[Red Army]

Re: Let's Play: "The Corpse-Choked Gladiator Pits of the Democrat Primary!"

I'll play. I don't like role playing, but in this case I think I can show the world something.

Race: Guilty white


Class: Medium to high, secretly rooting for the proletariat


At the Hollywood party, I approach guilty white male actors, and with a speech about inequalities in payments in the movies, I make a hell of a fundraiser.

[Basilissa]

Re: Let's Play: "The Corpse-Choked Gladiator Pits of the Democrat Primary!"

Your silence effect wears off at just this moment, causing you to accidentally say this out loud.

The crowd is outraged, because these are not free-range children. They are not even organic, no, they are hormone-stuffed, cage-raised, possibly genetically modified Chinese imports.

You lose 1 superdelgate, giving you a total score of -1 superdelegate, until the scandal is forgotten.

Someone says something mean on twitter, and your your scandal is forgotten. Score: 0 superdelegates.

Uh-oh, OK, I was going to make some lame excuse that this is not what I meant, which would possibly result in even more controversy, but I'm OK with that, too.

How come I still have 0 superdelegates? I'm your perfectly bland, middle of the road, safe choice, don't the party leaders like that anymore?

[Jeb Stuart Thurmond]

Re: Let's Play: "The Corpse-Choked Gladiator Pits of the Democrat Primary!"

I approach guilty white male actors, and with a speech about inequalities in payments in the movies, I make a hell of a fundraiser.

Still haunted by the ghost of McCarthy after all these years, the party attendees pretend to listen and nod politely.

Tulsi Gabbard, desperate to stand out, declares herself a "Democratic Stalinist" and invites you to her entourage, but before you can say anything she runs for cover due to a ballistic missile false alarm.

You check your wads of cash, but it turns out it's only prop-money. It will be good for tossing around at photo-ops, but that's it.

Speaking of the photo-op, it's a recreation of Martin Luther King's "dream", where children of all races gather on a hilltop and sing. However, the Jews can't keep the rhythm, the blacks say letting the whites sing is cultural appropriation, and nobody told the Chinese kids that they can't rap the N-word, which is every 5th world in the lyrics.

Pete Boot-Edge-Edge, who has escaped from juvie, ends up stuck in the choir. His 4 superdelegates can't find him, and are now up for grabs.

I'm OK with that, too....I'm your perfectly bland, middle of the road, safe choice, don't the party leaders like that anymore?

No, they don't.

[Basilissa]

Re: Let's Play: "The Corpse-Choked Gladiator Pits of the Democrat Primary!"

Pete Boot-Edge-Edge, who has escaped from juvie, ends up stuck in the choir. His 4 superdelegates can't find him, and are now up for grabs.

I try to grab the superdelegates and learn in the process that there seems to be some sort of a difference between "grabbing delegates" and "groping delegates." Who knew? Anyway, I try to convince the superdelegates by saying I'm same as Obama, new & improved, and now in white!

[Red Army]

Re: Let's Play: "The Corpse-Choked Gladiator Pits of the Democrat Primary!"

Still haunted by the ghost of McCarthy after all these years, the party attendees pretend to listen and nod politely....

You check your wads of cash, but it turns out it's only prop-money. It will be good for tossing around at photo-ops, but that's it.

Even though prop money is not enough to guarantee KGB support, the GRU (Glávnoye Razvédyvatelnoye Upravlenie) accepts it and now I have an army of trolls in Twitter, Facebok and Youtube to back me up. And a real army, as well, just in case.
I start my dirty campaign by revealing Bernie Sanders did not write "Our revolution", but it was written by a bunch of slave ghost writers in Bangladesh, most of them underage. That explains a lot about the book, but the fact that he has become a millionaire by using slave underage labour is a big hit for the only pseudo socialist I am fighting here, and I can occupy that space in solitude.

[gamer4Christ]

Re: Let's Play: "The Corpse-Choked Gladiator Pits of the Democrat Primary!"

You have an opportunity to steal one of his frozen Oscar trophies/statuettes, as long as you can avoid body cavity searches. You will suffer -1 hit point (cold) and -1 hit point (piercing damage to critical hit area) and the statuette will be smelly, giving you only +2 charisma when presented.

I'll pass. As a nerf-herder I don't need extra charisma, and I've already got enough - I'm like Ringo Starr, ugly but cute.

My plan is to pose as a photographer, and lure Biden away with promises of a backdrop that will make him look youthful.

[Jeb Stuart Thurmond]

Re: Let's Play: "The Corpse-Choked Gladiator Pits of the Democrat Primary!"

Even though prop money is not enough to guarantee KGB support, the GRU (Glávnoye Razvédyvatelnoye Upravlenie) accepts it and now I have an army of trolls in Twitter, Facebok and Youtube to back me up.

You acquire a +1 Meme-Machine of Dankness.

I start my dirty campaign by revealing Bernie Sanders did not write "Our revolution", but it was written by a bunch of slave ghost writers in Bangladesh, most of them underage.

Most of the photographers say "pics or it didn't happen" and the few clickbait writers who bothered to show up take it as an endorsement. They write glowing thinkpieces about Bernie's commitment to free trade, and his after-school programs for youth in Baltimore (they don't listen very well, what with their noses always in their smartphones reading twitter.)

Bernie gains +2 superdelegates.

My plan is to pose as a photographer, and lure Biden away with promises of a backdrop that will make him look youthful.

The Secret Service check your credentials, find you have none, and toss you off the hill.

convince the superdelegates by saying I'm same as Obama, new & improved, and now in white!

They want to know if you're gay. If so, they want proof.

Warning: because you skipped on the side-quest to find Trent, your party now has no bodyguard.

[Trent Harvey, Jr.]

Re: Let's Play: "The Corpse-Choked Gladiator Pits of the Democrat Primary!"

I'm back.

First, I'll chat with Secret Service and see if they have any tips and pointers that will get me easy Experience Points.

Then I'll check Red Army for ice picks. Though not statuettes. If he's got one he can keep it.

To gain the children's trust I'll let them wear my lucky helmet. We should all listen to the children as they argue. It will be good preparation for the debates. I sure don't.

[Jeb Stuart Thurmond]

Re: Let's Play: "The Corpse-Choked Gladiator Pits of the Democrat Primary!"

First, I'll chat with Secret Service and see if they have any tips and pointers that will get me easy Experience Points.

They don't want to be chatted up by a slob who stinks of alcohol and weird left-coast party snacks.

To gain the children's trust I'll let them wear my lucky helmet.

In your drunken haze you had vomited in your helmet, and forgotten about it. After your barf slops all over a particularly newsworthy little blonde girl, the Secret Service notices it looks like you've been eating pizza. They put two and two together. You are arrested in connection with pizzagate.

[gamer4Christ]

Re: Let's Play: "The Corpse-Choked Gladiator Pits of the Democrat Primary!"

I climb back up the hill. I've played Celeste, I know a thing or two about this.

Oh right, my nerf-herding quest. I've gotten bored with this, can I do a class-change? Is there some dungeon where I can loot a Master Seal? Since we need a new bodyguard, I want to be a Pegasus Knight.

[Social Construct]

Re: Let's Play: "The Corpse-Choked Gladiator Pits of the Democrat Primary!"

With the astounding amount of vomit flying around in this election (almost like someone has a fetish for it) all thoughts are on healthcare.

I introduce my universal healthcare plan: we will all identify as fertilized eggs, forcing the GOP to care about us. Politicians who fail to save our precious zygote lives will be jailed - by republican laws, not mine.

No, don't thank me, thank Republican lawmakers.

[PeterCrackhead]

Re: Let's Play: "The Corpse-Choked Gladiator Pits of the Democrat Primary!"

Even though prop money is not enough to guarantee KGB support, the GRU (Glávnoye Razvédyvatelnoye Upravlenie) accepts it and now I have an army of trolls in Twitter, Facebok and Youtube to back me up. And a real army, as well, just in case.
I start my dirty campaign by revealing Bernie Sanders did not write "Our revolution", but it was written by a bunch of slave ghost writers in Bangladesh, most of them underage. That explains a lot about the book, but the fact that he has become a millionaire by using slave underage labour is a big hit for the only pseudo socialist I am fighting here, and I can occupy that space in solitude.

Jill Kassidy....................

[Jeb Stuart Thurmond]

Re: Let's Play: "The Corpse-Choked Gladiator Pits of the Democrat Primary!"

Jill Kassidy....................

Class: porn actress
Equipment: Disguise (twitter strategist). Bag Of Holding, stuffed with unlimited periods.......................
Quest: Create a "Stormy Daniels" scandal with an opposing candidate.

I was going to warn you not to be explicit, but seeing as you can't type more than 10 words and 100 periods at a time, you aren't capable of it.

I introduce my universal healthcare plan: we will all identify as fertilized eggs, forcing the GOP to care about us.

The clickbait writers get confused, thinking that you promised free imaginary abortions for trannies. Either way, it's so crazy that you gain 6 superdelegates. One of them got pregnant last night, so I'll count the zygote as a 7th superdelegate.

Since we need a new bodyguard, I want to be a Pegasus Knight.

Class: Narc with lame haircut.

[Basilissa]

Re: Let's Play: "The Corpse-Choked Gladiator Pits of the Democrat Primary!"

With the astounding amount of vomit flying around in this election (almost like someone has a fetish for it) all thoughts are on healthcare.

I introduce my universal healthcare plan: we will all identify as fertilized eggs, forcing the GOP to care about us. Politicians who fail to save our precious zygote lives will be jailed - by republican laws, not mine.

No, don't thank me, thank Republican lawmakers.

I have to admit - that is actually quite a good plan!

My healthcare plan mainly involves my dashing looks and my gorgeous smile. Have you seen my teeth? Everyone will look as good as I do if you elect me!

But: no, I'm not gay (at least not at the moment), so I guess I'll have to stop groping, did I say groping? I meant grabbing, Butt-man's superdelegates...

[Social Construct]

Re: Let's Play: "The Corpse-Choked Gladiator Pits of the Democrat Primary!"

My healthcare plan mainly involves my dashing looks and my gorgeous smile. Have you seen my teeth? Everyone will look as good as I do if you elect me!

Nobody will believe that, even Canada doesn't do universal free dental. Something about people being more polite when they fear their teeth being punched out, or something.

I guess I'll have to stop groping, did I say groping? I meant grabbing, Butt-man's superdelegates...

Stay away from my Superdelegates, I can summon mobs. All kinds, even the dreaded twitter-mob, thanks to my Twitter Strategist, Jill. (You don't know she's actually an undercover pornstar, so the intimidate effect should work in-game).

Are we doing the media appearance next? Can we do Real Time with Bill Maher? I've always wanted to give that problematic creep a piece of my mind.