Capital Punishment

[TC Patriot]

Rev. Jim Osborne
God's own Mouthpiece

Pastor Osborne has been righteously calling for the the death penalty for homers just as God has prescribed. We all know the verses. How should we put these homers to death? Lethal injection? They're already doing that to themselves with Anally Injected Death Serum. Gas Chamber? Too Lutheran. Old Sparky? Too quick. Guillotine? Too fast and too French. Burned at the stake? Perhaps an option for judges. Stoning? too Jewish.

This is a Christian nation founded on Christianity by Christians. What says Christ more than crucify. When to GOP gets fixed and True Christian regain power and Reverend Jim's Death to Homers bill gets passed we need a suitable way to execute them. I say they should die on the cross so that they know the agony our Lord and savior suffered.

I like the idea of Godly stoning it would be good practice for the boys in the Landover baseball team but nothing says Jesus more than a good old fashioned Roman style crucifixion preceded by a good scourging and a march up a hill with the cross.

I don't think this method of execution should be reserved just for homers. Everyone sentenced to death should face death on the cross.

What to you think? How do you think homers should be put to death? In other words, how would Jesus do it?

[Rev. Jim Osborne]

Re: Capital Punishment

I don't know. I don't like the PR that could come out of crucifying a homosexual. It's very symbolic, you know? After all Jesus was innocently crucified and we would therefore be (unwittingly) implying that the homos we crucify are innocent as well.

Stoning is very simple and much recommended in the Bible. Plus, you have to consider with our economy that putting to death costs money. How much do stones cost? They're free! Just look around you, they're all over the place.

[Vlad III]

Re: Capital Punishment

I agree with the Rev on this one, use Sticks and Stones. Who cares about making sure they don't feel a thing? They did the crime, they , you know the rest eh?

[MidwestCatLady]

Re: Capital Punishment

Hey, this is America! Just shoot 'em. Place them before a group of True Christians with guns and open fire. That's the American way.

[Vlad III]

Re: Capital Punishment

That costs money.

[Rev. Jim Osborne]

Re: Capital Punishment

Vlad makes a salient point. It costs money. Does our economy have the resources to buy guns, bullets, and train sharpshooters as in a firing squad? No. Stones are free. We don't need to train anybody...everyone knows how to throw stones.

We must be practical here. The Good Book says that God demands that homosexuals be put to death and we must do so in the most pragmatic way necessary.

[James Hutchins]

Re: Capital Punishment

Crosses take money to buy and should be reserved only for those despicable people we want to make an example of. Sure, from time to time, the occasional Homer or Catlick can be thrown up on one to show the world we mean business. But the day to day disposal of worthless human flesh must be done in an efficient manner. Unfortunately, we do not simply have a hole in the ground to Hell we can toss these sinners. But we do have the Grand Canyon and other similar sized places. We could line them up, put a sign on the edge like "Cher Concert - this way" and watch them go. Or we can simply use wood chippers and spray the results on to fields to use as fertilizer or into pig troughs to use as food. Waste not, want not.

[HTannor]

Re: Capital Punishment

I think we should reconsider the cost issue in shooting them.

Homers always seem to have money to spend on homer stuff like flowers, balloons, fruity cars, and such.

I say shake 'em down just before trigger time and reimburse the shooters. Throw in an extra buck to cover the oil and its swab and that should do it. Whatever's left over can be donated to the Landover Gun Club for target practice.

[Ezekiel Bathfire]

Re: Capital Punishment

Let us not beat about the bush here – Demoncrat punishments talk of Punishment, Reform and Penitence. Restitution is hardly ever mentioned. Such punishments are weak and watery, offenders are given housing, food, shelter and often recreation in conditions that exceeding their own background – how is this punishment? Godly punishment is all about revenge – which makes the victim feel a lot better:

Le:24:16: And he that blasphemeth the name of the LORD, he shall surely be put to death, and all the congregation shall certainly stone him: as well the stranger, as he that is born in the land, when he blasphemeth the name of the LORD, shall be put to death.
Le:24:17: And he that killeth any man shall surely be put to death.
Le:24:18: And he that killeth a beast shall make it good; beast for beast.
Le:24:19: And if a man cause a blemish in his neighbour; as he hath done, so shall it be done to him;
Le:24:20: Breach for breach, eye for eye, tooth for tooth: as he hath caused a blemish in a man, so shall it be done to him again.
Le:24:21: And he that killeth a beast, he shall restore it: and he that killeth a man, he shall be put to death.
Le:24:22: Ye shall have one manner of law, as well for the stranger, as for one of your own country: for I am the LORD your God.
Le:24:23: And Moses spake to the children of Israel, that they should bring forth him that had cursed out of the camp, and stone him with stones. And the children of Israel did as the LORD commanded Moses.

Reformation is via Salvation™ and can come later, although in most cases it won’t be necessary as the perpetrator will have had his soul teased from him over many days to ensure he has time to repent and accept Christ.

Obviously, this is fine where the miscreant has committed an act of physical violence on a Christian, however, it presents difficulties with Homers; they would not see it as much punishment if they were buggered in revenge! (I’d like to see some suggestions here. For a start, I think we could stop locking them up with other men.)

It is also difficult to see what would happen to the verminous poor, who steal things – there’s not much to steal back from them, unless there’s a market of urine soaked undergarments. I therefore suggest we take from them something they do have, that is marketable and is worth the amount they stole – a kidney, half the liver, an eye, etc. We must face the fact that there is a falling supply of human body parts and a ready source going to waste.

[Nobar King]

Re: Capital Punishment

Let us not beat about the bush here – Demoncrat punishments talk of Punishment, Reform and Penitence. Restitution is hardly ever mentioned. Such punishments are weak and watery, offenders are given housing, food, shelter and often recreation in conditions that exceeding their own background – how is this punishment? Godly punishment is all about revenge – which makes the victim feel a lot better:

Le:24:16: And he that blasphemeth the name of the LORD, he shall surely be put to death, and all the congregation shall certainly stone him: as well the stranger, as he that is born in the land, when he blasphemeth the name of the LORD, shall be put to death.
Le:24:17: And he that killeth any man shall surely be put to death.
Le:24:18: And he that killeth a beast shall make it good; beast for beast.
Le:24:19: And if a man cause a blemish in his neighbour; as he hath done, so shall it be done to him;
Le:24:20: Breach for breach, eye for eye, tooth for tooth: as he hath caused a blemish in a man, so shall it be done to him again.
Le:24:21: And he that killeth a beast, he shall restore it: and he that killeth a man, he shall be put to death.
Le:24:22: Ye shall have one manner of law, as well for the stranger, as for one of your own country: for I am the LORD your God.
Le:24:23: And Moses spake to the children of Israel, that they should bring forth him that had cursed out of the camp, and stone him with stones. And the children of Israel did as the LORD commanded Moses.

Reformation is via Salvation™ and can come later, although in most cases it won’t be necessary as the perpetrator will have had his soul teased from him over many days to ensure he has time to repent and accept Christ.

Obviously, this is fine where the miscreant has committed an act of physical violence on a Christian, however, it presents difficulties with Homers; they would not see it as much punishment if they were buggered in revenge! (I’d like to see some suggestions here. For a start, I think we could stop locking them up with other men.)

It is also difficult to see what would happen to the verminous poor, who steal things – there’s not much to steal back from them, unless there’s a market of urine soaked undergarments. I therefore suggest we take from them something they do have, that is marketable and is worth the amount they stole – a kidney, half the liver, an eye, etc. We must face the fact that there is a falling supply of human body parts and a ready source going to waste.

I'm not taking no homo kidneys.

[Bobby-Joe]

Re: Capital Punishment

Why not let the punishment fit the crime? Impalement with a blunt pole.

[Pastor Ezekiel]

Re: Capital Punishment

Why not let the punishment fit the crime? Impalement with a blunt pole.

Amen! I for one would love to see more Biblical punishments being doled out. America is a Christian nation after all.

Some crimes are so heinous that the guilty must be burned to death.
(Like when a man has sex with his wife and mother-in-law, the daughter of a priest behaves like a whore, or someone touches the accursed thing.)

"If a man take a wife and her mother, it is wickedness: they shall be burnt with fire, both he and they; that there be no wickedness among you." -- Leviticus 20:14

"And the daughter of any priest, if she profane herself by playing the whore, she profaneth her father: she shall be burnt with fire." -- Leviticus 21:9

"Tamar thy daughter in law hath played the harlot; and also, behold, she is with child by whoredom. And Judah said, Bring her forth, and let her be burnt." -- Genesis 38:24

"He that is taken with the accursed thing shall be burnt with fire, he and all that he hath. ... And Joshua ... took Achan ... and his sons, and his daughters ... And all Israel stoned him with stones, and burned them with fire." -- Joshua 7:15, 24-25

Sometimes God burns people to death.
(Like when they complain too much, burn incense without a license, dabble in astrology, or make God angry or jealous or something. And sometimes God burns people to identify a prophet or to identify himself, and sometimes for no reason at all.)

"And Nadab and Abihu, the sons of Aaron, took either of them his censer, and put fire therein, and put incense thereon, and offered strange fire before the LORD, which he commanded them not. And there went out fire from the LORD, and devoured them, and they died before the LORD. -- Leviticus 10:1-2

"And when the people complained, it displeased the LORD: and the LORD heard it and his anger was kindled; and the fire of the LORD burnt among them, and consumed them that were in the uttermost parts of the camp." -- Numbers 11:1

"And there came out a fire from the LORD, and consumed the two hundred and fifty men that offered incense." -- Numbers 16:35

"They have moved me to jealousy with that which is not God ... For a fire is kindled in mine anger, and shall burn unto the lowest hell, and shall consume the earth with her increase, and set on fire the foundations of the mountains. ... They shall be burnt with hunger, and devoured with burning heat, and with bitter destruction: I will also send the teeth of beasts upon them, with the poison of serpents of the dust." -- Deuteronomy 32:21-24

"Thou shalt make them as a fiery oven in the time of thine anger: the LORD shall swallow them up in his wrath, and the fire shall devour them." -- Psalm 21:9

"Let now the astrologers, the stargazers, the monthly prognosticators, stand up, and save thee from these things that shall come upon thee. Behold, they shall be as stubble; the fire shall burn them; they shall not deliver themselves from the power of the flame." -- Isaiah 47:13-14

"If I be a man of God, then let fire come down from heaven, and consume thee and thy fifty. And there came down fire from heaven, and consumed him and his fifty." -- 2 Kings 1:10, 12

"Therefore thus saith the Lord GOD; As the vine tree among the trees of the forest, which I have given to the fire for fuel, so will I give the inhabitants of Jerusalem. And I will set my face against them; they shall go out from one fire, and another fire shall devour them; and ye shall know that I am the LORD. -- Ezekiel 15:6-7

"Therefore hath the curse devoured the earth, and they that dwell therein are desolate: therefore the inhabitants of the earth are burned, and few men left." -- Isaiah 24:6

"And the people shall be as the burnings of lime: as thorns cut up shall they be burned in the fire." -- Isaiah 33:12

"I will cause an alarm of war to be heard in Rabbah of the Ammonites; and it shall be a desolate heap, and her daughters shall be burned with fire." -- Jeremiah 49:2

And God will burn most people forever in hell after they die.

"If a man abide not in me, he is cast forth as a branch, and is withered; and men gather them, and cast them into the fire, and they are burned." -- John 15:6

"The Lord Jesus ... in flaming fire taking vengeance on them that know not God ... who shall be punished with everlasting destruction." -- 2 Thessalonians 1:7-9

"The same shall drink of the wine of the wrath of God ...he shall be tormented with fire and brimstone ... And the smoke of their torment ascendeth up for ever and ever." -- Revelation 14:10-11

"The fearful, and unbelieving ... shall have their part in the lake which burneth with fire and brimstone." -- Revelation 21:8

So remember to pray that God will burn our enemies to death.

"Let burning coals fall upon them: let them be cast into the fire; into deep pits, that they rise not up again." -- Psalm 140:10

[Mary O'Bryan Thorne]

Re: Capital Punishment

Crosses take money to buy and should be reserved only for those despicable people we want to make an example of. Sure, from time to time, the occasional Homer or Catlick can be thrown up on one to show the world we mean business. But the day to day disposal of worthless human flesh must be done in an efficient manner. Unfortunately, we do not simply have a hole in the ground to Hell we can toss these sinners. But we do have the Grand Canyon and other similar sized places. We could line them up, put a sign on the edge like "Cher Concert - this way" and watch them go. Or we can simply use wood chippers and spray the results on to fields to use as fertilizer or into pig troughs to use as food. Waste not, want not.

Thank you for a great idea, Mr. Hutchins. I'm quite fond of the wood chipper idea. I could purchase a small one - it would pay for itself in what I would save on not having to purchase dog food, I'm sure.

[TC Patriot]

Re: Capital Punishment

I really like the idea of impaling those sissies on a rod. Capital idea!

I would not want to feed homer meat to my dog.

A wood chipper would spray AIDS blood all over. Fire would kill the AIDS virus.

Shooting is a good option. A .22 magnum is a good choice. One shot in the back of the head right behind the ear will drop a homer real quick with minimum blood spatter.

A well placed 50 cal could take out 10 or more if you lined them up in a daisy chain and we all know how fond those homers are of daisy chains.

I hope Pastor Pistle chimes in on this. His knowledge of Godly firearms are only eclipsed by his Biblical knowledge.

[Buford T Scoggins]

Re: Capital Punishment

Vlad makes a salient point. It costs money. Does our economy have the resources to buy guns, bullets, and train sharpshooters as in a firing squad? No. Stones are free. We don't need to train anybody...everyone knows how to throw stones.

Well, that's the problem when you leave capital punishment up to the guvmint. We all know that the guvmint can't do nothing right. They're always wasting money on stuff like national parks and food stamps, when they ought to be spending it on nuclear weapons and carving Ronald Reagan's face on Mt Rushmore.

We've privatized prisons and we've privatized war, so I think it's high time that we privatize executions, as God intended.

Some no-bid contracts for Halliburton would be a good start. We gave them no-bid contracts to rebuild Iraq, and look what a great job they did! Given their excellent track record, I know they can be trusted to kill prisoners efficiently, so I see no reason to open this business to competitive bidding.

I'm sure Halliburton could figure out a way to make executions profitable. For example, they could sell tickets to spectators - you'd be able to book seats online with Ticketmaster. They could make even more money after the execution by selling DVDs of all the action. They could sell the used bullets on eBay.

And this is not to mention the premium prices the executed prisoners' organs would fetch in the transplant industry. In fact, Halliburton could match up prisoners' tissues with potential organ donor recipients in advance - that would help them decide which prisoners ought to be executed and which ones should be saved for work in the factories (at 40 cents a day).

Capitalism is such a beautiful thing. I get all choked up just thinking about it.

yours in Christ,
Brother Buford