Enough with the Hobo murder accusations

[Bobby-Joe]

I am frankly sick and tired that every time some bum gets beaten to death in Iowa and the corpse urinated on the Iowa State police come strait to Freehold and start asking us all kinds of nosy questions. It is like some Pavlovian response with the State Police, “ho nooz there is some worthless dead smelly tramp had a cross carved into his face, let’s go off to Landover as ask were Pastor Zeke and Montague have been”.

I had to spend all day yesterday with our expensive Joo lawyers explaining to the State Police how we were positive none of our congregation members were any ware near Mason City or Storm Bluffs on those days in questions. Zeke and Monty are busy and important men, they don’t need to be bothered with these silly questions but what a pain. Hatred for Christians run deep in this state brethren.

This is just like the Investigative Reporter Serial Killer, the Jehovah Witness Sex Murders and Girl Scout Abduction Slasher all over again.

[Ezekiel Bathfire]

Re: Enough with the Hobbo murder accusations

You have my sympathy, Bobby-Joe, out there is a country that is filled with fanatical lunatics, dissatisfied with their access on the Interweb, who want to visit Landover and an equal amount of lunatics who, as enemies of The Almighty, wish us harm.

Is there little doubt that when the two come together awfulness will ensue?

Who can fail to recall the Wicker who committed suicide in an acid bath in the disused Caddy hut or the terrible case of "the unrecognizable corpse" (later recognized as some Unsave Trash.)

Another favourite for attacks is the area around the Old Bridge - so many suffer accidents on its unsafe surface, deep drop and faulty barriers, I think we might consider a stronger worded safety notice.

Anyhoo, continue with the good work, God and Landover have no doubt as to your team's efficiency!

[H. Montague Worthington]

Re: Enough with the Hobo murder accusations

Sadly, Brother Bobby-Joe, I've grown used to it. You'd think that the police would have better suspects than me. I tell them over and over again that I use the drums of sulphuric acid for wood pulping and leather tanning, but each time it's like the first time they've heard the explanation. Yes, it's an unusual hobby. Yes, I do go through a lot of drums of acid each week. Yes, sometimes there are excrutiating, blood-curdling screams coming from my basement, but what kind of reaction would you expect from the thrill of wood pulping? Yes, there are a lot of unemployed men that visit me, after all I'm the 19th largest private employer in Iowa. Sure, there are a lot of flyers down by the Des Moines freight yard, where else would I advertise for forgotten men down on their luck looking for easy money? Of course the wood chipper is always spotless and cleaned regularly with bleach and scrubbing cleanser, it would be a waste of money and a real shame to just let dirt and filth collect on such a beautiful piece of machinery. Yes, I do a lot of work on my hobby late at night-- I'm very busy during the day with business and church activities. No, I've never ever heard of (fill in name of latest missing drifter). Well, I can't be expected to know the name of EVERY drifter and hobo who was seen entering my front door but never seen leaving. No, I don't mind if you search my basement, because I know you'll just get a court order. Et cetera, et cetera, et cetera.

[Pastor Ezekiel]

Re: Enough with the Hobbo murder accusations

Amen brother Monty! True Christian(tm) men-about-town have to take such damnable harassment in stride. I for one am sick to death of all the rumors about me supposedly keeping a bear in my basement used for training young boys to accept...Well, I don't want to fan the flames of innuendo, so let's just leave it there. The mean-spirited gossip of a few dozen ex-servants in sworn affidavits don't mean a thing.

Thank you, Brother BJ and all of your boys in security, for your tireless efforts at shielding us keeping Freehold free.

[Bobby-Joe]

Re: Enough with the Hobbo murder accusations

It is the lest I can do Monty and Pastor Zeke. It is just unbelievable what the state police will believe; Monty has a secret tunnel to New Jordon Creek to dump the remains, the bat Pastor Zeke uses as a prop in his sermons is a murder weapon. It is not safe to be a Christian these days.

[SayvedByTheLord]

Re: Enough with the Hobo murder accusations

I think it is a penis envy problem on the part of the IDCI and IHP. They are jealous of how God has blessed True Christian™ men so they do what they can to harass us.

[Mistress Cookie]

Re: Enough with the Hobbo murder accusations

Another favourite for attacks is the area around the Old Bridge - so many suffer accidents on its unsafe surface, deep drop and faulty barriers, I think we might consider a stronger worded safety notice.

It would seem to me there are of course many "accidents" on Olde Bridge because that's where the hopeless and miserable go to jump to their deaths.

Of course, the "authorities" cannot accept that...when it's really very clear.

Remember, these investigators are paid overtime to "solve" cold cases, etc. And they all want to end up starring on some reality show. So the more sensational they can make a simple accident or suicide appear, the better their chances for publicity.

[SayvedByTheLord]

Re: Enough with the Hobbo murder accusations

It would seem to me there are of course many "accidents" on Olde Bridge because that's where the hopeless and miserable go to jump to their deaths.

Of course, the "authorities" cannot accept that...when it's really very clear.

Remember, these investigators are paid overtime to "solve" cold cases, etc. And they all want to end up starring on some reality show. So the more sensational they can make a simple accident or suicide appear, the better their chances for publicity.

Some hang themselves on the bridge too. I've always found it expedient to just cut the rope and let the corpse drop into the Freehold River to be carried away to the Mississippi. It seems as if it's mostly the nigra domestics that do this for some reason.