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  • Bob
    Electrified by Jesus
    Forum Member
    • Apr 2011
    • 95
    #1

    My new Teach-The-Children van!

    I used to do mostly house visits, but recently I obtained a nice van for my job as a teacher of Jesus Christ! I especially focus on children whose parents ignore them by both working. Their mothers, being dirty sluts for working instead, neglect their children. Jesus clearly wants me to step in and teach those children about the fear of God and how they can please Jesus, as their mothers are to busy seducing coworkers into sinful sex. And I never spare my rod while teaching the children!

    Proverbs 23:13-14 "Withhold not correction from the child: for if thou beatest him with the rod, he shall not die. Thou shalt beat him with the rod, and shalt deliver his soul from hell."

    I draw a little child on the back of my van for every child I save!
    Bob's mom: "Bob is 'special' and unemployed but otherwise a catch!"

    John 20:29: "...blessed are they that have not seen, and yet have believed."
    Tags: None
    • Roberta
      Anti La Leche League Organizer
      True Christian™
      • Jan 2008
      • 1817
      #2
      Re: My new Teach-The-Children van!

      I think that is terrific, Bob. Out of curiosity, how many languages can you save in? You should have little flags on the side.

      I'm guessing you can do mexican and chinese--can you complete a joo in yiddish?

      Robbie
      Come climb my mountains.

        Comment

        • Cranky Old Man
          Trying to out-Methuselah Methuselah
          You kids get off his lawn!
           
          • Jan 2010
          • 22367
          #3
          Re: My new Teach-The-Children van!

          Are you sure it is an American van?
          5 Reasons why GOD HATES WOMEN!
          To most "Christians" The Bible is like a license agreement. They just scroll to the bottom and click "I agree". All those "Christians" will burn in Hell!
          James 2:10 "For whosoever shall keep the whole law, and yet offend in one point, he is guilty of all."

            Comment

            • Mary Etheldreda
              Gushing for Jesus
               
              • Sep 2011
              • 23775
              #4
              Re: My new Teach-The-Children van!

              Oh GLORY! Just look how many children have been saved in your van!!!!
              Hello, my name is Mary. I hope to fellowship with you! That is, unless you don't listen to church authority (Deuteronomy 17:12); are a witch (Exodus 22:17); are a homosexual (Leviticus 20:13; Romans 1:24-32); or fortuneteller (Leviticus 20:27) or a snotty kid who hits their dad (Exodus 21:15); or curses their parents (Proverbs 20:20; Leviticus 20:9); an adulterer (Leviticus 20:10); a non-Christian (Exodus 22:19; Deuteronomy 13:7-12; Deuteronomy 17:2-5;Romans 1:24-32); an atheist (2 Chronicles 15:12-13); or false prophet (Zechariah 13:3); from the town of one who worships another, false god (Deuteronomy 13:13-19); were a non-virgin bride (Deuteronomy 22:20-21); or blasphemer (Leviticus 24:10-16), as God calls for your execution and will no doubt send you to Hell, and I have no interest developing a friendship with the Spiritually Walking Dead.

                Comment

                • danny the pervert
                  Confirmed Enemy of God
                  • Mar 2012
                  • 12
                  #5
                  Re: My new Teach-The-Children van!

                  ROFL THATS HILLARIOUS!!!

                    Comment

                    • Namelessdemon
                      Confirmed Enemy of God
                      • Mar 2012
                      • 29
                      #6
                      Re: My new Teach-The-Children van!

                      This topic brought a smile on my face. xD

                        Comment

                        • Rev. M. Rodimer
                          Honorary True Christian™
                          Forum Member
                          • May 2008
                          • 13996
                          #7
                          Re: My new Teach-The-Children van!

                          Originally posted by Techno Bob View Post
                          I used to do mostly house visits, but recently I obtained a nice van for my job as a teacher of Jesus Christ!

                          I draw a little child on the back of my van for every child I save!
                          How wonderful! We love Pediabear here!

                          Do you have the full set of Pediabear Storybooks? They've been out of print for so long, my congregation's library is incomplete.
                          Bible boring? Nonsense!
                          Try Bible in a Year with Brother V, or join Shirlee and the kids as they discuss Real Bible Stories!
                          You can't be a Christian if you don't know God's Word!

                            Comment

                            • AngelofHate, Poser and a fake
                              Unsaved trash, queerlover
                              • Mar 2012
                              • 87
                              #8
                              Re: My new Teach-The-Children van!

                              So you have pedobear on your van, yet you condemn pedophilia...I'm seeing some hypocrisy here... I bet those little children are all the ones that have 'mysteriously' disappeared on the news, and never been found. What a coincidence...
                              I'm a goof

                                Comment

                                • Redeemed Papist
                                  Former Mary Hailer who has seen The Light(c)
                                  True Christian™
                                  • Jul 2011
                                  • 10409
                                  #9
                                  Re: My new Teach-The-Children van!

                                  Originally posted by AngelofWisdom View Post
                                  So you have pedobear on your van, yet you condemn pedophilia..
                                  You really should stay away from the rest of the internet. It is full of lies and perversions of good, honest children's stories.

                                  Thank you Rev. Jim Osborne for the cute Pediabear underwear! - The Landover Baptist Church Forum
                                  http://www.landoverbaptist.net/showthread.php?t=45738
                                  A place where parents can get good Godly advice on how to raise a family: how to properly administer corporal punishment, which movies to avoid, and more!


                                  Check how vile the atheist meme junkie is in this thread.
                                  sigpic
                                  Isaiah 34:6 The sword of the LORD is filled with blood, it is made fat with fatness, and with the blood of lambs and goats, with the fat of the kidneys of rams: for the LORD hath a sacrifice in Bozrah, and a great slaughter in the land of Idumea.

                                  John 5:46,47 For had ye believed Moses, ye would have believed me: for he wrote of me. But if ye believe not his writings, how shall ye believe my words?

                                  Join me in scoffing at backwards Muslims clinging to their beliefs in the face of the evidence!
                                  The truth about volcanos
                                  Sex and debauchery in public schools
                                  Faith wins over science (explained for even the very stupid)
                                  God Cures AIDS - GLORY!
                                  Desert whale bones prove Great Flood once and for all.

                                    Comment

                                    • Rev. M. Rodimer
                                      Honorary True Christian™
                                      Forum Member
                                      • May 2008
                                      • 13996
                                      #10
                                      Re: My new Teach-The-Children van!

                                      Originally posted by AngelofIdiocy View Post
                                      So you have pedobear on your van, yet you condemn pedophilia
                                      Do you really think pedophiles run around advertising it? Are you that stupid?

                                      That's Pediabear. As I mentioned immediately before your witless rant:

                                      Originally posted by Rev. M. Rodimer View Post
                                      How wonderful! We love Pediabear here!

                                      Do you have the full set of Pediabear Storybooks? They've been out of print for so long, my congregation's library is incomplete.
                                      That blue, underlined text will lead you to a thread about the Pediabear Stories. You COULD educate yourself, or you COULD continue to furiously masturbate to a depraved Internet meme created by the gayporn addicts at 4chan.

                                      Given your demonstration of "wisdom" thus far, I assume you'll be breaking out a new box of Kleenex.
                                      Bible boring? Nonsense!
                                      Try Bible in a Year with Brother V, or join Shirlee and the kids as they discuss Real Bible Stories!
                                      You can't be a Christian if you don't know God's Word!

                                        Comment

                                        • Mary Etheldreda
                                          Gushing for Jesus
                                           
                                          • Sep 2011
                                          • 23775
                                          #11
                                          Re: My new Teach-The-Children van!

                                          Originally posted by AngelofWisdom View Post
                                          So you have pedobear on your van, yet you condemn pedophilia...I'm seeing some hypocrisy here... I bet those little children are all the ones that have 'mysteriously' disappeared on the news, and never been found. What a coincidence...
                                          No, silly, those are children who have been Saved by the love of Christ!
                                          Hello, my name is Mary. I hope to fellowship with you! That is, unless you don't listen to church authority (Deuteronomy 17:12); are a witch (Exodus 22:17); are a homosexual (Leviticus 20:13; Romans 1:24-32); or fortuneteller (Leviticus 20:27) or a snotty kid who hits their dad (Exodus 21:15); or curses their parents (Proverbs 20:20; Leviticus 20:9); an adulterer (Leviticus 20:10); a non-Christian (Exodus 22:19; Deuteronomy 13:7-12; Deuteronomy 17:2-5;Romans 1:24-32); an atheist (2 Chronicles 15:12-13); or false prophet (Zechariah 13:3); from the town of one who worships another, false god (Deuteronomy 13:13-19); were a non-virgin bride (Deuteronomy 22:20-21); or blasphemer (Leviticus 24:10-16), as God calls for your execution and will no doubt send you to Hell, and I have no interest developing a friendship with the Spiritually Walking Dead.

                                            Comment

                                            • AngelofHate, Poser and a fake
                                              Unsaved trash, queerlover
                                              • Mar 2012
                                              • 87
                                              #12
                                              Re: My new Teach-The-Children van!

                                              They got the love of someone, but I really don't think it was Christ.
                                              I'm a goof

                                                Comment

                                                • Rev. M. Rodimer
                                                  Honorary True Christian™
                                                  Forum Member
                                                  • May 2008
                                                  • 13996
                                                  #13
                                                  Re: My new Teach-The-Children van!

                                                  Originally posted by AngelofWisdom View Post
                                                  They got the love of someone, but I really don't think it was Christ.
                                                  That's because you're a disgusting 4chan gayporn addict, and can only assume everyone else is as depraved as you.

                                                  Jesus weeps. And I vomit.
                                                  Bible boring? Nonsense!
                                                  Try Bible in a Year with Brother V, or join Shirlee and the kids as they discuss Real Bible Stories!
                                                  You can't be a Christian if you don't know God's Word!

                                                    Comment

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