Diet soda?

[Marshall]

So there I was, at the tractor supply buying a case of 50 weight and talking business with Jack Smothers when I saw Dirk Jenkins walk in holding a Diet Mountain Dew! Me and Jack were both surprised to say the least. Neither of us would have figured Dirk for the faggoty type, he's got a wife and 5 kids! Jack asked him why he was holding the can figuring maybe Dirk was just being neighborly and throwing out some trash that blew into the parkinglot from the queer hangout next door(some sort of bakery and coffee store) but Dirk said it was his and he got it when he was in Raleigh this morning! I couldn't believe it! The big city turned one of my friends into a flaming gay!
What is Sarah going to do when she finds out her husband is going queer? She's almost 30 and finding another man willing to marry her will be difficult at best. Me and Jack whooped him pretty good back in the lumberyard but I think he's still got some gay in him. I read that it could take up to three good beating to get all the gay out of someone once they start turning fruity. I don't think he's actually gone the full distance with Satan but you can't take a chance with something like homosexuality. He's already in a dangerous profession being a salesman at the suit shop so there has to be more we can do to fellowship him back into a normal life and away from the embrace of swarthy Italians and sweaty sailors and Navy types. I already called a few of the policeman in town to help out with some tough love and maybe throw a scare into him.
Any suggestions for other things we can do? What do you do when one of your friends shows signs of being a gay?

[Ezekiel Bathfire]

Re: Diet soda?

That’s just awful Marshall. I don’t know what to say. Of course, you did the right thing but my experience is that it does little good until the queer himself wants to reform and abandon his death-style choice.

The only case I ever came across was Geoff Hudson. He seemed to be made of the right stuff, footballer, hunter, fishing, you get the picture. He’d never married and at 32 was still living with his mother but never mind, he was one of the boys.

I recall we were shooting pool in a bar, there was music playing, and the general noise of conversation. I was eyeing the 4 ball when he came out with, “That Judy Garland, she’s an amazing character.”

Well, that was it. The place went as quiet as the grave and Geoff looks round and says, “What?” as if he didn’t know what had happened. The women moved to the edges or the room and Johnny Spitzer moved in. Johnny took my cue and shattered it on Geoff’s head, a few others took the balls and inserted every one.

Geoff left town as soon as he was released from the clinic (St Mary of the Bleeding Heart – only the catlix would take him.)

I’ve not heard of him since and that was the best part of 20 years ago. I do hope he’s cured.

[Bobby-Joe]

Re: Diet soda?

I have to say Brother Marshall you loyalty to your friend Dirk is touching. Your average cafeteria Christian would run to for hills if one of his friends went gay. Not you, you did what Jesus would have done and did your best to help your friend threw his crises.

I think you are on the right tract with your friend Marshall. As Pastor Zeke's says "Don't be afraid of the Homosexuals. You got to be willing to beat off the gay in them". And we all know what an expert on gays Pastor Zeke is.

Good luck with Dirk Marshall!

[Marshall]

Re: Diet soda?

I hope you're right. I'd love the chance to beat off that gay and I hope I get my chance at the meeting on Friday. It seems to be just a touch right now but you know just a drop of vinegar makes the whole well poison.

[HTannor]

Re: Diet soda?

I don't know, Brother Marshall, but that Diet Mountain Dew is clearly a fag drink.

I will pray for you this evening that you can beat the fagness out of him.

[Rev. M. Rodimer]

Re: Diet soda?

Brother Marshall, diet soda isn't the symptom of the gay, it's a cause!

Not long ago, I went to a truck stop to do some ministering. Parched, I went into the restaurant for a Coke. The waitress popped back up in moments with my drink, and off I went to witness to the men who were being ogled by truck-stop prostitutes.

As I slurped away at the soda, I started to feel strange. I heard "Over the Rainbow" playing, and was enthralled! I saw a scantily-clad prostitute with shapely bosom and full, firm behind, and found myself wondering where she got her shoes!

I knew something was wrong. Glancing down at the cup, I saw the cap was marked. DIET! She had switched it up on me, trying to steer me from the Lord!

Beware, brothers! Sleazy waitresses could slip you diet sodas and try to turn you gay, too!

[Osambo 08]

Re: Diet soda?

Brother Marshall, diet soda isn't the symptom of the gay, it's a cause!

Not long ago, I went to a truck stop to do some ministering. Parched, I went into the restaurant for a Coke. The waitress popped back up in moments with my drink, and off I went to witness to the men who were being ogled by truck-stop prostitutes.

As I slurped away at the soda, I started to feel strange. I heard "Over the Rainbow" playing, and was enthralled! I saw a scantily-clad prostitute with shapely bosom and full, firm behind, and found myself wondering where she got her shoes!

I knew something was wrong. Glancing down at the cup, I saw the cap was marked. DIET! She had switched it up on me, trying to steer me from the Lord!

Beware, brothers! Sleazy waitresses could slip you diet sodas and try to turn you gay, too!

I thought one is born Gay. How can it be a cause?

[Rev. M. Rodimer]

Re: Diet soda?

I thought one is born Gay. How can it be a cause?

You believe that because the homosexual lobby wants you to believe it. There has never been any proof of a "gay gene".

It's the result of demons! Demons in diet soda and other places!

[Osambo 08]

Re: Diet soda?

You believe that because the homosexual lobby wants you to believe it. There has never been any proof of a "gay gene".

It's the result of demons! Demons in diet soda and other places!

As the august Pastor Eze once said: Any biblical evidence?

[Vavoline Johnson]

Re: Diet soda?

I thought one is born Gay. How can it be a cause?

Simple put Sambo, Christian mens don't ever drink diet nothin! It turns dem right over to da dark side. Anyways, what real man you know watches his waistline, anyhow?

[Osambo 08]

Re: Diet soda?

Simple put Sambo, Christian mens don't ever drink diet nothin! It turns dem right over to da dark side. Anyways, what real man you know watches his waistline, anyhow?

To become an Ex-Negro, I have to lower my intellect to her level?

[HTannor]

Re: Diet soda?

Rev. Rodimer: It appears that the responses you're getting are from the "darkie" side of the tracks. I can't help but wondering if diet drinks, in addition to be be homo drinks, also are big in the colored community.

Homo's + darkies + diet drinks = something for us True Christians™ to avoid.

[Osambo 08]

Re: Diet soda?

Rev. Rodimer: It appears that the responses you're getting are from the "darkie" side of the tracks. I can't help but wondering if diet drinks, in addition to be be homo drinks, also are big in the colored community.

Homo's + darkies + diet drinks = something for us True Christians™ to avoid.

I was just thinking rationally - rational that you are clearly lacking.


You can call me Ken, btw.

[Vavoline Johnson]

Re: Diet soda?

To become an Ex-Negro, I have to lower my intellect to her level?

Now, don't you be goin off topic! We here be speakin bout the sin of the diet soft drinks!

[Vavoline Johnson]

Re: Diet soda?

Rev. Rodimer: It appears that the responses you're getting are from the "darkie" side of the tracks. I can't help but wondering if diet drinks, in addition to be be homo drinks, also are big in the colored community.

Homo's + darkies + diet drinks = something for us True Christians™ to avoid.

No, no Mr HTannor, we darkies ain't big on nothing wifout lots and lots of sugar. I cain't think o one faggy negro and no, not Sammy Davis Joonier, niether, though he did act like one.