Happy Tax Day Everyone!

[Pastor Ezekiel]

Just a reminder that today is tax day. Don't forget to do your patriotic duty and file your taxes today.

I have to say, this is one of my favorite days of the year. It's the day when all True Christians(tm) submit their tax returns to our Landover Baptist accountants for the coming year's tithing calculations. Don't forget, Jesus wants 30% of your GROSS income, not net.

It's also the day that I offer my heartfelt thanks and praise to Jesus for making me a True Christian(tm) TAX EXEMPT Pastor.

[Rev. Jim Osborne]

Re: Happy Tax Day Everyone!

I agree. We have a new computerized system which is automatically linked to our parishoner's bank accounts and automatically withdraws the correct tithe amount from them! It makes it so much easier on everyone. No one has to spend time writing checks, putting them in envelopes, putting a stamp on, going to the post office, etc. So, just to be on the safe side, all people of Landover Baptist better check your accounts carefully to see what you have left over after the tithing deduction today. Don't overdraft!

PS - Everyone please pray for Gary Goldman, one of our Joo accountants and dear friend to our pastors. He has done our accounting for several years. Currently he is on trial for fraud, money laundering, and for creating a Ponzi scheme. We, as True Christian(tm) pastors can vouch for his character. He is innocent of all these charges. Would we let him do our taxes if he was such a despicable scoundrel? Of course not. So please, please pray that Mr. Goldman is found not guilty in his current court case. Thank you.

[Bobby-Joe]

Re: Happy Tax Day Everyone!

PRAISE Jesus I was made an honorary pastor so my work for the Church is tax exempt too.

Else I would be like the rest of those slobs being RAPED by the IRS to pay for Socialism. Why don't the government stop with the WASTE and get on with the stuff Americans need; medicare, highway system, water, sewage, Social Security, police, air traffic control, medicare, food inspection, unemployment, libraries, schools, military, hospitals, consumer protections, farm subsidies and flood control. Enough with the socialism already! Get the government out of our hair and provide us the serves we WANT.

[Free Market Fred]

Re: Happy Tax Day Everyone!

PRAISE Jesus I was made an honorary pastor so my work for the Church is tax exempt too.

Else I would be like the rest of those slobs being RAPED by the IRS to pay for Socialism.

Amen, Brother Bobby. I'm proud to say that neither I nor my company have paid any taxes at all since the mid-1990s, despite having received over a trillion dollars in government contracts and bailouts. I don't want to give anyone the impression that we didn't work hard for that money - we've spent millions on lobbyists and bribes to politicians to get tax write-offs. But thanks to our efforts, Uranus Corporation was declared a non-profit corporation last year because our charitable efforts to provide "job training" to poor Cambodian Bible students.


Job training for Cambodian Bible students

Plus, it's a constant battle moving funds around to tax havens in the Cayman Islands and Vanuatu to keep the money hidden.

Furthermore, we had to spend millions more to create a slick propaganda machine (ie Clear Channel, Fox News) to convince American voters to vote for our corrupt Republican candidates. Of course, we've gotten that money back (and then some) through our advertisements. For example, you just can't believe how many of the listeners to Sean Hannity's radio show fall for that gold ad: they buy precious metals by mail order from our subsidiary, Fly-By-Night Gold & Silver (based in Nigeria), without realizing that it's just worthless gold-plated lead! Of course, it DOES say so clearly on our web site in large print, if you can read Sanskrit.


Would you buy a used car from this man?

Yes, I really look forward to Tax Day - I qualify for a tax refund!

[Nobar King]

Re: Happy Tax Day Everyone!

I filed my taxes on Jan 10 and got my refund months ago. What have you guys been waiting for?

[Songemot]

Re: Happy Tax Day Everyone!

PS - Everyone please pray for Gary Goldman, one of our Joo accountants and dear friend to our pastors. He has done our accounting for several years. Currently he is on trial for fraud, money laundering, and for creating a Ponzi scheme. We, as True Christian™ pastors can vouch for his character. He is innocent of all these charges. Would we let him do our taxes if he was such a despicable scoundrel? Of course not. So please, please pray that Mr. Goldman is found not guilty in his current court case. Thank you.

I can't believe people would make these kinds of horrible accusations just to harm someone for helping a Godly church...

I will definitely be praying, brother.

[Jedediah]

Re: Happy Tax Day Everyone!

For example, you just can't believe how many of the listeners to Sean Hannity's radio show fall for that gold ad: they buy precious metals by mail order from our subsidiary, Fly-By-Night Gold & Silver (based in Nigeria), without realizing that it's just worthless gold-plated lead! Of course, it DOES say so clearly on our web site in large print, if you can read Sanskrit.

Ha! Excellent strategy. Me, I've been putting all my money into non-hybrid seeds. Even if I don't get a monetary return on my investment, they will be excellent bartering items and will be useful for my full-acre Crisis Garden as the End Times approach.

[James Hutchins]

Re: Happy Tax Day Everyone!

I refuse to support a nigra president. Accordingly, I did not pay taxes last year or this year. I will however, tithe my normal 40% of my gross income, earned though normal and off the books.
I tell you fellas, ever since the cigarette taxes shot up last year, filling my rig with loads of unstamped cartons has really done me wonders. I recouped all the money 'mad Bernie Madoff' stole and will be buying a 35 acre plot in Freehold this summer, assuming my application gets accepted.

[Ezekiel Bathfire]

Re: Happy Tax Day Everyone!

When I was about 21, I received several letters from some charity called (IIRC) “IRS” asking me to make a donation. My natural response was, by return, to ask them about the level of their Godliness and for a full set of accounts. After a protracted correspondence, in which they admitted that these “contributions” were not tax deductable, I wrote them saying I would have nothing further to do with their scheme that seemed little more than a scam.

They are really persistent though, and it was only after I wrote to them telling them that I was dead that they left me alone.

[DevoutBob]

Re: Happy Tax Day Everyone!

When I was about 21, I received several letters from some charity called (IIRC) “IRS” asking me to make a donation. My natural response was, by return, to ask them about the level of their Godliness and for a full set of accounts. After a protracted correspondence, in which they admitted that these “contributions” were not tax deductable, I wrote them saying I would have nothing further to do with their scheme that seemed little more than a scam.

They are really persistent though, and it was only after I wrote to them telling them that I was dead that they left me alone.

Yeah, I dodge my taxes all the time too, excellent fun. Nothing like being a true christian by living life presumed dead by the govournment, haha.
feels good.

[Ezekiel Bathfire]

Re: Happy Tax Day Everyone!

This is not the point at all! I think it is quite reprehensible to avoid any taxes!

Jesus is quite clear on this matter, "And Jesus answering said unto them, Render to Caesar the things that are Caesar's, and to God the things that are God's. And they marvelled at him."

It is just that Caesar has not sent me a tax demand.

[DevoutBob]

Re: Happy Tax Day Everyone!

This is not the point at all! I think it is quite reprehensible to avoid any taxes!

Jesus is quite clear on this matter, "And Jesus answering said unto them, Render to Caesar the things that are Caesar's, and to God the things that are God's. And they marvelled at him."

It is just that Caesar has not sent me a tax demand.

wink wink I got ya, haha its not a sin if the tax isnt given to you, haha you live the highlife.