chick and you're facing at least a $1 million sexual harassment lawsuit.


"No green card, honey? Play along, or I'll call Immigration"

Really, there's no reason at all why US citizens should be doing these low-level manual jobs. God created Mexicans, Chinks and Filipinos for a reason. Just like the rainforest and even the Earth's atmosphere, it's there for the USA to use up as fast as possible. The Lord is only interested in quarterly results, not all these faggoty "human rights" and environwacko global warming hoax that the liberals keep raving about. On Judgement Day, God will be looking at the average share price of your stock portfolio, and it had better be good.

[James Hutchins]

Re: Policing Freehold

I'd like to add that when I was in Home Depot two weeks ago, I saw her with a shopping cart full of metal halide lamps, these things were huge! She also had a 'power meter test jumper' whatever that is.

[Ofc. Don W. Richards]

Re: Policing Freehold

FRIDAY, APRIL 9, 2010

It's been a long time since I saw this much excitement around here! I couldn't wait to tell you all about it.

I had barely been in my cruiser for ten minutes when dispatch radioed in about an armed robbery taking place at the PumpNRun gas station in the southeast quadrant. (You know, the place where no True Christians ever want to go because of all the blacks and Mexicans.)

Well, I was already in the general area, so I took the call.

I arrived at PumpNRun within about five minutes, thanks to the new traffic light controller that our squad cars have now been equipped with.

The lot was mostly empty except for a couple of cars that are typical of your ghetto types.

I sprang from my cruiser with weapon drawn, expecting the worst.

When I burst through the front door, I couldn't believe my eyes, but immediately knew what had taken place.

It was obvious that the black male robber had grabbed the white male cash register attendant by the collar of the shirt, pulled him across the counter and took his spot behind the register and then gave the gun to the white male victim, forcing him to hold it so he would look like the bad guy while the black male played innocent.

I leaped across the counter and tackled the black man at the register, and immediately slapped the cuffs on him. He started screaming at me, asking if I was crazy. This upset me and I had to put my knee in the back of his neck until he calmed down.

I escorted him to the back of my cruiser and then returned into the store where the white male victim was still holding the gun, frozen in terror I am sure.

He looked at me with wide eyes and said nothing, but I could tell he was thankful an Officer of the Law had arrived.

I explained that this wasn't the first time I had seen a wily black person try to make the white victim look guilty. The man visibly relaxed and said that all he wanted was the password to the cash register that the black robber had quickly changed it to so he could continue his business for the day.

I happily complied by grilling the apparently skilled but not too bright robber in the back of my cruiser for the new password he had quickly set on the register.

He tried to convince me that HE was the register clerk and the white guy was the robber, but black folk have been blaming whites for their victimization since the Civil War and I didn't buy it. I tazered the code out of him and gave it to the flustered employee inside who was grateful to get back to work and make sure all the money was still in the register.

I tipped my hat to him and hauled the crook back to the station. I was so thrilled from the morning's events I'm taking the rest of the day off!

[Johny Joe Hold]

Re: Policing Freehold

FRIDAY, APRIL 9, 2010

He tried to convince me that HE was the register clerk and the white guy was the robber, but black folk have been blaming whites for their victimization since the Civil War and I didn't buy it. I tazered the code out of him and gave it to the flustered employee inside who was grateful to get back to work and make sure all the money was still in the register.

I tipped my hat to him and hauled the crook back to the station. I was so thrilled from the morning's events I'm taking the rest of the day off!

Officer Richards, you are indeed brave and worthy in your service to the citizens of Freehold. I thank God that you were not injured.

I encourage you to pick up the Freehold Employee of the Month form at the Human Resources office and relate this incident in the space on Page 2.
JJH

[Free Market Fred]

Re: Policing Freehold

He tried to convince me that HE was the register clerk and the white guy was the robber, but black folk have been blaming whites for their victimization since the Civil War and I didn't buy it. I tazered the code out of him and gave it to the flustered employee inside who was grateful to get back to work and make sure all the money was still in the register.

It's one of history's great tragedies that the wrong side won in The War of Northern Aggression, which liberals mockingly call "the Civil War." Had the heroic southern plantation owners prevailed, we wouldn't have these problems - Negroes would be busy working the fields, and wouldn't even be allowed in convenience stores except maybe to scrub the floors. Slavery brought prosperity to all nations that adopted this sensible free-market solution to ridiculous wage demands by communist labor unions. Do you realize that US federal minimum wage laws now require us employers to pay $7.25 per hour?! Thank the Lord that we can import illegal aliens who will work for $1 per hour plus one bean burrito a day - otherwise, we'd be forced to scale back CEO bonuses, which would destroy our great nation!

Fortunately, southern Republicans are not easily bamboozled by all this leftist propaganda claiming that slavery is immoral. Just this week, Virginia's Godly Republican Governor Bob McDonnell boldly declared Confederate History Month. Needless to say, Obama-worshiping Marxists were outraged. What these commies don't understand is that slavery creates jobs. Did you know that the plantation owners employed Negroes to tie their shoes? They even had young Negro girls to lie on the floor to be used as foot rests while they sat in their easy chairs smoking a cigar. But nowadays, these jobs are gone, and you've got Negroes out on the street snorting crack as a result.

But back to original story - thanks to you, Officer Don, that uppity darkie will be cooling his heels in one of our privatized prisons, where he can learn new skills like making license plates, thus becoming a productive member of society. It is thanks to upstanding officers of the law such as yourself that Negroes and corporate profits can be rescued from the abyss of socialism.


Negro University: Teaching new skills

Officer Don, you are just the sort of police officer we need more of. I'm sure that you must have been home-schooled, which is how you learned the social skills that have made you such a beloved officer of the law. In fact, if you don't mind doing me a favor, I'd appreciate it if you could come up with a list of officers in Freehold with similar attitudes - we are going to need more enforcers to break heads keep order during the upcoming G8 conference. I know that I can count on you to send at least a few of those hippie protesters to the emergency room with a concussion. As that great humanitarian Stalin once said, "you can't make an omelet without breaking a few eggs."


Making omelets

[Nathan B. Forrest]

Re: Policing Freehold

Good job Officer!!! It's people like you that keep us all safe from them darn mexicans and other -cans!!

[Cranky Old Man]

Re: Policing Freehold

I was so thrilled from the morning's events I'm taking the rest of the day off!

A well deserved rest for keeping our great city safe!