Should I Sell my Wife or Become a Eunuch?

[Bob4God]

Brothers in CHRIST,

It's been a long time coming, but it seems that my JESUS has sent my wife the menopause.

I have been told this means that she is no longer able to produce children, although I'm confident that GOD could work a miracle for us and cause my wife to become pregnant any time He wants her to.

I have been waiting for that miracle since I married her in 1982, and I am starting to lose hope that she will ever get pregnant.

Since it is obvious that GOD doesn't want my wife to be pregnant (it is no doubt her own fault) I am left with two options:

1. Sell my wife in accordance with GOD's law and get a better one who is blessed with a fertile womb,

Or,

2. Take the plunge and become a True Christian eunuch in accordance with JESUS' instructions in the Bible.

I really don't want to sell her. I don't need the money, and she is a fine cook.

On the other hand, I can't have sex with her anymore since it would be non-procreative, and that would be a waste of my precious seed.

I do not want to lapse into the downward spiral of masturbation, so I am thinking of just becoming a eunuch for JESUS.

Maybe some of my True Christian eunuch friends would like to advise me?

Thank you, brothers!

[Jedediah]

Re: Should I Sell my Wife or Become a Eunuch?

If she's all dried up, there's obviously no need for s*x. But as long as she's a cripple, you can still put her to work around the house. In fact, you can work her twice as hard, since she'll no longer be bringing young soldiers for Christ into the world.

Since you will not be having s*x any more, your testicles can only lead you into temptation. Jesus spoke directly to this in Matthew 19:12, but parallels can also be drawn with Jesus' exhortation to amputate other body parts that may lead to sinfulness.

Mark 5:29-30
And if thy right eye offend thee, pluck it out, and cast it from thee: for it is profitable for thee that one of thy members should perish, and not that thy whole body should be cast into hell.
And if thy right hand offend thee, cut it off, and cast it from thee: for it is profitable for thee that one of thy members should perish, and not that thy whole body should be cast into hell.

When you consider the advancements in elective amputational surgery, we have it a lot easier that the early Christians. There's really no reason not to go through with it if you have had all the children God is going to give you. Pray on this, but as a Christian, I think the choice is clear.

[Bob4God]

Re: Should I Sell my Wife or Become a Eunuch?

Thank you for your advice, brother.

I have been praying on the matter, and GOD is telling me that I would be a lot happier without testicles.

I admire the courage of True Christian eunuchs like Born Again Bob and the brilliant Professor Bessemer.

I'm going to get in touch with them about a True Christian surgeon, or perhaps a True Christian faith healer who can pray my testicles away.

[Born Again Bob]

Re: Should I Sell my Wife or Become a Eunuch?

Dear Brother,

Should I Sell my Wife or Become a Eunuch?

Having met your wife, I have to ask -- why choose?

Also, no need for a surgeon. You just need pinking shears and a creme brulee torch. I'll send you the kit at the "friends and family" rate.

Yours in Him,
bab

[AllLove]

Re: Should I Sell my Wife or Become a Eunuch?

Maybe you should just love your wife for who she is.Since you can't have kids now maybe you should adopt a child. You're probably against abortion and you could help a child who needs it, but your not a fit parent so throw that idea out. I don't get why you're a sexist asshole. Good?

[Redeemed Papist]

Re: Should I Sell my Wife or Become a Eunuch?

Maybe you should just love your wife for who she is.Since you can't have kids now maybe you should adopt a child. You're probably against abortion and you could help a child who needs it, but your not a fit parent so throw that idea out. I don't get why you're a sexist asshole. Good?

You haven't read the Bible, have you?

[Rev. M. Rodimer]

Re: Should I Sell my Wife or Become a Eunuch?

Maybe you should just love your wife for who she is.Since you can't have kids now maybe you should adopt a child. You're probably against abortion and you could help a child who needs it, but your not a fit parent so throw that idea out. I don't get why you're a sexist asshole. Good?

How does this help him with his problem of having a sex drive and no productive way to use it?

Please think before opening your pie hole next time, OK, missy?

[Bobby-Joe]

Re: Should I Sell my Wife or Become a Eunuch?

How does this help him with his problem of having a sex drive and no productive way to use it?

Please think before opening your pie hole next time, OK, missy?

It's very likely the she-harlot has e-mailed Bob4God naked pictures of herself in the hopes of temping Bob4God into self pollution and turning him gay.

[Rev. M. Rodimer]

Re: Should I Sell my Wife or Become a Eunuch?

It's very likely the she-harlot has e-mailed Bob4God naked pictures of herself in the hopes of temping Bob4God into self pollution and turning him gay.

NOOOOOO!

Brother B4G, don't open her email!

Forward it to me and Landover's pastors so we may ensure that it is safe and does not include vile pornography which might tempt you!

Oh, and cc Bobby-Joe. And Deaner.

They have special insights they may wish to share.

[Professor Bessemer]

Re: Should I Sell my Wife or Become a Eunuch?

Thank you for your advice, brother.

I have been praying on the matter, and GOD is telling me that I would be a lot happier without testicles.

I admire the courage of True Christian eunuchs like Born Again Bob and the brilliant Professor Bessemer.

I'm going to get in touch with them about a True Christian surgeon, or perhaps a True Christian faith healer who can pray my testicles away.

Brother Fore,

As a 100% straight, cured Ex-Gay© True Christian™ Doctor of Scientheism, I can say with certainty that whichever of these Biblically correct options you choose, it will be the correct path. The Lord righteously chose to take my genitals during my Ex-Gay© therapy, I had no choice in the matter. He, in His infinite wisdom and mercy, smote me with the necrotizing fasciitis in my crotch to show me just how much my former life as a disgusting sodomite had displeased Him.


And you, being dead in your sins and the uncircumcision of your flesh, hath he quickened together with him, having forgiven you all trespasses;

Blotting out the handwriting of ordinances that was against us, which was contrary to us, and took it out of the way, nailing it to his cross;
Colossians 2:13-14



You are currently a saved True Christian™, therefore all of your choices will be Biblically correct. You walk in perfection with Jesus, you cannot make an incorrect decision. Therefore, if you choose to sell your wife, God will smile upon you. If you choose to castrate yourself, The Lord will bless you and your righteous choice.



Blessed are the undefiled in the way, who walk in the law of the Lord.

Blessed are they that keep his testimonies, and that seek him with the whole heart.

They also do no iniquity: they walk in his ways.
Psalm 119:1-3



Now, as to which of these options I would recommend, I think that should be obvious. Having no genitals whatsoever is wonderful! My clothes fit better, I never need to adjust myself before I sit down, hygiene is a breeze, I could go on and on! If you choose to keep your penis to more easily facilitate urination, I would wager to guess you would later regret that decision. My rerouted urethra handles the discharging of liquid waste just fine.

[Bob4God]

Re: Should I Sell my Wife or Become a Eunuch?

It's very likely the she-harlot has e-mailed Bob4God naked pictures of herself in the hopes of temping Bob4God into self pollution and turning him gay.

It would take more than a 350 pound naked lesbian goth to tempt me, brother.

Brother Bessemer, I never knew there were so many benefits to being entirely bereft of genitalia!

I was considering just putting my wife up for sale in the Freehold Truth and Light newspaper, but hearing you describe life as a eunuch has really brought the spirit of hope to my heart!

[Professor Bessemer]

Re: Should I Sell my Wife or Become a Eunuch?

It would take more than a 350 pound naked lesbian goth to tempt me, brother.

Brother Bessemer, I never knew there were so many benefits to being entirely bereft of genitalia!

I was considering just putting my wife up for sale in the Freehold Truth and Light newspaper, but hearing you describe life as a eunuch has really brought the spirit of hope to my heart!

Glory, I am glad I could offer my advice on a topic near and dear to my heart. I will pray that whatever choice you make goes smoothly.

But I do have one request. Please address me as Professor Brother Bessemer. I do like to keep a sense of decorum on these boards, as an example to all the unsaved heathens that insist on spewing their gutter talk on our Holy forum.

[Didymus Much]

Re: Should I Sell my Wife or Become a Eunuch?

It would take more than a 350 pound naked lesbian goth to tempt me, brother...

Like, what, a 500 lb. naked lesbian goth? Or did you mean multiple 350 pounders?

You haven't shown this side of your personality before, Mr. 4God. It's, errr, enlightening (pun definitely not intended).

[Bob4God]

Re: Should I Sell my Wife or Become a Eunuch?

Like, what, a 500 lb. naked lesbian goth? Or did you mean multiple 350 pounders?

You haven't shown this side of your personality before, Mr. 4God. It's, errr, enlightening (pun definitely not intended).

It is so typical of you atheists to misrepresent the words of a wholesome Christian man of GOD such as myself!

What I meant to say was that no Earthly thing can tempt me, because I am so strong in JESUS. Even more so when I am done with my surgery.

[Cranky Old Man]

Re: Should I Sell my Wife or Become a Eunuch?

Brother Bob4God, I have a widow daughter who isn't remarried yet you might be interested in. She is stupid, but she can cook well and has many child bearing years left. I also properly taught her not to talk back. She hasn't said a word since 1997.

Maybe you should just love your wife for who she is.

Have you even met her? Or do you just like the sound of your own ramblings?