[Rev. M. Rodimer]

Re: Spring Heeled Jack's Crime Log

Sir, I suggest you stop this spree at once and turn yourself into the authorities!

He's already trying to turn himself into the authority!

[Jo Freddie]

Re: Spring Heeled Jack's Crime Log

He's already trying to turn himself into the authority!

He does already seem to think he is THE LAW!

[Bobby-Joe]

Re: Spring Heeled Jack's Crime Log

You can't make an omelet without cracking a few eggs. This city has a lot of problems and unfortunately a few people are going to get hurt before it's over.

It's always darkest before the dawn.

-The Spring Heeled Jack

Listen here Jack,

This is your one and ONLY warning from the Security Detail.

So you are out on the Freehold City streets and the Freehold PD problem. Fine and dandy. But make no mistake, the Pastoral Security Detail are all fully trained and qualified asset security officers. You mess around in one of the gate communities your going down FAST and you won't know what hit you. You will find out what a "cracked omelet" means.

This is not a threat son, that is the way it is.

[Spring Heeled Jack]

Re: Spring Heeled Jack's Crime Log

I would like to remind the good tax payers of Freehold that the Police Department has made this Spring Heeled Jack a top priority.

Spring Heeled Jack (or Spring Heeled Jackass, as we have come to call him at the PD) is wanted for assault and battery, false imprisonment, destruction of both public and private property, evading arrest, trespassing, disturbing the peace, speeding, reckless driving and generally endangering the citizens of our fair city.

The FPD is offering a reward of $1,000 dollars to anybody who can provide information or proof of identity of this so-called "Spring Heel Jack" that leads to his arrest.

Citizens are urged to keep their doors and windows locked at night, and to keep a phone handy in case they spot anybody matching the description of this joker prowling in their neighborhood.

Together, we can bring Spring Heeled Jack to justice, and make our town safe again!

It's valiant of you to try and take me down, I'm sure the corrupt big businesses and the drug cartels will line your pockets generously for your cooperation. The truth is who I am doesn't matter anymore, but what I stand for does. Sometimes I don't even know who I am: I look in the mirror and don't recognize the person in the reflection. Am I doing any good or have I become the villain I was trying to fight all along? Only time will tell. But alas, I am not worried about how I look in history text books fifty years from now. You can spin my actions any way you want. My goal was never to be a well-respected historical figure. To be a George Washington or an Ethan Allen or a Paul Revere you have to play by the rules, and unfortunately for the corrupt politicians, police officers and businessmen in this town I lost my rule book a long time ago.

September 9, 2010: 11:00pm

From my perch atop the Randolph Family's chimney I was afforded a spectacular view of the entire Leviticus Landing neighborhood. As I gazed around the houses shrouded in darkness I couldn't help but think of the people inside and the terror they likely live in every second of the day and they worry about the crime that has gripped our streets. As I looked around I saw Mr. Lewis from across the street committing a most heinous of crimes: the attempted rape of Meridith, his wife of over 25 years. I finished my Fruit by the Foot and SPRUNG into action. Mr. Lewis laid his bride on the bed and proceeded to climb atop her, slowly taking off her top. Mrs. Lewis, bound in the throes of terror, was too horrified to fight back. I jumped with a single leap onto their roof and smashed through their bedroom window and did a super sweet roll across the ground and sweep-kicked Mr. Lewis' legs out from under him. As he fell he smashed his head on the dresser drawer. While he tried to regain his bearings I tied him up. Meanwhile Mrs. Lewis screamed at me and smashed things over my head: it was the saddest display of Stockholm's Syndrome I've ever seen. After incapacitating Mrs. Lewis with chloroform I turned to Mr. Lewis and pulled out my switch blade.

"Do you know what I do to filthy rapists like you?" I asked. He answered but I wasn't listening: I didn't care what this disgusting sex pervert had to say. I undid his pants and held the blade in front of his face. "I'm gonna make sure you never hurt another woman again."

As I went down to surgically remove this man's testicles the cops arrived, one of the neighbor's must have seen me on the chimney and called the police.

I punched Mr. Lewis in the face, knocking him out, and SPRUNG out into the night with the cops likely in hot pursuit.

I save a woman's life tonight and the cops came for me. Sometimes I wonder why I put my life on the line like this, but then I see people like Mrs. Lewis. If I can keep saving the people of this town it'll be worth it when I am eventually unmasked and thrown in jail. This is all bigger than me.

[Felicity]

Re: Spring Heeled Jack's Crime Log

@Spring Heeled Jack I feel so much safer now!

[Bobby-Joe]

Re: Spring Heeled Jack's Crime Log

September 9, 2010: 11:00pm

From my perch atop the Randolph Family's chimney I was afforded a spectacular view of the entire Leviticus Landing neighborhood. As I gazed around the houses shrouded in darkness I couldn't help but think of the people inside and the terror they likely live in every second of the day and they worry about the crime that has gripped our streets. As I looked around I saw Mr. Lewis from across the street committing a most heinous of crimes: the attempted rape of Meridith, his wife of over 25 years. I finished my Fruit by the Foot and SPRUNG into action. Mr. Lewis laid his bride on the bed and proceeded to climb atop her, slowly taking off her top. Mrs. Lewis, bound in the throes of terror, was too horrified to fight back. I jumped with a single leap onto their roof and smashed through their bedroom window and did a super sweet roll across the ground and sweep-kicked Mr. Lewis' legs out from under him. As he fell he smashed his head on the dresser drawer. While he tried to regain his bearings I tied him up. Meanwhile Mrs. Lewis screamed at me and smashed things over my head: it was the saddest display of Stockholm's Syndrome I've ever seen. After incapacitating Mrs. Lewis with chloroform I turned to Mr. Lewis and pulled out my switch blade.

Now you just opened the hurt locker punk.

You were warned. Stay out of the gated communities, but you didn't listen.

The Security Detail on your ass Jack

Stand by for action.

[Seth Campbell]

Re: Spring Heeled Jack's Crime Log

Well I guess this is as good a time as any to mention that we are out of trained dogs. I would like to thank SHJ for this upswing in our sales, we are now putting in a second kennel. We have a litter of puppies due mid October but they won't be ready until around Christmas.

For those of you looking for a good protection dog, may I suggest the following people.

AZ - http://www.cck9.com/
AZ - http://www.zauberberg.com/
MA - http://www.protectiondogs.com/person...for_sale.shtml
FL - http://www.premierprotectiondogs.com/index.html
SC - http://www.goldenstatek-9training.com/contact.htm

That being said, it seems that our prices are woefully low for the US market. So I guess I'll be upping the prices. Of course there will be a discount for True Christians(TM).

[Cranky Old Man]

Re: Spring Heeled Jack's Crime Log

For protection I prefer my Smith and Wesson 500 Mag Hunter, although I have to admit the dogs your wife borrowed me a while ago did a great job. My neighbor still doesn't have any dogs of her own, ever since the ones she once had suddenly decided to migrate, while your dogs were visiting, and the for sale sign I put there has been in her yard for weeks now. It's unfortunate Obama destroyed the housing market, since no one bought it yet.

My Smith and Wesson 500 Mag Hunter is an excellent gun. It is the largest double-action revolver available, and there is no production revolver in the world, single or double action, capable of matching, or even approaching, the level of power it produces. For the amount of power it has, it is amazingly comfortable to handle, mostly thanks to the excellent recoil muzzle compensator.

[Lisa H]

Re: Spring Heeled Jack's Crime Log

September 9, 2010: 11:00pm

From my perch atop the Randolph Family's chimney I was afforded a spectacular view of the entire Leviticus Landing neighborhood. As I gazed around the houses shrouded in darkness I couldn't help but think of the people inside and the terror they likely live in every second of the day and they worry about the crime that has gripped our streets. As I looked around I saw Mr. Lewis from across the street committing a most heinous of crimes: the attempted rape of Meridith, his wife of over 25 years. I finished my Fruit by the Foot and SPRUNG into action. Mr. Lewis laid his bride on the bed and proceeded to climb atop her, slowly taking off her top. Mrs. Lewis, bound in the throes of terror, was too horrified to fight back. I jumped with a single leap onto their roof and smashed through their bedroom window and did a super sweet roll across the ground and sweep-kicked Mr. Lewis' legs out from under him. As he fell he smashed his head on the dresser drawer. While he tried to regain his bearings I tied him up. Meanwhile Mrs. Lewis screamed at me and smashed things over my head: it was the saddest display of Stockholm's Syndrome I've ever seen. After incapacitating Mrs. Lewis with chloroform I turned to Mr. Lewis and pulled out my switch blade.

"Do you know what I do to filthy rapists like you?" I asked. He answered but I wasn't listening: I didn't care what this disgusting sex pervert had to say. I undid his pants and held the blade in front of his face. "I'm gonna make sure you never hurt another woman again."

So now your are pervert who looks through married couples bedroom windows. You do know what Mr & Mrs Lewis were doing. I hope you are caught before you kill someone.

[Bob4God]

Re: Spring Heeled Jack's Crime Log

Business has been booming down at FREEHOLD FIREARMS on the corner of Exodus and 7th in Freehold.

I get people coming in EVERY DAY telling me they need a new shotgun, 357 magnum, harpoon gun, or AR15 to protect their families and property from this "mask wearing, cape waving freak" they keep seeing in their neighborhoods.

Jack, I suggest you come on down to FREEHOLD FIREARMS and buy yourself a bullet-proof vest while you still can. Now that you're threatening to remove the testicles of True Christians attempting to be fruitful and multiply, you're going to need it.

[Rev. M. Rodimer]

Re: Spring Heeled Jack's Crime Log

One would think that the ability -- or inability -- to trap this nutcase would be a key deciding factor in the election of a new sheriff.

[Jo Freddie]

Re: Spring Heeled Jack's Crime Log

One would think that the ability -- or inability -- to trap this nutcase would be a key deciding factor in the election of a new sheriff.

Perhaps one of the candidates is spending too much time in Huston.

[Rev. M. Rodimer]

Re: Spring Heeled Jack's Crime Log

Perhaps one of the candidates is spending too much time in Houston.

Thelma? Whitney? Anjelica?

What manner of depravity are you suggesting?

[Jo Freddie]

Re: Spring Heeled Jack's Crime Log

Thelma? Whitney? Anjelica?

Kim

[Spring Heeled Jack]

Re: Spring Heeled Jack's Crime Log

October 9, 2010: 7:30pm

The streets have been quiet lately, but as a crime-fighter like myself comes to learn very fast: there's always a calm before the eye of the storm.

From my vantage point in the bushes outside the Randal house I was afforded a perfect view into their dining room this evening, and I watched as they sat down to dinner. Window into a perfect American household, or a view to a crime? After their prayer little Johnny, aged 10, asked Mr. Randal if he could have a sip of wine. Mr. Randal, completely disregarding the underaged drinking laws in this state, agreed, and let little Johnny drink a thimblefull.

As the final drop of wine slid down Johnny's throat and he drunkenly stumbled back to his chair I kicked their front door down and stood in the front walkway. Mrs. Randal screamed and Mr. Randal grabbed a metal candle holder and stood ready to strike me with it. "Underaged drinking is a serious offense. I'm gonna have to take you in," I bellowed. "And I don't want to hear any... whining!" I then threw a net on Mr. Randal and dragged him out of the house as his wife hid in the closet with the children. I threw his worthless butt in the back of my crime-fighting car and drove him to the slammer. I left him in a fat law-breaking heap outside the back door and drove off wondering how much longer the people of this town are going to have to put up with crime like this before a real sheriff is ready to step up and clean up the streets.

November isn't too far away, Officer Richards.