Landover Baptist Church Guidebook for Betrothal and Marriage

[Mary Etheldreda]

Friends, in this year of our LORD 2016, we see a lot of anxiety revolving around society. We know the End Times is coming soon (Matthew 24:37; Luke 17:28-30), and that means Jesus' Triumphant Return!

But...

Before that return, we can expect to see more horrible, dangerous things. These horrible, dangerous things are launched directly from the hands of Satan towards our dear, sweet children. Before we can celebrate in the Righteous Slaughter of Christ's enemies (Revelation 14:20 ), before we can delight in Holy Justice ourselves (Psalm 68:23), we must endure the increasing degradation of society.

How that they told you there should be mockers in the last time, who should walk after their own ungodly lusts.
These be they who separate themselves, sensual, having not the Spirit.
Jude 1:18-19

This know also, that in the last days perilous times shall come. For men shall be lovers of their own selves, covetous, boasters, proud, blasphemers, disobedient to parents, unthankful, unholy, Without natural affection, trucebreakers, false accusers, incontinent, fierce, despisers of those that are good, Traitors, heady, highminded, lovers of pleasures more than lovers of God; Having a form of godliness, but denying the power thereof: from such turn away.
2 Timothy 3:1-5

For the time will come when they will not endure sound doctrine; but after their own lusts shall they heap to themselves teachers, having itching ears;

And they shall turn away their ears from the truth, and shall be turned unto fables.
2 Timothy 4:3-4

Parents who love their children desire to see them safe and secure, not just for today, but for tomorrow. Landover Baptist Church, in conjunction with the Holy Ghost, is proud to offer a practical and easy-to-follow guide to help protect your children from the temptations of this dark world through God's Perfect Marital Plan.

Guaranteed.

True Christians™ know that for any society to succeed, it must be built on the strong foundation of marriage. True Christian™ Parents understand that for any marriage to succeed, it must be built on a successful foundation of Faith (Matthew 7:24-27). The successful foundation of any True Christian's™ life is a Personal Relationship with Christ Jesus. A person who does not walk with Jesus cannot be expected to make the long, arduous spiritual journey to Salvation (Matthew 7:14). For children, walking with Jesus may be a confusing concept. After all, at a young age, a Babe in Christ may not understand that while there is no functional difference between "walking with Jesus" and "having an invisible friend," the spiritual difference is eternal!

Walking with someone whom you cannot see, hear, touch, or have a simple, reciprocal conversation with may be a challenge for children. They are still learning just how to master spiritual skills like

• correctly deducing clues that reveal hidden messages left behind in seemingly random events,
• how to interpret personal experiences only against the backdrop of the Truth™ as revealed exclusively in Holy Bible,
• when be suspicious of evidence, ignore facts, and eschew social pressure to modernize moral codes

Childhood must be focused on learning which "inner voice" to sit up and pay attention to, as Christ lives in our hearts, but communicates through our thoughts. Sometimes His Voice sounds like our thoughts, and sometimes our thoughts sound like His Voice. It can all be very confusing to a young person!

Talking with someone in your head may feel to a child as identical to your child as pretending to walk with "Susie, the invisible playmate," but "Susie" is not the one to impress (Matthew 10:28). A good child will be grateful for the practical applications of God's Perfect Marriage Plan, as it takes any possible guesswork out of being a True Christian™, and provides the best chances of obtaining Jesus' Favor (if it is God's Will; Romans 9:15).

[Mary Etheldreda]

THE NATURE AND FUNCTION OF MARRIAGE

To ensure a successful marriage, one must first understand the nature and function of marriage, as revealed by the Holy Word of God. We use the King James Version Bible, because that's what Jesus would use.

The nature and function of marriage is simple. It is to reflect Christ and His Bride [the church], and to glorify God by eliminating temptation of naughty thoughts. If all mankind were created like Paul, we could choose celibacy and Glorify God that way (1 Corinthians 7:7). But God, in His Infinite Wisdom, foreknew that temptation would be a problem, and so pre-blessed the first man and woman with the command to populate the earth (Genesis 1:28) with what He knew would soon become ill-mannered energy. The Lord thy God mercifully gave mankind a means to put an otherwise wicked sin (lust) to some practical use.

Praise!

\0/

Because God gave us a grace period of a decade or so to train up a child before Satan attempts to move in with the puberty hormones, there is no excuse to not have one's offspring ready for marriage by the time they outgrow childhood. A diligent parent will see the fruits of noble labor.

The best time for a Christian father to secure a future spouse for his child is when a girl grows breasts, and a boy realizes he likes them. This is the traditional way. It is God's Way. It was good enough for Solomon, the smartest man in the world, it was good enough to put in the Bible, it is good enough for us.

Who is this that cometh up from the wilderness, leaning upon her beloved? I raised thee up under the apple tree: there thy mother brought thee forth: there she brought thee forth that bare thee. Set me as a seal upon thine heart, as a seal upon thine arm: for love is strong as death; jealousy is cruel as the grave: the coals thereof are coals of fire, which hath a most vehement flame. Many waters cannot quench love, neither can the floods drown it: if a man would give all the substance of his house for love, it would utterly be contemned. We have a little sister, and she hath no breasts: what shall we do for our sister in the day when she shall be spoken for? If she be a wall, we will build upon her a palace of silver: and if she be a door, we will inclose her with boards of cedar. I am a wall, and my breasts like towers: then was I in his eyes as one that found favour. Solomon had a vineyard at Baalhamon; he let out the vineyard unto keepers; every one for the fruit thereof was to bring a thousand pieces of silver.
Song of Solomon 8:5-11

The family is the means by which Jesus decided mankind should have dominion over the earth (Genesis 1:28), so that the whole earth will be filled with His Glory (Habakkuk 2:14). The most effective way to glorify the LORD is to pepper the planet with True Christians™ who know the importance of love and fear (Ecclesiastes 12:13), and will stop at nothing until everyone agrees (Matthew 28:19-20).

When the Gospel has been appropriately preached to the entire world, Jesus can return triumphantly (Matthew 24:14)! This is the moment we are all waiting for. The world needs copious numbers of True Christians™ wandering around various heathen cultures, warning the ignorant that without the right faith they will be forever damned (John 3:18)! You see, Jesus doesn't want the earth populated just to support the diaper industry, or to give girls ample domestic practice sewing outfits for the whole family with fabric bought in bulk. Jesus wants True Christian™ families to have multiple children in order to go forth into the world and spread the Good News that He will Sparta-kick each and every soul who doesn't believe in, love, and obey Him straight into the fiery pits of HELL!

[Mary Etheldreda]

COVENANT OF BETROTHAL

Many Christians are unaware of the betrothal concept. While they may think it is simply historic, and even quaint, they are unaware of the purpose of it. Here at Landover Baptist Church, we follow the Word of God to the letter, and we make no exception. Nor do we make any apology. Betrothal is Biblical. QED.

Betrothal is both a covenant, and a time period. As a covenant, it is of utmost importance to follow. As a time period, it is very simple - it begins the moment two fathers have settled up the bride price, and ends the very moment that marriage is consummated.

As the Bride of Christ, the Church of Today is Betrothed to Jesus. We will consummate our Heavenly Marriage in the future (not in a gay or polygamous way, but in a very special, beautiful way; Revelation 19:7–9; 21:1-2). This is how we know it's not creepy. No one would think a True Christian™ who believes he is a part of the Body of Christ, who is in turn the Bride of Christ, is weird or a creep like those Mormons with multiple wives, each one older and more run down than the next. It just sounds weird because we don't have the right language for it, or because it's not a part of our earthly culture, or something, but it's perfectly fine. And it's perfectly beautiful.

Betrothal takes God's commands seriously. It is a public declaration that one trusts Jesus to say what He means, and mean what He says in the Holy Bible. It is to agree the Bible is sufficient to guide life in part by guiding marriage, and we trust It so much that we will instruct our children to begin parenthood as soon as they are physically able. They will obviously be emotionally ready if the father has done his job (Proverbs 22:15).

Because the Holy Bible calls for a patriarchal approach to family, the authority and auspice of the patriarch (the father of the groom) extends over the new addition to the family (bride and subsequent offspring). The betrothal period is a time period that allows all parties to adjust to the new family dynamic. The bride-to-be learns how to best obey her husband and honor her future father-in-law. This time also gives the bride and groom time to know each other.

Remember that in today's economy, a teen father cannot be expected to provide for his new and growing family. Living with his father is the only way to ensure his needs, and the needs of his wife and children, will be met. To deny this security would be cruel and cold-hearted and the Bible generally reserves that approach for God's enemies.

[Mary Etheldreda]

THE PERILS OF MODERN DATING, COURTSHIP, AND ROMANCE and CONSENT AND OBJECTION

Modern society would have our children believe romance is natural, and therefore good. By this logic, malaria is good because it is natural. In reality, Romance is one more trick Satan has successfully pulled over most people. Romance is no more than thinly a veiled justification to engage in sinful activities inspired by lust. Because the opportunity to engage in activities that gratify lust is obstructed by children, it comes as no shock to see modern society glorifying smaller family size, women having children later in life, and married couples choosing to forgo parenthood altogether. As society gets more perverted, the child rate goes down. True Christian™ are not perverts. You can tell because they have the most children, and thus no time for perverted activities.

More than just a gift from God (Psalm 127:3), children have a purpose. They can be wonderful tools for accomplishing great things (Psalm 127:4). Think of how practical the Duggar children have been with regard to inspiring regular Americans to help suppress the Gay Agenda. They've got two whole baseball teams worth of people going out to spread the Good News that homosexuals can be stopped if we all act together for the Greater Good! And that's just one family!

"A man of war is glad of weapons which may fly where he cannot: good sons are their father's arrows speeding to hit the mark which their sires aim at. What wonders a good man can accomplish if he as affectionate children to second his desires, and lend themselves to his designs!"

Betrothal has been a part of God's Perfect Plan since days immemorial. The avid Bible student will remember that Abraham lived to be 175; Isaac lived to be 180; Jacob lived to be 147. Even Moses lived to be 120! All of these lifespans are considerably longer than anything we have typically seen in recent centuries, and they utilized God's Perfect Plan for Marriage. Life was simpler then, the world was safer then, families were bigger then, mothers were always feminine then. When we follow the LORD's lead, things work out.

Youths who object to the LORD's Way object to being blessed. It's delusional thinking to want to avoid being blessed and desire a hard life, only to follow it up with a torturous eternity (Revelation 20:10). That kind of thinking should not be rewarded, but should be corrected quickly and seriously (Proverbs 23:13).

The way to obtain the LORD's blessing is to obey His commands.He explains this in great detail in the book Deuteronomy, 28th chapter. If we want our children to have good lives, they must choose to serve Christ rather than Sin (Romans 6:15-18). Serving Christ includes going forth and multiplying. It doesn't take a rocket scientist to realize a couple can multiply more when they take advantage of the limited years of the female uterus than they can waiting for its biological Last Call.

[Mary Etheldreda]

THE PROBLEM WITH BIRTH CONTROL

Avid Bible students will recognize that nowhere in God's Holy Word is birth control encouraged, but everywhere fertility is. The only reason given for abstinence in marriage is prayer and fasting (I Corinthians 7:3-5), or to avoid a woman's unclean time (Leviticus 18:19), never to avoid children. Disciples of the LORD will understand the Parable of the Talents in Matthew 25:14-30 includes smart investment in the womb.

Limiting one's family size is selfish in many ways.

• It deprives a man of a full quiver, through which the LORD blesses him (Psalm 127:5)
• It deprives a society the gift of a sizeable percentage of True Christians™, forcing people to suffer under the rule and social pressures of immoral leaders
• It deprives Jesus souls to help populate Heaven

Remember, in Heaven there will be no marriages (Matthew 22:30), so no babies. The moment Jesus returns, the number of souls born on earth, from the days of Adam and Eve, will come to a stop. Imagine spending an eternity in Heaven knowing everyone there infinitely well. There will come a day when you will have met and gotten to know everyone. There will be no one to do things for the first time with. Stretch that inevitable time out, every last soul now counts!

People who advocate birth control are the same people who advocate higher education, feminism, evolution, and the Gay Agenda. To succumb to their immoral ways is to promote a society in which the gays literally take every civil right away from God fearing men and women, and mandatory public school will teach and grade children on increasingly perverted homosexual techniques. They won't stop until every child is addicted to sex and abortions (having and providing them).

To limit the size of the True Christian™ family is to reject the Sovereignty and Trustworthiness of the LORD (Psalm 19:7). It is to tell Jesus that while you love Him, you don't *really* love Him (John 14:15), and that your offer to be a perfect place where He stores and operates His Ghost (1 Corinthians 6:19) is not genuine (Matthew 21:28-32). It is to say you've been persuaded by modern arguments that promote health and wellness, economic stability, bodily autonomy, education, and things that will be of no consequence in Heaven.

[Mary Etheldreda]

THE PROBLEM WITH "GAY MARRIAGE"

Each generation is becoming more Godless, and the biggest culprits to thank in this War on Morality is the Gays. In Gay "Marriage" there are no virgins (actual or honorary), no incest, no illicit or licit sex, no merging of families, no creation of a new lineage. There's just the satisfaction of lust, power, control, and shattered self-esteem.

The Bible reveals the basic institution of society is the family. Moses records no law of treason against the state. The Bible doesn't state, imply, or even imagine anything remotely like that. Instead, several of the death penalties are associated with the family and its life.

Adultery and homerism are two criminal acts worthy of capital punishment. Adultery denies the groom decent offspring from a pure mother, and publicly accuses the father of raising a skanky whore. Homerism is really, really gross, and God hates that (Leviticus 18:22). These things contribute to the breakdown of society faster than famine or pestilence. The serious Bible scholar will note the LORD gave a solution to the Gay Problem (Leviticus 20:13), but did not give a solution to avoiding leishmaniasis. The only conclusion one can safely draw is that God deems homosexuality to be a greater threat to mankind than leishmaniasis.

Homers want you to think their relationships are fine as long as they are based on mutual respect. That means if two homers want to share a lifetime together raising tropical plants and watching musicals, they should be left alone to do so. Consequently, if two homers agree to meet at some highway truckstop bathroom through Craigslist, engage in anonymous, rapid, aggressive anal assault, that's just fine and dandy, too.

There is no way one can even remotely pretend that two or more hyper-sexualized men, grunting and thrusting angrily at the exposed anus, could be an allegory for Christ and His Bride (Revelation 19:7-9). To suggest such a thing is Blasphemy, and disgusting. There isn't enough brain bleach in the world to erase the picture of Christ like that.

There is a spiritual arms race in the world, as Satan has pitted himself against the LORD for the acquisition of souls. While Satan will lose control ultimately, he will win control of most souls created in the womb (Matthew 22:14). This is a tragedy, and anyone with any compassion would agree that with great power comes great responsibility. True Christians™ are powerful in the Spirit (Mark 16:17), and are also blessed with enormously fecundity. We need to encourage our youths to be responsible with their God-given gifts, and win the Spiritual Arms Race against Satan. We cannot stand by as the Muslim, who are also alarmingly fertile, repopulate the earth.

Homosexuals are forcing Jesus to watch them have anal sex. The fact is, people not only demand to have gay sex a any time and in any place, they nag others about the superiority of homosexuality with a passion rivaled only by vegans. The Gay Agenda has successfully infiltrated the minds and hearts of churches all across this nation and have convinced members to embrace the widespread grabbing of ankles all over America.

True Christians™ can stop this number in its tracks by training their children to Just Say No to Homosexuality, and to produce more Christian Soldiers for Christ each year than public schools produce gays and gay sympathizers.

[Mary Etheldreda]

FREQUENTLY ASKED QUESTIONS

In years past, sinners were ashamed of their choices and practiced their rebellion against God in dark closets while Christians were the mainstay of America. Today the opposite is true. Sinners march in parades, children are encourage to sin proudly and often, and each member of society decides for himself what is right and what is wrong. The thing is, people want answers, they want hope, but they are afraid the solutions aren't tenable in today's society.
We understand this advice seems to go against the grain of a modern world. It goes against modern philosophy, redefines compassion, and eschews the latest so-called "scientific research." But then, so does the Bible. God doesn't require science to agree with His Word, but we know from countless examples of research, honest, unbiased, Biblically sound science always corroborates what the Bible already says. For those who are ready to embrace Biblical Marriage, we share the most Frequently Asked Questions:

Marriage isn't just a quaint tradition. It's more than a reason for family to get together and enjoy each other's company. It's the cornerstone of society, just as Christ is the cornerstone of Zion. It is the only foundation of hope for escaping the wrath to come (Isaiah 28:16).

We here at Landover Baptist Church are happy to answer any personal questions about Biblical Marriage, and to help encourage people to stand strong in the faith by trusting and following God's Word.

[Alvin Moss]

Re: Landover Baptist Church Guidebook for Betrothal and Marriage

Sister, this is powerful testimony. This should be printed up in the form of a booklet and sent to every newlywed couple, all students on their tenth birthday, all immigrants and all inmates when they are released from prison. It should be on every airliner, train and bus in the country and it should be a part of the curriculum of every school in America. Thank you for this milestone in Christian thought. Praise God!

[Elmer G. White]

Re: Landover Baptist Church Guidebook for Betrothal and Marriage



Many Ladies' Clubs of false Churches only concentrate on idle gossip and ornamentation, but this shows the World how our Landover Ladies spend their leisure time doing the Lord's Work! This is a pivotal breakthrough in Salvational Issues as it shows countless young women how and only how they can secure a place at Jesus' feet in Heaven!

1 Timothy 2:15
Notwithstanding she shall be saved in childbearing, if they continue in faith and charity and holiness with sobriety.

Let us pray that as many young virgins as possible hasten through the necessary steps of betrothal and nuptials as soon as possible and that their marital fornications prove to be fecund! Time is running out and the nine months of conventional gravidity may be interrupted any moment by the Second Coming. Of course, we can also pray that Jesus reduces the usual duration of pregnancy for True Christians™ to maximise the Heavenly Harvest of souls this close to the Rapture (1 Thessalonians 4:17).


Yours in Christ,

Elmer

[Mrs. Elizabeth Johnson]

Re: Landover Baptist Church Guidebook for Betrothal and Marriage

Sister Mary, with your permission, I'm going to copy this and submit this for approval for the Ladies' Church Magazine. This is a wonderful guide and I will be using this within hopefully a decade, when my young sons are old enough for brides!

[Faith_Machine]

Re: Landover Baptist Church Guidebook for Betrothal and Marriage

I am weeping right now. Weeping because the greatest mistake I ever made was having premarital sex, and this is something I can never undo.

[Mary Etheldreda]

Re: Landover Baptist Church Guidebook for Betrothal and Marriage

I am weeping right now. Weeping because the greatest mistake I ever made was having premarital sex, and this is something I can never undo.

I can see your dear heart is in the right place, friend. I prayed about you, and I feel the Holy Ghost wants me to confirm for you the message that Jesus can redeem your offense, so don't lose hope! You are a child of the King (2 Corinthians 6:18)! A chosen heir to the throne of Heaven (Romans 8:17)! You are a new creation in Christ (2 Corinthians 5:17), and that icky, old creation, the one that enjoyed sex outside the construct of a practical, seed-bearing marriage, is dead and gone, crucified and redeemed (Romans 6:6)! Glory!

You can redeem yourself by raising up a new generation of Faithful True Christians™! The Ladies of Landover have begun discussion on bringing like-minded believers to the area for a Very Special Conference. This conference will have all kinds of sermons and self-help talks and inspirational talks and workshops for adults and youths for the purpose of answering any last minute questions, and to purchase quality wedding paraphernalia from our dear sponsors.

At the culmination of this conference, where we expect to see the LORD work some Mighty Works, we will offer marital contracts between fathers, and in cases like yours where you are old enough to be a father, then between you and the father of the bride. These contracts will solidify a True Christian™ match between two consenting fathers (or in cases where the husband is old enough to find his own bride, between husband and father-of-the-bride). Weddings may be scheduled through the Front Office, and a meeting with the financial department of Landover Baptist Church will finalize the wedding fees, and tithing schedules. Once you've found a man who is pleased with you as a prospect for his young virgin daughter, you can find redemption in raising a new generation of Christians who wouldn't dare dream of touching another person outside the confines of holy matrimony, from your new bride, to her many children.

[Faith_Machine]

Re: Landover Baptist Church Guidebook for Betrothal and Marriage

I... Um....

That sounds very agreeable.


Yes indeedy.

[Mary Etheldreda]

Re: Landover Baptist Church Guidebook for Betrothal and Marriage

Praise Jesus! True Christians™ in states all over the country are rejecting liberal pushes to secularize marriage.

A woman from Florida has claimed she was forced to marry her rapist at age 11.

Sherry Johnson says she was raped four times by members of her family’s church congregation as a child. As a result, she became pregnant at age 10.

When investigators began looking into her case, she claims her family tried to protect her rapist by forcing her to marry him.

“My mom asked me if I wanted to get married, and I said, ‘I don’t know, what is marriage, how do I act like a wife?’” Ms Johnson told The New York Times. “She said, ‘Well, I guess you’re just going to get married.’”

Florida is one of 27 US states that permits children of any age to be married with their parents’ permission.

Marrying off one's defiled daughter is perfectly Biblical, and is God's Perfect Plan for the victim-child:

If a man find a damsel that is a virgin, which is not betrothed, and lay hold on her, and lie with her, and they be found;
Then the man that lay with her shall give unto the damsel's father fifty shekels of silver, and she shall be his wife; because he hath humbled her, he may not put her away all his days.
Deuteronomy 22:28-29

Both Ms Stafford’s legislation and a matching Senate bill [to outlaw child marriages] died in committee. A similar law was shot down by the New Hampshire state legislature this year.

Just this month, New Jersey Governor Chris Christie vetoed a law that would have outlawed child marriage without exception.

“An exclusion without exceptions would violate the cultures and traditions of some communities in New Jersey based on religious traditions,” Mr Christie said in a statement.

Indeed! We don't want to infringe upon religious traditions, so long as they are the right kind of religion of course.

[Basilissa]

Re: Landover Baptist Church Guidebook for Betrothal and Marriage

Indeed! We don't want to infringe upon religious traditions, so long as they are the right kind of religion of course.

Exactly! Things like wearing a hijab, bleeding animals to death, or female circumcision are barbaric behaviors which should be outlawed, but things like aforementioned raping a woman (of any age) into marriage, or beating children to cast away stupidity (Proverbs 22:15), or shunning unbelievers (2 Corinthians 6:14-17), or slavery (Ephesians 6:5, Colossians 3:22, 1 Timothy 6:1), or bashing infidel babies' heads onto stones (Psalm 137:9) are sacred religious traditions which have to be protected by the state.