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Thumbs up New technology: How to stop your child from masturbating! - 03-16-2010, 11:34 PM

Brothers and Sisters, as all True Christian™ parents here likely realize, when your children grow up, they will eventually discover the temptations of the flesh, and, if you spot this too late, even start touching themselves to explore the possibilities.

Of course, this kind of behaviour is very repulsive and offensive to the Lord Jesus Christ, who, being omnipresent, has to watch every sigh and every groan, and being omniscient, is at the same time completely aware of whatever filth is on the mind of the person committing this sin. It is for good reason that Paul wrote:

1 Corinthians 6:15-20:

Know ye not that your bodies are the members of Christ? shall I then take the members of Christ, and make them the members of an harlot? God forbid. What? know ye not that he which is joined to an harlot is one body? for two, saith he, shall be one flesh.
But he that is joined unto the Lord is one spirit.
Flee fornication. Every sin that a man doeth is without the body; but he that committeth fornication sinneth against his own body.
What? know ye not that your body is the temple of the Holy Ghost which is in you, which ye have of God, and ye are not your own?
For ye are bought with a price: therefore glorify God in your body, and in your spirit, which are God's.

So, all kinds of measures have been taken by True Christian™ parents against this evil, with mixed results. Look here for example for various traditional suggestions to keep your son from sinning. So far, beating seems to work in most cases, while in extreme cases amputation of the sinful bodily parts is suggested by the Lord Jesus Himself:

Matthew 5:29-30:
And if thy right eye offend thee, pluck it out, and cast it from thee: for it is profitable for thee that one of thy members should perish, and not that thy whole body should be cast into hell. And if thy right hand offend thee, cut it off, and cast it from thee: for it is profitable for thee that one of thy members should perish, and not that thy whole body should be cast into hell.

However, an end has come to these troubling, embarrassing issues, thanks to a new technological innovation: The Houdini Locking Steel C*ck Chastity!



Quote:
The tubular steel design makes it impossible to masturbate with this in place and the ratcheting cuff makes sure it stays put until the keymaster is in the mood to release you. The cuff can be double-locked, meaning this won't tighten accidentally - pretty important for long term wear! The open end means long term wear and bathroom use is possible. Available in 2 sizes. Small (shown upright) has a 1 3/16" inner diamater tube 3 1/2" in length with a 5/8" D-ring welded at the tip for attachments or leashes. Large (shown laying down) has a 1 5/16" inner diameter tube 4" in length and has a angle iron support at top for attachments. One key supplied, see my below for additional keys, sold separately.
Using this ingenious device, True Christian™ parents can now make sure that their sons will not be tempted into despicable sin by desecrating the Temple of Jesus Christ, their own bodies (just return the keys to them after they are married). Praise Jesus!


Sweet Lord Jesus,
I want to pray for those who persecute me, my Lord.
Please, treat their children as you treated those of Egypt, when they upset you! (Psalm 135:8-9)
Dash their little children against the stones for their fathers iniquity! (Psalm 137:8-9)
Hit them on the cheek, and smash out their teeth! (Psalm 3:7)
Make their death and descent into Hell swift and terrible! (Psalm 55:15)
Scatter their broken bodies over the streets of their evil cities, like Benghazi, Amsterdam, Tokyo and Mecca! (Psalm 110:6)
Praised be Your Glorious Name™.

Amen.

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Default Re: New technology: How to stop your child from masturbating! - 03-17-2010, 04:13 AM

$225.95? Jeez, it's just a piece of metal with a lock. I bet it was made by joos.

Still, a great piece of equipment. I'm sure it's very effective.
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Default Re: New technology: How to stop your child from masturbating! - 03-17-2010, 04:26 AM

Well being thrifty like I am, it looks like the hand part of a handcuff (can get that from a police supply store) and some piping would let a man make it himself. I have a few concerns though.

- Cleanliness, should it be removed during showers? Then again I've heard this is where boys start touching. Also how often would it need to be cleaned.

- At what age would you suggest introducing this, because I don't think it would work on a young umm.... ahem....undeveloped boy.


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Default Re: New technology: How to stop your child from masturbating! - 03-17-2010, 05:34 AM

Quote:
Originally Posted by BelieverInGod View Post
Well being thrifty like I am, it looks like the hand part of a handcuff (can get that from a police supply store) and some piping would let a man make it himself. I have a few concerns though.

- Cleanliness, should it be removed during showers? Then again I've heard this is where boys start touching. Also how often would it need to be cleaned.

- At what age would you suggest introducing this, because I don't think it would work on a young umm.... ahem....undeveloped boy.
Speaking for young boys everywhere. I would not recommend this product for boys under the age of ever.

Think of the Mayan head sloping techniques, foot bounding or female circumcision techniques being practiced in savage countries!

Imagine what could happen with the male member! I remember I used to walk around with a constant erection at the age of 12 or so. If you put that monstrous device on a young man's penis.
Take your index finger and point it forward. Then, take it at a 45 degree angle pointing downward.

That poor child will never produce enough, as you fundies call it, Soldiers for Christ.

If you are going to shape IT, you should point it a few degrees upward toward at the tip, or so I hear.

I suppose if you're going to mutilate a child's penis through circumcision, you might as well shape the damn thing to produce the maximum amount of pleasure.


Proverbs 25:21-22 If thine enemy be hungry, give him bread to eat; and if he be thirsty, give him water to drink:
For thou shalt heap coals of fire upon his head, and the LORD shall reward thee.

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Default Re: New technology: How to stop your child from masturbating! - 03-17-2010, 07:59 AM

What's to stop them from sidling up next to a jacuzzi jet or, I hate to say it... tickle their prostate?

My eldest son is nearly old enough to be getting erections, and this is on my mind constantly. I think about it all the time lately.

I was just thinking I'd cuff his hands to the side of the bed at night.

And Samuel Coleridge... Why do you hate Jesus so much? I find your lack of faith disturbing.


II Thessalonians 1:7-9
And to you who are troubled rest with us, when the Lord Jesus shall be revealed from heaven with his mighty angels,
In flaming fire taking vengeance on them that know not God, and that obey not the gospel of our Lord Jesus Christ:
Who shall be punished with everlasting destruction from the presence of the Lord, and from the glory of his power



The man who is being progressively sanctified will inescapably sanctify his home, school, politics, economics, science, and all things else by understanding and interpreting all things in terms of the Word of God and by bringing all things under the Dominion of Christ the King. -R.J. Rushdoony
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Default Re: New technology: How to stop your child from masturbating! - 03-17-2010, 10:09 AM

Quote:
Originally Posted by Jedediah View Post
What's to stop them from sidling up next to a jacuzzi jet or, I hate to say it... tickle their prostate?

My eldest son is nearly old enough to be getting erections, and this is on my mind constantly. I think about it all the time lately.

I was just thinking I'd cuff his hands to the side of the bed at night.

And Samuel Coleridge... Why do you hate Jesus so much? I find your lack of faith disturbing.
If you have strong feelings on the issue, why not simply talk to him about the issue and ensure his morals are strong enough to overcome the temptation? Thinking about sinning (to the level where you really have considered doing it) is just as bad as the actual act, so resorting to physical means to stop him does not solve the problem. It just reduces what you can see of it.
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Default Re: New technology: How to stop your child from masturbating! - 03-17-2010, 10:34 AM

Quote:
Originally Posted by gm jack View Post
If you have strong feelings on the issue, why not simply talk to him about the issue and ensure his morals are strong enough to overcome the temptation?
What's all this "talk" nonsense? Sounds like a slippery slope to me! Talking about filthy sexual matters will only normalize said matters, and we can't have that.


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Default Re: New technology: How to stop your child from masturbating! - 03-17-2010, 11:47 AM

Quote:
Originally Posted by gm jack View Post
If you have strong feelings on the issue, why not simply talk to him about the issue and ensure his morals are strong enough to overcome the temptation? Thinking about sinning (to the level where you really have considered doing it) is just as bad as the actual act, so resorting to physical means to stop him does not solve the problem. It just reduces what you can see of it.
Pal, you seem to be under the delusion that we are interested in your opinion. We are not.

God actually commands us to stay clear of unsaved trash like you. You're lucky we let you post here at all. Don't push your luck.

Quote:
"Whosoever transgresseth, and abideth not in the doctrine of Christ, hath not God. He that abideth in the doctrine of Christ, he hath both the Father and the Son. If there come any unto you, and bring not this doctrine, receive him not into your house, neither bid him God speed: For he that biddeth him God speed is partaker of his evil deeds" -- 2 John 1:9-11


Who Will Jesus Damn?

Here is a partial list from just a few scripture verses:

Hypocrites (Matthew 24:51), The Unforgiving (Mark 11:26), Homosexuals (Romans 1:26, 27), Fornicators (Romans 1:29), The Wicked (Romans 1:29), The Covetous (Romans 1:29), The Malicious (Romans 1:29), The Envious (Romans 1:29), Murderers (Romans 1:29), The Deceitful (Romans 1:29), Backbiters (Romans 1:30), Haters of God (Romans 1:30), The Despiteful (Romans 1:30), The Proud (Romans 1:30), Boasters (Romans 1:30), Inventors of evil (Romans 1:30), Disobedient to parents (Romans 1:30), Covenant breakers (Romans 1:31), The Unmerciful (Romans 1:31), The Implacable (Romans 1:31), The Unrighteous (1Corinthians 6:9), Idolaters (1Corinthians 6:9), Adulterers (1Corinthians 6:9), The Effeminate (1Corinthians 6:9), Thieves (1Corinthians 6:10), Drunkards (1Corinthians 6:10), Reviler (1Corinthians 6:10), Extortioners (1Corinthians 6:10), The Fearful (Revelation 21:8), The Unbelieving (Revelation 21:8), The Abominable (Revelation 21:8), Whoremongers (Revelation 21:8), Sorcerers (Revelation 21:8), All Liars (Revelation 21:8)

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Default Re: New technology: How to stop your child from masturbating! - 03-17-2010, 01:50 PM

Quote:
Originally Posted by Mrs. Rogers View Post
What's all this "talk" nonsense? Sounds like a slippery slope to me! Talking about filthy sexual matters will only normalize said matters, and we can't have that.
You may not even necessarily need to to talk directly about the matter. For example, I suspect most children with strong morals won't go and start killing each other even if you don't give them a "killing people is bad" speech. It's in scripture anyway. If you just make sure that the relevant chapters are read, the same should follow.

Complete physical restraint seems to only emphasis the issue. Having the will to overcome the urges much like yourselves is surely preferable to having to wear something whose only purpose is to prevent said urges.

I think the best analogy I can think of is that the only people who are obsessed with food are the morbidly obese and the anorexic. Learning self control should surely build stronger morals than leaving all the urges and desires, but simply stopping the outcome.
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Default Re: New technology: How to stop your child from masturbating! - 03-18-2010, 01:20 AM

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Originally Posted by Samuel Coleridge View Post
Filthy perverted rant about little boys penis deleted.


Could one of the Godly men please answer my questions.


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Default Re: New technology: How to stop your child from masturbating! - 03-18-2010, 07:09 PM

Quote:
Originally Posted by BelieverInGod View Post
Well being thrifty like I am, it looks like the hand part of a handcuff (can get that from a police supply store) and some piping would let a man make it himself. I have a few concerns though.

- Cleanliness, should it be removed during showers? Then again I've heard this is where boys start touching. Also how often would it need to be cleaned.

- At what age would you suggest introducing this, because I don't think it would work on a young umm.... ahem....undeveloped boy.
If it must be removed for cleaning, I'd suggest doing it while they're sleeping. Have your husband tie your son's hands to his sides, then remove it.
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Default Re: New technology: How to stop your child from masturbating! - 03-18-2010, 07:16 PM

Noble invention. Nobody should toy with a man's plumbing except his wedded spouse.

Tap-notch invention.
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Default Re: New technology: How to stop your child from masturbating! - 03-18-2010, 08:44 PM

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Originally Posted by Jacob11 View Post
If it must be removed for cleaning, I'd suggest doing it while they're sleeping. Have your husband tie your son's hands to his sides, then remove it.
I disagree; cleaning is woman's work and will turn her husband into sodomite pervert. The only way to stop depravity is for her to take care of clearing the anti-self pollution device herself.



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Default Re: New technology: How to stop your child from masturbating! - 03-28-2010, 06:36 AM

that contraption would be cruel punishment. you gotta teach your kids some god damn self control.
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Default Re: New technology: How to stop your child from masturbating! - 03-31-2010, 01:12 PM

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Originally Posted by EYEHEARTGOD View Post
that contraption would be cruel punishment. you gotta teach your kids some god damn self control.
You could just let him do it, leaving him to burn in the depths of hell like the sinner he is!
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Default Re: New technology: How to stop your child from masturbating! - 03-31-2010, 01:50 PM

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Originally Posted by FreedomForever View Post
You could just let him do it, leaving him to burn in the depths of hell like the sinner he is!
Why do you hate your own children? You obviously aren't a True Christian™. What about introducing yourself at the Introduction Forum, and surrendering your life to Jesus?


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Default Re: New technology: How to stop your child from masturbating! - 04-10-2010, 02:46 AM

oO

This is not what god will ...

I would report my parents to the police if they would put this thing on my ***** & hate them 4- ever really!

Mastrubating is not bad. I'm 16 and do it often and my dad buy me extra Slide cream...

It was a shock to see that !!!

This is no longer god thing you will trying to keep us from things like mastrubating, but you're no longer intrested really in god ...

I'm shocked ! I would really report my parents if they would put this thing on my best part...
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Default Re: New technology: How to stop your child from masturbating! - 04-10-2010, 05:44 AM

Quote:
Originally Posted by Marcel View Post
oO

This is not what god will ...

I would report my parents to the police if they would put this thing on my ***** & hate them 4- ever really!

Mastrubating is not bad. I'm 16 and do it often and my dad buy me extra Slide cream...

It was a shock to see that !!!

This is no longer god thing you will trying to keep us from things like mastrubating, but you're no longer intrested really in god ...

I'm shocked ! I would really report my parents if they would put this thing on my best part...
Do you have scripture to back this up? Because from what I understand the Bible definitely speaks against Ming.


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Default Re: New technology: How to stop your child from masturbating! - 04-10-2010, 08:14 AM

Quote:
Originally Posted by Marcel View Post
This is not what god will ...
What God wants is all in the Holy Bible, which you clearly never bothered to read!

Quote:
Mastrubating is not bad
It is very bad, the Holy Bible is very clear on that: Genesis 38:9-10 "And Onan knew that the seed should not be his; and it came to pass, when he went in unto his brother's wife, that he spilled it on the ground, lest that he should give seed to his brother. And the thing which he did displeased the LORD: wherefore he slew him also."

Quote:
I'm shocked ! I would really report my parents if they would put this thing on my best part...
Your parents are irresponsible. They should keep you away from computers and make you read the Holy Bible instead. Please tell them this!


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Default Re: New technology: How to stop your child from masturbating! - 04-10-2010, 12:28 PM

I'm a teenager what they written in the bible I don't understand! It is to hard to understand what they are written in. They use to hard words that teenager never will know

And if you do something good for you and mastrubating and don't hurt you! Why will god don't like this?

In the bible writen don't hurt you and something like this and when I mastrubating I'm not hurt me only do something good for me.
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