[Palmer C. Eldrich]

Re: WARNING!!! The world is going to end on March 4, 2010!

I'm surprised that I made it thru the whole day without hearing that old BLONDIE song.

[True Disciple]

Re: WARNING!!! The world is going to end on March 4, 2010!

Rapture

1. The state of being transported by a lofty emotion; ecstasy.
2. An expression of ecstatic feeling. Often used in the plural.

I take it when you spoke of rapture you meant an ectasy-overdose party ?

Didn't know God was in favor of:

Ecstasy:

• MDMA or Methylenedioxymethamphetamine, a psychedelic drug sold under the street name "ecstasy".

Good on you!

Enjoy.

I see that you have found yet another way of being amazingly stupid. Please read this before embarrassing yourself even more.

[Miss Cassandra]

Re: WARNING!!! The world is going to end on March 4, 2010!

The great thing about his insurance is that it is continuous (provided I pay the monthly fee), so no matter when God decides to end the World, I will be covered.

Yes, that indeed is the great thing about it. A great thing for Fred, of course, who will spend the holidays in an even more luxurious hotel in some tropical country.

I can't blame him. Such stupid people deserve to be taken advantage of.

[Meek and Humble]

Re: WARNING!!! The world is going to end on March 4, 2010!

Never worry friends, the end of the world is going on exactly on schedule. It BEGAN yesterday, and the events of end times as revealed in Revelation will be taking place in this transitional period, which may last a few years.

Everything has happened as was foretold

[Pastor Ezekiel]

Re: WARNING!!! The world is going to end on March 4, 2010!

Never worry friends, the end of the world is going on exactly on schedule. It BEGAN yesterday, and the events of end times as revealed in Revelation will be taking place in this transitional period, which may last a few years.

Everything has happened as was foretold

I can feel it happening. After Brother Monty and I finished off my wine cellar, I feel like The End is upon me.

[Raven.]

Re: WARNING!!! The world is going to end on March 4, 2010!

Never worry friends, the end of the world is going on exactly on schedule. It BEGAN yesterday, and the events of end times as revealed in Revelation will be taking place in this transitional period, which may last a few years.

Everything has happened as was foretold

Wait, but nothing has happened at least to any of our knowledge. We can assume it has if you believe in it but where is the sign saying anything has?

It'll be another normal day for me anyhow, back to work! I suggest the same for people, if you believe in this so much it'll all come around when it does.

Raven

[Meek and Humble]

Re: WARNING!!! The world is going to end on March 4, 2010!

We must understand, that Jesus said everything would be accomplished "before the generation who sees these things passes away). Everything started on the 4th. So the end can come anytime between now and the point when every currently alive will be dead, so say, any time until the early 22nd century.

THE END IS NIGH!

[Ezekiel Bathfire]

Re: WARNING!!! The world is going to end on March 4, 2010!

Did anyone take into account the difference between the Julian and Gregorian calendars?

[Free Market Fred]

Re: WARNING!!! The world is going to end on March 4, 2010!

Yes, that indeed is the great thing about it. A great thing for Fred, of course, who will spend the holidays in an even more luxurious hotel in some tropical country.

I can't blame him. Such stupid people deserve to be taken advantage of.

Well, I'm back from my holiday in a tropical country, Cambodia. Had a good time teaching two of my favorite Bible students, Mandy and Fanny...



...or maybe it's Sandy and Candy, I can't keep track. Anyway, I wanted to spend Doomsday Eve with them, praying together and waiting for the Lord's judgement.

Of course, God, in all His wisdom, has decided to grant the world an extended deadline. Hey, it happens - I'm perfectly familiar with project delays. When my company got a contract to rebuild Iraq back in 2003, we originally forecast that everything would be completed in 6 months. Now, 7 years later and $10 billion over budget, we realize that the original timetable was unrealistic. Well, it's just like The Lord says, "Sh*t happens." Just roll with the punches and ask Congress for another $2 billion, and move on.

Anyway, those of you wisely bought our End-of-World Insurance did the right thing. And don't forget, for the low monthly price of $99/month, you can extend your policy indefinitely until such time as God finishes the project and floods the Earth for the second time. Those of you who haven't bought a policy would be wise to do so immediately - have your credit card numbers ready when you call, our operators are standing by.

Ahem, now, Miss Cassandra, I'm afraid that I have to take you to task for your negative comment, "Such stupid people deserve to be taken advantage of.:lol." If you are referring to the blessed folks at Landover Baptist, then quite frankly you're off base. These folks are the little people behind the scenes who keep America great. They're the ones who pay their taxes, listen to Rush Limbaugh and Fox News, vote Republican, attend teabag rallies, hate abortionists (until they need one), keep a small armory at home, and sink themselves up to their eyeballs in credit card debt and payday loans in order to tithe and purchase Sarah Palin books. They're the salt of the Earth, and without them big corporations like mine would only be worth mere millions rather than billions.

So, I just want to say a big "thank you" to everybody here, the little people, for making it all possible. And remember to keep paying your bills, even as we near Armageddon and Rapture - The Lord doesn't take kindly to deadbeats, and won't hesitate to caste you into Satan's firepit if you default on your mortgages or car loans. You can stop paying only when He says so. Any premature Chapter 13 bankruptcy filings will result in cancellation of your reserved place in Heaven - be forewarned!


A big "thank you" from your corporate overlords

[Meek and Humble]

Re: WARNING!!! The world is going to end on March 4, 2010!

I see where I went wrong in my calculations. I was counting back the years from when Adam was created, but I forgot to take into account that Adam may have been alone for several years before Eve came along.

I'm sorry for any inconvenience I may have caused.

But anyway, the end is very soon approaching!

[True Disciple]

Re: WARNING!!! The world is going to end on March 4, 2010!

but I forgot to take into account that Adam may have been alone for several years before Eve came along.

Is there any way we can calculate how many years that would be? I think Adam would be alone until he really needed Eve, at which point God created Eve. How many years can a man survive if there is no one to make pies for him to eat?

[Pastor Ezekiel]

Re: WARNING!!! The world is going to end on March 4, 2010!

I see where I went wrong in my calculations. I was counting back the years from when Adam was created, but I forgot to take into account that Adam may have been alone for several years before Eve came along.

I'm sorry for any inconvenience I may have caused.

But anyway, the end is very soon approaching!

No problem, brother H. These things happen.

Though it does seem a shame that I went ahead and fininshed off my entire wine cellar. That was several hundred thousand dollars worth of rare, vintage wines...

I suppose we'll need to add an extra "thank you for delaying the Rapture" offering this Sunday.

[Raven.]

Re: WARNING!!! The world is going to end on March 4, 2010!

I see where I went wrong in my calculations. I was counting back the years from when Adam was created, but I forgot to take into account that Adam may have been alone for several years before Eve came along.

I'm sorry for any inconvenience I may have caused.

But anyway, the end is very soon approaching!

Didn't you get someone to back up your mathematical calculations? considering new calculations were developed and examined for this, it's always wise to seek the views of another mathematician or in your case, a Christian, to clarify any missed numbers and/or details. In this situation many details and numbers are vital in order to determine such dating which we can mostly assume to be only approximate dating in the first place.

I hope that you did find a consult for your workings.

Perhaps you can post you work xD

Raven

[Mrs. Mary Whitford]

Re: WARNING!!! The world is going to end on March 4, 2010!

My husband, Mr. Whitford, is wondering if you took Joshua 10:13-14 into account?

And the sun stood still, and the moon stayed, until the people had avenged themselves upon their enemies. Is not this written in the book of Jasher? So the sun stood still in the midst of heaven, and hasted not to go down about a whole day.
And there was no day like that before it or after it, that the LORD hearkened unto the voice of a man: for the LORD fought for Israel.

[Rev. M. Rodimer]

Re: WARNING!!! The world is going to end on March 4, 2010!

GOD may very well Rapture babies out of their unsaved mother's wombs. Serves them right! However, I believe pregnant True Christian™ wives will be Raptured along with their unborn babies; it seems unlikely that the Lord will Rapture pregnant Christian women and leave their unborn babies behind.

I hasten to add this is mere speculation on my part ... but if the LORD does decide to leave mewling unborn Christian babies behind, He will have very good reason for doing so.

But Mrs. Rogers, how can they be Saved™ if they haven't accepted Jesus yet?

Won't all the pre-born babies, and even young children, be condemned to hellfire for not comprehending and accepting Jesus' great Gift of Forgiveness?

I see where I went wrong in my calculations. I was counting back the years from when Adam was created, but I forgot to take into account that Adam may have been alone for several years before Eve came along.

I'm sorry for any inconvenience I may have caused.

But anyway, the end is very soon approaching!

Wait a minute, all this was based on some "poet" (a euphemism for "pansy" if ever I heard one) trying to do math?

My congregation got all worked up, sold their homes and donated several million dollars to the church, all because you got lost without rhyming and couldn't remember to carry the two?

I bet you're one of those cyberterrorists, trying to make Christians look foolish! Pastor Ezekiel, has this person been thoroughly investigated?

Pssst . . . Thanks. The church will finally be getting that new roof it so desperately needed, and the sauna, and steam room, and exercise room, and massage table . . .You should come for a visit and check it all out!