[Petal]

Re: WARNING!!! The world is going to end on March 4, 2010!

So everyone, how do you all plan to spend your last few days here on planet earth?

i gonna herds some stray kittys to the river, an gives them a spechial deep baptisms . then i gonna sells their deaded liddle bodies to them koreans cuz koreans lurve kitty om nom noms an then i gonna gives all the moneys to projeck habakkuk

here be 2 lazy kittys that not wants to walk to the rivers! so i gonna have to carrys them all the ways there in my baptisms buckit

[Free Market Fred]

Re: WARNING!!! The world is going to end on March 4, 2010!

Fellow Christians, I have good news for all of you. Our board of directors has been discussing this issue of the world ending on March 4, 2010. Recognizing the importance of this one-time event, we've come to the conclusion that this would be the ideal time to offer "End of World insurance (EOWI)."

"What," you might ask, is EOWI, "and why would I want it?" Good questions. Simply stated, EOWI would cover your unsettled debts when the world ends. Like most Americans, you are probably underwater on your mortgage, up to your eyeballs in credit card debt, behind on your car payments, paying 400% annual interest on your payday loans, and spending all your spare cash on lottery tickets knowing that Jesus will help you win the jackpot and make you debt-free.

Or maybe you think that when the world ends less than two weeks from today, all that debt is forgiven and forgotten. Wrong! God is not anybody's fool. He knows who's paid up and who's a deadbeat. He's making a list and checking it twice. Deadbeats, even True Christians, will not be getting into Heaven and will be lucky just to wind up in Purgatory. Those who plan to use Armageddon to cheat Godly corporations like Bank of America, Visa or MasterCharge will find themselves on an express train to Hell!

That's why my company, Megacorp, is proud to announce EOWI, our latest financial product. For the special introductory price of just $99, we offer to pay off all of your outstanding debt no matter how large the amount! However, this is conditional on the world ending on March 4, 2010. So what happens if The Lord decides to extend the deadline, maybe to December 25 (Jesus's birthday)? I'm happy to let you know that you can extend your policy to meet this new reality. That's right, for a mere $99/month, we will extend your policy indefinitely until Armageddon arrives. Whenever The Lord decides that it's time to push the button, you can rest assured that my company will be there for you and your loved ones, ready to pay off all your debts to society. Of course, if you die from some other cause before the world ends, the policy is immediately canceled (but happily you will not owe us any further payments).

Why you need insurance...

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Btb4_b-U_EM

I am certain that all of you True Christians know a good deal when you see it. I hope that you will take advantage of this generous offer, before it is too late. Armageddon is too big to fail, so don't be caught short. This is a sure thing, just like mortgage-backed securities or credit-default swaps, another win-win situation.


Don't be caught short

[Meek and Humble]

Re: WARNING!!! The world is going to end on March 4, 2010!

Absolutely. Pray to JESUS that the unbelievers will see the light before it is too late.

I'm starting to question whether there is even time left to pray!

John 17: 9I pray for them: I pray not for the world, but for them which thou hast given me; for they are thine.

Jeremiah 7:16 Therefore pray not thou for this people, neither lift up cry nor prayer for them, neither make intercession to me: for I will not hear thee.

Jeremiah 11:14 Therefore pray not thou for this people, neither lift up a cry or prayer for them: for I will not hear them in the time that they cry unto me for their trouble.

Jeremiah 14: 11Then said the LORD unto me, Pray not for this people for their good.



Jeremiah 15: 1Then said the LORD unto me, Though Moses and Samuel stood before me, yet my mind could not be toward this people: cast them out of my sight, and let them go forth.

[True Disciple]

Re: WARNING!!! The world is going to end on March 4, 2010!

If you Truely believe that God is Omnipotent (which is what it says in the bible, as well as in the Koran, as well as in the Torah) then i think you know that God does not change His mind.

It might help if you actually read the Bible, instead of indulging in your own ignorance. You might have found the following Passage, which I already quoted:

Jonah 3:10
And God saw their works, that they turned from their evil way; and God repented of the evil, that he had said that he would do unto them; and he did it not.

then i gonna gives all the moneys to projeck habakkuk

That's great, Petal! We can use every donation we can get!

That's why my company, Megacorp, is proud to announce EOWI, our latest financial product. For the special introductory price of just $99, we offer to pay off all of your outstanding debt no matter how large the amount!

That's really an incredible offer! I've just transferred $99 to Megacorp, Brother!

[Johny Joe Hold]

Re: WARNING!!! The world is going to end on March 4, 2010!

I resisted. But, finally I threw in the towel. I paid a local atheist $400 to look after my dog.

[Cranky Old Man]

Re: WARNING!!! The world is going to end on March 4, 2010!

I am certain that all of you True Christians know a good deal when you see it.

Indeed! Sign me up for one of those please.

[Meek and Humble]

Re: WARNING!!! The world is going to end on March 4, 2010!

See you guys in Heaven! Do you think we should organize a place to meet once we're there?

I say we meet in front of the Tree of Life, you'll know it when you see it. It's in the middle of the street of heaven, where the crystal clear river pours from the Throne of God and the Lamb. It grows on BOTH sides of the river, by the way, and I for one am very curious to see how that looks.

(Revelation 22:1-2).

[Aristotle]

Pets

Not sure if this hasn't been brought up elsewhere but with March 4 is just around the corner, its time for every TrueChristian™ with pets to make arrangements for them. Some dumb but pet-loving atheist has set up a pet sitting service for those who are raptured. Make sure Fido is safe before Thursday.

[BelieverInGod]

Re: WARNING!!! The world is going to end on March 4, 2010!

My husband is shipping our dogs to his uncle. They're Cathlicks so I guess that's a step up from atheists. At least we know they won't be eaten.

[Meek and Humble]

Re: WARNING!!! The world is going to end on March 4, 2010!

Brother Jacob, I can't decide whether we should meet up at the Tree of Life or the hell viewing center, so we can laugh at all the unsaved trash roasting in the Lake of Fire.

I can't hardly wait

[Miss Cassandra]

Re: WARNING!!! The world is going to end on March 4, 2010!

Hah. When my father first told me of this idiocy, I had to sprint for the bathroom, so he would not punish me for laughing at him straight in the face!

However, I'd really wish you were right about this. I often imagine Freehold without christians, maybe we could bring some spiritual enlightenment to this place with the people who were left behind.

[Meek and Humble]

Re: WARNING!!! The world is going to end on March 4, 2010!

I have heard from a reliable source that there is a mean biscuits and gravy buffet in Heaven. That's where I'm making my first stop. Anybody else joining me?

I don't know about biscuits and gravy, but there is plenty of wine:

Matthew 26: 29But I say unto you, I will not drink henceforth of this fruit of the vine, until that day when I drink it new with you in my Father's kingdom.

[christian18]

Re: WARNING!!! The world is going to end on March 4, 2010!

what's project habakukku?

[Levi Jones]

Re: WARNING!!! The world is going to end on March 4, 2010!

what's project habakukku?

All I will say about Project Habakkuk is that, it has been even more successful than I could have drempt.

I saw the possible projections, but who knew what would have really happened? It's amazing.

[Pastor Ezekiel]

Re: WARNING!!! The world is going to end on March 4, 2010!

what's project habakukku?

I'd like to restate for the record that I have no idea.


Ask me again on Thursday.