[One-eyed Jack]

Re: Clean Christian Jokes

A drunk stood on the riverbank watching a preacher baptizing believers in the muddy water.

The preacher hollered up the the drunk, "My friend, have you found Jesus?"

"Nossir," says the drunk.

"Well come on down here!" says the preacher.

So the drunk wades out into the river. The preacher grabs him by the neck and shoves him under water for a second.

"Did you feel the presence of Jesus?" the preacher says.

"Nossir," says the drunk. "I dint feel nuthin."

So the preacher dunks him again. "Didja find Jesus?"

"Nossir, I dint. I surely dint."

So the preacher shoves the drunk underwater and holds him down a good long time. Finally he lets him up, gasping and spluttering.

"NOW didja find Lord Jesus?"

"No, goddamn it, I dint," says the drunk, coughing. "Say, mister...are you sure this is where He fell in?"

~~ OEJ

[Juliette]

Re: Good, Clean Christian Jokes

A masochist and a sadist are on a train together.

"Hurt me!" the masochist is begging the sadist.

"No!" the sadist replies.

[DJ Troll]

Re: Good, Clean Christian Jokes

Jesus walks into a hotel, lays 3 nails on the counter and asks the clerk, "Can you pt me up for the night?"

Q.Why Can't Jesus eat M&M's
A. They keep falling through the holes in his hands.

[Juliette]

Re: Good, Clean Christian Jokes

Jesus walks into a hotel, lays 3 nails on the counter and asks the clerk, "Can you pt me up for the night?"

Q.Why Can't Jesus eat M&M's
A. They keep falling through the holes in his hands.

Perhaps you understood the notion 'clean christian'.
The part 'jokes' somehow obvious didn't fully come through.

[Virginia Day Templeton]

Re: Good, Clean Christian Jokes

What's the difference between a snow tire and a jigaboo?

A snow tire doesn't sing when you put chains on it.

[Father Thomas Martin]

Re: Good, Clean Christian Jokes

What do you get when you cross a Jehovah's Witness and a Unitarian?

Somebody who rings your doorbell for no apparent reason.

[Daisy Mae Johnson]

Re: Good, Clean Christian Jokes

The Zebra's puzzlement

A Zebra dies and arrives at the Pearly Gates.

As he enters, he asks St. Peter, "I have a question that's haunted me all of my days

on earth.

Am I white with black stripes, or am I black with white stripes?"

St. Peter says, "That's a question which only God can answer."

So the zebra goes off in search of God.

When he finds Him, the zebra asks, "God, please - I must know.

Am I white with black stripes, or am I black with white stripes?"

God simply replies "You are what you are."

The zebra then returns to see St. Peter once more, and St.. Peter asks him,

"Well, did God straighten out your query for you?"

The zebra looks puzzled.

"No, he says, God simply said "You are what you are."

St.. Peter smiles and says to the zebra, "Well then, there you are.

You are white with black stripes."

The zebra then asks St. Peter, "How do you know that for certain?"

"Because," said St. Peter, "If you were black with white stripes,

God would have said, "You is what you is."

[Hitoshi]

Re: Good, Clean Christian Jokes

how many Christian is it take for screw in light bulb? answer is zero they are rather stay in the dark! (explain of joke for dummy american. Christian are not have clue (what they are believe is old fashion and ridiculous) so are "in the dark". ha ha I am hope this joke has give smile.)

[Brother Guy Bayard]

Re: Good, Clean Christian Jokes

What do call a Negro who has a regular job, sleeps in the same bed every night, and doesn't rape white women?
Inmate #3354990

[Brother Guy Bayard]

Re: Good, Clean Christian Jokes

Whats the difference between a Jew and a Canoe?
A canoe tips

Hows Christmas celebrated in Jewish homes?
They put parking meters on the roof.

<A href="http://www.racist-jokes.com/index.php?page=arab#nPHP1040080141">Why don't they teach Drivers Ed. and Sex Ed. on the same day in the middle east?
The camels would get too tired!

<A href="http://www.racist-jokes.com/index.php?page=arab#nPHP1040080141">Why don't they teach Drivers Ed. and Sex Ed. on the same day in the middle east?
The camels would get too tired!

[Virginia Day Templeton]

Re: Good, Clean Christian Jokes

Why don't the joos like oral s*x?

Too close to the gas chamber.

[Seeker]

Re: Good, Clean Christian Jokes

What do call a Negro who has a regular job, sleeps in the same bed every night, and doesn't rape white women?
Inmate #3354990

Bwahahahaha. That is all I have to say.

[Ezekiel Bathfire]

Re: Good, Clean Christian Jokes

A Postal worker at the main sorting office finds an unstamped, poorly hand-written envelope addressed to God.

He opens it and discovers it is from an elderly lady, distressed because some thief robbed her of $500. She will be cold and hungry for the rest of the month if she doesn't receive some divine intervention.

The worker organises a collection amongst the other postal workers, who dig deep and come up with $496. They get it to her by special courier the same morning.

A week later, the same postal worker recognises the same hand on another envelope. He opens it and reads:

“Dear God, Thank you for the $500. This month would have been so bleak otherwise.

P.S. It was four dollars short but that was probably those thieving bastards at the Mail Office.”

[Daisy Mae Johnson]

Re: Good, Clean Christian Jokes

Dolly Parton and Queen Elizabeth die on the same day and they both go before an Angel to find out if they'll be admitted to Heaven.

Unfortunately, there's only one space left that day,
so the Angel must decide which of them gets in.

The Angel asks Dolly if there's some particular reason why
she should go toHeaven.

Dolly takes off her top and says, 'Look at these, they're the most perfect breasts God ever created, and I'm sure it will please the angels to be able to see them every day,
for eternity.'The Angel thanks Dolly, and asks Her Majesty the same question.

The Queen takes a bottle of Perrierout of her purse,
shakes it up, and gargles. Then, she spits into a toilet and pulls the lever.The Angel says, 'OK, your Majesty, you may go in.'
Dolly is outraged and asks, 'What was that all about? I show you two of God's own perfect creations and you turn me down. She spits into a commode and she gets in!

Would you explain that to me?''Sorry, Dolly,' says the Angel,
'but even in Heaven
a royal flush
beats a pair - no matter how big they are!'

~~ groan~~

[Daisy Mae Johnson]

Re: Good, Clean Christian Jokes

Las Vegas Churches

THIS MAY COME AS A SURPRISE TO THOSE OF YOU NOT LIVING IN LAS VEGAS , BUT THERE ARE MORE CATHOLIC CHURCHES THAN CASINOS.

NOT SURPRISINGLY, SOME WORSHIPPERS AT SUNDAY SERVICES WILL GIVE CASINO CHIPS RATHER THAN CASH WHEN THE BASKET IS PASSED.

SINCE THEY GET CHIPS FROM MANY DIFFERENT CASINOS, THE CHURCHES HAVE DEVISED A METHOD TO COLLECT THE OFFERINGS.
THE CHURCHES SEND ALL THEIR COLLECTED CHIPS TO A NEARBY FRANCISCAN MONASTERY FOR SORTING AND THEN THE CHIPS ARE TAKEN TO THE CASINOS OF ORIGIN AND CASHED IN.


THIS IS DONE BY THE CHIP MONKS...!.


YOU DIDN'T EVEN SEE IT COMING DID YOU ..?