After much exploring of your site...

[Mothbite]

... I have decided to become a True Christian. Though I may not ENTIRELY agree with some of your approaches to things (for instance, I don't believe that modern music is the work of the devil, just the work of bad role models), I've still decided that this is right for me.
There is only 1 problem... I'm not quite sure how to go about becoming a True Christian. I know that I must follow the Bible, pray, and tithe (which will have to wait, considering that my bank account is currently $0 ), but, I'm not sure if there is anything else that I must do before I'm considered a True Christian.

Any advice?

[Wide-Open]

Re: After much exploring of your site...

Glory! Welcome friend! Accepting Jesus as your Saviour® is a big first step. However, a decent Tithing schedule is really a big part of it and shouldn't be avoided because of mundaine cashflow problems.

Have you considered selling off your furniture? Any automotive vehicles you could flog? Juwelry perhaps (good Christian ladies don't need blingbling)? Other valuables? Pets?

I'm sure there'll be a Pastor round to give you further instructions.

[LyingDingDong]

Re: After much exploring of your site...

... I have decided to become a True Christian. Though I may not ENTIRELY agree with some of your approaches to things (for instance, I don't believe that modern music is the work of the devil, just the work of bad role models), I've still decided that this is right for me.
There is only 1 problem... I'm not quite sure how to go about becoming a True Christian. I know that I must follow the Bible, pray, and tithe (which will have to wait, considering that my bank account is currently $0 ), but, I'm not sure if there is anything else that I must do before I'm considered a True Christian.

Any advice?

The guidance of this forum will lead you to your desired direction, even though you took the wrong path.

[Nobar King]

Re: After much exploring of your site...

The guidance of this forum will lead you to your desired direction, even though you took the wrong path.

Don't listen to Yoda, the wrong path down you he will lead.

[Ezekiel Bathfire]

Re: After much exploring of your site...

... I have decided to become a True Christian. Though I may not ENTIRELY agree with some of your approaches to things (for instance, I don't believe that modern music is the work of the devil, just the work of bad role models), I've still decided that this is right for me.
There is only 1 problem... I'm not quite sure how to go about becoming a True Christian. I know that I must follow the Bible, pray, and tithe (which will have to wait, considering that my bank account is currently $0 ), but, I'm not sure if there is anything else that I must do before I'm considered a True Christian.

Any advice?

You could start by replying to some of the posts, those requesting guidance, you will of course support. Those questioning the Bible (KJV1611 only), dishonouring God or showing intolerance towards True Christians™ will be soundly and robustly answered to show the error of the posters' ways.

LingBlingDingDong in some of his posts, like the one above is a good example. LingBlingDingDong is a lightweight oaf with the reasoning power of a dyslectic jellyfish. He makes wild and unfounded statements and enjoys being insulted and proven wrong. He keeps coming back for more defeats. Eventually he may be Saved™ but the return on the investment so far is poor.

Biblical quotations are always a good source. In your case, M't:3:3: For this is he that was spoken of by the prophet Esaias, saying, The voice of one crying in the wilderness, [this is you] Prepare ye the way of the Lord, make his paths straight.[this is Landover Baptist Church] and thus LingBling has been made to look foolish, for the Lord of Hosts has spoken on the subject and is therefore correct and LBDD is wrong, as per usual.

[LyingDingDong]

Re: After much exploring of your site...

You could start by replying to some of the posts, those requesting guidance, you will of course support. Those questioning the Bible (KJV1611 only), dishonouring God or showing intolerance towards True Christians™ will be soundly and robustly answered to show the error of the posters' ways.

LingBlingDingDong in some of his posts, like the one above is a good example. LingBlingDingDong is a lightweight oaf with the reasoning power of a dyslectic jellyfish. He makes wild and unfounded statements and enjoys being insulted and proven wrong. He keeps coming back for more defeats. Eventually he may be Saved™ but the return on the investment so far is poor.

Biblical quotations are always a good source. In your case, M't:3:3: For this is he that was spoken of by the prophet Esaias, saying, The voice of one crying in the wilderness, [this is you] Prepare ye the way of the Lord, make his paths straight.[this is Landover Baptist Church] and thus LingBling has been made to look foolish, for the Lord of Hosts has spoken on the subject and is therefore correct and LBDD is wrong, as per usual.

I'm right because of evolution says I'm right. Sound familiar?

[Bobby-Joe]

Re: After much exploring of your site...

... I have decided to become a True Christian. Though I may not ENTIRELY agree with some of your approaches to things (for instance, I don't believe that modern music is the work of the devil, just the work of bad role models), I've still decided that this is right for me.
There is only 1 problem... I'm not quite sure how to go about becoming a True Christian. I know that I must follow the Bible, pray, and tithe (which will have to wait, considering that my bank account is currently $0 ), but, I'm not sure if there is anything else that I must do before I'm considered a True Christian.

Any advice?

Empty bank account is no excuse, Jesus gave us credit cards for a reason.

[Pastor Ezekiel]

Re: After much exploring of your site...

... I have decided to become a True Christian. I know that I must follow the Bible, pray, and tithe (which will have to wait, considering that my bank account is currently $0 ), but, I'm not sure if there is anything else that I must do before I'm considered a True Christian.

Any advice?

Jesus was quite clear on this point. If you have a husband and he has a job, then you are to tithe a minimum of 10% of his yearly GROSS income.

If you are penniless (which seems unlikely since you own a computer and have internet access), then Jesus says that you are to tithe 100%.

Mark 12:41 And Jesus sat over against the treasury, and beheld how the people cast money into the treasury: and many that were rich cast in much. Mark 12:42 And there came a certain poor widow, and she threw in two mites, which make a farthing. Mark 12:43 And he called unto him his disciples, and saith unto them, Verily I say unto you, That this poor widow hath cast more in, than all they which have cast into the treasury: Mark 12:44 For all they did cast in of their abundance; but she of her want did cast in all that she had, even all her living.

Don't try and rob Jesus. That would be a huge mistake.

[ForGodsSake]

Re: After much exploring of your site...

The guidance of this forum will lead you to your desired direction, even though you took the wrong path.

May i ask you (if you have the intelligence to do so that is) And i know it so you look at it and read it carefully. 2 Corinthians 4.4, That the god of this world has blinded the eye's of the unbelievers. Pay close attention to this heaven.. You may also be one who is counted as one who misleads and sin against the HOLY Spirit. Do not stand in the way of someones progress. You heathen scum. Evolution has nothing against Gods word. nothing at all. And if you please start a thread about evolution and i will gladly debate it with you.

Mothbite do remember to keep the tithe in mind it is to help you.

[Brother Temperance]

Re: After much exploring of your site...

Have you considered selling off your furniture? Any automotive vehicles you could flog? Juwelry perhaps (good Christian ladies don't need blingbling)?

The guidance of this forum will lead you to your desired direction, even though you took the wrong path.

Good Christians don't need lingbling either.

[Unfalsifiable]

Re: After much exploring of your site...

2 Corinthians 9:7

Each of you must give as you have made up your mind, not reluctantly or under compulsion, for God loves a cheerful giver.


But, I speak on behalf of the Church here, if you don't want to Tithe that much, you don't have to.

Praise Jesus!

[Sister Noddy]

Re: After much exploring of your site...

But, I speak on behalf of the Church here, if you don't want to Tithe that much, you don't have to.

Praise Jesus!

Oh yeah you do so have to, falsie! Jesus hates a tightwad!

[Pastor Ezekiel]

Re: After much exploring of your site...

2 Corinthians 9:7

Each of you must give as you have made up your mind, not reluctantly or under compulsion, for God loves a cheerful giver.


But, I speak on behalf of the Church here, if you don't want to Tithe that much, you don't have to.

Praise Jesus!

Pal, let me assure you that you do NOT speak for Landover Baptist Church in any way, shape or form. While we have extended membership status to you, that does not make you a True Christian™, nor does it give you ANY authority to make pronouncements about Tithing, Scripture or custom regarding God's favorite church.

In addition, you are 100% incorrect on your sick, liberal attempt to "spin" God's Holy Word.

The correct amount to Tithe is a minimum of 10% of one's GROSS income. You may do so happily, of course, but 10% is what Jesus expects. Encouraging others to rob God is a very, very bad idea.


Any further attempts at passing yourself off as an authority on Tithing or any other Church Doctrine may result in more stringent penalties. We take our Tithing very seriously around here. It is no laughing matter.

Do I make myself clear?