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  • #196
    Re: WITCH HUNT 2006 Please Read!

    Originally posted by Rachael Van Helsing View Post
    Heh. Good luck catching Lilith or I. At the very least you'd lose a finger in the process, and still come nowhere near catching us.
    Oh...I don't know...I'm sure we could think of more...um...unneccessary appendages than fingers.
    In order to be old & wise,you must first be young & stupid.

    Comment

    • #197
      Re: WITCH HUNT 2006 Please Read!

      Originally posted by OnYourKnees View Post
      Hmm, the freezer is empty.

      On a completely unrelated subject, it appears that Manuel and the other laborers are having an unauthorized BBQ out in the servants' shacks. Must be some sort of Messican holiday.
      Brother, you are much more resourceful than I at first imagined. You may go far in our GODLY institution.
      Emeritus Professor of the Christ Jesus Chair of Theology at Landover Baptist University.
      "God loves you. Let us arrange for you to meet Him".
      Break their teeth, O God, in their mouth.--Psalms 58:6


      Comment

      • #198
        Re: WITCH HUNT 2006 Please Read!

        Originally posted by lilith View Post
        Oh...I don't know...I'm sure we could think of more...um...unneccessary appendages than fingers.
        Yes, we could cut off your **** and make **** *****!
        Emeritus Professor of the Christ Jesus Chair of Theology at Landover Baptist University.
        "God loves you. Let us arrange for you to meet Him".
        Break their teeth, O God, in their mouth.--Psalms 58:6


        Comment

        • #199
          Re: WITCH HUNT 2006 Please Read!

          Originally posted by Pastor Al E Pistle View Post
          Brother, you are much more resourceful than I at first imagined. You may go far in our GODLY institution.
          I can only pray that Jesus will see fit to continue using my creativity to do His work.

          I see that I have now been blessed with Membership! Some day I hope to become a True Christian(tm), but realize that I will need to liquidate one or two businesses in order to submit a sufficient donation.
          Last edited by OnYourKnees; 11-30-2006, 05:12 PM.

          Comment

          • #200
            Re: WITCH HUNT 2006 Please Read!

            Originally posted by Pastor Al E Pistle View Post
            Yes, we could cut off your **** and make **** *****!
            Jeez! I was only being helpful!
            In order to be old & wise,you must first be young & stupid.

            Comment

            • #201
              Re: WITCH HUNT 2006 Please Read!

              Well now I missed this one (one of my favorite sports is WITCH huntin') but I'll be sure and get in on it next season.
              Evangelist for Jesus and The Word!!

              "Beware of false prophets, which come to you in sheep's clothing, but inwardly they are ravening wolves." Matthew 7:15

              "Prayer should be your first resource. Not your last resort!!"

              Comment

              • #202
                Re: WITCH HUNT 2006 Please Read!

                Originally posted by Glendora Christianson View Post
                October is the High-Season for witch hunting and we have some important guidelines to discuss. Please print a copy of this bulletin to keep in the field.

                SCHEDULE OF EVENTS

                Oct 1-10 Archery and Muzzleloading combined event. NO LIMIT but you still need to provide genitals for proof of sex.

                CONTEST: Fattest Witch, Ugliest Witch, Fattest&Ugliest Witch.

                Oct 11-21 Rifle and Handguns, including automatic weapons and hand-thrown explosive devices. NO LIMIT but (if you can find them) please provide genitals for proof of sex.

                CONTEST: Same as above.

                Oct 22-31 ANYTHING GOES! All weapons and methods, NO LIMIT, NO RULES!

                CONTEST: Most Creative Kill, Funniest Kill, Best Kill Photo.

                PLEASE POST YOUR QUESTIONS/COMMENTS AND CONTEST ENTRIES ON THIS THREAD.
                I want to play. I'll play as a witch though. I know a guy named Nick (who has an extremely nice ass) and he knows how to make explosives.
                "I do not go where the path leads. I instead create my own path ... and leave a snail trail."

                Moderatio est Figmentum

                Comment

                • #203
                  Re: WITCH HUNT 2006 Please Read!

                  Originally posted by hellion View Post
                  I want to play. I'll play as a witch though. I know a guy named Nick (who has an extremely nice ass) and he knows how to make explosives.
                  Ok, first of all, the event you are referring to was held in October, so you are far too late. Secondly, this is not "play". Lastly, we are not interested in your homer buddy or his firecrackers. Our LBC Security boys have all the know-how in that department.

                  But if you are interested in a little hunting party, come around this Sunday after Church, and I'll get a few of the brothers together. Don't pack a toothbrush.
                  Who Will Jesus Damn?

                  Here is a partial list from just a few scripture verses:

                  Hypocrites (Matthew 24:51), The Unforgiving (Mark 11:26), Homosexuals (Romans 1:26, 27), Fornicators (Romans 1:29), The Wicked (Romans 1:29), The Covetous (Romans 1:29), The Malicious (Romans 1:29), The Envious (Romans 1:29), Murderers (Romans 1:29), The Deceitful (Romans 1:29), Backbiters (Romans 1:30), Haters of God (Romans 1:30), The Despiteful (Romans 1:30), The Proud (Romans 1:30), Boasters (Romans 1:30), Inventors of evil (Romans 1:30), Disobedient to parents (Romans 1:30), Covenant breakers (Romans 1:31), The Unmerciful (Romans 1:31), The Implacable (Romans 1:31), The Unrighteous (1Corinthians 6:9), Idolaters (1Corinthians 6:9), Adulterers (1Corinthians 6:9), The Effeminate (1Corinthians 6:9), Thieves (1Corinthians 6:10), Drunkards (1Corinthians 6:10), Reviler (1Corinthians 6:10), Extortioners (1Corinthians 6:10), The Fearful (Revelation 21:8), The Unbelieving (Revelation 21:8), The Abominable (Revelation 21:8), Whoremongers (Revelation 21:8), Sorcerers (Revelation 21:8), All Liars (Revelation 21:8)

                  Need Pastoral Advice? Contact me privately at PastorEzekiel@landoverbaptist.net TODAY!!

                  Comment

                  • #204
                    Re: WITCH HUNT 2006 Please Read!

                    Originally posted by Pastor Ezekiel View Post
                    Don't pack a toothbrush.
                    ...Because one will be provided. (Scroll down to 20.)
                    O Lord our God, help us to tear their soldiers to bloody shreds with our shells; help us to cover their smiling fields with the pale forms of their patriot dead; help us to drown the thunder of the guns with the shrieks of their wounded, writhing in pain; help us to lay waste their humble homes with a hurricane of fire; help us to wring the hearts of their unoffending widows with unavailing grief; help us to turn them out roofless with little children to wander unfriended the wastes of their desolated land in rags and hunger and thirst, sports of the sun flames of summer and the icy winds of winter, broken in spirit, worn with travail, imploring Thee for the refuge of the grave and denied it--for our sakes who adore Thee, Lord, blast their hopes, blight their lives, protract their bitter pilgrimage, make heavy their steps, water their way with their tears, stain the white snow with the blood of their wounded feet! We ask it, in the spirit of love, of Him Who is the Source of Love, and Who is the ever-faithful refuge and friend of all that are sore beset and seek His aid with humble and contrite hearts. Amen.



                    God being truth, justice, goodness, beauty, power, and life, man is falsehood, iniquity, evil, ugliness, impotence, and death. God being master, man is the slave. Incapable of finding justice, truth, and eternal life by his own effort, he can attain them only through a divine revelation... he who desires to worship God must harbor no childish illusions about the matter, but bravely renounce his liberty and humanity.

                    Comment

                    • #205
                      Re: WITCH HUNT 2006 Please Read!

                      Originally posted by hellion View Post
                      I want to play. I'll play as a witch though. I know a guy named Nick (who has an extremely nice ass) and he knows how to make explosives.
                      What part does Nick's (SAINT Nick's?) exceptionally friendly donkey* play in your sick, Satanic orgies of perversion and heresy?



                      *Note how this choice of phrase does NOT leave us wondering if you harbor Lezbean fantasies about penetrating this Nick's posterior, perhaps with a strapped-on vibrating device or large fruit or vegetable.

                      Comment

                      • #206
                        Re: WITCH HUNT 2006 Please Read!

                        Originally posted by Pastor Ezekiel View Post
                        Ok, first of all, the event you are referring to was held in October, so you are far too late. Secondly, this is not "play". Lastly, we are not interested in your homer buddy or his firecrackers. Our LBC Security boys have all the know-how in that department.

                        But if you are interested in a little hunting party, come around this Sunday after Church, and I'll get a few of the brothers together. Don't pack a toothbrush.
                        Eh. I'll hold you to that, Zeke. But I don't have a ride, nor do I want to go. Why don't you come hang out with me? We'll have a blast. Me, you and Clown. Maybe Mom and a few others. We can play 'Who's the better killer?'
                        "I do not go where the path leads. I instead create my own path ... and leave a snail trail."

                        Moderatio est Figmentum

                        Comment

                        • #207
                          Re: WITCH HUNT 2006 Please Read!

                          Originally posted by hellion View Post
                          Eh. I'll hold you to that, Zeke. But I don't have a ride, nor do I want to go. Why don't you come hang out with me? We'll have a blast. Me, you and Clown. Maybe Mom and a few others. We can play 'Who's the better killer?'
                          Lady, TRUE Christians kill no one like The Bible commands!

                          Time to reclaim our FREEDOM from the “Mullah in Chief” and his growing activist voter hoards of socialists, communists, anti-Semites, anti-Christians, atheists, radical gays and lesbians, feminists, illegal immigrants, Muslims, anti-Anglo whites and others.

                          Hot Must ReadThreads!


                          Time to come clean on Benghazi Mr Obama!

                          Comment

                          • #208
                            Re: WITCH HUNT 2006 Please Read!

                            Originally posted by Brother Temperance View Post
                            ...Because one will be provided. (Scroll down to 20.)
                            You do know that you're just giving me ideas, right? And don't try those on Clown, because half ot it, he'll probably like.
                            "I do not go where the path leads. I instead create my own path ... and leave a snail trail."

                            Moderatio est Figmentum

                            Comment

                            • #209
                              Re: WITCH HUNT 2006 Please Read!

                              Originally posted by hellion View Post
                              Eh. I'll hold you to that, Zeke. But I don't have a ride, nor do I want to go. Why don't you come hang out with me? We'll have a blast. Me, you and Clown. Maybe Mom and a few others. We can play 'Who's the better killer?'
                              What? You are now offering us your "Mom"? How deep do the depths of your depravity go? For once and for all, we are trying to save your (probably worthless) soul: we are not interested in visiting your brothel with the one computer you all use, or taking part in your filthy and degenerate sexual orgies.
                              Revelation 21:8 But the fearful, and unbelieving, and the abominable, and murderers, and whoremongers, and sorcerers, and idolaters, and all liars, shall have their part in the lake which burneth with fire and brimstone: which is the second death.

                              Comment

                              • #210
                                Re: WITCH HUNT 2006 Please Read!

                                Originally posted by Enobarbus View Post
                                What? You are now offering us your "Mom"? How deep do the depths of your depravity go? For once and for all, we are trying to save your (probably worthless) soul: we are not interested in visiting your brothel with the one computer you all use, or taking part in your filthy and degenerate sexual orgies.
                                Haha!!! 'M.O.M.' is his initials. We started calling him Mom, and he gets SO mad. It's funny. We don't live in a brothel nor do we have orgies. And we don't all use the same computer. Mom has his computer for work. I have another computer, but I can't afford spam and viruses from this site on it.

                                Why are you so obsessed with prostitutes, orgies, and such?
                                "I do not go where the path leads. I instead create my own path ... and leave a snail trail."

                                Moderatio est Figmentum

                                Comment

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