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  • #1

    I'm a 'member'!

    Hi, sister Rachel here

    Just want to say thank you for my upgrade to MEMBER. I bet Jesus has lots of favourite members, I am sure Jesus touches many of you members every day, and I'm proud to say I am the latest member that he has touched!

    He touched me, and with his loving grace made me come
    on this forum and let you all know that I am filled with the seeds of his love!

    Praise Jesus!

    Matthew 5:28 - But I say unto you, That whosoever looketh on a woman to lust after her hath committed adultery with her already in his heart.
    Psalm 58:3 The wicked are estranged from the womb: they go astray as soon as they be born, speaking lies
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  • #2
    Re: I'm a 'member'!

    Originally posted by RArnold View Post
    Hi, sister Rachel here

    Just want to say thank you for my upgrade to MEMBER. I bet Jesus has lots of favourite members, I am sure Jesus touches many of you members every day, and I'm proud to say I am the latest member that he has touched!

    He touched me, and with his loving grace made me come
    on this forum and let you all know that I am filled with the seeds of his love!

    Praise Jesus!

    Matthew 5:28 - But I say unto you, That whosoever looketh on a woman to lust after her hath committed adultery with her already in his heart.
    Congratulations, dear!

    Have you finished reading the Bible yet (the whole thing, not just a few verses)? Can I quiz you on how many times God ordered genocide and enslavement of unbelievers, etc?
    God created fossils to test our faith.

    * * *

    My favorite LBC sermons:
    True Christians are Perfect!
    True Christian™ Love.
    Salvation™ made Easy!
    You can’t be a Christian if you don’t believe the Old Testament.
    Jesus is impolite. Deal with it.
    Jesus is xenophobic and so should we.
     Sanctity of Life is NOT a Biblical Concept.
    Biblical view on modern-day slavery.
    The Immorality of the "Universal Declaration of Human Rights."
    Geneva Conventions vs. The Holy Bible.
    God HATES Rational Thinking!
    True Christian™ Man as a spitting image of God.

    Comment

    • #3
      Re: I'm a 'member'!

      I'm not finished yet my dear,

      I'm still wading my way through, God has not finished covering me in his holy seed.

      I'll let you know when I all finished up
      Psalm 58:3 The wicked are estranged from the womb: they go astray as soon as they be born, speaking lies

      Comment

      • #4
        Re: I'm a 'member'!

        Welcome, young lady. But always remember your place in the eyes of God, and ours.

        Proverbs 31:30-31 "Favour is deceitful, and beauty is vain: but a woman that feareth the Lord, she shall be praised.

        Give her of the fruit of her hands; and let her own works praise her in the gates."

        Fear of God should be your first thought, as you enter into your loving and reciprocal relationship with Jesus Christ. It's as simple as it is written in the Holy Bible.

        In Him
        Matthew 19:14 "But Jesus said, Suffer little children, and forbid them not, to come unto me: for of such is the kingdom of heaven."

        sigpic

        Comment

        • #5
          Re: I'm a 'member'!

          Wait, this person is now a member? I seem to remember this spinster being a chronic masturbator, making her a lezbean by default since she is having sex with herself who happens to be the same sex as herself.

          Mercy me, but it seems we are falling on hard times. What next? Gingers? Lefties?
          Psalm 137:9 Happy shall he be, that taketh and dasheth thy little ones against the stones.

          Comment

          • #6
            Re: I'm a 'member'!

            Originally posted by Des View Post
            Wait, this person is now a member? I seem to remember this spinster being a chronic masturbator, making her a lezbean by default since she is having sex with herself who happens to be the same sex as herself.

            Mercy me, but it seems we are falling on hard times. What next? Gingers? Lefties?
            Des, this person has tried hard to please Jesus after all their sins
            Donald Trump, our hero!

            Comment

            • #7
              Re: I'm a 'member'!

              Originally posted by eggcake View Post
              Des, this person has tried hard to please Jesus after all their sins
              While I'm not wholly convinced of her sincerity, so long as the Ministry assures me her posts aren't being made with tuna scented fingertips, I'll give her the benefit of a doubt.
              Psalm 137:9 Happy shall he be, that taketh and dasheth thy little ones against the stones.

              Comment

              • #8
                Re: I'm a 'member'!

                Originally posted by Des View Post
                While I'm not wholly convinced of her sincerity, so long as the Ministry assures me her posts aren't being made with tuna scented fingertips, I'll give her the benefit of a doubt.
                I've tried to get the smell out but to no avail. Anyway, I no longer in need of self-gratification techniques as I now have the LORD inside me and the feeling of him within me gives me such satisfaction.

                Luke 17:3 - Take heed to yourselves: If thy brother trespass against thee, rebuke him; and if he repent, forgive him.
                Psalm 58:3 The wicked are estranged from the womb: they go astray as soon as they be born, speaking lies

                Comment

                • #9
                  Re: I'm a 'member'!

                  Welcome to the dizzying heights of forum membership!

                  There's now a small chance that you won't be going to hell. Congrats.
                  But they mocked the messengers of God, and despised his words, and misused his prophets, until the wrath of the LORD arose against his people, till there was no remedy. (2 Chronicles 36:16)

                  The Bible is perfect and contains ZERO contradictions: A True Christian™ guide to logic
                  Using a spirit level to identify homosexuals: A guide for those without the "gaydar"
                  "eSports": Become Usain Bolt without leaving your sofa

                  Comment

                  • #10
                    Re: I'm a 'member'!

                    Congratulations!

                    Originally posted by RArnold View Post
                    I've tried to get the smell out but to no avail. Anyway, I no longer in need of self-gratification techniques as I now have the LORD inside me and the feeling of him within me gives me such satisfaction.

                    Luke 17:3 - Take heed to yourselves: If thy brother trespass against thee, rebuke him; and if he repent, forgive him.
                    It is wonderful to hear that your newfound love for the Lord has helped you stop your self-abuse. Have you tried using prayer to get rid of the smell? Prayer works. John 15:7 Mark 11:24
                    And thou shalt love the LORD thy God with all thine heart, and with all thy soul, and with all thy might.
                    Deuteronomy 6.5

                    Comment

                    • #11
                      Re: I'm a 'member'!

                      Originally posted by Esther B. View Post
                      Congratulations!



                      It is wonderful to hear that your newfound love for the Lord has helped you stop your self-abuse. Have you tried using prayer to get rid of the smell? Prayer works. John 15:7 Mark 11:24
                      You're right it did! Shout PRAISE!


                      Matthew 7:10 or if he shall ask for a fish, will give him a serpent?
                      Psalm 58:3 The wicked are estranged from the womb: they go astray as soon as they be born, speaking lies

                      Comment

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