Vivisection in Landover! Tour the Laboratory

[Ezekiel Bathfire]

I know from the letters and emails we get here at Landover that many of you are interested in the Creation Science Laboratories we have here. I hear you ask, “What would Landover want with laboratories? Are they not used by evil scientists who wish to thwart the Curses of God without Salvation™ or Prayer? Are they not hives of the Devil himself?” (Yes, yes, enough questions, I get the picture.)

No, here we go in for Biblical Science (BS) so called to distinguish it from So-Called Science (SCS)
Let me tell you of some of the exiting things that we are doing:

• Did God put things in a cat that it doesn’t need?

Here we took pieces out of a cat, reviving it each time, and observed whether it died or not. When it died we concluded that the piece last taken out was essential. (I must say that there really are a lot of things a cat can live without but that doesn’t mean that God put them there for fun – we must examine each piece to see if it is mentioned in The Bible – you have no idea how long “entrails” are!)

• Is the fur on rabbits’ ears essential?

Here you see a rabbit with its ears singed by a blow-torch. The rabbit could still hear people coming towards it, so, it probably doesn’t need the fur. This was an exciting find because it meant that animals don’t need fur, so fur coats are OK. (Ge:3:21: Unto Adam also and to his wife did the LORD God make coats of skins, and clothed them. – so there was probably fur attached)

• Ex:11:7: But against any of the children of Israel shall not a dog move his tongue, against man or beast: that ye may know how that the LORD doth put a difference between the Egyptians and Israel. Well, will a dog move its tongue against Israel? And if so, how?

Well, we put a joo in the room with the dog and, in this state, the dog did not bark! Praise! We now know a little more about the muscles in the throat and tongue – but it’s all a bit messy and so we’ll have to do this again with more paper towels!

• Do animals have a soul, however tiny?

Here is a monkey that is helping us discover whether it has a soul. The experiment involved cutting off pieces of its brain, carefully weighing them and then cutting a bit more off. The weight of the monkey was monitored at all times. This experiment was not a great success because the infernal monkey kept jumping about as this was being done.


Well, I hope this has given you a taste for Biblical Science. And don’t forget, Landover needs to build a new vivisection laboratory – so keep those donations flowing in!

[KJV4me]

Re: Vivisection in Landover! Tour the Laboratory

This is so exciting! I've always had a disdain for secular "science," but now I see that TRUE science is Biblical, educational, and a testament to God's genius in His creation of life.

Glory!

[Pastor Ezekiel]

Re: Vivisection in Landover! Tour the Laboratory

The homersexural mice experiments excite me the most. Praise Jesus, we may be on the verge of a breakthrough!

Our Landover Creation Scientists have nearly figured out a way of making some queer mice bite off the tallywacker of other queer mice! If we can perfect this technique, it could reduce the sodomite mouse population immeasurably! Glory!!

[Dr. Santiago Solo]

Re: Vivisection in Landover! Tour the Laboratory

It is very gratifying indeed to see the great advances of Creation Science at Landover University, and how you follow the most rigorous scientific procedures in order to assure an unbiased result in every experiment, Praise! I imagine the monkey's experiment is in preparation of what we will do to finally test if women have a soul, right, Brother? Please inform me of your results on that matter, I am greatly interested...

[LyingDingDong]

Re: Vivisection in Landover! Tour the Laboratory

No, here we go in for Biblical Science (BS)...

Am I the only one seeing the humor in this irony?

That's beside the point, if this is what you do with the tithes given to you from these misconstrued member of this forum, then I have been more repelled from Jesus now than I ever have.

[Nobar King]

Re: Vivisection in Landover! Tour the Laboratory

We're sorry to hear that. We do everything we can to help spread the word of Jesus and show people the righteous way. You time here has been short, but you need to study and learn to love Him. Not everyone can expect it to happen instantly. You must have patience. With patience comes understanding.

[SUV]

Re: Vivisection in Landover! Tour the Laboratory

Brother Bathfire, the downRight sinfulness of the animals you've shown makes me puke. Not one, $ave the DoG, is smiling
and Grateful to be receiving of so much of Man's attention.

In Godly Tennessee, animals (pigs in particular) are happy and participate in the process of becoming Snacks for we True Christians!

The Evidence doesn't lie! Behold!:

[Ezekiel Bathfire]

Re: Vivisection in Landover! Tour the Laboratory

Am I the only one seeing the humor in this irony?

That's beside the point, if this is what you do with the tithes given to you from these misconstrued member of this forum, then I have been more repelled from Jesus now than I ever have.

Ge:1:26: And God said, Let us make man in our image, after our likeness: and let them have dominion over the fish of the sea, and over the fowl of the air, and over the cattle, and over all the earth, and over every creeping thing that creepeth upon the earth.

The Lord gave us the animals that we might live well. What better use than to put them towards better ways of praising Him and understanding His ways? And just look at those happy Pigs in Sister SUV's post, the Lord is generous!

[Brother Temperance]

Re: Vivisection in Landover! Tour the Laboratory

Brother Bathfire, the downRight sinfulness of the animals you've shown makes me puke. Not one, $ave the DoG, is smiling
and Grateful to be receiving of so much of Man's attention.

In Godly Tennessee, animals (pigs in particular) are happy and participate in the process of becoming Snacks for we True Christians!

The Evidence doesn't lie! Behold!:

I have to say, this one looks like it could be an early front-runner for the 2008 Landover Allah/MooHamMad cartoon contest.

In other news, I had a bunch of these stickers printed off. They're just great for covering up PETA bumper stickers, Praise Jesus:

[Sister Noddy]

Re: Vivisection in Landover! Tour the Laboratory

Am I the only one seeing the humor in this irony?

That's beside the point, if this is what you do with the tithes given to you from these misconstrued member of this forum, then I have been more repelled from Jesus now than I ever have.

We use our tithe money to fund GODLY projects we know Jesus would approve of!

After all, it's Jesus' money and it's what Jesus wants that counts! What's the matter with you anyway, Ding Dong?

[SUV]

Re: Vivisection in Landover! Tour the Laboratory

I had a bunch of these stickers printed off. They're just great for covering up PETA bumper stickers, Praise Jesus:[ATTACH]4257[/ATTACH]

Great, Brother Temperance! That's exactly what I need to balance out the sticker I have on the other side of the SUV bumper:

[Herr_Doktor Phd.]

Re: Vivisection in Landover! Tour the Laboratory

This is indeed Godly work. I have been doing my own experiments. I am sure that the mechanism of Demon possession can be proved by vivisection.

Here's the bare-bones of the thesis:

When Satan inhabits a host (small animal) to be a witch's familar, this process happens on the microscopic level. Basically, Satan leaves his mark on a cell or a organ. These are typical Satanic symbols, things like the number 666, an inverted pentagram or a goats heard.

And they had the audacity to throw me out of the university and call me crazy

[Dr. Santiago Solo]

Re: Vivisection in Landover! Tour the Laboratory

This is indeed Godly work. I have been doing my own experiments. I am sure that the mechanism of Demon possession can be proved by vivisection.

Here's the bare-bones of the thesis:

When Satan inhabits a host (small animal) to be a witch's familar, this process happens on the microscopic level. Basically, Satan leaves his mark on a cell or a organ. These are typical Satanic symbols, things like the number 666, an inverted pentagram or a goats heard.

And they had the audacity to throw me out of the university and call me crazy

Oh, that just reminds me of the new movie Expelled! When will they stop prosecuting Christian Scientists and new ideas? Say, how many small animals participated in the experiment, of what species? Remember, anything less than 30 is not statistically representative .

[Remy Lebeau]

Re: Vivisection in Landover! Tour the Laboratory

Alot of imbecile secularist who lobby for the rights of animals who do not even have souls, much feelings of sadness or pain, ignore the benefits such research provides to the human populace. If not for animal testings we would be forced to preform untested procedures on human beings.

Matthew 5:29 And if thy right eye offend thee, pluck it out, and cast it from thee: for it is profitable for thee that one of thy members should perish, and not that thy whole body should be cast into hell.

This feline's eye was removed in one of our first studies aimed at removing the sickness of homosexuality. This particular experiment failed to remove the homosexual lust from this feline and it was humping same sex felines within a week of the operation. Wouldn't it have been a shame if we removed a human being's eye just to discover that the bible verse in question did not apply to the dedemonization of homosexuals?

The Homosexual Reparative Ward has long suspected that the demonic infection responsible for homosexuality is located within the anus. These demons influence the minds of queers, but ultimately it is the choice of the faggot in question to give in to the demon and begin the cycle of sin. We simple want to make the godly choice easier for them. 38 homosexual canines, felines, and mice were experimented on in a study to discover the biological organ serving as a nesting ground of said demons and remove them, thus curing the effected human of demon induced homosexual lust. In the experiments we have reached a 37% cure rate among animals operated on and began human surgeries back in January.

The Landover Baptist Hospital's Homosexual Reparative Extreme-Psycho-Stabilization Ward performed a delicate surgical procedure on an Ex-Gay Ministry selectee to whom the program was not helping.



After an expedient 6 hour surgery the patient reported zero desire to be on the receiving or delivering side of any homosexual practice. Score one for the brave animals you sacrifice daily for the benefit of human beings.

With the success of this new procedure we are now performing this operation on infants who show a homosexual disposition. Babies who tend to poke their butts up into the air alot, favor objects with colors found in a rainbow, play with dolls instead of action figure, etc.


This pre-opt infant, being readied for an operation, will never have to worry about being infested with demons again. PRAISE JESUS!!!

[Ezekiel Bathfire]

Re: Vivisection in Landover! Tour the Laboratory

[...]The Landover Baptist Hospital's Homosexual Reparative Extreme-Psycho-Stabilization Ward performed a delicate surgical procedure on an Ex-Gay Ministry selectee to whom the program was not helping.

After an expedient 6 hour surgery the patient reported zero desire to be on the receiving or delivering side of any homosexual practice. Score one for the brave animals you sacrifice daily for the benefit of human beings.

With the success of this new procedure we are now performing this operation on infants who show a homosexual disposition. Babies who tend to poke their butts up into the air alot, favor objects with colors found in a rainbow, play with dolls instead of action figure, etc.
[...]

Praise! Brother Remy, this is the sort of operation I would very much like to tinker around with. Although I've never operated on a human being (I suppose that anesthetics are required?) I'm sure the Good Lord would guide my hands.