Let's Talk About S-E-X (Bible Style!)

[Bogdana Alkeav]

Hey all! Seeing how much of your morality and disdain of all things sexual comes from the Bible, I thought it'd be good to go through the Bible and examine what it says on the topic. Let's begin.

-The first humans, Adam and Eve, populate the world. By the end of their looong lifetime (Adam lived to be 930), archeology tells us the world population of the 4th millennium BC was around 14 million. Assuming that only 1% of these were their children and not descendants of other children, Adam and Eve would have had over a hundred thousand children, which means they conceived a child 1 out of 3 days of their lives (quite a feat).

-Now, about Adam and Eve descendants. How did they go about populating the world? Either they had sex with their sisters or their own mother to accomplish it.

-In ancient times, fallen angels came to the earth and had sex with human women, producing a race of giants. Genesis 6.

-Genesis 9 says Noah fell asleep drunk and naked in his tent and was very angry with his son when he awoke. Some believe that Ham raped his father while he slept.

-When Abraham and Sarah go into Egypt, he is afraid men will kill him to steal his irresistible wife (she was 70 at the time). So he lies that she is his sister (well, actually she really was his half-sister...) The Pharaoh thinks she's hot so enlists her into his harem (God only knows what happened then!) God then punishes the Pharaoh for sleeping with a woman who refused to tell his she was married.

-Since Sarah can't get pregnant, she asks Abraham to sleep with her slave-girl to get pregnant. Apparently, Sarah did not learn how humiliating being a slave-girl is from her experiences with the Pharaoh.

-The men of Sodom and Gomorrah desperately want to have sex with some angels. However, these are not fallen angels, so sex with humans is out of the question for them. To try to appease them, Lot offers his virgin daughters to be raped instead of unnatural homosexual acts.

-After Sodom is destroyed for being totally gay, Lot and his daughters hide out in a cave. His daughters, apparently used to be treated like pieces of sexual meat who exist only to be impregnated, decide to get their father drunk enough that he'd be willing to sleep with them (but not so drunk that he was unable to do the job).

-Sarah and Abraham were still doing it into their 90s, and had a son.

[Cranky Old Man]

Re: Let's Talk About S-E-X (Bible Style!)

One boring thread with you rambling on and on was not enough?

Let me summarize all my responses in this thread in advance: God is right, you are wrong.

[Ezekiel Bathfire]

Re: Let's Talk About S-E-X (Bible Style!)

It wasn't just Adam and Eve who were "at it" for 900-odd years. Obviously, the murder Cain, being generally Godless, took a wife and they and their offspring were "at it" like bunnies on coke!

Ge:4:16: And Cain went out from the presence of the LORD, and dwelt in the land of Nod, on the east of Eden.
Ge:4:17: And Cain knew his wife; and she conceived, and bare Enoch: and he builded a city, and called the name of the city, after the name of his son, Enoch.
Ge:4:18: And unto Enoch was born Irad: and Irad begat Mehujael: and Mehujael begat Methusael: and Methusael begat Lamech.
Ge:4:19: And Lamech took unto him two wives: the name of the one was Adah, and the name of the other Zillah.
Ge:4:20: And Adah bare Jabal: he was the father of such as dwell in tents, and of such as have cattle.
Ge:4:21: And his brother's name was Jubal: he was the father of all such as handle the harp and organ.
Ge:4:22: And Zillah, she also bare Tubal-cain, an instructer of every artificer in brass and iron: and the sister of Tubal-cain was Naamah.

[Bogdana Alkeav]

Re: Let's Talk About S-E-X (Bible Style!)

-Isaac pulls the same trick on King Abimelech as his father Abraham had, an says his wife Rebekah is his sister (actually, she was both his first cousin, once removed through his father, and half first cousin, once removed through his mother...) Apparently, Isaac and Rebekah had sex out in plain view of the public, even when trying to hide the fact they are married, because Abimelech sees them having sex out of his window.

-Jacob wants to marry his Rachel, and agrees to work seven years to buy her from her father (Rachel is his first cousin through his mother, and also both his second cousin, once removed, and half second cousin once removed through his father). However, Rachel's father tricks him into marrying and having sex with Rachel's homely sister, Leah, without him noticing (it must have been dark that night). Jacob agrees to work another seven years to buy Rachel. Jacob stays married to the two sisters.

-When it turns out Rachel is barren, she tells Jacob to have children with her slave-girl. Leah is jealous and tells Jacob to have babies with HER slave-girl, too.

-Leah and Rachel decide when Jacob gets to have sex with them. Leah buys Jacob for the night by giving Rachel some magical mandrake flowers.

-Shechem falls in love with Jacob's daugher, Dinah, and has sex with her before marriage. He asks to marry her, even offering to pay. Her brothers are furious he defiled their sister, so they trick him and all of his townsmen into getting circumcised, kill them while they are still weak from the procedure, and take their wives and children captive.

-Reuben has sex with his father's concubine, mother of his half-brothers, and Jacob finds out. Because of this, Reuben's descendants will not excel.

-Judah has casual sex with a Canaanite woman which results in two sons, Er and Onan.

-God killed Er for reasons unknown. Judah then orders Onan must get Er's wife pregnant. Onan has sex with her, but not wanting her to get pregnant, pulls out and ejaculates on the ground. God was so angry, he killed Onan.

-Tamar, Er's wife, disappointed she did not get pregnant, disguises herself as a prostitute who has sex with her father-in-law, Judah and has twin boys.

-Judah, ever the hypocrite, hears Tamar is pregnant and orders her to be burnt to death.

-Potiphar's wife is so disappointed Joseph did not want to have sex with her, that she lies to her husband that he raped her.

[chrissy]

Re: Let's Talk About S-E-X (Bible Style!)

in the eyes of the lord, how many time should some1 masturbate a day?

[Pastor Ezekiel]

Re: Let's Talk About S-E-X (Bible Style!)

I've said it before and I'll say it again; communists have no morality at all. This whore Bogadenia (if that's her real name) is trolling for a White American husband, because she wants to escape the nightmare of communist Russia. Mark my words.

[Pastor Ezekiel]

Re: Let's Talk About S-E-X (Bible Style!)

in the eyes of the lord, how many time should some1 masturbate a day?

You see? See what happens when the taboo subject of fornication is raised by an unsaved communist whore?

[Pastor Isaac Peters]

Re: Let's Talk About S-E-X (Bible Style!)

(tl;dr)

Dear sex-crazed, God-mocking russkie:

God's Word is not a porno magazine to which you can commit the "M" abomination.

[Bogdana Alkeav]

Re: Let's Talk About S-E-X (Bible Style!)

You see? See what happens when the taboo subject of fornication is raised by an unsaved communist whore?

If the subject is so "taboo", why does it appear SO much in your precious Bible???

-God decides to kill Moses because his son had not yet been circumcised. Luckily for Moses, his Egyptian wife Zipporah "took a sharp stone, and cut off the foreskin of her son, and cast it at his feet, and said, Surely a bloody husband art thou to me. So he [God] let him go." This story shows the importance of penises to God, and his hatred of foreskins.

-Moses orders the men of Israel not to have sex with their wives as he goes up Mount Sinai.

-Moses tells the Priests not to go up the altar stairs, so people beneath can't see up their skirt.

-"Whosoever lieth with a beast shall surely be put to death." Is it really necessary to kill such people? Couldn't we just send them to counseling or something?

-Aaron makes a golden calf and tells the people to take off their clothes and dance around naked. God then punishes them mercilessly for following their divinely appointed religious leader.

-"Their daughters go a whoring after their gods, and make thy sons go a whoring after their gods." God always blames the women; it is they who "go a whoring" and then "make" the men "go a whoring."

[Pastor Isaac Peters]

Re: Let's Talk About S-E-X (Bible Style!)

-"Their daughters go a whoring after their gods, and make thy sons go a whoring after their gods." God always blames the women; it is they who "go a whoring" and then "make" the men "go a whoring."

Of course God blames the women. Some things haven't changed since Eve. There's a reason why you people need to remain silent in church.

[Bogdana Alkeav]

Re: Let's Talk About S-E-X (Bible Style!)

-If you touch "the uncleanness of man" (?!) you'll be guilty. Leviticus 5:3

-Long, tiresome, and disgusting instructions regarding the treatment of men who have a "running issue" out of their "flesh." Very enlightening. Leviticus 15:1-15

-"Every bed, whereon he lieth that hath the issue, is unclean: and every thing, whereon he sitteth, shall be unclean."

-"And whosoever toucheth his bed shall ... be unclean until the even." 15:5

-"And he that sitteth on any thing whereon he sat ... shall ... be unclean until the even." 15:6

-"And he that toucheth the flesh of him that hath the issue shall ... be unclean until the even." 15:7

-"And if he that hath the issue spit upon him that is clean; then he shall ... be unclean until the even." 15:8

-"And what saddle soever he rideth upon that hath the issue shall be unclean." 15:9

-"And whosoever toucheth any thing that was under him shall be unclean until the even." 15:10

-"And whomsoever he toucheth ... shall ... be unclean until the even." 15:11

-"And the vessel of earth, that he toucheth ... shall be broken: and every vessel of wood shall be rinsed in water." 15:12

-"He that hath an issue ... shall number to himself seven days for his cleansing ... and shall be clean." 15:13

-(God's law for wet dreams)
This passage tells you what to do if you get your "seed of copulation" on yourself, your clothes, or your partner. Thank God this is in the Bible. 15:16-18, 32

-"If any man's seed of copulation go out from him, then he shall ... be unclean until the even." 15:16

-"And every garment ... whereon is the seed of copulation, shall be ... unclean until the even." 15:17

-"The woman also with whom man shall lie with seed of copulation, they shall both bathe themselves in water, and be unclean until the even." 15:18

[Cranky Old Man]

Re: Let's Talk About S-E-X (Bible Style!)

Wouldn't it have been simpler to post a single link to http://www.skepticsannotatedbible.com instead of 13 separate links? Perhaps you should actually read a Bible one of these days instead of stealing content you don't even understand from other sites.

If you would have spend a few more seconds with a proper search engine you would have noticed all false claims in the skepticsannotatedbible (which means all claims on that site) are countered here.

[Bogdana Alkeav]

Re: Let's Talk About S-E-X (Bible Style!)

Sir, I am not posting CLAIMS of the site. I'm not pointing out contradictions or anything like that. I'm talking about what is actually IN the Bible. Or do you contend that Leviticus 15:18 does NOT say "The woman also with whom man shall lie with seed of copulation, they shall both bathe themselves in water, and be unclean until the even."

-Don't have sex with a man with a running sore, who had a wet dream, or a woman on her period. Leviticus 15:32-33

-Don't have sex with your relatives (tell that to the characters in Genesis...) Leviticus 18:6-18, 20.

-Don't "go a whoring" after Molech or "commit adultery with him." (Don't you love it when God talks dirty?) Leviticus 20:5

-Stay away from people with familiar spirits and don't "go a whoring" after them either. 20:6

-Stay away from people with familiar spirits and don't "go a whoring" after them either.

-If a man has sex with his father's wife, kill them both. 20:11 (Good thing Reuben wasn't around at this time!)

-If a man has sex with his daughter in law, kill them both. 20:12 (Good thing Judah wasn't around!)

-If you "lie" with your wife and your mother-in-law (now that sounds fun!), then all three of your must be burned to death. 20:13

-If a man or woman "lie with a beast" both the person and the poor animal are to be killed 20:15-16

-Don't have sex with your sister, uncle's wife, or your brother's wife 20:17, 19-21 (Good thing Abraham wasn't around)

-"Neither shall he [the priest] profane his seed among his people." (His seed is holy.) 21:15

-A man with damaged testicles must not "come nigh to offer the bread of his God."

[Jo Freddie]

Re: Let's Talk About S-E-X (Bible Style!)

The One True God keeps his instructions on sex nice and simple:

The Eight "I'd Really Rather You Didn't's"

4. I'd really rather you didn't indulge in conduct that offends yourself, or your willing, consenting partner of legal age AND mental maturity. As for anyone who might object, I think the expression is "go piffle yourself," unless they find that offensive in which case they can turn off the TV for once and go for a walk for a change.

Followed by this piece of advice

8. I'd really rather you didn't do unto others as you would have them do unto you if you are into, um, stuff that uses a lot of leather/lubricant/vaseline. If the other person is into it, however (pursuant to #4), then have at it, take pictures, and for the love of Mike, wear a CONDOM! Honestly, it's a piece of rubber. If I didn't want it to feel good when you did it I would have added spikes, or something.

[Bogdana Alkeav]

Re: Let's Talk About S-E-X (Bible Style!)

-The men of Israel "commit whoredoms with the daughters of Moab" Numbers 25:1

-Under God's direction, Moses' army defeats the Midianites. They kill all the adult males, but take the women and children captive. When Moses learns that they left some live, he angrily says: "Have you saved all the women alive? Kill every male among the little ones, and kill every woman that hath known man by lying with him. But all the women children, that have not known a man by lying with him, keep alive for yourselves." So they went back and did as Moses (and presumably God) instructed, killing everyone except for the virgins. In this way they got 32,000 virgins -- Wow! (Even God gets some of the booty -- including the virgins.) Numbers 31:1-54