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Brethren, sistren, as you all know, I am a True Christian™, and as such, am no racist. In fact, I am so tolerant of the lesser races, that I have made a commitment to actually BECOME BLACK FOR ONE WEEK.
I know, I know. You are thinking, "Billy Bob has made us all look bad by being EVEN LESS racist than the rest of us." But I promise, the enlightened reputation that I will receive as being the least racist person ever is a glory that all True Christians™ will be able to share.
How will I empower the rest of the True Christian™ community to be as unracist as I have become? By recording my experiences as a black male in this thread for you all to read. Then, we will all know exactly what it is like to be an authentic coon, and nobody will ever be able to accuse us of racism again, just for being white!
For the glory of Jesus Christ I have put black shoe polish all over my face, and learned to speak jive. I have eaten blueberries so that my gums are stained purple, and donned a velcro wig. I got yellow, jaundiced contact lenses, and put cotton balls in my mouth so that my lower lip is severely pronounced. The cotton balls also serve the dual purpose of making it difficult to articulate anything. I usually give up after the first syllable of any word, and wind up mumbling the last part, just like a negro. I also skipped showering today, bought some fake gold, and memorized an erroneous multiplication table last night, to make me seem completely "ignant". If anyone asks me what the square root of one hundred is, I will respond with "157.9". This will put the nail in the coffin of any special treatment or white privilege, giving me a complete and total understanding of what it is like to be black in this society.
While walking around in a predominantly black neighborhood this morning, I was viciously attacked by a gang of self-loathing jigs. Apparently, my black impersonation was so good, that they hated me even more than they ordinarily hate eachother. I type this from a hospital bed, afflicted with multiple stab wounds, making me a pariah for the black race of Malcolm X-like proportions.
I am sure, once word gets around the black community that there is a white man as unracist as I am, race relations in this country will be healed, and I will be remembered as a civil rights leader a billion times greater than that boy Martin Luther King Jr. The black community is going to worship me, and start voting Republican as a result of my sage advisement. They may even stop their pie thievery and white woman raping, being touched by the kindness in my heart, and the knowledge that white people are actually less racist than black people.
If anyone can suggest any black activities that will not get me damned, please feel free to chime in below.
I know, I know. You are thinking, "Billy Bob has made us all look bad by being EVEN LESS racist than the rest of us." But I promise, the enlightened reputation that I will receive as being the least racist person ever is a glory that all True Christians™ will be able to share.
How will I empower the rest of the True Christian™ community to be as unracist as I have become? By recording my experiences as a black male in this thread for you all to read. Then, we will all know exactly what it is like to be an authentic coon, and nobody will ever be able to accuse us of racism again, just for being white!
For the glory of Jesus Christ I have put black shoe polish all over my face, and learned to speak jive. I have eaten blueberries so that my gums are stained purple, and donned a velcro wig. I got yellow, jaundiced contact lenses, and put cotton balls in my mouth so that my lower lip is severely pronounced. The cotton balls also serve the dual purpose of making it difficult to articulate anything. I usually give up after the first syllable of any word, and wind up mumbling the last part, just like a negro. I also skipped showering today, bought some fake gold, and memorized an erroneous multiplication table last night, to make me seem completely "ignant". If anyone asks me what the square root of one hundred is, I will respond with "157.9". This will put the nail in the coffin of any special treatment or white privilege, giving me a complete and total understanding of what it is like to be black in this society.
While walking around in a predominantly black neighborhood this morning, I was viciously attacked by a gang of self-loathing jigs. Apparently, my black impersonation was so good, that they hated me even more than they ordinarily hate eachother. I type this from a hospital bed, afflicted with multiple stab wounds, making me a pariah for the black race of Malcolm X-like proportions.
I am sure, once word gets around the black community that there is a white man as unracist as I am, race relations in this country will be healed, and I will be remembered as a civil rights leader a billion times greater than that boy Martin Luther King Jr. The black community is going to worship me, and start voting Republican as a result of my sage advisement. They may even stop their pie thievery and white woman raping, being touched by the kindness in my heart, and the knowledge that white people are actually less racist than black people.
If anyone can suggest any black activities that will not get me damned, please feel free to chime in below.
) or illegal (like drug-dealing). I see no benefit in getting yourself arrested, except for the experience of sharing a cell and having to spend the night with your back to the wall to avoid unwanted attention.
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