[BrotherLarry]

Re: The New Jet Aircraft for Pastor Zeke Committee.

And by the way, Mr. Mayor:


YOU wrote this rule, sharing it with Pastor Zeke and getting his approval during your last campaign for mayor of halcyon Freehold. I know, therefore, you'll only be too happy to put it to use for the first time in its existence. Glory!


BrotherLarry

[BrotherLarry]

Re: The New Jet Aircraft for Pastor Zeke Committee.

Dear Committee:


Pursuant to the Landover Baptist Church Transparency in Funds rule that was signed by Pastor Ezekiel Flint and several other esteemed leaders of this Church, I call upon the Committee to forthwith and speedily provide the Congregation with the following information:


1. How much the Committee has collected to this day.
2. How much of those funds remain in the possession of the Church Bank.
3. When and by whom was the order for the airplane placed.
4. What deposit has been paid and what balance remains.
5. I also demand an independent audit of the Church finances to include the salary of Pastor Ezekiel (as again provided for in the Transparency in Funds Rule), and ANY and ALL donations to the Church over the past five years.


A copy of this letter has been sent to the Attorney General of the State of Iowa and the Baptist Convention offices.


Have a super sparkly day!
BrotherLarry


PS: This letter is intended to prove to the doubters that the Church is indeed honest and sacrosanct in its obligations to the congregation and is not to be seen as accusatory in any way.

[Johny Joe Hold]

Re: The New Jet Aircraft for Pastor Zeke Committee.

Where's the jet? I can see no jet! Where is it! It was my birthday and not the first one that failed to see the DELIVERY of the jet! Explain this pronto! Capische?

You have a perfect right to be frustrated, Pastor Zeke. The New Jet Aircraft for Pastor Zeke Committee is closing in on a buy. We are more confident by the day that the Airbus, capable of carrying substantial currency and other material you need for your crusades will be ready for the next Pastor Zeke World Tour.

[BrotherLarry]

Re: The New Jet Aircraft for Pastor Zeke Committee.

Pastor Zeke:

I'm not saying this actually happened, but what if you heard the money will soon be there for your airplane?

[GaleWhoring the Boring (On Moderation)]

Re: The New Jet Aircraft for Pastor Zeke Committee.

Mayor, I need the goddam jet NOW! Pronto! Do you even know the low-quality transport that I have to take to keep up with my many duties in the Trump administration? Do you? I have to lease the Emirates Executive Jet on a daily basis and that is taking its toll even on my physique. The décor is to put it mildly - tacky.



Top left: My leased lounge. As you can see, absolutely no privacy, the servants messing around in their seats. I just might press the red button by mistake when I'm irritated by their Tagalog or Malay gossip.
Top right: My leased dinner table. The screen, as you can see, is minuscule.
Lower left: My leased corridor is lit with the sickly blue glare and the seats for my houseboys are in plain sight.
Lower right: My leased bedroom. Extremely cramped. How are my houseboys gonna service me if they can't even get around the bed.

I'm dealing with this every single freaking day! You also know that I and the Donald have to take separate planes in case Jesus decides to pick one of us to advice Him about the Tribulations. Even the Prophets are mocking me. Me!

Maybe you should just take the houseboys to bed, Mr. Ezekiel. Just make it easier for everyone, they already know probably.

[Johny Joe Hold]

Re: The New Jet Aircraft for Pastor Zeke Committee.

Fortunately our Committee is nearing it goal for the Pastor Zeke's giant Airbus A 380. We're hoping we can wrap up the donations, order the aircraft and have it in the air before fake religions take over North Korea. There is recent news that Bible air drops over the country are bringing millions to Jesus. Pastor's Airbus could hold 500,000 Bibles and in a few missions could blanket the country.

The last thing we want is for Rev. Creflo Dollar to take credit for a Jesus victory in North Korea. It has to be saved, and will be saved, by our own Pastor Zeke.

Not Enough Bibles to Meet Growing Demand in North Korea; Group Aims to Send 100,000

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By Samuel Smith , CP Reporter | Oct 11, 2017 7:36 AM

(PHOTO: REUTERS/DAMIR SAGOLJ)

A North Korean soldier guards the gate on banks of the Yalu River, north of Sinuiju, North Korea, April 1, 2017.The United States-based Christian humanitarian aid organization World Help has launched a donation drive aiming to secretly provide 100,000 new Bibles to underground North Korean worshipers by the end of 2017 in order to feed an insatiable demand for God's Word in the isolated and oppressive nation.
As North Korea has been ranked for the past 16 years as the worst persecutor of Christians in the world, World Help is now taking steps to ensure that the growing number of house churches in North Korea have Bibles to feed their spiritual "hunger."
World Help President Vernon Brewer told reporters on a conference call Monday night that he recently traveled to the North Korean border and met with missionary partners who bring Bibles into the country.

"There are never enough Bibles no matter how many we can print and smuggle into the country. There are never enough bibles to keep up with demand," Brewer explained. "Right now there are North Korean believers who have never even held a Bible, let alone other Christian resources. They may have a few verses memorized or a few chapters from the New Testament scribbled on a piece of paper, but they are hungry for more."

[James Hutchins]

Re: The New Jet Aircraft for Pastor Zeke Committee.

Which all moved at the exact same speed as your average donkey, so not exactly feasible these days. The jet would kinda leave them behind, you know?

You make a perfect case for why our benevolent and humble Pastor needs a small, insignificant mode of transportation. Just think how many more wretched souls Jesus could of saved if He had had a G550? We need not to let the same mistake happen twice.

Fool me once, shame on you, fool me twice, shame on you!

[Didymus Much]

Re: The New Jet Aircraft for Pastor Zeke Committee.

...But there were armored chariots, magnificent horses, and armies to march behind him...

Which all moved at the exact same speed as your average donkey, so not exactly feasible these days. The jet would kinda leave them behind, you know?

[Helper]

Re: The New Jet Aircraft for Pastor Zeke Committee.

There were no jet aircraft at the time of that supposed event.

No.
But there were armored chariots, magnificent horses, and armies to march behind him.
But he rode a donkey.
Equivalent to riding a bicycle.

[Didymus Much]

Re: The New Jet Aircraft for Pastor Zeke Committee.

Jesus rode into Jerusalem on a Donkey and was met with throngs of people rejoicing in God.

There were no jet aircraft at the time of that supposed event.

[Helper]

Re: The New Jet Aircraft for Pastor Zeke Committee.

Great point, brother Osborne. In many countries, Creflo Dollar has to ride donkeys to get to his preaching venues.

We want Pastor Zeke to inspire people in those poverty countries. We want them saying, "Wow. If I give my tithe to Pastor Zeke, love Jesus and support capitalism instead of socialism, I can have a car like his."

Jesus rode into Jerusalem on a Donkey and was met with throngs of people rejoicing in God.

[Helper]

Re: The New Jet Aircraft for Pastor Zeke Committee.

I was honored to be asked by the Landover Baptist Church Board of Directors to head up the Committee that will select a new jet airplane for our beloved Pastor Zeke.

Several factors led up to the decision to go "jet shopping". One is that the Pastor's current jet is a few years old and we want the safest possible aircraft for him. He travels constantly saving souls around the world.

The other was, to put it bluntly, an image issue. To properly represent Landover Baptist Church, our Pastor needs to be photographed next to an aircraft better than any used by lessor preachers in the business. This issue was brought to a head when Evangelist Creflo Dollar announced he is conducting a $60 some million drive for a new jet that, he says, "Jesus wants me to have."

That Creflo thinks Jesus wants him to have a new jet while our beloved Pastor Zeke flies an older model cannot be left unchallenged. The only way to demonstrate Jesus favors Pastor Zeke is to make sure he has the better aircraft.

I'm hoping some of our well connected LBC members can post here pictures of nice private jet options. I know the Lear is top to the line, the Cessna Citation does not carry the kind of gravitas we want for Pastor Zeke.

If you want to see the outrageous claims for Jesus made the Creflo Dollar just take a look at this link:

http://www.thedailybeast.com/article...st+Articles%29

Be content with what you have, for Pastor Zeke's value is not in what private jet he flys, but the good he does for the glory of the lord.
Hebrews 13:5King James Version (KJV)

5 Let your conversation be without covetousness; and be content with such things as ye have: for he hath said, I will never leave thee, nor forsake thee.

[James Hutchins]

Re: The New Jet Aircraft for Pastor Zeke Committee.

I hear the new plane is on order. Just the paint scheme, interior finishing, details like silver and gold flatware and who will hand weave the silk sheets for the Pastors study.
However, we still do not have all the funds. We need to get the tin tithers to give more. I am spear heading this by deducting 50% of the pay my 750 odd field hands earn before taxes. So LBC 'Plane For Christ' will be getting well over $1,500 a week. It will increase the debt burden my workers have to carry but they can get solace knowing the Pastor will not have to fly in a old (over five years) plane that has stains on the carpet.

[Didymus Much]

Re: The New Jet Aircraft for Pastor Zeke Committee.

...In the will, he stated that he wanted 5 million dollars to be used to help Pastor Ezekiel buy a new plane...

That implies that there was quite a bit more. You're not holding back, are you? C'mon he needs that plane with the gold-plated bathrooms and the onboard pool and the piggy-backing Space Shuttle with a limo in the cargo bay.

Apparently.

...My father sent the money a few days ago and he'd like to make sure that it was received by the proper people.

I'd start coming up with an excuse for the delay.

[Esther B.]

Re: The New Jet Aircraft for Pastor Zeke Committee.

One of my wealthy uncles recently passed away and left my family a large amount of money on his will. In the will, he stated that he wanted 5 million dollars to be used to help Pastor Ezekiel buy a new plane. My father sent the money a few days ago and he'd like to make sure that it was received by the proper people.