[repented harlot70]

Re: Brother Levi's guide to the American traveling abroad.

Are these rules applicable in Canada?

If God wills, we'd like to go there someday.

[HTannor]

Re: Brother Levi's guide to the American traveling abroad.

Are these rules applicable in Canada?
.

Absolutely.

Canadians like to hide behind their so-called reputation for "niceness". Don't believe it for a second. Most of them are just American-wannabees and we have to set a good example for them to follow.

Any nation whose most often used coin is called a "Loonie" needs all the help it can get.

[Levi Jones]

Re: Brother Levi's guide to the American traveling abroad.

If you are in a bar in a foreign country make sure they serve Budweiser. If they don't, move on to the next one. Any establishment that doesn't serve it is not worth you patronizing. Make sure you register your disgust with the patron of the place by asking him what kind of poor establishment doesn't serve Budweiser.

You should then regale him or her by telling them how much better things are in the U.S. than their 3rd world hell hole.

Another thing that angers me to no end is when I'm in a foreign land and they look at me strangely for ordering iced tea! The snarky looks on their faces make my blood boil when they say things like, "You want me to take tea and put ice in it.?" Did I stutter, you limey bastard? Of course that's what I want!

[HTannor]

Re: Brother Levi's guide to the American traveling abroad.

If you are in a bar in a foreign country make sure they serve Budweiser.

And make sure the Bud is properly chilled. You want to see little pieces of ice on the bottle when it comes out of the cooler.

Question the barkeeper closely about the source of that ice. Demand that it comes freshly frozen purified water. Scottish barkeepers, for example, are notorious for just pulling ice from the nearest Loch and there's just no telling what sort of scaly creature has pooped in the water.

Doubts about the source of the ice is doubly true for any messican bar. If you shouldn't drink the water in Mehico, you sure don't want that stuff frozen and then have your Bud plunged into it.

Since the French are awash in wine, they don't have a clue about Budweiser. You should probably take your own. Leave the empties on the sidewalks outside their museums so they can become more familiar with Godly American(tm) tastes.

[Ezekiel Bathfire]

Re: Brother Levi's guide to the American traveling abroad.

Being an Ambassador
And talking of the cultural effect of beers, do make every attempt to visit bars in that foreign country. You will find that they have been modeled on bars in America, so you will feel at home.

Throughout Europe and the rest of the world, men gather at these places to discuss the big problems. Unfortunately, the customers have only a vague idea how capitalism gives the equality; how an assertive foreign policy brings real freedom and how Christianity is the one true religion.

So, as an unofficial ambassador, take your time, wait until the night has worn on and minds are mellowed by beer or wine and open the discussion with points about e.g.
(i) how they all could be as wealthy as you if it were not for repressive and endemic Socialism,
(ii) Working hard is the road to riches. (You will have seen a lot a people apparently doing nothing around the area, so mention that as an example.)
(iii) how the US has no interest in foreign affairs other than the interests of poorer people and
(iv) how Islam, Hindoos, Buddhists, etc are all damned.

Such sharing of knowledge in places where Fox News might not have reached, will make for lively evening of discussion, broadening the locals’ knowledge and ensure that little pieces of America is left behind.

Personal Safety
It is your duty as head of your household to protect your nearest and dearest. Foreigners are generally untrustworthy, otherwise why would there be stereotypes, and you should carry a fully charged taser and a supply of mace at all times.

PS Never pay full price, all foreigners try and take advantage of Americans and foreigners like to haggle.

[Benedict A. Davis]

Re: Brother Levi's guide to the American traveling abroad.

This reminds me of a funny story a friend of mine that worked for Schlumberger (Texas based, just a funny name) told me. He said he was listening to the ranting of some towel head who was going on about the evils of America and how America should just get out of the middle east. The funny thing was, they were sitting in a KFC while the guy was going on about this. So my friend finally spoke up and said "You know, if we leave, we're taking ALL our stuff (restaurants, cars, oil rigs) with us." Well I can tell you that Mr. Towel Head was not too happy about that.


So true Brother. However I think I'll stick with Brothers Temperance and Tannor and keep my feet firmly planted on North American soil.

Sister I would like to clarify something for you. I too have worked in the middle east and your use of the phrase ''towel head'' is inaccurate. The cloth they wear on their heads is more of a linen than a towel so I feel a better description is as a ''sheet head''. We do not wish to offend.

[repented harlot70]

Re: Brother Levi's guide to the American traveling abroad.

If you are in a bar in a foreign country make sure they serve Budweiser. If they don't, move on to the next one. Any establishment that doesn't serve it is not worth you patronizing. Make sure you register your disgust with the patron of the place by asking him what kind of poor establishment doesn't serve Budweiser.

You should then regale him or her by telling them how much better things are in the U.S. than their 3rd world hell hole.

Another thing that angers me to no end is when I'm in a foreign land and they look at me strangely for ordering iced tea! The snarky looks on their faces make my blood boil when they say things like, "You want me to take tea and put ice in it.?" Did I stutter, you limey bastard? Of course that's what I want!

Speakin' of tea, you just reminded me I need to bring my fresh brewed sun tea in the house; after it brews all morning, I add a little peach juice in it to make it sweet.

[Aaron]

Re: Brother Levi's guide to the American traveling abroad.

When staying in a beachside resort or hotel it is always sensible to remind those serving you and other foreigners that there are Godly Americans™ present and they should be mindful to show you the obvious levels of respect

A good way of doing so is to occupy the sun lounges closest to the pool

If you decide to leave the pool area you can remind those serving you and other foreigners of your continuing presence by leaving your American flag beach towel in your place

[Nobar King]

Re: Brother Levi's guide to the American traveling abroad.

I always wear my stars & stripes swim trunks out so that the waiters always know that I'm paying with American dollars.

[Professor Bessemer]

Re: Brother Levi's guide to the American traveling abroad.

When I am forced to travel abroad on Scientheistic business and must dine in a local eatery, I have a custom that assures I get the respect I deserve as a True Christian™ American.

No matter the quality, I always send back the first meal delivered to my table after eating a substantial portion. I also complain about how long it took for the food to arrive, even if it arrived promptly. After that, I ask to see the manager. When the manager arrives, I tell him I just saw a cockroach run under my table.

At this point, if the manager does not offer to either comp my meal or offer me a substantial discount, I stand up and begin walking toward the door, complaining loudly. They almost always chase me down at this point and offer either a free meal or at least a free bottle of wine.

[jennabenna]

Re: Brother Levi's guide to the American traveling abroad.

Language barriers can be so bothersome when trying to get those heathens to do what you tell them to. Remember this. They all speak American. They might pretend like they don't, but they are liars by their nature. What you need to do as an American, is to speak louder to jog their memory! The louder you talk, the faster they will comply with your demands. This one works best in restaurants. Lots of finger snapping, shaking your empty glass and whistling too.

Wait... are you serious? Do you want to perpetuate the stereotype that no american is smart enough to think of any other country? You can't expect people to bow to your awesomeness just because you've kept the "Pat" and dropped the "Ex-". If there's one kind of tourist normal non-american people hate, it's an american tourist. Most that i've seen around my current city seem to make everyone around them want to kill themselves. And since the bible seems to be the only way to convince you people of anything, remember Babel? God made the different languages, not people.

[Sparky]

Re: Brother Levi's guide to the American traveling abroad.

"Forrin-types" (as they like to be called) tend to suffer from historical amnesia, but they will treat you better once you jog their memory as to what Americans have done for them. Try to focus on what the people really value highly, and remind them that Americans gave it to them.

For example, Greeks like democracy, so remind them that Americans invented democracy. In Russia, Poland and so on they value sacrifice. Remind them how much Americans sacrificed to save them in WW2. Middle Easterners loves guns and depend on oil, both of which we invented.

Just don't try to tell the French how we invented capitalism, the French don't even have words for "enterpreneur" or "laizzez-faire".

Ha ha ha
It's funny because both the word "entrepreneur" and "laissez-faire" are actually originally french!
You're funny

[Aaron]

Re: Brother Levi's guide to the American traveling abroad.

Ha ha ha
It's funny because both the word "entrepreneur" and "laissez-faire" are actually originally french!
You're funny

You have clearly eaten too many snails if you believe that

Genesis 2:17
But of the tree of the knowledge of good and evil, thou shalt not eat of it: for in the day that thou eatest thereof thou shalt surely die

[Sparky]

Re: Brother Levi's guide to the American traveling abroad.

You have clearly eaten too many snails if you believe that

Genesis 2:17
But of the tree of the knowledge of good and evil, thou shalt not eat of it: for in the day that thou eatest thereof thou shalt surely die

Again, seriously? Didn't you take french in high school?

[Bobby-Joe]

Re: Brother Levi's guide to the American traveling abroad.

Again, seriously? Didn't you take french in high school?

No, we only speak English here in America friend. As the state legislator in Des Moines said there is no reason for anyone in Iowa to know French so they cut that out of the school programs.