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  • #31
    Re: Please Pray for Sister Mary Maria's Fetus

    Originally posted by Pastor Ezekiel View Post
    Wait a minute...Why wouldn't she just toss the over-cooked roast to the family pitbulls? Your story doesn't add up, sister Jenny.

    This isn't one of those "accidents" that seem to happen from time-to-time at your Monthly Visitor flophouse for filthy females, is it?
    I'll have you know that I got my story from Marcia, the deli clerk at Kroger.

    Miss Prissy Sister M&Ms only comes by The Monthly Visitor to mock and deride critique my bush and other landscaping, and has never stayed during her unclean time. She thinks she's too good for my place, now that she's married money, oh, but I remember has a nice farmhands' bunkhouse "monthly" cottage of her own, she says.
    www.palibandaily.com - Your Christian News Source
    Huckabee/Palin Gingrich 2012 will reclaim America for Christ! PRAISE!

    Christian Ladies:
    Savor your separation in style at the Monthly Visitor!

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    • #32
      Re: Please Pray for Sister Mary Maria's Fetus

      Originally posted by Pastor Al E Pistle View Post
      Suddenly this doesn't bode well. Bobby-Joe, put a team of crack investigators on Sister JennyD immediately!
      I was involved in a previous crack investigation round at Sister Jenny's Pastor, and believe me, it WAS NOT a pleasant experience
      JUDGEMENT DAY

      sigpic

      "I'll Be Back!!"

      Comment

      • #33
        Re: Please Pray for Sister Mary Maria's Fetus

        Please ignore papist lies. And thank you to my True Christian(tm) friends for your blessings. I haven't said much yet because security precautions are still being taken to protect myself and the baby from Satanists such as witches, atheists, and Democrats.
        Posted via Prayer

        1 Timothy 2:13-15 For Adam was first formed, then Eve. And Adam was not deceived, but the woman being deceived was in the transgression. Notwithstanding she shall be saved in childbearing, if they continue in faith and charity and holiness with sobriety.
        Bearing my husband's heirs and being SAVED!

        Blogging for CHRIST!
        Witnessing for GOD on YouTube!
        All a-Twitter for Salvation!
        Bringing Jesus to MySpace!
        On FIRE for the Lord on Facebook!
        My Ladies of Landover profile!

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        • #34
          Re: Please Pray for Sister Mary Maria's Fetus

          I was right!

          Sister Mary Maria AND her blessed babe were BOTH in mortal danger, and everyone just wrote me off as a hysteric.

          Typical.

          Comment

          • #35
            Re: Please Pray for Sister Mary Maria's Fetus

            Originally posted by Mistress Cookie View Post
            I was right!

            Sister Mary Maria AND her blessed babe were BOTH in mortal danger, and everyone just wrote me off as a hysteric.

            Typical.
            Now, now, Sister, you know how you women folk can get when there's too much excitement in the air.

            And Sister Mary Maria, congratulations! I'll be praying that you and your husband are blessed with a level-headed man-child.
            A baby is a human being, not a stem cell!

            Psalm 139:19-20
            Surely thou wilt slay the wicked, O God: depart from me therefore, ye bloody men.
            For they speak against thee wickedly, and thine enemies take thy name in vain.

            Comment

            • #36
              Re: Please Pray for Sister Mary Maria's Fetus

              Originally posted by Eugene Hackwith View Post
              Now, now, Sister, you know how you women folk can get when there's too much excitement in the air.
              Well, you're right about that. Especially when there's a little baby on the way

              I wonder if she'll name it Cookie.

              Comment

              • #37
                Re: Please Pray for Sister Mary Maria's Fetus

                Is the main thrust of this story, the great headline, “WOMAN HAS BUN IN OVEN, SHOCK HORROR!”? Is that it???

                Let me tell you that there are 6 Billion people on this planet and they all came that way. The real news story lies behind, “WHY HAS IT TAKEN SO LONG FOR THIS WOMAN TO HAVE A BUN IN THE OVEN?”

                Jesus need soldiers and he doesn’t need them popping out at decade intervals. I dare say that Sister M&M is no spring chicken and delaying such things is not healthy for her or God. She’s unlikely to be chosen at 90 years of age to have a child as per Sarah.

                I’m hoping that this “being with child” will result in at least quadruple boys – anything less and the woman’s not been doing her job.



                A lot of fuss about nothing if you ask me!
                sigpic


                “We must reassert that the essence of Christianity is the love of obedience to God’s Laws and that how that complete obedience is used or implemented does not concern us.”

                Author of such illuminating essays as,
                Map of the Known World; Periodic Table of Elements; The History of Linguistics; The Errors of Wicca; Dolphins and Evolution; The History of Landover (The Apology); Landover and the Civil War; 2000 Racial Slurs.

                Comment

                • #38
                  Re: Please Pray for Sister Mary Maria's Fetus

                  Originally posted by Eugene Hackwith View Post
                  Now, now, Sister, you know how you women folk can get when there's too much excitement in the air.

                  Amen brother Eugene. Ever since the news leaked out about sister M&M being with child, sister Thumper hasn't given me a moment's peace. She keeps bringing fresh-baked blueberry pies over to my estate, begging for a little Dicken's Cider to go with it.

                  I think sister Thumper's got ideas...
                  Who Will Jesus Damn?

                  Here is a partial list from just a few scripture verses:

                  Hypocrites (Matthew 24:51), The Unforgiving (Mark 11:26), Homosexuals (Romans 1:26, 27), Fornicators (Romans 1:29), The Wicked (Romans 1:29), The Covetous (Romans 1:29), The Malicious (Romans 1:29), The Envious (Romans 1:29), Murderers (Romans 1:29), The Deceitful (Romans 1:29), Backbiters (Romans 1:30), Haters of God (Romans 1:30), The Despiteful (Romans 1:30), The Proud (Romans 1:30), Boasters (Romans 1:30), Inventors of evil (Romans 1:30), Disobedient to parents (Romans 1:30), Covenant breakers (Romans 1:31), The Unmerciful (Romans 1:31), The Implacable (Romans 1:31), The Unrighteous (1Corinthians 6:9), Idolaters (1Corinthians 6:9), Adulterers (1Corinthians 6:9), The Effeminate (1Corinthians 6:9), Thieves (1Corinthians 6:10), Drunkards (1Corinthians 6:10), Reviler (1Corinthians 6:10), Extortioners (1Corinthians 6:10), The Fearful (Revelation 21:8), The Unbelieving (Revelation 21:8), The Abominable (Revelation 21:8), Whoremongers (Revelation 21:8), Sorcerers (Revelation 21:8), All Liars (Revelation 21:8)

                  Need Pastoral Advice? Contact me privately at PastorEzekiel@landoverbaptist.net TODAY!!

                  Comment

                  • #39
                    Re: Please Pray for Sister Mary Maria's Fetus

                    Originally posted by Ezekiel Bathfire View Post
                    A lot of fuss about nothing if you ask me!
                    Brother Bathfire, of course I agree with your reasoning re: childbearing duties....and yet in last night's informational collision, so much was suddenly sprung on us at once that it caused understandable alarm.

                    There was the sidebar issue of Why (And) Has Sister M&M Concealed Her Blessed Pregnancy From Us, Her Fellow Churchgoers And Closest Friends?

                    Quick upon this came the (unsubstantiated?) report of her being seen Disposing Of a Suspicious Bag Containing a Pot-Roast Sized Object In a Shadowy, Out-Of-The-Way Dumpster.

                    Then (for some) there was the fear that Sister Jenny Had Relapsed, which lead to Where Is Sister M&M, and Is The Baby Safe?

                    As in many accidents, more than one thing was happening at once, and even now, the witnesses may be unreliable.

                    I am just glad that Sister M&M is safe and sound, and personally proud of myself that I, with God's Help, kept a level head through it all and didn't add to the confusion.

                    Comment

                    • #40
                      Re: Please Pray for Sister Mary Maria's Fetus

                      Originally posted by Pastor Ezekiel View Post
                      Amen brother Eugene. Ever since the news leaked out about sister M&M being with child, sister Thumper hasn't given me a moment's peace. She keeps bringing fresh-baked blueberry pies over to my estate, begging for a little Dicken's Cider to go with it.

                      I think sister Thumper's got ideas...
                      This is the typical behavior of an ovulating female Pastor. Beware !


                      Leviticus 26:27-29

                      27 And if ye will not for all this hearken unto me, but walk contrary unto me;
                      28 Then I will walk contrary unto you also in fury; and I, even I, will chastise you seven times for your sins.
                      29 And ye shall eat the flesh of your sons, and the flesh of your daughters shall ye eat.

                      Comment

                      • #41
                        Re: Please Pray for Sister Mary Maria's Fetus

                        Originally posted by SayvedByTheLord View Post
                        This is the typical behavior of an ovulating female Pastor. Beware !
                        I don't know what that means, but it sounds bad. Thanks for the warning Brother.
                        Who Will Jesus Damn?

                        Here is a partial list from just a few scripture verses:

                        Hypocrites (Matthew 24:51), The Unforgiving (Mark 11:26), Homosexuals (Romans 1:26, 27), Fornicators (Romans 1:29), The Wicked (Romans 1:29), The Covetous (Romans 1:29), The Malicious (Romans 1:29), The Envious (Romans 1:29), Murderers (Romans 1:29), The Deceitful (Romans 1:29), Backbiters (Romans 1:30), Haters of God (Romans 1:30), The Despiteful (Romans 1:30), The Proud (Romans 1:30), Boasters (Romans 1:30), Inventors of evil (Romans 1:30), Disobedient to parents (Romans 1:30), Covenant breakers (Romans 1:31), The Unmerciful (Romans 1:31), The Implacable (Romans 1:31), The Unrighteous (1Corinthians 6:9), Idolaters (1Corinthians 6:9), Adulterers (1Corinthians 6:9), The Effeminate (1Corinthians 6:9), Thieves (1Corinthians 6:10), Drunkards (1Corinthians 6:10), Reviler (1Corinthians 6:10), Extortioners (1Corinthians 6:10), The Fearful (Revelation 21:8), The Unbelieving (Revelation 21:8), The Abominable (Revelation 21:8), Whoremongers (Revelation 21:8), Sorcerers (Revelation 21:8), All Liars (Revelation 21:8)

                        Need Pastoral Advice? Contact me privately at PastorEzekiel@landoverbaptist.net TODAY!!

                        Comment

                        • #42
                          Re: Please Pray for Sister Mary Maria's Fetus

                          Originally posted by Pastor Ezekiel View Post
                          Ever since the news leaked out about sister M&M being with child, sister Thumper hasn't given me a moment's peace.

                          SISTER THUMPER'S HAVING A BABY ? ! ? ! ? !

                          Comment

                          • #43
                            Re: Please Pray for Sister Mary Maria's Fetus

                            Attn: M&MS as we say ere in Meheco "Felicidades" Teach him/her/it Espanol earley. Start with "Ques su Pardre" Hugs & Kisses,
                            Wrestling with Demons.
                            Apostle at LARGE to the Heathen Latin Chicas.
                            LBCs Token compliance to NAFTA

                            Comment

                            • #44
                              Re: Please Pray for Sister Mary Maria's Fetus

                              Originally posted by Pastor Ezekiel View Post
                              Amen brother Eugene. Ever since the news leaked out about sister M&M being with child, sister Thumper hasn't given me a moment's peace. She keeps bringing fresh-baked blueberry pies over to my estate, begging for a little Dicken's Cider to go with it.

                              I think sister Thumper's got ideas...
                              And darned time for you to get some ideas too! If you don't, somebody else will!
                              Matthew:
                              5:17 Think not that I am come to destroy the law, or the prophets: I am not come to destroy, but to fulfil.
                              5:18 For verily I say unto you, Till heaven and earth pass, one jot or one tittle shall in no wise pass from the law, till all be fulfilled
                              10:21 And the brother shall deliver up the brother to death, and the father the child: and the children shall rise up against their parents, and cause them to be put to death.
                              10:34 Think not that I am come to send peace on earth: I came not to send peace, but a sword.


                              sigpic

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                              • #45
                                Re: Please Pray for Sister Mary Maria's Fetus

                                The Lord will surely smile upon you for righteous married reproduction sister Maria. You have fulfilled God's intended purpose for all moral women: Motherhood.
                                Genesis 1:28
                                28And God blessed them, and God said unto them, Be fruitful, and multiply, and replenish the earth, and subdue it: and have dominion over the fish of the sea, and over the fowl of the air, and over every living thing that moveth upon the earth.

                                Your unborn child has been added to my prayer list. May your children be many and close to God.

                                Originally posted by Roy Baty View Post
                                Jesus loves multiple Births. More Soldiers for Christ
                                Amen brother. There can never be enough soldiers in God's Army.

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