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  • WWJDnow
    True Christian™
    True Christian™
    • Aug 2009
    • 6314

    #1

    Breast Enhancement The Landover Way

    Here’s a special message for all of the women in the Landover Baptist Community:

    Do you ever feel like you don’t measure up? Are you failing to keep your husband happy in your nightly submission to him? Are you worried that the many children you will bear may starve before they are weaned? Well, you're not alone. Breast size is one of the main concerns of modern Christian women.

    Breast enhancement is a fast-growing industry, with thousands of doctors and websites advertising products and services designed to enlarge a woman’s bosom. The bad news is that most of these providers can’t back up their claims, or require expensive and painful surgical procedures. The good news is that there is a simple and pain-free answer in the Good Book. Our Biblically mandated and clinically proven female enhancement procedure requires no surgery and is guaranteed to work every time.*

    How does it work? Our method is simplicity itself. As Jesus told us in the Sermon on the Mount, “Ask, and it shall be given you; seek, and ye shall find; knock, and it shall be opened unto you.” Now it’s your turn to be the knocker. Just follow these simple steps to achieve the figure that you have always desired:

    Step 1: Decide on the size of your seed of faith gift. Remember, the larger the seed you sow, the larger will be your Earthly reward.

    Step 2: Send your seed of faith gift, along with a picture of your naked bosom and a note describing your ideal set of breasts to:

    Female Enhancement Ministry
    Landover Baptist Church
    PO Box 32A236D
    Freehold, IA 50503

    Step 3: We will immediately send your Personal Prayer Plan™ and a bottle of genuine Holy Oil for your anointing by return mail.

    Step 4: In some cases, we will dispatch a lay minister to your home for one-on-one laying on of hands services to speed your increase.

    Of course, you shouldn’t just take our word for this. Here are testimonials from several of our satisfied customers:

    I went from 32A to 34C after a single prayer session, and they’re still getting bigger!

    Now that I’ve received my bounty from the Lord, I can’t get Mr. Whitford to leave the house.

    Sure, they’re great, but how did I get them? Only God knows for sure.

    Truly, my cups runneth over.

    Most Christian women can easily achieve a C-cup. Women who are especially beloved of the Lord can attain DD size or even more! The figure you've always dreamed of is only a prayer away!®

    Men, don't think Jesus has forgotten about you. Watch for our Christian male enhancement seminar, coming to a venue near you soon! Sew a seed to help you sew your seed!(R)

    *Testimonial results not typical. Your response may vary. Results only guaranteed if your faith is strong enough and your offering large enough to achieve the cup size that you desire.
    The Christian Right: The Only Right Way to Be a Christian!
  • Elmer G. White
    Distinguished Professor of Prayer Healing and Creation Zoology (Baraminology)
    Victim of atheist scientific persecution
     
    • Apr 2014
    • 10279

    #2
    Re: Breast Enhancement The Landover Way

    Originally posted by WWJDnow View Post
    ... Men, don't think Jesus has forgotten about you. Watch for our Christian male enhancement seminar, coming to a venue near you soon! Sew a seed to help you sew your seed!®
    Brother Dnow,

    The seminar you mentioned would be most welcome and necessary regarding my predicaments but I would like to have some reconfirmation that the potential treatment to enhance my "outreach" would not affect my possibilities for Salvation in a detrimental manner.

    As you know, it is a well-established fact that the size of the male parts of the body are directly proportional to sexual orientation. In 1999 Bogaert & Hershberger found out that homersexual men have significantly longer and sturdier tallywhackers than normal, healthy, Spiritual men who follow Jesus (Bogaert & Hershberger 1999: The Relation between sexual orientation and penile size. Arch. Sex. Behav. 28:213-221).

    Now, we would need to know the direction of causality. Does accepting the rectal homerdemons make you "outreach" longer or does the enhanced manhood make you homer, more susceptible to demonic attacks? My housing situation is not the best at the moment and I would not like to see my dwelling place demolished because of any undesirable side-effects. I am proud to tell that at the moment my "outreach" is very, very clearly not homer.

    2 Kings 23:7
    And he brake down the houses of the sodomites, that were by the house of the LORD, where the women wove hangings for the grove.



    Yours in Christ,

    Elmer
    2 Kings 18:25 - Am I now come up without the LORD against this place to destroy it? The LORD said to me, Go up against this land, and destroy it.



    PREPARE YOURSELF TO RAPTURE WITH THIS MANUAL!
    Check out our Research in Creation Science:

    Comment

    • Des
      True Christian™
      True Christian™
      • Jun 2013
      • 2718

      #3
      Re: Breast Enhancement The Landover Way

      I can personally testify to the effectiveness of this. My formerly flat chested live-in Chinese masseuse went behind my back and, using spare change she found in the chair cushions, sent her gift to the church. She can no longer fit into her uniform.

      Psalm 137:9 Happy shall he be, that taketh and dasheth thy little ones against the stones.

      Comment

      • Back against wall
        Guarding his purity against all comers
        True Christian™
        • Sep 2015
        • 1241

        #4
        Re: Breast Enhancement The Landover Way

        2 Breast 1 Cup size. Brilliant.

        I am interested in a Male Reduction Seminar. I would go into detail but it's too big of an issue that would take way too long and our Good Sisters have access to this part of the forum. I don't want them talking about it in the back room, I just know they wont be able to stay tight lipped about it. It's been a humungous burden all my life and when I bring it out in the open with my wife she cries with the pain of it all and can never take in the length of discussion. Trying to get around it for her is impossible and at one point it went so deep she went horse, talking and talking. To broad to consume considering the position she is always in. This thing is way too large to just let go of and I've been dragging it around forever.

        So having someone to talk to would be great. No male Nurses though. I don't do the male nurses thing, there is something wrong with them.
        Ecclesiastes 1:18 - For in much wisedome is much griefe: and hee that increaseth knowledge, increaseth sorrow.


        Comment

        • WWJDnow
          True Christian™
          True Christian™
          • Aug 2009
          • 6314

          #5
          Re: Breast Enhancement The Landover Way

          Originally posted by Elmer G. White View Post
          i would like to have some reconfirmation that the potential treatment to enhance my "outreach" would not affect my possibilities for Salvation in a detrimental manner.

          As you know, it is a well-established fact that the size of the male parts of the body are directly proportional to sexual orientation. In 1999 Bogaert & Hershberger found out that homersexual men have significantly longer and sturdier tallywhackers than normal, healthy, Spiritual men who follow Jesus (Bogaert & Hershberger 1999: The Relation between sexual orientation and penile size. Arch. Sex. Behav. 28:213-221).
          There is no danger this will turn you into a Sodomite. There is a small chance, however, that the Lord might make you a Negro.

          Originally posted by Back against wall View Post
          I am interested in a Male Reduction Seminar.
          I don't think we can help with that problem. You should find a local Chabad House; they specialize in that sort of thing.
          The Christian Right: The Only Right Way to Be a Christian!

          Comment

          • Back against wall
            Guarding his purity against all comers
            True Christian™
            • Sep 2015
            • 1241

            #6
            Re: Breast Enhancement The Landover Way

            Originally posted by WWJDnow View Post
            Chabad House
            Oh I was in one of those once. I remember there being aroud 86 Joos inside when I entered and 12 ambulances outside when I left.

            Thanks anyway!
            Ecclesiastes 1:18 - For in much wisedome is much griefe: and hee that increaseth knowledge, increaseth sorrow.


            Comment

            • WWJDnow
              True Christian™
              True Christian™
              • Aug 2009
              • 6314

              #7
              Re: Breast Enhancement The Landover Way

              Originally posted by Back against wall View Post
              Oh I was in one of those once. I remember there being aroud 86 Joos inside when I entered and 12 ambulances outside when I left.

              Thanks anyway!
              At least they had a minyan at the hospital. But are you sure those were ambulances? They might have been meshiach mitzvah mobiles. The only difference is that the Lubavichers paint the face of that ugly dead guy they worship on the side. Anyway, you're right, it's best to avoid men who only dance with other men. I'll pray for you.
              The Christian Right: The Only Right Way to Be a Christian!

              Comment

              • Back against wall
                Guarding his purity against all comers
                True Christian™
                • Sep 2015
                • 1241

                #8
                Re: Breast Enhancement The Landover Way

                Originally posted by WWJDnow View Post
                At least they had a minyan at the hospital.
                Fortunately no, only 9 were injured. The rest suffered at the hands of one of my blackouts. Gods Will be done.
                Ecclesiastes 1:18 - For in much wisedome is much griefe: and hee that increaseth knowledge, increaseth sorrow.


                Comment

                • Daisy Mae Johnson
                  The Future Mrs. Ezekiel Flint
                  Voted Best Pies in Freehold 10 Years Running
                  aka the Biblethumpin Blonde
                  True Christian™
                  • Sep 2006
                  • 15708

                  #9
                  TESTIMONY!!!

                  I believe in miracles! Ask and you shall receive!

                  When I was a teenager I was concerned about my womanly appearance. My mother asked Rev. Jim Osborne to say a prayer for me. He laid both hands upon my afflicted area and prayed a fervent prayer! All I can say without going into much detail is that it worked! It really, really worked!

                  GLORY!
                  Attached Files
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                  Tweet me Here
                  My GODLY Bio Here

                  Comment

                  • Ph0enix808
                    Forum Member
                    Forum Member
                    • Sep 2015
                    • 140

                    #10
                    Re: Breast Enhancement The Landover Way

                    My wife tried this and she went from 5a to 5C
                    Proverbs 15:26 - The thoughts of the wicked [are] an abomination to the LORD: but [the words] of the pure [are] pleasant words

                    POKEMON=SATANIC PAGAN RITUAL
                    Check out my new Discipline Lotion if you have NAUGHTY kids

                    Comment

                    • Basilissa
                      South of the Border outreach program
                      True Christian™
                       
                      • Mar 2013
                      • 12993

                      #11
                      Re: Breast Enhancement The Landover Way

                      Originally posted by Ph0enix808 View Post
                      My wife tried this and she went from 5a to 5C
                      Newsflash: she's not your wife, dear. She's a lifeless Barbie doll. No human outside of the womb can have 5 inches circumference on their torso. Please STOP playing with your doll, dear, because you're a guy, and not gay guys do not play with dolls.
                      God created fossils to test our faith.

                      * * *

                      My favorite LBC sermons:
                      True Christians are Perfect!
                      True Christian™ Love.
                      Salvation™ made Easy!
                      You can’t be a Christian if you don’t believe the Old Testament.
                      Jesus is impolite. Deal with it.
                      Jesus is xenophobic and so should we.
                      Sanctity of Life is NOT a Biblical Concept.
                      Biblical view on modern-day slavery.
                      The Immorality of the "Universal Declaration of Human Rights."
                      Geneva Conventions vs. The Holy Bible.
                      God HATES Rational Thinking!
                      True Christian™ Man as a spitting image of God.

                      Comment

                      • Joanna Lytton-Vasey
                        True Christian™ Lady Extraordinaire, an Honorary Male Biblicist
                         
                        • Jul 2014
                        • 8428

                        #12
                        Re: Breast Enhancement The Landover Way

                        That's a glove size, I think, Sister Basilissa.
                        Vaccinated by the love of Jesus!!!

                        Comment

                        • Rodrigo
                          Forum Member
                          Forum Member
                          • Sep 2015
                          • 37

                          #13
                          Re: Breast Enhancement The Landover Way

                          Originally posted by Back against wall View Post
                          2 Breast 1 Cup size. Brilliant.

                          I am interested in a Male Reduction Seminar. I would go into detail but it's too big of an issue that would take way too long and our Good Sisters have access to this part of the forum. I don't want them talking about it in the back room, I just know they wont be able to stay tight lipped about it. It's been a humungous burden all my life and when I bring it out in the open with my wife she cries with the pain of it all and can never take in the length of discussion. Trying to get around it for her is impossible and at one point it went so deep she went horse, talking and talking. To broad to consume considering the position she is always in. This thing is way too large to just let go of and I've been dragging it around forever.

                          So having someone to talk to would be great. No male Nurses though. I don't do the male nurses thing, there is something wrong with them.
                          Brother Back: Perhaps you should consider the root of your problem, rather than a quick fix. Brother Elmer's post, above, should be enlightening:

                          As you know, it is a well-established fact that the size of the male parts of the body are directly proportional to sexual orientation. In 1999 Bogaert & Hershberger found out that homersexual men have significantly longer and sturdier tallywhackers than normal, healthy, Spiritual men who follow Jesus (Bogaert & Hershberger 1999: The Relation between sexual orientation and penile size. Arch. Sex. Behav. 28:213-221).
                          Be still, and know that I am God: I will be exalted among the heathen, I will be exalted in the earth. - Psalm 46:10

                          Comment

                          • I Man Rastafari
                            Possibly retarded pothead
                            • Oct 2015
                            • 1019

                            #14
                            Re: Breast Enhancement The Landover Way

                            Black sistren have large ample breasts and are not in need of any of the breast enlarging sorcery used by white women. White women have deficient size in the breast area and they seem to spend considerable time on this subject.
                            Sing unto God, sing praises to his name: Extol him that rideth upon the heavens By his name JAH, and rejoice before him.-Psalms 68:4

                            Comment

                            • Back against wall
                              Guarding his purity against all comers
                              True Christian™
                              • Sep 2015
                              • 1241

                              #15
                              Re: Breast Enhancement The Landover Way

                              Originally posted by I Man Rastafari View Post
                              Black sistren have large ample breasts
                              I unfortunatly seen a black womans breast before and I tasted sick in my mouth. I literally Dromited. Because you are a Heathen I will explain that Dromiting is the act of Dry Reaching and partially Vomiting at the same time. It was a revolting sight.
                              Ecclesiastes 1:18 - For in much wisedome is much griefe: and hee that increaseth knowledge, increaseth sorrow.


                              Comment

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