[Pastor Ezekiel]

Re: False Religions Register

you are one to talk

may I ask why is it that all that are not baptist worship Satan?

I beleive twas said that Muslims worship the moon, they worship the Prophet Allah you imbecile

The Jewish people worship Adonai (God) your god just not Jesus, isn't this inane play of imbecilic hate over biased for such a biased people

a good question, why are you so intolerant and imbecilic? it makes you less intouch with your god.
you keep talking about "burning" are you so consumed by this you cannot see true ethics?

"Twas"? What are you, some kind of emotard or something?

It is a well known fact that the mudslime cult originates in moon worship. Take a look at THIS.

It is also an historical fact the the "prophet" moohamad (piss be upon him) liked young girls. In fact, his youngest "wife" called ayesha bibi was only 6 years old! The "prophet" was 53 years old when he had sex with 9 year old ayesha bibi. He was a sexual predator and pedophile.

[Child of Odin]

Re: False Religions Register

Please post any new false religions you run across on this thread, so that they can be added to the register.

Amish
Submitted by: Mrs. Rogers
Worship: Hard work, mules, horses, and Satan.
Trivia Fact: The Amish think that they are saved through hard work and eschewing God's gifts of electricity and modern technology. If God didn't want us to have electricity, He wouldn't have made lightning out of it, and He certainly wouldn't have told Thomas Edison how to make electricity by rubbing two magnets together.

Asatru (Asstrue - an obvious reference to the copious amount of anal sex in their rituals)
Submitted by: Pastor Nerue Gargalo, JustAGuy
worship: The Mighty Thor, a character created by Stan Lee and Jack Kirby in 1962. They also worship the later characters, Thor's evil half-brother Loki, Heimdal, Baldur, Sif, and Odin. But most important is the so-called "All-Father", Satan himself.

Atheists/agnostics
Submitted by: the
worship: Satan and believe in the religion of Evolution and Science

Australian Abrollers
Submitted by: Pastor Nerue Gargalo
worship: Bunyips -- which are demons in the form of a giant marsupial badger, and Satan

Bahai (Be high)
Submitted by: FUNdaMENTAL
Definition: Basically the same thing as the Unitarians, except they claim GOD told them to believe anything they want to.
Worship: Some guy named Bahulla Balooga, and Satan

Being f***ing decent to others despite our differences. (BFDtodod)
Submitted by: VGrid101
worship: Satan

Buddhists (boodists)
Submitted by: Pastor Nereu Gargalo
worship: an obese naked Chinaman, and Satan

catlicks (catlicks)
Submitted by: the
worship: Satan and Mary

Chinese Universists
Submitted by: Mrs. Rogers
Beliefs: A mess of ying/yang cosmology, taoist and boodhist nonsense.
Worship: Household gods, dead relatives, and Satan.

Deism
Submitted By: The Enlightenments
Worship: The "dual nature" of Satan.
Trivia Fact: This "religion" was invented by Thomas Jefferson solely as a ploy to keep references to Jesus out of the wicked U.S. Constitution.

Daoism/Taoism
Submitted by: SifuPhil, with additional information provided by Petal, Tim Tungtalker, and Glendora Christianson.
Definition: A pack of strung-out junkies perfoming Tai Chi, drinking Chai Tea, smoking pot, drinking beer, sleeping with every woman in town, drinking rum, and shoving bananas in various orafices. They claim to achieve everything by doing nothing and they believe in Ying Yan Yuck Yoo, the circle, half black, half white, half witted.
Worship: Nothing, everything, nature, and Satan.

Druidism (Drooish)
Submitted by: Mrs. Rogers
Definition: Bunch of sad English gits dress up in the local drama groups' plastic chainmail, then run around the countryside waving cardboard swords at each other.
Worship: Stonehenge, Satan.

Eastern Orthodox Church
Submitted by: Phatcatlick
worship: Icons (paintings), dead bodies, fingers, toenails, incense and satan

Environmentalists (Tree-Huggers)
Submitted by: Patrick O'Kelley
worship: a minor demon named 'Gaia', spotted owls, snail darters, and Satan.

Episcapalians (Joe Piscapalians)
Submitted by: Pastor Billy-Reuben
worship: the King of England, and Satan.

Free masons jars
Submitted by: TemplarPHI
Definition: An ancient society of old men who think they can unravel the secrets of the universe by drinking liquor and playing poker for two hours every Wednesday night and who don't realize how stupid they look in robes.
Worship: Archways, elevators, the letter 'G', and Satan.

New: Gnostics
Submitted by: Remy Lebeau
Definition: Animists who dabble in meditation, chanting and astral travel (destination - Hell), in an effort to gain demonhood. Keep potted plants and gravel as pets.
Worship: Satan, and an assortment of minor demons (fairies, gnomes, undines).

Goddess worship (Godless worship)
Submitted by: More Saved Than Thou
Beliefs: Basically, the opposite of whatever the Holy King James Bible teaches. This is particularly true in the area of male-female relations; in addition, since the Bible attaches such importance to eating meat, goddess worshipers tend to be vegans.
Practices: Hating men; channeling through crystals (Satan's cell phones)
Clergy: Homeresses who are bitter about not being men, so they buy all of their clothes at Steven Windsor Big and Tall Men.
What they worship: The goddess (that is, Satan in drag)

Hindus (Hindaloos)
Submitted by: Pastor Billy-Reuben
worship: thousands of individual Demons, each masquerading as a god, and Satan.

Hong Feng Shooey
Submitted by: More Saved Than Thou
Description: The ancient Oriental art of arranging your furniture so that Satan can move about more easily.
Clergy: Overpaid homer interior decorators; overpaid "postmodern" (i.e., homer) architects.
What they worship: Qi, which is a Chinese nickname for Satan.

Hottentots (Hot-to-trots)
Submitted by: Pastor Nerue Gargalo
worship: a minor demon named Gay-nab, and Satan

Jainism (Jane-ism)
Submitted by: ayatollah moomintroll
Worships: Satan in a fluffy animal costume.

Jehovy Witnesses
Submitted by: Pastor Billy-Reuben
worship: Satan (God's name is not Jehova, it is Jealous, see Ex 34:14)

Jews (Joos)
Submitted by: ayatollah moomintroll
Worship: money. And Satan

Messianic Joodaism
Submitted By: Mrs. Rogers
Definition: Bunch of confused Joos trying to make amends for killing Jesus.
Worship: 'Yeshua of Nazareth' (Joo-speak for Jim Caviezel), and Satan.

Metropolitan Community "Church"
Sumbitted by: More Saved Than Thou
Description: A "church" that preaches have-a-nice-day Unitarianism to homers.
History: Founded by Troy Perry, who was so far out that not even the Pennycoastals wanted him around anymore.
What they worship: Leftist politics, rug-munching, and Satan.


Mithraism (Mythicallism)
Submitted by: Mrs. Rogers
worship: Mithras, son of Acura Mazda (see Zoroastrians), referred to as 'the Light of the World' by his demonic followers. This 'religion' is an obvious Satanic mockery of Christianity. According to this ridiculous myth, Mithras was born of a virgin, said 'I am the way and the light, and only through me can ye be saved.', went around performing miricles, held a last supper with his followers, and died to save mankind but was resurrected and ascended into Heaven. Some of the religious practices include ritualistic baptism, drinking wine and eating bread to symbolize Mithras' blood and body, holding Sundays sacred, an an annual celebration of Mithras' birth on December 25. This religion was popular among the Roman soldiers that were in charge of suppressing Jewish revolts between 200 BC and 70 AD.

New: Moonies (Loonies); official members of the Unification (Loonification) Church.
Submitted by: JonFish85
Worship: The sun, the moon, Sun Myung Moon, and Satan.
Trivia facts: Despite their gruesome recruitment methods (eg, threatening to cut off their target's quivering fingers if said target refuses to sign up for Korean 101), many moonies are surprisingly sensitive about being called "moonies", as it offends their delicate moonie sensibilities.

Mormons
Submitted by: Pastor Billy-Reuben, LSD Joe
Definition: Rural folks who believe that salvation can be had by marrying all of one's female cousins and wearing goofy underwear.
Trivia fact: Believe that Jesus came back as a gunfighter in the old west.
worship: Nehi grape soda and Satan.

Muslims (mudslims)
Submitted by: the
worship: the Moon, although they are really bowing to Satan, who told them to worship the Moon

New agers
Submitted by: Mrs. Rogers
Definition: Bunch of white, middle-class baby boomers begin calling themselves silly names, e.g., 'John-of-the-Purple-Thunder-Buttocked', and 'Red-Lady-of-the Moon-Menses', in an attempt to give their lives more meaning.
Worship: Crystals, aliens, newspaper horoscopes, Satan.

Palo Mayombe aka Palo Montenegro
Submitted By: Moonflower13
Definition: Bobbing for human bones in a boiling cauldron.
Worship: a pair of bull-dyke demonettes named Nganga and Prenda.

Pentacostals (Pennycoastals)
Submitted by: Pastor Billy-Reuben
worship: snakes and Satan.

Presbyterians, Lex Lutherans, Baptists Other Than Landover Baptists, and Methamphetadists
Submitted by: Pastor Billy-Reuben
worship: think they worship Jesus, but because of their false, non-Baptist doctrines, they are so twisted around that they are really worshipping Satan. (I realize that "false" and "non-Baptist" are redundant, I'm just trying to drive the point home, praise Jesus!)

Puritans
Submitted By: Moonflower13, Brother Dave
Definition: A group of English Heretics who think they are saved by good works and drab clothes.
Worship: corn and Satan.

Quakers
Submitted by: Pastor Billy-Reuben
worship: oatmeal, and Satan.

Raelians (Ray-Aliens)
Submitted by: Pastor Billy-Reuben
worship: a group of Demons that pretend to be aliens from "other planets", when everyone knows that there are no other planets, and those lights in the sky are just that -- little lights a few miles up that can fall right to the ground if Jesus sneezes hard enough. See Rev 6:13.

Rastafarians (Pasta-Reefermans)
Submitted by: Friar Waire
worship: Satan -- they are to stoned and lazy to worship anything, but because Jesus said, "He who is not with me is against me", they worship Satan by default.

Reiki Followers
Submitted by: Brother Mike
Description: So called 'energy healing' which teaches satanic Hindu concepts as well as satanic Pagan concepts. The healing is perverted, they 'lay hands' on each other which is just an excuse to practise homersexuality and adultery.
History: Founded by some homersexual Japanese gook.
What they worship: Angels and a new age God which is of course satan and his demon minions in disguise.

Rosacruces
Submitted By: Moonflower13
Definition: Brazilian trash eating psilocybin mushrooms and digging through gravel pits.
Worships: rocks, rock spirits, rock music, and Satan.

New: Salvation Army
Submitted by: JonFish85
Definition: Elderly panhandlers with a fetish for army uniforms. These degenerates sing and play tambourines for money, usually at the entrances of Godly Corporations™.
Worship: Musty old clothing, musty old people; but both old and new money.

Santeria (Satanism)
Submitted by: Mrs. Rogers
Definition: Bunch of cathylicks get honest with themselves and quit pretending to love JESUS.
Practices: Sacrificing chickens, possession by Satan.
Worship: Dead cathylicks and Satan.

Satanists
Submitted by: the
Worship: Satan

Scientologists
Submitted by: Pastor Billy-Reuben
worship: Satan and Elron Hubbard is his prophet.

Seculiar Humanists
Submitted by: Pastor Billy-Reuben
worship: themselves, and Satan.

Shinto
Submitted by: Mrs. Rogers
Definition: The Japs, their minds muddled by Confucianism (i.e., Satanism), begin making tiny paper swans out of serviettes (origami) to appease their dead relatives. This is when they are not busy worshipping the Jap royal family (i.e., Satan), or performing ritual dances (i.e., possession by Satan).
Worship: Dead relatives, and Satan.

Sikhism (Sick-ism)
Sumbitted by: More Saved Than Thou
History: A group of demon-possessed people in India weren't sure whether they could outrage Jesus more by becoming hindaloos or mooselimbs, so they picked the worst aspects of both religions.
Beliefs: Their false god commands them to wear turbans, grow scruffy beards, and manage gas stations.
What they worship: Ceremonial daggers and Satan.


Unitarians
Submitted by: Born Again Bob
worship: Satan. This religion represents a unification of every false religion and their followers are allowed to choose their own paths to Satan.

United Church of Christ
Submitted by: Larry Lee
The once-glorious True Christian™ Church of the Pilgrims and Puritans (who can forget "Sinners In The Hands Of An Angry God") has, in our time, so utterly embraced Satan that even the members of the UCC Divine Revelation that their Church's initials stand for 'Unitarians Considering Christ.' Furthermore, these debased hellhounds advocate the ordination of women and even install women as the pastors of congregations that include men. Lastly, I hope you're sitting down this malignant group welcomes gays and lesbians into their worship services and communities. Jesus weeps! Recently, they were in the news because the television networks refused to air their recruitment tape.
Worship: Satan

Vampirism
Submitted By: Moonflower13, Brother Dave
Definition: a sexual perversion in which pleasure and especially sexual pleasure is obtained by the drawing of blood
Worship: bats, blood, gay blood orgies and Satan.

Voodoo
Submitted By: Moonflower13, Brother Dave
Definition: Voodoo combines the worst elements of two other Satan-glorifying religions, Witchcraft and catlickism. Believers are able to call upon demons to turn corpses into zombies under their control.
Worship: the Pope, toy dolls and Satan.

Wiccans (wickedans) aka Witches
Submitted by: the
worship: Satan

Zoroastrians (Zorro-Astrologists)
Submitted by: Sri Krishna Chapata
worship: a demon named Acura Mazda, and Satan. This religion was created by Satan (HaShatan) solely to mock the religion of the Israelites while under Babylonian captivity, adding insult to injury.

I have brought thee a name to add to thine filthy list: thine own cult of the Corpse God. Thou art self righteous pigs, fit only to be devoured by the mighty Fenrir. Thou speakst lies of other beliefs. There is no anal sex in Asatru, O foul vermin! Thou canst not even accurately describe thine own enemies, "chosen ones"! I await the day when our fallen fathers whose blood is on thy hands arise and devour thine weak souls! By the way Zoroastrianism is older than Judaism.
See you in Hell, Thou Spawn of Set
Love, Malacath.

[Bobby-Joe]

Re: False Religions Register

I have brought thee a name to add to thine filthy list: thine own cult of the Corpse God. Thou art self righteous pigs, fit only to be devoured by the mighty Fenrir.

FALSE cults Onan the Barbarian. Yes, Christianity is a cult, but it is a TRUE™ one.

Thou speakst lies of other beliefs. There is no anal sex in Asatru,

That’s not the information we have. The ass pounding among you Neo-Norse would offend a bathhouse full of San Fransissyco homers. Even a mainstream homer doesn’t stoop to sticking a hammer in his partner’s butt like you Asatrufruities But what do you expect for a 60’s Lord of the Rings fantasy religion?

O foul vermin! Thou canst not even accurately describe thine own enemies, "chosen ones"! I await the day when our fallen fathers whose blood is on thy hands arise and devour thine weak souls! By the way Zoroastrianism is older than Judaism.

Meaning what? We’re Christians, our religion pre-dates the creation of the world 6,000 years ago.

See you in Hell, Thou Spawn of Set
Love, Malacath.

I’ll be waving to you from heaven hammer botherer if you don’t accept Jesus as your savior.

[Child of Odin]

Re: False Religions Register

FALSE cults Onan the Barbarian. Yes, Christianity is a cult, but it is a TRUE™ one.



That’s not the information we have. The ass pounding among you Neo-Norse would offend a bathhouse full of San Fransissyco homers. Even a mainstream homer doesn’t stoop to sticking a hammer in his partner’s butt like you Asatrufruities But what do you expect for a 60’s Lord of the Rings fantasy religion?



Meaning what? We’re Christians, our religion pre-dates the creation of the world 6,000 years ago.



I’ll be waving to you from heaven hammer botherer if you don’t accept Jesus as your savior.

Silence! Thou KKK trash! Thine faith is less than 2,000 year of age, and our hath been since time immemmorial. We owned Nordland until thy putrid kind stabbed us in the back. We will have our revenge, child of a weak, flatulent god. In fact we have begun in Norway.

[Child of Odin]

Re: False Religions Register

Also, it is infuriating that thine racist views have infected and caused the loss of honor to the Asatru culminating in the abomination that is Wotanism.

[see_the_light]

Re: False Religions Register

Also, it is infuriating that thine racist views have infected and caused the loss of honor to the Asatru culminating in the abomination that is Wotanism.

Is that... kind of scandinavian neo-hommerism as well? So Ass-thrus are old ways hommers and wontamites are kind of dEMO ?

JESUS IS OUR SAVIOUR!

[Child of Odin]

Re: False Religions Register

Is that... kind of scandinavian neo-hommerism as well? So Ass-thrus are old ways hommers and wontamites are kind of dEMO ?

JESUS IS OUR SAVIOUR!

Jesus Saves, but Satan withdraws!

By the way you eat Jewish childen, and ass rape cows. See? I can make up lies about other beliefs, too! I guess I must be chosen by Christ to gently wittness to the dammned by spewing lies about them! Yay!

[Bobby-Joe]

Re: False Religions Register

Silence! Thou KKK trash! Thine faith is less than 2,000 year of age, and our hath been since time immemmorial. We owned Nordland until thy putrid kind stabbed us in the back. We will have our revenge, child of a weak, flatulent god. In fact we have begun in Norway.

KKK? Are you referring to my Security detail Comfort Robes?

Your’ "religion" dates from the 60's. The real Norse were destroyed long ago Onan the Barbarian, or more like faded away. But what do you expect, there is not much to inspire someone in a religion were the king of the God's deliberately screws his favorite mortals and the central message is “and he died”. Do you have any more ludicrous neo-pagan revisionism to share with us? I could use the laugh. You neo-pagans are ironic considering how people accuse us TRUE Christians of being a joke.

PS. Norway will be liberated from neo-paganism and Darwinism soon just like Iraq. FREEDOM(r) is on the march. PRAISE!

[Child of Odin]

Re: False Religions Register

KKK? Are you referring to my Security detail Comfort Robes?

Your’ "religion" dates from the 60's. The real Norse were destroyed long ago Onan the Barbarian, or more like faded away. But what do you expect, there is not much to inspire someone in a religion were the king of the God's deliberately screws his favorite mortals and the central message is “and he died”. Do you have any more ludicrous neo-pagan revisionism to share with us? I could use the laugh. You neo-pagans are ironic considering how people accuse us TRUE Christians of being a joke.

PS. Norway will be liberated from neo-paganism and Darwinism soon just like Iraq. FREEDOM® is on the march. PRAISE!

That actually sounds like Christianity. You know, with God saying "fuck you" to the Jews, his favorite mortals, and then he died on a cross.

[Bobby-Joe]

Re: False Religions Register

That actually sounds like Christianity. You know, with God saying "piffle you" to the Jews, his favorite mortals, and then he died on a cross.

Former favored. The Joos are a stiff necked race and turned their back on him many times. That's why God made a new covenant with man. Anyway Jesus came back after three days. Now how many times to Odin do that Onan the Barbarian? Oh, that's right Odin is supposed to supposed to be humped to death by big dog at Ragnarok. That must be very inspiring for you Child of Odin.

Do you have your' dog of doom picked out Child of Odin?

[Child of Odin]

Re: False Religions Register

Former favored. The Joos are a stiff necked race and turned their back on him many times. That's why God made a new covenant with man. Anyway Jesus came back after three days. Now how many times to Odin do that Onan the Barbarian? Oh, that's right Odin is supposed to supposed to be humped to death by big dog at Ragnarok. That must be very inspiring for you Child of Odin.

Do you have your' dog of doom picked out Child of Odin?

Odin resurrected after death, thou ignorant fop.
Odin is to be eaten at Ragnarok, thou sex obsessed peddler of falsity.

[Bobby-Joe]

Re: False Religions Register

Odin resurrected after death, thou ignorant fop.
Odin is to be eaten at Ragnarok, thou sex obsessed peddler of falsity.

You say eaten neo-pagan, my sources say buggered to death, it's all a matter of interpretation, the main point is Odin will die. Hardly measures up to God, creature of the universe with all His timeless power.

Face it pal, you worship some gimp god who was nailed to a tree. Just pathetic. I'll stick to Christianity.

[Child of Odin]

Re: False Religions Register

You say eaten neo-pagan, my sources say buggered to death, it's all a matter of interpretation, the main point is Odin will die. Hardly measures up to God, creature of the universe with all His timeless power.

Face it pal, you worship some gimp god who was nailed to a tree. Just pathetic. I'll stick to Christianity.

You have got it wrong, it was YOUR god that was nailed to a tree, mine was hanged. As to my God's death, your sources suck, and are simply inaccurate. Also, how do you know that your Satan will not win? Because your Bible says so? The Satanists have a Bible too, you know.

PS- To Pastor Hitler: I have been speaking proper English, illiterate fop. It simply has not been modern 'Murican English, but it has been correct none the less. However, I shall comply, so that I might harass you bastards further.

[Pastor Billy-Reuben]

Re: False Religions Register

Also, how do you know that your Satan will not win? Because your Bible says so? The Satanists have a Bible too, you know.

Yes, but our Bible was written by God, using humans as mere ink pens. The Satanic Bible was written by some Anton Levee guy in the 60's as a way to make money and score with chicks.

It's been a while since we've had one of you Asatru guys on here. Do you know a death metal band guy named Ghaal? He was on here a few years ago, posting photos of his band wearing black and white face paint and impractical armor and weapons, and his posts were all "CHRISTIAN BLUD WILL FLOW AND YOU WILL SEE THAT YOUR GOD IS WEAK! BLACK METAL IST KREIG!". I could imagine him screaming that in a Cookie Monster voice. I was in tears from laughing every time I read one of his posts.

He seemed to be here mainly to claim he was going to take revenge for the slaughter of his ancestors by invading Christians. We tried to get him to explain if his gods were as strong as he claimed they were, why were they unable to protect his people from the invading Christians. He finally left in tears after he realized that he had no answer.

Pastor Billy-Reuben

[Child of Odin]

Re: False Religions Register

Also, what is the point of this thread? You obviously don't care about whether or not your information is accurate regarding other faiths.
Are you simply looking to insult the beliefs of others?
If you consider these other beliefs to be your enemies, should you not know your enemies better, so as to defeat them?