The Proper Application of Big Government

[Ofc. Don W. Richards]

As an Officer of the Law, my life is all about authority. I am first and foremost dedicated to God, and spend my life introducing sinners and bad guys to God's authority the way a locomotive is introduced to a deer's face when she is in the wrong place at the wrong time.

Secondly, I am dedicated to my country. I serve and protect her and all she stands for.

Thirdly, I am dedicated to my family. I assert my authority over my family the way God intended me to, managing every facet of their lives and seeing that they remain Christlike.

Having an in-depth and thorough understanding of American law and government means I am greatly saddened when I see Big Government encroaching on the lives and businesses of private citizens.

While I support the sentiments of my conservative brothers that NO government is good government, there is a Godly and practical use for intrusive government when it is applied correctly.

Big Government is only bad when it meddles in the lives of innocent citizens who do no wrong. That, of course, means us.

True Christians are entirely trustworthy, and any attempt on the part of the government to limit our freedom to practice our religion the way the Bible tells us to is simply tyrannical and a clear sign of anti-Christian bigotry.

I fully support, however, a government that seeks out and eliminates threats to the foundation of our Christ-centered country and the basic building block of all civilization. (And for you heathens and secularists, that is NOT a surplus of food, good health, or education, it's the TRADITIONAL FAMILY.)

I support Big Government when it sniffs out the perverted debauchery that goes on behind closed doors in the bedrooms of countless fornicators and sodomites and establishes laws and regulations against private businesses that are dirty.

I support Big Government when it unambiguously prescribes for women what they should and should not do with their fetuses, rather than leaving the decision up to the individual or family.

I support Big Government when it protects my eyes and ears from seeing and hearing things that might be offensive or indecent, such as pornography or prizefights.

I support Big Government when it teaches our children abstinence and intelligent design, but not evolution or the proper use of contraception.

Moderating others' sexual conduct, making personal decisions for women, censoring media and teaching our children to believe the same things we believe are solid Biblical principals.

A government that does these things is Godly government, whereas a government that is permissive of liberalism, sexuality, and speech that isn't Christian is a government that is on the fast track to self-destruction.

So I think it's important that we as Tea Baggers, Christians and Conservative Republicans remember that Big Government is okay as long as it doesn't affect us.

[Bobby-Joe]

Re: The Proper Application of Big Government

You speak powerful TRUTH here Brother Richards. The left views government as a toy to coddle the disgusting ways of the poor and to attack the rich. They would rather fill our prisons with CEO's who accidentally killed their customers threw products that were defectively made by blood sucking union employees than persecute a beggar who trespasses in that CEO's neighborhood. The same perversion of the Law can been seen with the way the Left tries to deny our Constitutional right to persecute harlots for their depravity.

We need the right kind of Big Government now!

[H. Montague Worthington]

Re: The Proper Application of Big Government

This is one of the reasons that I support Ofc. Don Richards for Freehold Man of the Year 2010. Well, that, and the fact that I don't want to get cited for driving 36 in a 35 mile per hour zone.

[Nobar King]

Re: The Proper Application of Big Government

When is Ofc. Richards going to run for Sheriff?

[TC Patriot]

Re: The Proper Application of Big Government

Brother Richards should be the US Atty General!

[HTannor]

Re: The Proper Application of Big Government

I consider Officer Richards to be one of the true gems in our Holy Community.

Recently I contacted him about the roving bands of beaners and negroidals constantly cruising through my trailer park. Officer Richards took it upon himself to clean up the problem. He instituted daily sweeps and the coons and greasers literally disappeared within hours.

Now, as for Freehold Man of the Year 2010, I selfishly nominated myself and I would like to take this moment to announce I will withdraw my nomination. I will throw my whole-hearted support, and the considerable voting bloc I control, behind the groundswell of support for Officer Don.

And if Officer Don decides to run for political office as a candidate for Sheriff, I will be thrilled and completely supportive.

[Free Market Fred]

Re: The Proper Application of Big Government

Now, as for Freehold Man of the Year 2010, I selfishly nominated myself and I would like to take this moment to announce I will withdraw my nomination. I will throw my whole-hearted support, and the considerable voting bloc I control, behind the groundswell of support for Officer Don.

That was very noble of you, Brother Tannor! Brings a tear to my eyes (not that I'm homo, or anything like that).

And if Officer Don decides to run for political office as a candidate for Sheriff, I will be thrilled and completely supportive.

I would like to add that my company would be happy to lend its support to Officer Don's campaign for sheriff in the form of campaign contributions. That, plus a well-organized smear campaign against his political opponents (did you know they are all child molesters?) should clinch the deal.

Of course, I'm sure that with Officer Don running the police force, we can count on his help to crack down on union organizers, environmentalists, business competitors, Democrats, and other assorted riffraff that plagues the otherwise fine community of Freehold.

And as for you, Brother Tannor, I believe that Sheriff Don could find use for your talents. Since his ascendancy to the position of Sheriff would create a vacancy on the police force, I see no reason why you couldn't be appointed to the job. Normally that position would go to a younger candidate, but I think you are so well-qualified (being a True Christian with a fine home-schooling education) you'd be a shoe-in. I also see no reason why you should sit for the competitive civil service exam. The fact that you supported Officer Don in his political campaign should be sufficient enough reason for you to get the job. As for handling rough characters (coons, greasers, liberals) who resist arrest, your age really shouldn't be a factor as long as you can use a taser or a shotgun - just shoot first and ask questions later, and you'll have no problems.



Should you prefer not to spend so much time in the patrol car, I believe that the Freehold Privatized Prison could use an extra hand managing the chain gang. It's especially fun for those who enjoy being in the great outdoors. How are you at handling a bull-whip? Sometimes you need a little tough love to communicate with liberals.

Officer Don as Freehold County Sheriff, Sarah Palin in the White House - sounds like Heaven to me (especially since I live in Hong Kong).

[HTannor]

Re: The Proper Application of Big Government

...vacancy....I see no reason why you couldn't be appointed to the job.

..... an extra hand managing the chain gang. It's especially fun for those who enjoy being in the great outdoors. How are you at handling a bull-whip?

Wow, when job opportunities come along, they just shower down on a person.

When my parents home-schooled me they deliberately left out any book-learnin' on the constitution. I agree that would make me a perfect candidate for a patrol officer position.

I do, indeed, have vast knowledge of bull-whip use through a deep fondness for Lash LaRue movies. I leaned much while watching him whip bad guys. I'm especially good at the wrist action required having spent a great deal of my life flicking cigarette butts toward the kitchen sink - my front-rolling arc shot is something to behold.

I will give both positions grave consideration. I would be reluctant to give up my lucrative career in frontstep newspaper distribution but the thought of oppressing keeping a careful eye on coons and greasers is quite intriguing - and very lucrative, I suspect. I've often admired Officer Don's Ferrari in the parking lot at the PD.

Can I count on you to help me dodge the pesky civil service exam (and drug test)?

[Free Market Fred]

Re: The Proper Application of Big Government

I would be reluctant to give up my lucrative career in frontstep newspaper distribution but the thought of oppressing keeping a careful eye on coons and greasers is quite intriguing - and very lucrative, I suspect. I've often admired Officer Don's Ferrari in the parking lot at the PD.

Security and law enforcement can indeed be highly lucrative. Everyone from Attila the Hun to Blackwater has shown a few well-placed goons officers of the law makes the cash register ring.

Can I count on you to help me dodge the pesky civil service exam (and drug test)

No problem. We can use affirmative action laws to get you past the exam (Christians are, you know, a persecuted minority). As for drug tests, my company has worked closely with the Chinese and (former) Soviet olympic team to develop chemicals that mask drug use.



Tests prove absolutely no reason to suspect steroid abuse

Even better, under the Patriot Act, we can feed steroids and meth-amphetatimes to our troops and law enforcement officers, and it's a felony to tell anyone. When we say "Support the troops!" that also includes their drug habit. After all, if we're going to fight a successful War on Drugs, we need to equip our boys with all the same tools that the bad guys have.

And thank goodness that we have men of fine caliber such as Officer Don. Keeping the privatized prisons full is the patriotic duty of our police forces. It's not only lucrative, but it gives us so many new test subjects for our drug experiments.

[Ofc. Don W. Richards]

Re: The Proper Application of Big Government

After a lot of praying and talking with the citizens of Freehold (and more praying), I have made my decision:

Officer Don W. Richards will be running for the office of County Sheriff in September!

I will be accepting contributions to my campaign in the form of cash, money order, and credit card. (No checks.)

Volunteers welcome.

[F. Nietzsche]

Re: The Proper Application of Big Government

Seems terribly inconsistent.

You want authoritarianism on some matters, but not others. If you provide license for the government to invade privacy and harass those whom it deems disagreeable on one set of matters, you provide them the means by which to make it authoritarian in the matters you want privacy in.

If you desire a society free on one set of things, you must take away the teeth of state power to ensure that it happens. You must either give the government the power to be truly totalitarian, or truly libertarian. There is no stable middle ground of absolute totalitarianism merged with absolute libertarianism.

[HTannor]

Re: The Proper Application of Big Government

After a lot of praying and talking with the citizens of Freehold (and more praying), I have made my decision:

Officer Don W. Richards will be running for the office of County Sheriff in September!

I will be accepting contributions to my campaign in the form of cash, money order, and credit card. (No checks.)

Volunteers welcome.

Shout Glory!!!!

[Free Market Fred]

Re: The Proper Application of Big Government

After a lot of praying and talking with the citizens of Freehold (and more praying), I have made my decision:

Officer Don W. Richards will be running for the office of County Sheriff in September!

I will be accepting contributions to my campaign in the form of cash, money order, and credit card. (No checks.)

Volunteers welcome.

This is great news, Officer Don. I've got my PR people working on your case. We've decided that the best strategy is to run an issueless campaign focusing on your Christian beliefs and family values. Meanwhile, our attack-dog hitmen are charging up for a smear-blitzkrieg against the incumbent, Sheriff Hadley.

Our slogan: "Sheriff Hadley is acting badly!" Here are a few of the flyers we are planning to use in the campaign:


Sheriff Hadley at the 2010 San Francisco Gay Pride March


Sheriff Hadley's wife


Sheriff Hadley's other wife


Sheriff Hadley's kids


Hadley's car


Hadley (left) enjoying fellowship at the Church of Satan

Of course, the above are just rough drafts. We'll be refining the campaign as we go along, digging up more dirt wherever we can find it. Anyone who has some hot tips, rumors, and other information (true or false) that we can use to smear Hadley is welcome to contact me.

I just love campaign season!

[HTannor]

Re: The Proper Application of Big Government


Hadley's day care center

[Free Market Fred]

Re: The Proper Application of Big Government

Just a few more that my PR people have come up with...


A couple of posters on Sheriff Hadley's bedroom wall



Sheriff Hadley supplementing his income
just outside Freehold High School


Sheriff Hadley relaxing at home with 16-year-old babysitter
(while wife is in rehab)


Sheriff Hadley loves horses