[Johny Joe Hold]

Re: Open Invitation To Atheists: 5 Reasons To Join the Church

Honestly, I don't care whether I go to Heaven or Hell. All the things know about, care about, love and live for, are here... in this world. Parting from this world would be vastly more tormenting than any type of torture in Hell. I can't even imagine drawing any sort of pleasure from going to Heaven knowing I'm not here on earth anymore.

CareTaker, you seem unaware we here at Landover Baptist are experts in the minds of atheists. We know full well you live in constant fear of hell.

This bravado of not caring is a mask for your whimpering and weeping over not wanting to be judged. But, judged you will be. And, you will be sorry you did not come to terms with your life of sin and sex.

[MissRatty]

Re: Open Invitation To Atheists: 5 Reasons To Join the Church

Wow. That was truly beautiful and sorta poetic too!

[deargod]

Re: Open Invitation To Atheists: 5 Reasons To Join the Church

5. We hunger for meaning and purpose in our lives.

We all want answers to why we are here and what we were made for. The Bible has the answer. God made us to fear and obey Him (Ecclesiastes 12:13), so we can be with Him forever in comfort (John 14:2 ). Landover Baptist Church helps us to fulfill this purpose that God has for all of us by sharing the uncensored Holy Bible.

4. We need God’s forgiveness and healing for our failings and God’s mercy to help us become better people.

Perhaps you’ve been carrying around deep spiritual wounds or painful sins that have burdened you for years. True Christianity gives us a way to recognize our faults, failings, and hurts before God and other True Christians™. God can regenerate our hearts and make us "new creations" in Christ (2 Corinthians 5:17), so essentially all our guilt is hidden away from His omniscient eyes (Isaiah 43:25) and instead He enjoys the Blood of Christ (Romans 5:9)!

3. Our families and communities need to be built on a strong foundation of faith and superior morals.

If you want to give your children the greatest treasure in the world, give them the gift of faith. If you love them, you'll know how to stop them from ruining their eternal lives by relying on independent thought and critical thinking (Proverbs 3:5). A True Christian™ community also provides us with a source of spirit-filled friends in which we can find support and strength when life gets tough. No one can circle the wagons and keep out the rest of the world like a tight-knit group of True Christians™!

2. The perks are to die for!

Only True Christians™ will be invited to Heaven. In Heaven, we can expect all kinds of new surprises, like totally new laws of nature (Revelation 7:16), no pesky digestive issues, which means no need for embarrassing bathroom breaks (Romans 14:17), nice gifts, like hidden manna and a special rock just for us with a new name (Revelation 2:17), and most wonderfully, True Christians will get to judge and rule New Earth (Revelation 5:10)!

1. The Christian Faith is TRUE!

The only really good reason to believe something is because it is true, and the Faith of Christ is true (Proverbs 30:5)! Baptists were the first to realize this and thus follow Christ 2,000 years ago. It is the Brothers and Sisters of Christ who will inherit the Kingdom (Luke 12:32). Only the Christian Faith can offer a deep union with Christ through the Scripture, prayer, and community.

If you've been led to our friendly forums, it's because the LORD is tugging on your soul, gently wooing you into a life of Love! Don't throw away this opportunity! Look deeply into your sad, hollow heart, take note of all the things you don't like about yourself. Know that God hates that even more than you (as well as things to which you are completely ignorant through self-denial and cognitive dissonance), and yet He will still consider accepting you as His Own if you but have faith in His Son, Jesus. Will you do that? Will you discard your pathetic life as it is now, the life that never got you anywhere, and instead embrace a New Life? Embrace a Life with Christ! It's easy! You can start with this Sinner's Prayer:

Dear LORD,

I acknowledge that you, Jesus, are the Son of God. I believe that you were born of the Virgin Mary in a miraculous way (impregnating her with the Holy Spirit, which is You, without her knowledge or consent, or even the benefit of physical sperm, but by the very will of God, who is, amazingly, also You). I believe you died on the cross for my sins. I believe you were resurrected, floated up into the air, through the atmosphere, and straight to Heaven. I know that your divine nature means you were impervious to the physical effects of the lack of oxygen in space, that your divine body saved you from any danger of your blood boiling, your eyeballs exploding, or your lungs turning into red slush.

I admit that I was born a sinner by your design, and there is nothing I could have done to prevent it. I know I have led a life of sinning by not obeying your every command. It tears me up inside. My guilt is overwhelming.

Please forgive me.

Please change my heart so I can be a willing slave and do whatever you want me to do.

Please change my heart to want to read the Holy Bible and agree with all of it.

Be my Savior.

By my LORD and Master.

I beg you, save me from the very Hell you created for me in the beginning of time in case I didn't fear and obey you.

In Jesus' Name I pray.

OK so I said the prayer. I'll try to be more godly.
But your image of "godly" reminds me of Margaret White from Carrie. You think everything is a sin, even of it is one of the 666 sins listed in the Bible. But, you only seem to practice the hate part of Christianity, not the love part. Not the caring part. Not the part where you help others who need guidance and instead criticize them. You criticize their race. Does the bible say it is a sin to be black? NO! Does the bible say Caucasians are the only godly race? NO! If it does, show me proof. My problem with you True Christians is that you seem to spend more time dwelling on others instead of your life. You guys are racist, violent, and bullies and you back it up with vague scriptural verses.

[Jedediah]

Re: Open Invitation To Atheists: 5 Reasons To Join the Church

OK so I said the prayer. I'll try to be more godly.
But your image of "godly" reminds me of Margaret White from Carrie. You think everything is a sin, even of it is one of the 666 sins listed in the Bible. But, you only seem to practice the hate part of Christianity, not the love part. Not the caring part. Not the part where you help others who need guidance and instead criticize them. You criticize their race. Does the bible say it is a sin to be black? NO! Does the bible say Caucasians are the only godly race? NO! If it does, show me proof. My problem with you True Christians is that you seem to spend more time dwelling on others instead of your life. You guys are racist, violent, and bullies and you back it up with vague scriptural verses.

There is no hate here, friend. If our hearts were not filled with love for all the unsaved trash of the world, why would we spend our time trying to win their souls for His Kingdom? The most hateful thing I can think of would be to ignore them as they wallow in depredation or, worse yet, molly-coddle them and tell them that their sinful nature is okay in the eyes of the LORD. God is very clear about how we are to do the work of evangelists and spread the Good News.

II Timothy 4:2-5
Preach the word; be instant in season, out of season; reprove, rebuke, exhort with all long suffering and doctrine.
For the time will come when they will not endure sound doctrine; but after their own lusts shall they heap to themselves teachers, having itching ears;
And they shall turn away their ears from the truth, and shall be turned unto fables.
But watch thou in all things, endure afflictions, do the work of an evangelist, make full proof of thy ministry.

We are trying to snap them out of their delusion and exhort them to get right with Jesus! God has brought them here for a reason. For us to just ignore their desperate cries for help would be completely antithetical to the Christian Love that we all feel for all of you. Please try not to be so hostile. We are only trying to help you and the rest of the unsaved trash who come here spewing hatred. It's not too late for you or for them. We want you all to join us in Heaven. We want you all to accept Jesus' kind offer of Redemption and become a True Christians™. It is precisely because of our Christian love that we scourge and chasten unsaved trash.

Hebrews 12:5-8
And ye have forgotten the exhortation which speaketh unto you as unto children, My son, despise not thou the chastening of the Lord, nor faint when thou art rebuked of him:
For whom the Lord loveth he chasteneth, and scourgeth every son whom he receiveth.
If ye endure chastening, God dealeth with you as with sons; for what son is he whom the father chasteneth not?
But if ye be without chastisement, whereof all are partakers, then are ye bastards, and not sons.

[Herr Doktor]

Re: Open Invitation To Atheists: 5 Reasons To Join the Church

Let's try to have an intelligent conversation devoid of the slinging of feces and insults,White American(?) Christians to a white American Atheist. And don't worry, I'm straight and I'm not going to corrupt your children or any b.s. like that.Life in Heaven lasts for an eternity, correct? The way the human brain works with time is that time appears to move faster due to each year being a smaller and smaller part of your life. For example: Being ten means this year is one tenth of of your life, while being one hundred years old means this year is one-one hundred of a year. Being in Heaven for over ten thousand years means a single year would pass so quickly that the human mind would shut down from sensory overload. This would imply that time flows differently in Heaven. Possibly everyone reaches it at the same time, regardless if you died in ancient caveman15,000 B.C. or Doctor Who esc. 15,000 C.E.. OR that God can somehow stop this process? But another problem would be entertainment. The human mind also runs on stimulation. What would one do for entertainment? Sit around and listen to Jesus preach? Obviously not play games, I've read alot of the other threads and seen you dissaprove of anything like Team Fortress 2, Pokémon, Zelda, etc. so excuse me if I'm at a loss. Care to explain if you can hold yourself back from screaming at me for being a dirty athiest who helps make up 2% of your population.

[Elijah Mee, PhD]

Re: Open Invitation To Atheists: 5 Reasons To Join the Church

Let's try to have an intelligent conversation devoid of the slinging of feces and insults,White American(?) Christians to a white American Atheist. And don't worry, I'm straight and I'm not going to corrupt your children or any b.s. like that.Life in Heaven lasts for an eternity, correct? The way the human brain works with time is that time appears to move faster due to each year being a smaller and smaller part of your life. For example: Being ten means this year is one tenth of of your life, while being one hundred years old means this year is one-one hundred of a year. Being in Heaven for over ten thousand years means a single year would pass so quickly that the human mind would shut down from sensory overload. This would imply that time flows differently in Heaven. Possibly everyone reaches it at the same time, regardless if you died in ancient caveman15,000 B.C. or Doctor Who esc. 15,000 C.E.. OR that God can somehow stop this process? But another problem would be entertainment. The human mind also runs on stimulation. What would one do for entertainment? Sit around and listen to Jesus preach? Obviously not play games, I've read alot of the other threads and seen you dissaprove of anything like Team Fortress 2, Pokémon, Zelda, etc. so excuse me if I'm at a loss. Care to explain if you can hold yourself back from screaming at me for being a dirty athiest who helps make up 2% of your population.

Heaven is eternal, friend (Matthew 25:46). Units of time have no meaning because for any unit you name, we will experience an infinite number of them in Heaven. Time dilation is a meaningless concept in the context of eternity.

I'd be remiss if I didn't mention that I'd be glad to listen to Jesus preach for eternity!

[Didymus Much]

Re: Open Invitation To Atheists: 5 Reasons To Join the Church

...The way the human brain works with time is that time appears to move faster due to each year being a smaller and smaller part of your life. For example: Being ten means this year is one tenth of of your life, while being one hundred years old means this year is one-one hundred of a year...

Stop looking for eternal truths on Top Gear (_especially_ from Jeremy Clarkson).

...Being in Heaven for over ten thousand years means a single year would pass so quickly that the human mind would shut down from sensory overload....

Have you been around for 10,000 years, or is that purely conjecture?

...This would imply that time flows differently in Heaven....

Why couldn't it?

...But another problem would be entertainment. The human mind also runs on stimulation....

Fallacy of generalization.

...Care to explain if you can hold yourself back from screaming at me for being a dirty athiest who helps make up 2% of your population.

1) Please learn to spell atheist.

2) Atheists make up a lot more than 2% of the US population, but exact figures always depend on what question is asked.

3) If they don't justify themselves (read: satisfy YOUR standards, which WILL include a lot of goalpost shifting), does that prove you right?

[Herr Doktor]

Re: Open Invitation To Atheists: 5 Reasons To Join the Church

Heaven is eternal, friend (Matthew 25:46). Units of time have no meaning because for any unit you name, we will experience an infinite number of them in Heaven. Time dilation is a meaningless concept in the context of eternity.

So basically Heaven would need to exist outside of THIS universe, which is undeniable if there is no measurement of time. But let me guess, you guys hate the multi-verse theory as well?

[Basilissa]

Re: Open Invitation To Atheists: 5 Reasons To Join the Church

But let me guess, you guys hate the multi-verse theory as well?

What do you mean? There are multiple verses in the Bible. It's not a "theory," it's a fact.

[Herr Doktor]

Re: Open Invitation To Atheists: 5 Reasons To Join the Church

Stop looking for eternal truths on Top Gear (_especially_ from Jeremy Clarkson).

Have you been around for 10,000 years, or is that purely conjecture?


Why couldn't it?

Fallacy of generalization.

1) Please learn to spell atheist.

2) Atheists make up a lot more than 2% of the US population, but exact figures always depend on what question is asked.

3) If they don't justify themselves (read: satisfy YOUR standards, which WILL include a lot of goalpost shifting), does that prove you right?

One, what the hell is Top Gear and who is Jeremy? No, the current biological state of humans has not exceeded about 70-80 in America nor has technology avanced far enough to keep us alive for extended periods of time, (p.s. If God does exist, ask for another plaugue, our population is too high and I'm surrounded by hippie weed smokers) but evidence would suggest so. And yes, humans run off of what you would call 'sins' and the I do believe the Bible states we are destructive by nature. Excuse me for switching two letters, mr. Grmmar Nazi. I must correct more Russian children on Warthunder and Team Fortress to keep my grammatical skills here, nor am I typing on a conventional keyboard.

[Herr Doktor]

Re: Open Invitation To Atheists: 5 Reasons To Join the Church

What do you mean? There are multiple verses in the Bible. It's not a "theory," it's a fact.

So you read a book written by middle-eastern carpenters and poor people is used to worship God...yet most of you hate any non-white non-christian American? Let's face it, Jesus probably had slightly darker skin then usually portrayed.

[Didymus Much]

Re: Open Invitation To Atheists: 5 Reasons To Join the Church

...Let's face it, Jesus probably had slightly darker skin then usually portrayed.

For a "Doktor", you do like to rely on conjecture rather than fact.

[Basilissa]

Re: Open Invitation To Atheists: 5 Reasons To Join the Church

So you read a book written by middle-eastern carpenters and poor people

I'm surprised. God haters like you usually believe that religion was created by elites to keep the poor people in their place. Your idea is quite novel, albeit equally baseless.

is used to worship God...yet most of you hate any non-white non-christian American? Let's face it, Jesus probably had slightly darker skin then usually portrayed.

No. (Revelation 1:14).

[helloseattle]

Re: Open Invitation To Atheists: 5 Reasons To Join the Church

5. We hunger for meaning and purpose in our lives.

We all want answers to why we are here and what we were made for. The Bible has the answer. God made us to fear and obey Him (Ecclesiastes 12:13), so we can be with Him forever in comfort (John 14:2 ). Landover Baptist Church helps us to fulfill this purpose that God has for all of us by sharing the uncensored Holy Bible.

4. We need God’s forgiveness and healing for our failings and God’s mercy to help us become better people.

Perhaps you’ve been carrying around deep spiritual wounds or painful sins that have burdened you for years. True Christianity gives us a way to recognize our faults, failings, and hurts before God and other True Christians™. God can regenerate our hearts and make us "new creations" in Christ (2 Corinthians 5:17), so essentially all our guilt is hidden away from His omniscient eyes (Isaiah 43:25) and instead He enjoys the Blood of Christ (Romans 5:9)!

3. Our families and communities need to be built on a strong foundation of faith and superior morals.

If you want to give your children the greatest treasure in the world, give them the gift of faith. If you love them, you'll know how to stop them from ruining their eternal lives by relying on independent thought and critical thinking (Proverbs 3:5). A True Christian™ community also provides us with a source of spirit-filled friends in which we can find support and strength when life gets tough. No one can circle the wagons and keep out the rest of the world like a tight-knit group of True Christians™!

2. The perks are to die for!

Only True Christians™ will be invited to Heaven. In Heaven, we can expect all kinds of new surprises, like totally new laws of nature (Revelation 7:16), no pesky digestive issues, which means no need for embarrassing bathroom breaks (Romans 14:17), nice gifts, like hidden manna and a special rock just for us with a new name (Revelation 2:17), and most wonderfully, True Christians will get to judge and rule New Earth (Revelation 5:10)!

1. The Christian Faith is TRUE!

The only really good reason to believe something is because it is true, and the Faith of Christ is true (Proverbs 30:5)! Baptists were the first to realize this and thus follow Christ 2,000 years ago. It is the Brothers and Sisters of Christ who will inherit the Kingdom (Luke 12:32). Only the Christian Faith can offer a deep union with Christ through the Scripture, prayer, and community.

If you've been led to our friendly forums, it's because the LORD is tugging on your soul, gently wooing you into a life of Love! Don't throw away this opportunity! Look deeply into your sad, hollow heart, take note of all the things you don't like about yourself. Know that God hates that even more than you (as well as things to which you are completely ignorant through self-denial and cognitive dissonance), and yet He will still consider accepting you as His Own if you but have faith in His Son, Jesus. Will you do that? Will you discard your pathetic life as it is now, the life that never got you anywhere, and instead embrace a New Life? Embrace a Life with Christ! It's easy! You can start with this Sinner's Prayer:
Dear LORD,

I acknowledge that you, Jesus, are the Son of God. I believe that you were born of the Virgin Mary in a miraculous way (impregnating her with the Holy Spirit, which is You, without her knowledge or consent, or even the benefit of physical sperm, but by the very will of God, who is, amazingly, also You). I believe you died on the cross for my sins. I believe you were resurrected, floated up into the air, through the atmosphere, and straight to Heaven. I know that your divine nature means you were impervious to the physical effects of the lack of oxygen in space, that your divine body saved you from any danger of your blood boiling, your eyeballs exploding, or your lungs turning into red slush.

I admit that I was born a sinner by your design, and there is nothing I could have done to prevent it. I know I have led a life of sinning by not obeying your every command. It tears me up inside. My guilt is overwhelming.

Please forgive me.

Please change my heart so I can be a willing slave and do whatever you want me to do.

Please change my heart to want to read the Holy Bible and agree with all of it.

Be my Savior.

By my LORD and Master.

I beg you, save me from the very Hell you created for me in the beginning of time in case I didn't fear and obey you.

In Jesus' Name I pray.

Your kindess, Christian Love and forgivness never ceases to amaze, Mrs. Etheldreda! Atheists everywhere will soon realize they are sinning greatly and will accept Jesus into their hearts.
PRAISE!!!

[Eva_Christensen]

Re: Open Invitation To Atheists: 5 Reasons To Join the Church

Your kindess, Christian Love and forgivness never ceases to amaze, Mrs. Etheldreda! Atheists everywhere will soon realize they are sinning greatly and will accept Jesus into their hearts.
PRAISE!!!

Hi again! Proverbs 19:20

Hello there!

I think it would be a good idea, if you were to head on over to the introductory forum, and tell a little about yourself.


Have a very nice day!
Eva