[Seeker]

Re: Good, Clean Christian Jokes

I don't get it.

[Pastor Al E Pistle]

Re: Good, Clean Christian Jokes

I don't get it.

Too much pie? Don't dress right? Lousy personality?

[Brother Guy Bayard]

Re: Good, Clean Christian Jokes

A Catholic Altar Boy walks into the Priests office to find him naked and changing into his robes. The altar boy is amazed to see his first adult penis , and asks the priest ..."Father - when will I get a tallywhacker that big?"
The Priest replies "straight after Mass'

[Brother Guy Bayard]

Re: Good, Clean Christian Jokes

A Nigra and a gorilla go into a bar together. The Nigra says to the bartender, "I'd like a malt liquor, and a gin and tonic for my girlfriend here."
The bartender says, "Oh come on, pal, we don't serve no gorillas in here."
So the Nigra figures he'll fix them, he takes the gorilla home, shaves off all her hair, gives her a nice wig, lipstick, red dress, etc. He takes her back to the bar and says, "I'd like a malt liquor, and a gin and tonic for my girlfriend here." The bartender gives them the drinks and they go off and sit down and chat. The bartender turns to his buddy at the bar and says, "You know, that drives me crazy, it seems like every time a good looking Italian girl comes in here, she's with a black guy."

[Brother Guy Bayard]

Re: Good, Clean Christian Jokes

God offered his tablet of commandments to the world. He first approached the Italians. "What commandments do you offer?" they said. He answered, "Thou shalt not murder." They answered "Sorry, we are not interested."
Next he offered it to the Romanians. "What commandments do you offer?" they said. He answered, "Thou shalt not steal." They answered, "Sorry, we are not interested."
Next he offered them to the French. "What commandments do you offer?" they asked. "Thou shalt not covet they neighbors wife." "Sorry we are not interested," they answered. Finally he approached the Jews. "How much?" they asked. "It's free," he answered. "We'll take ten of them!"

[Daisy Mae Johnson]

Re: Good, Clean Christian Jokes

Famous Love Story


I will seek and find you . .
I shall take you to bed and have my way with you

I will make you ache, shake & sweat until you moan & groan.

I will make you beg for mercy, beg for me to stop.

I will exhaust you to the point that you will be relieved when I'm finished with you.

And, when I am finished, you will be weak for days.

All my love,

The Flu

Now, get your mind out of the gutter and go get your flu shot!

[Pastor Al E Pistle]

Re: Good, Clean Christian Jokes

Famous Love Story


I will seek and find you . .
I shall take you to bed and have my way with you

I will make you ache, shake & sweat until you moan & groan.

I will make you beg for mercy, beg for me to stop.

I will exhaust you to the point that you will be relieved when I'm finished with you.

And, when I am finished, you will be weak for days.

All my love,

The Flu

Now, get your mind out of the gutter and go get your flu shot!

Hey! That is the same note one of the parishioners passed to me last Sunday, but I lost the note so I can't remember if it was signed Noddy, SUV, Tali, or Deaner!

[Virginia Day Templeton]

Re: Good, Clean Christian Jokes

What does "NAACP" really stand for?

Negroes Are Actually Chocolate Polacks!

[sonofsatan666 (On Moderation)]

reformed baptist

I was walking across a bridge one day, and I saw a man standing on the edge, about to jump off. So I ran over and said, "Stop! Don't do it!" "Why shouldn't I?" he said. I said, "Well, there's so much to live for!" He said, "Like what?" I said, "Well, are you religious or atheist?" He said, "Religious." I said, "Me too! Are your Christian or Buddhist?" He said, "Christian." I said, "Me too! Are you Catholic or Protestant?" He said, "Protestant." I said, Me too! Are your Episcopalian or Baptist? He said, "Baptist!" I said, "Wow! Me too! Are your Baptist Church of God or Baptist Church of the Lord? He said, Baptist Church of God!" I said, "Me too! Are your Original Baptist Church of God or are you Reformed Baptist Church of God?" He said, "Reformed Baptist Church of God!" I said, "Me too! Are you Reformed Baptist Church of God, Reformation of 1879, or Reformed Baptist Church of God, Reformation of 1915?" He said, "Reformed Baptist Church of God, Reformation of 1915!" I said, "Die, heretic scum!" and pushed him off.

[eliot mayfield]

Re: reformed baptist

Brothers, I think we have another 11 year old boy playing with his parents computer. He has been warned. Pastor Zeke, do you want to do it, or shall I have the privelege?

[Pastor Ezekiel]

Re: reformed baptist

Brothers, I think we have another 11 year old boy playing with his parents computer. He has been warned. Pastor Zeke, do you want to do it, or shall I have the privelege?

Play the gong, brother Eliot.

[sonofsatan666 (On Moderation)]

Re: reformed baptist

eliot mayfield
Missionary to the commies
Moderator

Dear sonofsatan666,

You have received an infraction at The Landover Baptist Church Forums.

Reason: Posting lewd or pornographic material
-------
I assume you are just trying to see how long you can post before being banned. The answer is about one more post like that one like daddy's joke.
God drew you here for a reason and that reason is to save your soul. Please take advantage of this opportunity.
-------

This infraction is worth 35 point(s) and may result in restricted access until it expires. Serious infractions will never expire.

Original Post:
http://www.landoverbaptist.net/showthread.php?p=104466

[Father Thomas Martin]

Re: reformed baptist

A man goes to a Franciscan friar and asks him, "Would you pray a novena that I will win the lottery so that I can afford to buy myself a Lexus?" The friar responds, "What is a Lexus?" The man answers, "It's a luxury car." The friar answers, "No, I'm sorry, I can't do that - it would be contrary to the Franciscan spirit of poverty."

So the man goes to a Dominican with his request. The Dominican asks him, "What is a Lexus?" The man explains. The friar tells him, "I'm sorry, I can't pray for that - it would be contrary to St. Thomas Aquinas's explanation of the purposes of prayer."

Finally the man goes to a Jesuit and asks, "Would you pray a novena for me, so that I'll win the lottery and be able to afford a Lexus?" The Jesuit asks in return, "What's a novena?"

[Daisy Mae Johnson]

Re: Clean Christian Jokes

A father was at the beach with his children when the four-year-old son ran up to him,grabbed his hand, and led him to the shorewhere a seagull lay dead in the sand."Daddy, what happened to him?" the son asked. "He died and went to Heaven," the Dad replied. The boy thought a moment and then said, "Did God throw him back down?"

[DJ Troll]

3 of my favs

A man dies and goes to hell. When he arrives, Satan takes him on a tour so he can decide which room he will spend eternity. THe first room is full of naked women and bottle of wine. The mans says, " This room looks pretty good." Satan says, "yeah, but see those bottles? They have holes in the bottom but the women don't." The man decides againt the room and goes to the next room. Inside of it people are hung from the ceiling and being whipped by midgets. The man hurries by the room and on to the next one. Inside there are people waist deep in feces smoking cigars and joking. The man tells Satan that this room looks pretty good and he picks it to spend eternity. Satan lets him inside, locks the door and leaves. The man wades over to the table and lights up a cigar. Suddenly a loud bell goes off and a loudspeaker says, "OK. Breaks over, everyone back on your heads."




A man dies and goes to heaven. When he arrives, St Peter gives him a tour. They walk by one room and there's singing and praising. The man asks, "Who's that?" St Peter replies, they're the Pentacostals." At the next room there's rows and rows of pews full of people. They are alternating sitting and standing. The man asks, "Who's that?" St Peter replies, they're the Catholics." St Peter tells the man to be completely silent when passing the upcoming room. They pass and the man looks inside. Inside they're all silently praying. When they get past the room, the man whispers, "Who was that?" St Peter says, "They're the Landover Baptists. They think they''re the only ones up here!"



A man is shipwrecked on an island. After three years, a ship comes to rescue him and one man rows ashore to return him to the boat so he can go home. As the man walks ashore, he notices three grass huts. He asks the shipwrecked man about them. The lonely man replies, "The first hut is where I sleep. All of my belonging are inside. The second hut is my church. I have been in there every day praying for someone to come and rescue me and here you are!" The rescuer says, "Well, what about the third hut?" The shipwrecked man replies, "Oh, that. That's my old church!"