X
Collapse
 
  • Page of 2
  • Time
  • Show
Clear All
new posts
Previous 1 2 template Next
  • Daisy Mae Johnson
    The Future Mrs. Ezekiel Flint
    Voted Best Pies in Freehold 10 Years Running
    aka the Biblethumpin Blonde
    True Christian™
    • Sep 2006
    • 15708
    #1

    HAPPY BIRTHDAY Old Man Hatchet!

    HAPPY BIRTHDAY Old Man Hatchet



    I hope that lazy, whore daughter of yours threw you an awesome party!

    I hope it's not too forward of me, but I got you a pair of gold plated dong tongs. I heard Sister Talitha accidentally ruined yours in some kind of accident.

    sigpic

    Tweet me Here
    My GODLY Bio Here
    Tags: None
    • Pastor Ezekiel
      Putting the "stud" back in Bible Study
       
      • Sep 2006
      • 78556
      #2
      Re: HAPPY BIRTHDAY Old Man Hatchet!

      Happy Birthday, my Brother in Christ. It seems that Jesus has Blessed us all with your presence for one more year. I hope you'll have your wife thank Him for that privilege.

      Don't forget, you're to be the guest of honor at our after-Sunday Sermon Barbecue this week. Everyone will be there, and my award winning ribs will be available in heaps.
      Who Will Jesus Damn?

      Here is a partial list from just a few scripture verses:

      Hypocrites (Matthew 24:51), The Unforgiving (Mark 11:26), Homosexuals (Romans 1:26, 27), Fornicators (Romans 1:29), The Wicked (Romans 1:29), The Covetous (Romans 1:29), The Malicious (Romans 1:29), The Envious (Romans 1:29), Murderers (Romans 1:29), The Deceitful (Romans 1:29), Backbiters (Romans 1:30), Haters of God (Romans 1:30), The Despiteful (Romans 1:30), The Proud (Romans 1:30), Boasters (Romans 1:30), Inventors of evil (Romans 1:30), Disobedient to parents (Romans 1:30), Covenant breakers (Romans 1:31), The Unmerciful (Romans 1:31), The Implacable (Romans 1:31), The Unrighteous (1Corinthians 6:9), Idolaters (1Corinthians 6:9), Adulterers (1Corinthians 6:9), The Effeminate (1Corinthians 6:9), Thieves (1Corinthians 6:10), Drunkards (1Corinthians 6:10), Reviler (1Corinthians 6:10), Extortioners (1Corinthians 6:10), The Fearful (Revelation 21:8), The Unbelieving (Revelation 21:8), The Abominable (Revelation 21:8), Whoremongers (Revelation 21:8), Sorcerers (Revelation 21:8), All Liars (Revelation 21:8)

      Need Pastoral Advice? Contact me privately at PastorEzekiel@landoverbaptist.net TODAY!!

        Comment

        • Petal
          LBC psychiatric outpatient. Progressing nicely.
          True Christian™
          • Sep 2006
          • 991
          #3
          Re: HAPPY BIRTHDAY Old Man Hatchet!

          to Mr.Hatchet,yay!

          i gonna prays lord God see fit to cures you of your schmelly old man schmell, cuz if you were cureds it be like a birfday gift for everyone that sit next to you in churchs

          <--- this for you

            Comment

            • James Hutchins
              True Christian™
              Just a Regular Nice Guy
               
              • Jun 2009
              • 29457
              #4
              Re: HAPPY BIRTHDAY Old Man Hatchet!

              Mr. Hatchet, A very happy birthday to you sir. I trust you've received that 140 year old bottle of Cognac I sent. Are there any other surprise gifts you requested I may of missed?
              Isaiah 45:7 I form the light, and create darkness: I make peace, and create evil: I the LORD do all these things.
              Amos 3:6 Shall a trumpet be blown in the city, and the people not be afraid? shall there be evil in a city, and the LORD hath not done it?
              Numbers 21:6 And the LORD sent fiery serpents among the people, and they bit the people; and much people of Israel died.
              Matthew 10:34 Think not that I am come to send peace on earth: I came not to send peace, but a sword.
              Matthew 10:35 For I am come to set a man at variance against his father, and the daughter against her mother, and the daughter in law against her mother in law.
              Matthew 10:36 And a man's foes shall be they of his own household.

                Comment

                • eliot mayfield
                  God Squad
                  True Christian™
                  • Sep 2006
                  • 9324
                  #5
                  Re: HAPPY BIRTHDAY Old Man Hatchet!

                  Happy Birthday sir.
                  Matthew:
                  5:17 Think not that I am come to destroy the law, or the prophets: I am not come to destroy, but to fulfil.
                  5:18 For verily I say unto you, Till heaven and earth pass, one jot or one tittle shall in no wise pass from the law, till all be fulfilled
                  10:21 And the brother shall deliver up the brother to death, and the father the child: and the children shall rise up against their parents, and cause them to be put to death.
                  10:34 Think not that I am come to send peace on earth: I came not to send peace, but a sword.


                  sigpic

                    Comment

                    • Cranky Old Man
                      Trying to out-Methuselah Methuselah
                      You kids get off his lawn!
                       
                      • Jan 2010
                      • 22380
                      #6
                      Re: HAPPY BIRTHDAY Old Man Hatchet!

                      Happy Birthday! Try not to break something.
                      5 Reasons why GOD HATES WOMEN!
                      To most "Christians" The Bible is like a license agreement. They just scroll to the bottom and click "I agree". All those "Christians" will burn in Hell!
                      James 2:10 "For whosoever shall keep the whole law, and yet offend in one point, he is guilty of all."

                        Comment

                        • Talitha
                          Deaconess
                          Gracious, genteel, kind, tender, and warm True Christian™ Sister
                          True Christian™
                          • Aug 2026
                          • 15118
                          #7
                          Re: HAPPY BIRTHDAY Old Man Hatchet!

                          Happy Birthday Brother.
                          You look younger with every year that passes.



                          [note to self: Make that appointment with Optician]

                          Sister Talitha

                          Markswoman, Circumcisionist, Platinum Tither.


                          HE took the damsel by the hand, and said unto her, Talitha Cumi; which is,
                          being interpreted, Damsel, I say unto thee, arise!...Mark 5:41


                            Comment

                            • Wide-Open
                              Director of European Evangelical Outreach
                              A Shining Example of Christ's Love
                              Quite possibly the only decent, heterosexual human being in the whole of Europe
                              True Christian™
                              • Nov 2007
                              • 18449
                              #8
                              Re: HAPPY BIRTHDAY Old Man Hatchet!

                              Happy Birthday Brother Hatchet!
                              Psalm 81:10:
                              I am the LORD thy God, which brought thee out of the land of Egypt:
                              open thy mouth wide, and I will fill it.

                                Comment

                                • MarkHenry
                                  Confirmed Enemy of God
                                  • Jan 2010
                                  • 180
                                  #9
                                  Re: HAPPY BIRTHDAY Old Man Hatchet!

                                  Happy Birthday

                                    Comment

                                    • Nobar King
                                      Municipal Code Archivist - Deuteronomy 28:58
                                      Christ's Guardian
                                      True Christian™
                                      • Sep 2007
                                      • 23748
                                      #10
                                      Re: HAPPY BIRTHDAY Old Man Hatchet!

                                      Happy birthday, young fella!
                                      May you be a blessing to every life you touch.

                                        Comment

                                        • Old Man Hatchet
                                          Super Moderator
                                          Beloved Church Elder
                                          World's Greatest Father and Grandfather
                                          True Christian™
                                          • Sep 2006
                                          • 2084
                                          #11
                                          Re: HAPPY BIRTHDAY Old Man Hatchet!

                                          Originally posted by BibleThumpinBlonde View Post
                                          I hope it's not too forward of me, but I got you a pair of gold plated dong tongs. I heard Sister Talitha accidentally ruined yours in some kind of accident.

                                          Thank you for the new dong tongs, Sister. But gold plated? The next time you think of my tallywacker and gold, think solid.

                                          Originally posted by Pastor Ezekiel View Post
                                          Happy Birthday, my Brother in Christ. It seems that Jesus has Blessed us all with your presence for one more year. I hope you'll have your wife thank Him for that privilege.

                                          Don't forget, you're to be the guest of honor at our after-Sunday Sermon Barbecue this week. Everyone will be there, and my award winning ribs will be available in heaps.
                                          I am honored, Pastor. Thank you.

                                          Originally posted by James Hutchins View Post
                                          Mr. Hatchet, A very happy birthday to you sir. I trust you've received that 140 year old bottle of Cognac I sent. Are there any other surprise gifts you requested I may of missed?
                                          Solid gold dong tongs.


                                          Thank you for the birthday presents and sentiments. May you all continue to be bathed in the Blood of Christ.

                                            Comment

                                            • SayvedByTheLord
                                              Sinner Who Has Found the Truth©
                                              True Christian™
                                              • May 2007
                                              • 3151
                                              #12
                                              Re: HAPPY BIRTHDAY Old Man Hatchet!

                                              Happy Birthday OMH !


                                              Leviticus 26:27-29

                                              27 And if ye will not for all this hearken unto me, but walk contrary unto me;
                                              28 Then I will walk contrary unto you also in fury; and I, even I, will chastise you seven times for your sins.
                                              29 And ye shall eat the flesh of your sons, and the flesh of your daughters shall ye eat.

                                                Comment

                                                • Ezekiel Bathfire
                                                  Pastor for Diversity and Tolerance
                                                  Christ's Rottweiler
                                                   
                                                  • Jan 2008
                                                  • 22915
                                                  #13
                                                  Re: HAPPY BIRTHDAY Old Man Hatchet!

                                                  Christ! Are you still here? I'm going to have to delete that thread in "All Aboard the Hell Train"

                                                  Despite all the work you're causing me, Happy Birthday anyway.
                                                  sigpic


                                                  “We must reassert that the essence of Christianity is the love of obedience to God’s Laws and that how that complete obedience is used or implemented does not concern us.”

                                                  Author of such illuminating essays as,
                                                  Map of the Known World; Periodic Table of Elements; The History of Linguistics; The Errors of Wicca; Dolphins and Evolution; The History of Landover (The Apology); Landover and the Civil War; 2000 Racial Slurs.

                                                    Comment

                                                    • SUV
                                                      True Christian™ Princess
                                                      The Driving Force behind RA12
                                                      Have at it, anytime!
                                                      • Sep 2006
                                                      • 11027
                                                      #14
                                                      Re: HAPPY BIRTHDAY Old Man Hatchet!

                                                      A Blessed Christian birthday to you, Brother, Sirs!

                                                      If I see that little chink Hitonmi around I'll get him to Deliver you a nice poo-poo platter

                                                        Comment

                                                        • SayvedByTheLord
                                                          Sinner Who Has Found the Truth©
                                                          True Christian™
                                                          • May 2007
                                                          • 3151
                                                          #15
                                                          Re: HAPPY BIRTHDAY Old Man Hatchet!

                                                          Originally posted by SUV View Post
                                                          A Blessed Christian birthday to you, Brother, Sirs!

                                                          If I see that little chink Hitonmi around I'll get him to Deliver you a nice poo-poo platter
                                                          Speaking of that little fish head eater, where has he been ?


                                                          Leviticus 26:27-29

                                                          27 And if ye will not for all this hearken unto me, but walk contrary unto me;
                                                          28 Then I will walk contrary unto you also in fury; and I, even I, will chastise you seven times for your sins.
                                                          29 And ye shall eat the flesh of your sons, and the flesh of your daughters shall ye eat.

                                                            Comment

                                                            Previous 1 2 template Next
                                                            Working...