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  • Dr. Otto Bond Sr.
    Away on vacation, or very possibly deceased
    BANNED from Landover -- Aeternal Damnation Assured
    • Feb 2008
    • 177
    #1

    My Migration

    Praise! Jesus finally got my memo and has arranged for me to come to Freehold, Iowa in a private 767 Jumbo Jet for good. I'm so excited. The doctor says my blood pressure is so high that I should be dead, but I just take that opportunity to witness to him. I should be in Freehold within the week! Just remember the trout pond I requested in the 767 this time.
    Tags: None
    • Bobby-Joe
      Landover Security Superviser
      Asset Loss Prevention and Personal Security Expert
      NOT angry and positively NOT Gay
      True Christian™
      • Sep 2006
      • 18405
      #2
      Re: My Migration

      Originally posted by Dr. Otto Bond Sr. View Post
      Praise! Jesus finally got my memo and has arranged for me to come to Freehold, Iowa in a private 767 Jumbo Jet for good. I'm so excited. The doctor says my blood pressure is so high that I should be dead, but I just take that opportunity to witness to him. I should be in Freehold within the week! Just remember the trout pond I requested in the 767 this time.
      Ignore those doctors and Trust® in Jesus Brother! My raghead doctor told me my blood pressure should have made my head explod two years ago, well it hasn't and yet here I am unharmed. PRAISE JESUS!

      Blood pressure is just pagan superstition; Jesus wants you to have as many steaks, hams, sausages, roasts and pizzas as you can fit in your mouth. All this talk of a low salt diet is just something whipped up by tree hugging pagans who want to save their animals friends.

      Two words for you to eat by Brother Dr Otto; canned soup, you can't get more salt per serving. Yum!

      Time to reclaim our FREEDOM from the “Mullah in Chief” and his growing activist voter hoards of socialists, communists, anti-Semites, anti-Christians, atheists, radical gays and lesbians, feminists, illegal immigrants, Muslims, anti-Anglo whites and others.

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      Time to come clean on Benghazi Mr Obama!

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        • Pastor Isaac Peters
          Senior Pastor
          Ex-liberal; converted to True Christianity™
          Always Biblically correct
          True Christian™
          • Sep 2006
          • 10639
          #3
          Re: My Migration

          Originally posted by Bobby-Joe View Post
          Blood pressure is just pagan superstition; Jesus wants you to have as many steaks, hams, sausages, roasts and pizzas as you can fit in your mouth. All this talk of a low salt diet is just something whipped up by tree hugging pagans who want to save their animals friends.
          Exactly. Those sick-ular doctors (who overwhelmingly seem to be dzhoos, mooselimbs, dotheads, evil-utionists, and other Christ-haters) didn't create the universe and everything in it; God did. Are they supposed to know more about how creation works than the Creator does? That's why I get my health tips out of Scripture, not their ranting.
          This church is dedicated to preaching True Christianity™ and the King James Bible exactly as they are, with no alterations to make them more politically correct for modern liberals. If you think that we've misquoted or twisted Scripture or quoted any verse out of context, please explain in detail how we've done so. Otherwise, if what you read on this site offends you, then you're offended by Almighty God and His Word, not by us.

          Questions to ask liberal "Christians" ✞ Things that the Bible doesn't say ✞ Tolerance

          sigpic

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            • Ezekiel Bathfire
              Pastor for Diversity and Tolerance
              Christ's Rottweiler
               
              • Jan 2008
              • 22898
              #4
              Re: My Migration

              Originally posted by Dr. Otto Bond Sr. View Post
              Praise! Jesus finally got my memo and has arranged for me to come to Freehold, Iowa in a private 767 Jumbo Jet for good. I'm so excited. The doctor says my blood pressure is so high that I should be dead, but I just take that opportunity to witness to him. I should be in Freehold within the week! Just remember the trout pond I requested in the 767 this time.
              As it happens, I was walking the grounds and met nephew Zebun. He works in the Control Tower and has it on good authority that the trout pond is already stocked with the world’s 50 remaining Landover Trout. In the after-quarters, there is a tethered snow leopard as a hunting diversion, should you wish.

              Zebun says that once your flight plan is posted, at 600 nautical miles out, you will receive an escort of 3 F1-11s with orders to clear your flight path of small, annoying aircraft.

              Have a pleasant flight!
              sigpic


              “We must reassert that the essence of Christianity is the love of obedience to God’s Laws and that how that complete obedience is used or implemented does not concern us.”

              Author of such illuminating essays as,
              Map of the Known World; Periodic Table of Elements; The History of Linguistics; The Errors of Wicca; Dolphins and Evolution; The History of Landover (The Apology); Landover and the Civil War; 2000 Racial Slurs.

                Comment

                • Dr. Otto Bond Sr.
                  Away on vacation, or very possibly deceased
                  BANNED from Landover -- Aeternal Damnation Assured
                  • Feb 2008
                  • 177
                  #5
                  Re: My Migration

                  Thank you all for your support against the ravings of a secular doctor. When I'm finished posting this, I'll get back to my porterhouse steak.

                  Originally posted by Ezekiel Bathfire View Post
                  As it happens, I was walking the grounds and met nephew Zebun. He works in the Control Tower and has it on good authority that the trout pond is already stocked with the world’s 50 remaining Landover Trout. In the after-quarters, there is a tethered snow leopard as a hunting diversion, should you wish.

                  Zebun says that once your flight plan is posted, at 600 nautical miles out, you will receive an escort of 3 F1-11s with orders to clear your flight path of small, annoying aircraft.

                  Have a pleasant flight!
                  In the mean time, I'd like to thank Mr. Bathfire for his best wishes for my flight. I see that all the stops have been pulled out for this flight, what with a snow leapord and all. However, we shall see about in flight service, something I will definitely comment on in my review. Until then.

                  Yours in Christ,

                  Dr. Otto Bond, Sr.

                    Comment

                    • Dr. Otto Bond Sr.
                      Away on vacation, or very possibly deceased
                      BANNED from Landover -- Aeternal Damnation Assured
                      • Feb 2008
                      • 177
                      #6
                      Re: My Migration

                      Good news everyone! The 767 just touched down at Landover International Airport. My domestic help should be finished unpacking by tonight and I'll be settled in for church on Sunday. Of course, I never post on Sundays (I don't like the sinners here to interfere with my worship), so I'll only see some of you Platinum Tithers™ in church, unless the rest of you use your binoculars, of course.

                      P.S. Brother Bathfire- That snow leopard proved a much appreciated diversion during the trip. Give your nephew my highest regards.

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