[Daisy Mae Johnson]

Re: Good, Clean Christian Jokes

President Bush decides to leave the White House and go out to sit in a local bar. A guy walks in and asks the barman, 'Isn't that Bush sitting at the end of the bar?'


The bartender says, 'Yep, that's him.' So the guy walks over and says, 'Wow, this is a real honor! What are you doing in here?'

Bush says, ' I'm planning WW III.'

The guy says, 'Really? What's going to happen?'

Bush says, 'Well, I'm going to kill 140 million Muslims and one blonde with big boobs.

The guy exclaimed, 'A blonde with big boobs?

Why kill a blonde with big boobs?'

Bush turns to the bartender and says,

'See, I told you, no one gives a damn about the 140 million Muslims'.

[RossDLtn]

Re: Good, Clean Christian Jokes

BTB, you just made my morning with that one.

Praise!

[Daisy Mae Johnson]

Re: Good, Clean Christian Jokes

[FONT='Verdana','sans-serif']Toward the end of Sunday service, the Minister asked, 'How many of you have forgiven your enemies?'

80% held up their hands.

The Minister then repeated his question.

All responded this time, except one small elderly lady.

'Mrs. Neely?'; 'Are you not willing to forgive your enemies?'

I don't have any.' She replied, smiling sweetly.

'Mrs. Neely, that is very unusual. How old are you?'

'Ninety-eight.' she replied.

'Oh, Mrs. Neely, would you please come down in front & tell us all how a person can live ninety-eight years & not have an enemy in the world?'

The little sweetheart of a lady tottered down the aisle,
faced the congregation, and said:



'I outlived the bitches.

[Pastor Rune Enoe]

Re: Good, Clean Christian Jokes

This is one I've received from Pastor Pistle:

It's 3 am. The ghosts of Presidents past visit Hillary to give her advice to change her ways.

George Washington tells her to be honest.

Thomas Jefferson tells her to listen to the people.

Abraham Lincoln tells her to take a break and go to the theater.

[Father Maurice Lester]

Re: Good, Clean Christian Jokes

CHANGING A LIGHT BULB THE CHRISTIAN WAY
How many Christians does it take to change a light bulb?

*edit for clarity*

Baptists version 2



Five.

One to hold the bulb and five to drink until the room spins!

[JennyD]

Re: Good, Clean Christian Jokes

*edit for clarity*

Baptists version 2



Five.

One to hold the bulb and five to drink until the room spins!

Five plus one equals five?

Must be that Catlicker math. You know, the kind where Holy Ghost + Father + Son = Mary, Queen of Heaven!

[Rhino_Racing]

CAN COLD WATER CLEAN DISHES??

Can cold Water Clean Dishes?

This is for all the germ conscious folks that worry about using cold water to clean.


John went to visit his 90 year old grandfather in a very secluded, rural area of West Virginia.
After spending a great evening chatting the night away, John's grandfather prepared breakfast of bacon, eggs and toast.
However, John noticed a film like substance on his plate, and questioned his grandfather asking, 'Are these plates clean?'

His grandfather replied, 'They're as clean as cold water can get them.
Just you go ahead and finish your meal, Sonny!'
For lunch the old man made hamburgers.
Again, John was concerned about the plates as his appeared to have tiny specks around the edge that looked like dried egg and asked, 'Are you sure these plates are clean?'
Without looking up the old man said, 'I told you before, Sonny, those dishes are as clean as cold water can get them.
Now don't you fret, I don't want to hear another word about it!'
Later that afternoon, John was on his way to a nearby town and as he was leaving, his grandfather's dog started to growl, and wouldn't let him pass.
John yelled and said, 'Grandfather, your dog won't let me get to my car'.
Without diverting his attention from the football game he was watching on TV, the old man shouted.

'COLDWATER, LEAVE HIM ALONE!!!! & GO LAY DOWN!!!!'


Peace to all

[Virginia Day Templeton]

Re: Good, Clean Christian Jokes

Did you folks hear that there's a Negro in Sister Thumper's family tree?

Yeah, he's still hanging there!



Sorry if someone posted this already.

[Pastor Ezekiel]

Re: Good, Clean Christian Jokes

Did you folks hear that there's a Negro in Sister Thumper's family tree?

Yeah, he's still hanging there!



Sorry if someone posted this already.

Sister Templeton, I must admit that you had me going there with that first line....I was speed dialing sister Thumper to call off our engagement with one hand, and touching the BAN button with the other.

Good thing I went on to read that second line, huh. I sure hope sister Thumper has a good sense of humor about the message I left on her answering machine.

[Old Iron Crotch]

Re: Good, Clean Christian Jokes

Sister Templeton, I must admit that you had me going there with that first line....I was speed dialing sister Thumper to call off our engagement with one hand, and touching the BAN button with the other.

Good thing I went on to read that second line, huh. I sure hope sister Thumper has a good sense of humor about the message I left on her answering machine.

TC love sure is fickle. Of course, it's not like you're ever going to actually marry her anyway, since being perpetually engaged to be married is a good way to pass for straight while still having "bears" in your "basement."

[tLakota]

Re: Good, Clean Christian Jokes

Can we post blonde jokes? Alot of them are funny and they were all the rage when I was in school. Same thing with Chuck Norris Jokes! Those are great.

One of my fav Chuck Norris Jokes:
Chuck Norris was walking through the woods when he saw a lamb that had broken it's leg. He went up to it and touched it's leg and it was healed. Then he broke it's neck. Chuck Norris giveth, and Chuck Norris taketh away.

[Pastor Ezekiel]

Re: Good, Clean Christian Jokes

Can we post blonde jokes? Alot of them are funny and they were all the rage when I was in school. Same thing with Chuck Norris Jokes! Those are great.

One of my fav Chuck Norris Jokes:
Chuck Norris was walking through the woods when he saw a lamb that had broken it's leg. He went up to it and touched it's leg and it was healed. Then he broke it's neck. Chuck Norris giveth, and Chuck Norris taketh away.

I don't approve of that Chuck Norris character. He seems to think that he's God.

[tLakota]

Re: Good, Clean Christian Jokes

I don't approve of that Chuck Norris character. He seems to think that he's God.

It's just a joke, Zeke! He played Walker, Texas Ranger. He supposed to be tough, according to the show's character, so people make fun of it. Another joke you shouldn't feel an aversion to.:

They say under his beard, Chuck Norris doesn't have a chin. There is only another fist.

[Daisy Mae Johnson]

Re: Good, Clean Christian Jokes

A few minutes before the church services started, the congregation was sitting in their pews and talking. Suddenly, Satan appeared at the front of the church. Everyone started screaming and running for the front entrance, trampling each other in a frantic effort to get away from evil incarnate. Soon the church was empty except for one elderly gentleman who sat calmly in his pew without moving, seemingly oblivious to the fact that God's ultimate enemy was in his presence.

So Satan walked up to the man and said, Do you know who I am?' The man replied, Yep, sure do.' Aren't you afraid of me?' Satan asked. Nope, sure ain't.' said the man. Don't you realize I can kill you with one word?' asked Satan. Don't doubt it for a minute, returned the old man, in an even tone. Did you know that I can cause you profound, horrifying AGONY for all eternity?' persisted Satan. Yep, was the calm reply. And you are still not afraid?' asked Satan. Nope, said the old man. More than a little perturbed, Satan asked, Why aren't you afraid of me?' The man calmly replied, Been married to your sister for 48 years.’

[Converter]

Re: Good, Clean Christian Jokes

Not a full-on joke, but a humorous saying:
"The only gate a Mexican can't hop is a pearly one."