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HAPPY BRITHDAY, Brother Cranky Old Man!
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Re: HAPPY BRITHDAY, Brother Crandy Old Man!
Happy Birthday, my Brother in Christ!
Remember, the aging is for a reason as Jesus draws you closer and closer to Him.
The erratic bowel movements and incontinence, the memory loss, the arthritis and the cataracts are all to be praised. One more year towards eternal Salvation; these minor setbacks are trifling in comparison with the Reward that awaits you. We should all be so lucky!
Only a loving God would stage your degeneration in such gradually-paced stages to remind you of how much He loves you and is waiting for you to join Him.
May you have a Blessed day in His name!
In ChristMatthew 19:14 "But Jesus said, Suffer little children, and forbid them not, to come unto me: for of such is the kingdom of heaven."
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Re: HAPPY BRITHDAY, Brother Crandy Old Man!
Happy Birthday Brother,
It must be a burden to wake up and realize that again, your most precious wishes have failed and Jesus still keeps you on this homer-ridden Earth. Please remember that your Brethren still need your wisdom and kindness and your compassionate teachings. Be patient, you'll see Jesus very soon.
Luke 2:29
Lord, now lettest thou thy servant depart in peace, according to thy word:
Yours in Christ,
Elmer
2 Kings 18:25 - Am I now come up without the LORD against this place to destroy it? The LORD said to me, Go up against this land, and destroy it.
PREPARE YOURSELF TO RAPTURE WITH THIS MANUAL!
Check out our Research in Creation Science:- Hitler is Alive!
- Hitler - the First man on the Moon!
- Hitler was maybe a Nazi!
- Hitler and the English Royal Family!
- Vladimir Putin is immortal! Perhaps Hitler is, too?
- Paris Hilton for President and the Hitler connection!
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Re: HAPPY BRITHDAY, Brother Cranky Old Man!
The Happiest of Birthday wishes to you, Brother in Christ!Hello, my name is Mary. I hope to fellowship with you! That is, unless you don't listen to church authority (Deuteronomy 17:12); are a witch (Exodus 22:17); are a homosexual (Leviticus 20:13; Romans 1:24-32); or fortuneteller (Leviticus 20:27) or a snotty kid who hits their dad (Exodus 21:15); or curses their parents (Proverbs 20:20; Leviticus 20:9); an adulterer (Leviticus 20:10); a non-Christian (Exodus 22:19; Deuteronomy 13:7-12; Deuteronomy 17:2-5;Romans 1:24-32); an atheist (2 Chronicles 15:12-13); or false prophet (Zechariah 13:3); from the town of one who worships another, false god (Deuteronomy 13:13-19); were a non-virgin bride (Deuteronomy 22:20-21); or blasphemer (Leviticus 24:10-16), as God calls for your execution and will no doubt send you to Hell, and I have no interest developing a friendship with the Spiritually Walking Dead.
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Re: HAPPY BRITHDAY, Brother Cranky Old Man!
Happy Birthday Wilbur. For your birthday this year I bought the mortgage on Mrs. Johnson's house. It'll be in your hands later today.
Here is a partial list from just a few scripture verses:
Hypocrites (Matthew 24:51), The Unforgiving (Mark 11:26), Homosexuals (Romans 1:26, 27), Fornicators (Romans 1:29), The Wicked (Romans 1:29), The Covetous (Romans 1:29), The Malicious (Romans 1:29), The Envious (Romans 1:29), Murderers (Romans 1:29), The Deceitful (Romans 1:29), Backbiters (Romans 1:30), Haters of God (Romans 1:30), The Despiteful (Romans 1:30), The Proud (Romans 1:30), Boasters (Romans 1:30), Inventors of evil (Romans 1:30), Disobedient to parents (Romans 1:30), Covenant breakers (Romans 1:31), The Unmerciful (Romans 1:31), The Implacable (Romans 1:31), The Unrighteous (1Corinthians 6:9), Idolaters (1Corinthians 6:9), Adulterers (1Corinthians 6:9), The Effeminate (1Corinthians 6:9), Thieves (1Corinthians 6:10), Drunkards (1Corinthians 6:10), Reviler (1Corinthians 6:10), Extortioners (1Corinthians 6:10), The Fearful (Revelation 21:8), The Unbelieving (Revelation 21:8), The Abominable (Revelation 21:8), Whoremongers (Revelation 21:8), Sorcerers (Revelation 21:8), All Liars (Revelation 21:8)
Need Pastoral Advice? Contact me privately at PastorEzekiel@landoverbaptist.net TODAY!!Comment
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Re: HAPPY BRITHDAY, Brother Cranky Old Man!
Happy Birthday, Brother COM....and please post pics of Mrs. Johnson's forcible eviction! I am all atwitter to see the expression on the witch's face when you drive her from her home and out onto the streets! Best birthday present EVER!Originally posted by Pastor Ezekiel View PostHappy Birthday Wilbur. For your birthday this year I bought the mortgage on Mrs. Johnson's house. It'll be in your hands later today.
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Re: HAPPY BRITHDAY, Brother Cranky Old Man!
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Re: HAPPY BRITHDAY, Brother Cranky Old Man!
Happy Birthday Brother. Here's wishing you not too many more.
Most thoughtful gift ever.Originally posted by Pastor Ezekiel View Post
Vaccinated by the love of Jesus!!!Comment
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Re: HAPPY BRITHDAY, Brother Cranky Old Man!
I am so sorry. Had I known you had not been already sitting on the Right Hand of God, I'd of congratulated you sooner. I was sure Jesus called you home.
God works in mysterious ways. I'll pray for you.
I'll mail you a sharpening stone for your lawn mower.
Isaiah 45:7 I form the light, and create darkness: I make peace, and create evil: I the LORD do all these things.
Amos 3:6 Shall a trumpet be blown in the city, and the people not be afraid? shall there be evil in a city, and the LORD hath not done it?
Numbers 21:6 And the LORD sent fiery serpents among the people, and they bit the people; and much people of Israel died.
Matthew 10:34 Think not that I am come to send peace on earth: I came not to send peace, but a sword.
Matthew 10:35 For I am come to set a man at variance against his father, and the daughter against her mother, and the daughter in law against her mother in law.
Matthew 10:36 And a man's foes shall be they of his own household.Comment
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Re: HAPPY BRITHDAY, Brother Cranky Old Man!
All the best wishes in the name of the Catholic church, Lieber Grossvater!
I'll send you a big cake with a little cupido jumping out if you just give your exact adress.Ex 20:4-5 Thou shalt not make unto thee any graven image, or any likeness of any thing that is in heaven above, or that is in the earth beneath, or that is in the water under the earth. Thou shalt not bow down thyself to them, nor serve them: for I the Lord thy God am a jealous God, visiting the iniquity of the fathers upon the children unto the third and fourth generation of them that hate me; <--- That includes MaryComment
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Re: HAPPY BRITHDAY, Brother Cranky Old Man!
Dear Brother Old Man.
It is with a sad heart that I bid you yet another birthday away from the mighty bosom of our Lord.
My only sumizational thought is that Jesus is testing your faith by not calling you to His muscular side. When you see others in the church killed in various ingenious ways by our most Holy of Lords you must be jealous.
Nearly 5000 children die a day in Africa every day and they don't even believe Jesus being Hindo or something or other.
Now if Jesus can send the AIDS and the SIDS to Godless Heathen He most surely is only seconds away from calling you.
Can you sense it? Jesus' love, hovering in the background, always behind you, always so close but never close enough. Will you die today or tomorrow? Jesus knows.
And be double care not to commit ANY sin in the twilight of your life. Remember: it does not make a jot of difference to Loving Baby Jesus how much of a True Christian(tm) you have been all of your long life.
One error, one little slip such as picking up sticks on Sunday and as the Good Book says (James 2:10 For whosoever shall keep the whole law, and yet offend in one point, he is guilty of all.) it's all over for you: you are as hated in loving Jesus' eyes as a multiple anal rapist.
All the best on this, your latest birthday.
YIC1 Corinthians 11:3 But I would have you know, that the head of every man is Christ; and the head of the woman is the man; and the head of Christ is God.
Revelation 22:15 For without are dogs, and sorcerers, and whoremongers, and murderers, and idolaters, and whosoever loveth and maketh a lie.
Leviticus 20:13 If a man also lie with mankind, as he lieth with a woman, both of them have committed an abomination: they shall surely be put to death; their blood shall be upon them.Comment
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Re: HAPPY BRITHDAY, Brother Cranky Old Man!
Happy Birthday!
God created fossils to test our faith.
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My favorite LBC sermons:
True Christians are Perfect!
True Christian™ Love.
Salvation™ made Easy!
You can’t be a Christian if you don’t believe the Old Testament.
Jesus is impolite. Deal with it.
Jesus is xenophobic and so should we.
Sanctity of Life is NOT a Biblical Concept.
Biblical view on modern-day slavery.
The Immorality of the "Universal Declaration of Human Rights."
Geneva Conventions vs. The Holy Bible.
God HATES Rational Thinking!
True Christian™ Man as a spitting image of God.Comment
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Re: HAPPY BRITHDAY, Brother Cranky Old Man!
Many happy returns of the day, though, at your advanced age, I expect I'd be getting ready to meet Jesus in person ere too many more birthdays passed. God Bless!God judgeth the righteous, And God is angry with the wicked every day- Psalm 7:11Comment
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Re: HAPPY BRITHDAY, Brother Cranky Old Man!
Brother Witch Hammer, may I humbly ask (as a mere stupid woman), are you speaking of me, or another, hell-bound, woman?Originally posted by Witch Hammer View PostHappy Birthday, Brother COM....and please post pics of Mrs. Johnson's forcible eviction! I am all atwitter to see the expression on the witch's face when you drive her from her home and out onto the streets! Best birthday present EVER!
Also, happy birthday, Brother Cranky Old Man! May Jesus take you into His loving arms soon!"Every wise woman buildeth her house: but the foolish plucketh it down with her hands." Proverbs 14:1Comment
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Re: HAPPY BRITHDAY, Brother Cranky Old Man!
Hm, it seems I overslept and missed my entire birthday.
Watching Mrs. Johnson's house burn to the ground was the best birthday gift ever though. We really do have the best Pastor in the world.5 Reasons why GOD HATES WOMEN!
- Protect your family the Christian way! Get your daughter raped!
- Only Sluts Get Raped! (1st Timothy 2:9)
- Down syndrome is a lifestyle choice!
James 2:10 "For whosoever shall keep the whole law, and yet offend in one point, he is guilty of all."Comment
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