[Free Market Fred]

Re: Policing Freehold

I think it's time that punk Shane got fired. His boss could hire an illegal alien for less than half the minimum wage. And if the beaners give you any lip, you just call the immigration people and that problem gets solved real quick.

Praise Jesus!
Brother Fred

[Bob4God]

Re: Policing Freehold

I've had deliveries from this Shane character, I was never impressed. I think he's a nancy boy, every time he delivers, my dog, Thrasher, bites at his ankles and growls at him, and Shane just prances around and squeals like a girl.

I wasn't sure I even wanted the pizza after that, I was scared it had AIDS. I didn't tip.

[Ofc. Don W. Richards]

Re: Policing Freehold

WEDNESDAY, JANUARY 27, 2010

Well today was a first, and I've seen a lot. Somebody called the police to report that a high schooler was caught looking at pornography at the library.

I insisted I take the call. I'm very good with kids.

I arrived at the library in record time. It didn't take long to figure out who the pervert in question was. She was being guarded at her computer by the senior librarian.

"Thank the Lord you've arrived Officer! Just look what I caught Emma-Sue looking at!"

It was a sickening picture, which I took note of promptly:



Apparently, the little harlot was doing "research" for a "biology paper" for a rogue teacher about reptiles, and had brought up this image from the internet in a Christian library!

This gives you some idea as to what liberals want to teach our children. Instead of just talking about the Great Flood, Six Day Creation and bogus fossils, this teacher was basically encouraging kids to go out and have unprotected sex, because, hey, we're just "evolved animals" aren't we?

I issued a fine to the 10th grader and she was sent home to her parents to explain. The teacher is going to have a lot to answer for when she goes before the board. I wouldn't want to be her.

[SUV]

Re: Policing Freehold

II was starting to suspect maybe he was actually trafficking drugs

As your Moderator, I advise you to continue these hands-on checks, Ofc. These drug-traffickers get more crafty all the time

[SUV]

Re: Policing Freehold

Thank you for 'busting' that little whore, Ofc. Turtles attempting to play "leap frog" with those big, heavy shells are in defiance of God's Law of Nature and Gravity. NOT an approved sight for any Decent Child. I Hope you maced the little atheist as well

[Free Market Fred]

Re: Policing Freehold

[FONT=Arial]WEDNESDAY, JANUARY 27, 2010

Well today was a first, and I've seen a lot. Somebody called the police to report that a high schooler was caught looking at pornography at the library.

I insisted I take the call. I'm very good with kids.

I arrived at the library in record time. It didn't take long to figure out who the pervert in question was. She was being guarded at her computer by the senior librarian.

I understand your rage Officer Don, but take heart from the fact that our continued efforts to defund schools, parks, libraries, fire departments, social security, etc will soon solve this problem permanently. In the near future, there won't be any public schools. Home schooling (by candlelight) will be the only thing most people can afford.

Now that the Supreme Court has given the green light for corporations to buy elections, we'll soon have a permanent Republican majority. Once that happens, don't expect anything from the government except more wars (waged by mercenaries) and lots of (privatized) prisons.

Let me assure you Officer Don that you will certainly prosper in this brave new world. You might have to switch uniforms for one with a Blackwater logo and take a pay cut, but you can always solicit "donations" from the community you're protecting. Donuts, coffee, gas for the patrol car, and more, all supplied free by grateful members of the community who want to keep on your good side. And I guarantee that you'll have ironclad job security. No longer will you have to look over your shoulder and worry about human rights activists, liberal judges, civilian review boards, police brutality charges, etc. For anyone in the security business, it's going to be paradise.


To protect and serve, without restraint

Praise Jesus!
Brother Fred

[Buford T Scoggins]

Re: Policing Freehold

I issued a fine to the 10th grader and she was sent home to her parents to explain. The teacher is going to have a lot to answer for when she goes before the board. I wouldn't want to be her.
[/FONT]

Go before the board? Hells bells, she ought to be serving jail time for child molestation. When she gets out of prison 40 years from now, she'll be a registered sex criminal.

yours in Christ,
Brother Buford

[Cranky Old Man]

Re: Policing Freehold

No longer will you have to look over your shoulder and worry about human rights activists, liberal judges, civilian review boards, police brutality charges, etc. For anyone in the security business, it's going to be paradise.

Even more good news I see. This means we will finally get rid of all the homosexuals and other criminals who are poluting our children with their filth.

[Ofc. Don W. Richards]

Re: Policing Freehold

TUESDAY, FEBRUARY 2, 2010

Wrapped up duties at a fender-bender this afternoon five minutes before lunch. Decided I felt like an extra-large deep-dish meat lover's pizza with extra extra pork.

Angel's Pizza is right there on the way back to the station, so I pulled into the already very crowded lot.

I was just stepping out of my cruiser when I spied a very familiar white Sunfire leaving the lot. It was Shane, again. I couldn't believe he was still being paid to drive on our fine streets! I thought to myself, someday that little punk is going to slip up and I'll get him off the road for good, and today's that day!

I scrambled back into my cruiser, and followed him. I followed him to a stop sign and unfortunately, he checked his mirrors before changing lanes, and had his blinker on 100 ft before the turn. I was already agitated that I was missing lunch because of him, and now he was just dragging it out.

He cautiously made his turn. He was doing it out of spite. He knew I was behind him, he had seen me in the mirror. I kept following. My greatest fear was that his destination was nearby, giving me less time than I needed to catch him doing something illegal.

It wasn't long before his blinker came on again, and I followed him right into Mobile Mangers Trailer Park.

Those of you who have gone on door-to-door witnessing trips here know that Mobile Mangers is just a big cement oval with mostly single-wide trailers parked along the side of it.

I followed Shane around the entire loop, and back out onto the street again. This could be my chance. Was it possible he was trying to lose me? Was he looking for an escape route?

No sooner had he pulled out of the park exit that he went right around to the entrance again. Again, I followed him through the oval, but this time he stopped half-way through.

He got out of his car with pizza in hand and approached trailer 9.

I stayed put and watched from a distance. Using my binoculars, I watched the transaction take place. He took the money, put it away in the bag, and then handed over the pizza. Some words were exchanged, and then I saw Shane nod his head and reach into his pocket to withdraw a baggy. Aha! The baggy changed hands quickly, and the customer handed Shane a few dollars.

I was witnessing a drug deal for certain. This was a time for action. I sprang from my cruiser and ran up to trailer 9 to intercept.

"Police, nobody move!"

Shane: "Not again!"

This kind of insolence is common in druggies.

"Watch your mouth, kid!" I commanded.

The surprised "customer" said "What the (bad word) is going on?!"

"Both of you get your hands against the side of this trailer now!" I said.

"I don't even have any shoes on!" whined the drug buyer. As if I was going to let that deter me. I grabbed him by the scruff of the neck and pulled him down the steps and placed him against the trailer.

Shane had already complied, as he has learned never to disobey an Officer of the Law.

"Okay, so what's in the baggy?"

Without missing a beat, Shane shouted "Parmesan Cheese and Crushed Peppers!"

I was impressed, he was obviously a professional and has had prior experience lying to authority.

The baggy had been dropped on the ground in all of the excitement. I put on a pair of gloves and picked it up. Ever so carefully, I opened it. There were little packets of cheese and peppers alright, but these were likely just containers for marijuana or cocaine.

I've seen this kind of thing before; teddy bears stuffed with drugs, cushions stuffed with drugs, hollowed-out cellphones stuffed with drugs... Sellers can fit drugs into anything.

Quick as a flash I had my drug testing field kit on the hood of my car and both Shane and the buyer handcuffed in the backseat. I carefully opened a packet of alleged Parmesan. Powdery white substance. Bingo.

I dropped a little into the vial, gave it a good shaking and watched intently for it to turn blue, meaning we were in fact dealing with cocaine. Nothing. I opened a packet of peppers. Crushed red peppers fell out. Put a little on my tongue to see if it was actually marijuana. It burned, it had to be legit. After a minute, I had opened and tested all the packets and none of them were drugs.

At this point I had to let them go. I was crushed. The customer returned to his trailer threatening to sue, and Shane's face was red and there were little veins protruding from his forehead.

"What do you want? Why can't you just leave me alone?" he demanded selfishly.

"BECAUSE EVERYBODY YOUR AGE IS UP TO NO GOOD!" I replied coolly.

"NOW GET OUT OF HERE BEFORE I TICKET YOU FOR LOITERING!"

Shaking his head, he returned to his car and got in. It was as he entered his car that I saw it: His shirt had come un-tucked, and his pants had ridden down a bit and he was obscenely exposing his backside. It wasn't hard to miss since he was wearing brightly striped boxers that only Richard Simmons would be seen in.



"HEY!" I shouted.

He was just beginning to roll when I chased after him on foot.

"STOP THE CAR NOW!" I commanded.

He came to a halt and I flipped out my ticket book and wrote him up for indecent exposure. He looked like he wanted to yell, and frankly I was hoping he would so I could ticket him for disturbing the peace, but he just laid his head against his steering wheel and sighed.

Grabbing that customer by the neck and sprinting seventeen feet after a car had really worn me out, so I had him drive me back over to my cruiser and told him to watch his back, literally.

I didn't get his license revoked, but this was better than nothing.

[Ezekiel Bathfire]

Re: Policing Freehold

I made some phone calls on this one Officer Don, it turns out that your ‘zero tolerance’ has been adopted in Southern Scotland. You will be unsurprised to learn that traffic deaths have halved and people like this psychopathically dangerous driver have been jailed!

'Stunned' Driver Fined For Blowing His Nose

12:32pm UK, Thursday January 28, 2010

Roddy Mansfield, Sky News Online

A motorist has told Sky News of his disbelief at being fined for blowing his nose while his vehicle was at a standstill.

Michael Mancini had stopped his van in traffic and wiped his nose with a handkerchief.

When he moved off, he was pulled over by police who told him he had not been in control of his vehicle.

Mr Mancini, from Ayrshire, was handed a £60 ($100) fixed penalty and given three points on his driving licence.

He told Sky News: "I thought they were joking and that it was a wind-up.

"I was stopped in traffic and had the handbrake on and thought to myself, 'Ive just got time to blow my nose.'

"Then police pulled me over and I was booked. I genuinely thought they were joking, that it was a wind-up."

I still don't believe it actually happened

The incident occurred in October, but Mr Mancini has refused to pay the penalty.

His solicitor wrote to prosecutors earlier this month explaining the offence could not have occurred because Mr Mancini's handbrake was on.

But prosecutors replied the next day warning that if the fine wasn't paid, the case would be taken to court.

Mr Mancini added: "I intend taking this all the way to court. I still don't believe it actually happened."

A Strathclyde Police spokesman said: "A 39-year-old man is the subject of a report to the procurator fiscal in connection with an alleged traffic offence on October 26."

[Free Market Fred]

Re: Policing Freehold

I made some phone calls on this one Officer Don, it turns out that your ‘zero tolerance’ has been adopted in Southern Scotland. You will be unsurprised to learn that traffic deaths have halved and people like this psychopathically dangerous driver have been jailed!

I'm always so inspired by Officer Don's diligence, and glad to see that his policing style is being adopted in Scotland too. I think it's vitally important to keep the lower classes in a state of constant fear, lest they get dangerous ideas about rebelling against authority, joining a labor union, or voting for liberals. That's why we constantly emphasize pedophiles and terrorists on our news programs - we want Americans to be afraid of their neighbors, and vote only for law-and-order Republicans. Furthermore, we need an ever-expanding supply of inmates for our privatized prison-industrial complex, which is highly profitable.

As much as I admire the no-nonsense kick-ass attitude of Freehold's finest, I'd like to point out that here in China the police continue to innovate, finding new ways to make law enforcement pay dividends. I'm proud to announce that one of my company's subsidiaries was awarded a contract to supply the Chinese police with high-tech "execution vans."

China's Hi-tech 'Death Van' Where Criminals are Executed and then Their Organs are Sold on Black Market



...In chilling echoes of the 'gas-wagon' project pioneered by the Nazis to slaughter criminals, the mentally ill and Jews, this former member of the China People's Party will be handcuffed to a so-called 'humane' bed and executed inside a gleaming new, hi-tech, mobile 'death van.'

After trials of the mobile execution service were launched quietly three years ago - then hushed up to prevent an international row about the abuse of human rights before the Olympics last summer - these vehicles are now being deployed across China.

The number of executions is expected to rise to a staggering 10,000 people this year (not an impossible figure given that at least 68 crimes - including tax evasion and fraud - are punishable by death in China).

Developed by Jinguan Auto, which also makes bullet-proof limousines for the new rich in this vast country of 1.3 billion people, the vans appear unremarkable.

They cost £60,000, can reach top speeds of 80mph and look like a police vehicle on patrol. Inside, however, the 'death vans' look more like operating theatres.
Executions are monitored by video to ensure they comply with strict rules, making it possible to describe precisely how Jiang Yong will die. After being sedated at the local prison, he will be loaded into the van and strapped to an electric-powered stretcher.

This then glides automatically towards the centre of the van, where doctors will administer three drugs: sodium thiopental to cause unconsciousness; pancuronium bromide to stop breathing and, finally, potassium chloride to stop the heart.

Death is reputed to be quick and painless - not that there is anyone to testify to this. The idea for such a 'modern' scheme is rooted in one of the darkest episodes in human history.

The Nazis used adapted vans as mobile gas chambers from 1940 until the end of World War II. In order to make the best use of time spent transporting criminals and Jewish prisoners, Hitler's scientists developed the vehicles with a hermetically sealed cabin that was filled with carbon monoxide carried by a tube from the exhaust pipes.

The vans were first tested on child patients in a Polish psychiatric hospital in 1940. The Nazis then developed bigger models to carry up to 50 prisoners. They looked like furniture removal vans. Those to be killed were ordered to hand over their valuables, then stripped and locked inside.

As gas was pumped into the container and the van headed towards graves being dug by other prisoners, the muffled cries of those inside could be heard, along with banging on the side.

With the 'cargo' dead, all that remained was for gold fillings to be hacked from the victims' mouths, before the bodies were tipped into the graves.
Now, six decades later, just like the Nazis, China insists these death vans are 'progress'.

The vans save money on building execution facilities in prisons or courts. And they mean that prisoners can be executed locally, closer to communities where they broke the law...

Continued...

Personally, I kind of preferred the Nazi vans to the new ones, since they used inexpensive cyanide gas, which is far cheaper than those "humane" drugs. But you know, liberals are always harping about "human rights," so we decided to show that we are a corporation that really cares for people. Actually, we did use cyanide in some of our early models, but due to crappy window seals, some of the gas leaked and occasionally wiped out a nearby outdoor market or elementary school. Of course, we did improve the window seals in the newer models, but we still got complaints about the screaming, and sound-proofing the vans would have really raised costs.

Anyway, Officer Don, if you're reading this, perhaps you could put in a good word about my company with your boss. We'd love to get a contract to supply these vans to the Freehold Police Department, and elsewhere in America in loving pro-life Christian communities.

Praise Jesus!
Brother Fred

[SUV]

Re: Policing Freehold

So one of those homer!sexies following me all through Walmart as I did my Christmas Shopping/Gift Returns was actually this "Shane."
(I was ultra-aware of the possibility of homer!s being allowed out in public after listening to all the Sermons that Pasta Al Preached on this very topic.)

I should have expected as much, somehow....

Now I don't dare leave my Home OR order-in Pizza any more. Dear Cheeses! Where will it all End?!

[Ofc. Don W. Richards]

Re: Policing Freehold

THURSDAY, FEBRUARY 18, 2010

Kids today make me sick. I was out by the southeast city limits this afternoon, after school hours. Everything seemed in order, until I rounded a corner and spied three middle school-aged kids standing on the railroad tracks.

Well, not only is that a dangerous thing to do, it could cost the train company a lot of money to have to clean off the blood and guts that would be spattered all over the front of their engine should one of these urchins fail to move in the event of a train passing.

I turned on my siren and lights, and rolled up to them.

Each one of them turned to look at me stunned. (Probably trying to act scared to get sympathy.)

I approached them and asked them what they were doing down here on the train tracks. None of them said anything. Out of the corner of my eye, I caught a glint of sunlight from something on the track.

Upon closer inspection it turned out to be a penny, which had been severely deformed. It was obviously placed here on purpose.

I picked up the badly squished coin, and asked, "Who wants to explain this?"

Finally, one of them volunteered the information: "We put it here yesterday."

"Why" I inquired.

"Because we wanted to see what would happen to it."

"Are you aware that defacing money is a crime punishable by fine or imprisonment of up to five years?"

Their little hearts were beating now, let me tell you.

I carefully deposited the penny into a baggy and then took the three vandals into the police station for further questioning and processing.

Their parents were summoned and it was explained that their children were facing some serious charges.

As usual, the parents at first did not take us seriously, until I informed them that they could have to answer to the federal government.

For now, the children were all sent home with their folks, but I am going to be in contact with a buddy I have in the FBI to take this case further. I will not have this kind of blatant disregard for Law and Order in my town.

[James Hutchins]

Re: Policing Freehold

Thank goodness, you may of averted a tragic train wreck. I hear the one in belgistan was caused by a guilder!

[Nobar King]

Re: Policing Freehold

Just wanted to point out that this thread has safely passed the 6,666 views milestone! Hurrah!