Hipster Christianity—Dreadful beyond your most furtive imaginings

[Larry Lee]

I know I'm not the only one who keeps abreast of Satan's footwork by forcing themselves to read the False Christian magazine known as Christianity Today.

This month's issue features a rambling yet over-long review of the phenomenon known as Hipster Christianity.

The following quote from the article clues you in on how clueless the "Hipster" Christian truly is, although if you absolutely need to know more, torture yourself by glancing at this list of Stuff Christian Hipsters Like.

Church leaders are following the lead of the hipster trendsetters, making sure their churches can check off all the important items on the hipster checklist:

Get the church involved in social justice and creation care.

Show clips from R-rated Coen Brothers films (e.g., No Country for Old Men, Fargo) during services.

Sponsor church outings to microbreweries.

Put a worship pastor onstage decked in clothes from American Apparel.

Be okay with cussing.

Print bulletins only on recycled cardstock.

Use Helvetica fonts as much as possible.

Leverage technologies like Twitter.

It's the abominable elevation of Helvetica that particularly irks me.

[Seth Campbell]

Re: Hipster Christianity—Dreadful beyond your most furtive imagin

Get the church involved in social justice and creation care.
Although I sort of agree with this, I doubt I agree with them on what "social justice" is. Church's should be promoting the Word of God, not socialist propaganda.

Show clips from R-rated Coen Brothers films (e.g., No Country for Old Men, Fargo) during services.

If people want to see a movie, they can go to a theater. Why would you go to church to see a movie?

Sponsor church outings to microbreweries.

Again, want a beer go to the liquor store or a bar. Church is for God.

Put a worship pastor onstage decked in clothes from American Apparel.

Hipsters judge their pastors on outward appearance rather than what is coming out of His mouth?

John 7:24 Judge not according to the appearance, but judge righteous judgment.


Be okay with cussing.

Well this depends, cussing for the sake of cussing is wrong, but calling a whore a whore is not wrong.

Print bulletins only on recycled cardstock.
Why is this important?

Use Helvetica fonts as much as possible.
Because the 70's were so righteous?

Leverage technologies like Twitter.
Well of course. Never mind the Bible, the Bible isn't cool so it no longer belongs in church, because church has always been about what's cool

[CyberYahweh]

Re: Hipster Christianity—Dreadful beyond your most furtive imagin

Thanks for addressing this, good sir Lee; and Amen, Seth. I often sense that these phony lieberal Christians kindle their hashish with the thin pages that compose the 1611 King James Bible; to make their treachery against God feel anesthetized - believing that marginally advertising /some/ of His more appealing word will grant them sanctuary in His Divine Providence.

Dead wrong.

As Jeb eloquently pointed out, cafeteria Christians are little more than limp-wristed poseurs and above all; apostates. Apostates who, come judgment day, will kindle Satan's hash-pipe with their skins.

G.B.

[Rev. Jim Osborne]

Re: Hipster Christianity—Dreadful beyond your most furtive imagin

I admit I don't know much about "hipsters", since I'm a couple generations older, but one word I hear all the time whenever referencing them is "ironic". My granddaughter explained to me that sometimes a hipster will wear a shirt that portrays something they and the hipster community loathe, in order to be "ironic". She also explained that you can also wear something hipsters like, for example, a Che Guevara shirt, and that would still be ironic because the irony is you are wearing a shirt you actually like when normal irony is wearing a shirt you hate, so it is therefore unexpected.....or some twisted poppycock like that.

Anyways, I think these ironic hipsters probably don't even like or believe in Christianity. I bet they are really atheists, who come up with faux-Christian identities and live the life of a caricature. I know it's hard to believe that someone would go to great lengths to do it, but it could be true. So, whatever "hipster Christians" you ever come across in life, don't believe them because they are only trying to mock Christianity and make an ironic statement!

[Larry Lee]

Re: Hipster Christianity—Dreadful beyond your most furtive imagin

I admit I don't know much about "hipsters", since I'm a couple generations older, but one word I hear all the time whenever referencing them is "ironic". My granddaughter explained to me that sometimes a hipster will wear a shirt that portrays something they and the hipster community loathe, in order to be "ironic". She also explained that you can also wear something hipsters like, for example, a Che Guevara shirt, and that would still be ironic because the irony is you are wearing a shirt you actually like when normal irony is wearing a shirt you hate, so it is therefore unexpected.....or some twisted poppycock like that.

Anyways, I think these ironic hipsters probably don't even like or believe in Christianity. I bet they are really atheists, who come up with faux-Christian identities and live the life of a caricature. I know it's hard to believe that someone would go to great lengths to do it, but it could be true. So, whatever "hipster Christians" you ever come across in life, don't believe them because they are only trying to mock Christianity and make an ironic statement!

I think you've nailed it perfectly, Brother.

[Timofey]

Re: Hipster Christianity—Dreadful beyond your most furtive imagin

If social justice and creation care is smacking heathens and whores to hell and I am all for it!

[Pastor J.C. Manning, M.D., Ph.D.]

Re: Hipster Christianity—Dreadful beyond your most furtive imagin

Dear Friends,

There are many practical applications for Christianity Today. It can be used as emergency toilet paper, to start fires, to kill bugs and even to hit very small children. Actually reading it however is not such a good idea as there is nothing worse than people pretending to be Christians while they in reality are communists bend on taking away our freedom, our money and our homes. "Thou shalt not steal." (Exodus 20:15)

I am glad Larry Lee brought to our attention that they are now suggesting to replace the Holy Bible with meaningless marketing posters one only sees when a Kenyan tries to steal our presidency by pretending to be an American. "A false witness that speaketh lies, and he that soweth discord among brethren." (Proverbs 6:19)

Their completely insane idea to turn Churches into pornographic cinemas with drunk masturbators filled with free beer is even more outrageous. Clearly they completely lost track of what Christianity is all about. Fortunately the Bible is very clear on what Church is all about: "Be careful for nothing; but in every thing by prayer and supplication with thanksgiving let your requests be made known unto God. And the peace of God, which passeth all understanding, shall keep your hearts and minds through Christ Jesus." (Philippians 4:6-7)

Yours in Christ,

Pastor J.C. Manning, M.D., Ph.D.

[Wash O'Hanley]

Re: Hipster Christianity—Dreadful beyond your most furtive imagin

Don't be fooled: Hipsters only accept Christ ironically!

[WilliamJenningsBryan]

Re: Hipster Christianity—Dreadful beyond your most furtive imagin

If I remember correctly, the term "hipster" dates back to the 1940's and referred to people that were associated with the nigra jazz music. I thought for certain they had all died and gone to hell, but the term has been resurrected to apply to a new generation of insufferable humans that inhabit the planet. Like the hippies, yuppies and dinks that preceded them, they offend Jesus by their very presence.

[Timofey]

Re: Hipster Christianity—Dreadful beyond your most furtive imagin

If I remember correctly, the term "hipster" dates back to the 1940's and referred to people that were associated with the nigra jazz music. I thought for certain they had all died and gone to hell, but the term has been resurrected to apply to a new generation of insufferable humans that inhabit the planet. Like the hippies, yuppies and dinks that preceded them, they offend Jesus by their very presence.

At least she describe 'ethnic malls' correctly.

YIC Timofey

[Rev. M. Rodimer]

Re: Hipster Christianity—Dreadful beyond your most furtive imagin

It's the abominable elevation of Helvetica that particularly irks me.

Brother, at least it's not . . . you know . . . Comic Sans!!

Why is that accursed font even on this forum?

[landoverlover]

Re: Hipster Christianity—Dreadful beyond your most furtive imagin

Christianity has been accused of co-opting pagan rituals to keep the yokels down on the farm for centuries: Christians stole Halloween, Christmas, and Easter, so we are told. Of course these are odious lies, but modern churches seem to be guilty of it.

This "Hipster Christianity" is the same sort of oxymormon as "Christian Rock" and "X-Treme Christianity" and "Booty Christ, Yo". As young people permanently slip out the back door to escape the brimstone sermons they need to hear, the church grows ever more desperate to whore itself. So the Lutherans and Methodists shuck and jive and bow and scrape to whatever jungle-drum zeitgeist is beating at the moment.

What's next, "Satan Christianity"?

[Wash O'Hanley]

Re: Hipster Christianity—Dreadful beyond your most furtive imagin

Considering all we know about the Hipsters, has anyone entertained the thought that all Christians are really Hipsters?

[Mrs. Rogers]

Re: Hipster Christianity—Dreadful beyond your most furtive imagin

So now we know what the 'H' stands for when unsaved scum say "Jesus H. Christ" -- Hipster! Or is that Jesus Helvetica Christ? I really don't understand any of this modern, 'groovy' nonsense.

[Virginia Day Templeton]

Re: Hipster Christianity—Dreadful beyond your most furtive imagin

"Hipsters" are the cultural equivalent of Wiccans — borrowing bits of whatever outdated trends amuse them at the time and cobbling them together into a meaningless godawful mess. The other thing they have in common is that they're going straight to Hell.