[Ezekiel Bathfire]

Re: Perhaps Presbyterian Is Right For Me?

But I think these people might have what I need to hear?

This is what they say:

Through the grace of our Lord Jesus Christ, the love of God, and the communion of the Holy Spirit, we trust in the one triune God, the Holy One of Israel, whom alone we worship and serve.

You will note the grammar in this sentence: clearly, "whom" refers to the last noun-antecedent, which is "Israel".

So these people worship "Israel" not Jesus. Anyone who worships a land full of joos is firmly on the path to Hell.

Give up with this satanic sect.

[Donovan A. Mordecai]

Re: Perhaps Presbyterian Is Right For Me?

I hope that this unfortunate incident has clarified, for everyone on this forum, that all those whom do not follow the True Christian™ God are a bunch of filthy sodomites, worthy of Hell.

Brother Porter, my heart goes out to you, that you had to be made an example of by God. But I rejoice that He chose you, as He chose Job.


1 John 4:1-3
Beloved, believe not every spirit, but try the spirits whether they are of God: because many false prophets are gone out into the world.
Hereby know ye the Spirit of God: Every spirit that confesseth that Jesus Christ is come in the flesh is of God:
And every spirit that confesseth not that Jesus Christ is come in the flesh is not of God: and this is that spirit of antichrist, whereof ye have heard that it should come; and even now already is it in the world.


Yours in Him
DAM

[Faith_Machine]

Re: Perhaps Presbyterian Is Right For Me?

Give us names, Brother Harold. Give us names and addresses. I spoke with Deaner, and he says we're gonna go settle the score. And that's all I can say about this publicly.

[Billy Bob Jenkins]

Re: Perhaps Presbyterian Is Right For Me?

I was raped.

Brother, you are very fortunate that all they did was rape you. Many victims of the Presbyterian cult are completely sanguinated until dead and then cannibalized, to satisfy the bloodlust of the ministry. In some cases, Presbyterians will apply the wounds of Jesus to one another and use the holes for unspeakable things. They also divine by the entrails of women and children to predict weather patterns, craps games, and lotto numbers. That is how they are able to thrive in Obama's Depression. There are many Presbyterians in Hollywood and the Jewish community. They kidnap children from hospitals and give them LSD under sensory deprivation and Satanic ritual abuse until they are willing to fornicate with dolphins. Then they take primates, permanently remove the hair from their bodies, and leave them in the children's place. This causes the father's to suspect adultery with Negroes. Presbyterians are actually marginally worse than Methodists.

I feel responsible for not having warned you sooner brother.

[Brother Harold Porter]

Re: Perhaps Presbyterian Is Right For Me?

My rectum is quite sore, and my pride depleted. It was not a church at all, but they said they were.

Once the doors were closed last Sunday, it was nothing more than a bonefest of frenzied anal sex, scat play and fellatio. I'm afraid my bowels might not work now.

Can you forgive me? And welcome me back, my brothers?


In Christ

[Donovan A. Mordecai]

Re: Perhaps Presbyterian Is Right For Me?

I welcome you with open arms and plugged nostrils.

Please don't stray from the True Path™ again.

YiC
DAM

[Pastor Ezekiel]

Re: Perhaps Presbyterian Is Right For Me?

My rectum is quite sore, and my pride depleted. It was not a church at all, but they said they were.

Once the doors were closed last Sunday, it was nothing more than a bonefest of frenzied anal sex, scat play and fellatio. I'm afraid my bowels might not work now.

Can you forgive me? And welcome me back, my brothers?


In Christ

If you expect to set foot in God's favorite Church this Sunday, I want you fumigated inside and out, and I'll need a substantial down payment on your next 10 years' worth of Tithes, Brother. Otherwise it's not gonna happen. Fugeddaboutit.

[Faith_Machine]

Re: Perhaps Presbyterian Is Right For Me?

Oh, Pastor Ezekiel, I am weeping right now! Please let me know as soon as I have your authorization to forgive Brother Harold!

[Bjorn Jensen]

Re: Perhaps Presbyterian Is Right For Me?

I'm tired of this old faggot anyway, and now he has been engaging in sodomy with cultists again. Not welcome

[Pastor Ed Lowman]

Re: Perhaps Presbyterian Is Right For Me?

My rectum is quite sore, and my pride depleted. It was not a church at all, but they said they were.

Once the doors were closed last Sunday, it was nothing more than a bonefest of frenzied anal sex, scat play and fellatio. I'm afraid my bowels might not work now.

Can you forgive me? And welcome me back, my brothers?


In Christ

Already done (Matthew 18:22), brother. Even Jonah took some persuading to come back to do God's Work (Jonah 1:1-13). It can happen to any of us.

My own most recent escapade involved a trip to Tijuana and one too many margaritas.

Now get with Zeke on those tithe advances and let's close this chapter.

Pastor Ed

[Faith_Machine]

Re: Perhaps Presbyterian Is Right For Me?

No, no, no, this is so horrible! I feel like my family is falling apart!

I called in sick from work today because I just can't stop crying.

[Billy Bob Jenkins]

Re: Perhaps Presbyterian Is Right For Me?

Brother Brother Harold, have you considered taking a page from Professor Bessemer's book and getting the elective rectumectomy which saved his life and brought him to Jesus? Not only would your incontinence become a non-issue, but you could no longer become a victim of gay furry rape by non-Baptist fake Christians.

[James Hutchins]

Re: Perhaps Presbyterian Is Right For Me?

Oh Brother Porter, you know I love you in a totally Christian, non-queer, completely heterosexually way.
However, I would think by now, you of all people would know, only Gods Word as is written in the KJV 1621 Holy Bible is what you need to refer to for any of todays confusing issues.
The following:

...Presbyterians are engaged in the world and in seeking thoughtful solutions to the challenges of our time.

Is a major red flag and is simply an excuse to check your anus to look for 'problems' that they can solve with an injection of turgid man-juice.
A True Christian™ only follows the Bible and follows the Bible for every situation. If God wanted use to be creative, He would of told us.

[Cranky Old Man]

Re: Perhaps Presbyterian Is Right For Me?

If you cannot pronounce it, it's bad for you.

[Brother Harold Porter]

Re: Perhaps Presbyterian Is Right For Me?

Brother Brother Harold, have you considered taking a page from Professor Bessemer's book and getting the elective rectumectomy which saved his life and brought him to Jesus?

I have indeed considered a semi-permanent end to elective fagging with the rectumectumy that our dear Professor recommends. But choosing gayness is not limited to packing mud. The closure of my anus might not be enough.

The gay will broadcast his filthy seed, far and wide. Public masturbation is, of course, the preferred method.

Who is to say that, even after my colon is surgically sealed, the homo will not contaminate me with a geyser of queer jism when I am not looking out for the threat?

I could be sitting in the park, with my grandson, and we both get flooded with Presbyterian spooge?

I wish I had never been involved with such a perverted cult.

In Christ