[God'sWarrior]

Re: Manly Jokes

Want to hear a funny joke?
Womens Rights

How long does it take for a man to make dinner?
As long as it takes for him to get out the belt.

Why did the woman cross the road?
To go to the grocery store, of coarse!


What does a beer bottle and a Woman have in common?
There both empty from the neck up.


How do you turn a fox into an elephant?
Marry it!

Why does the bride always wear white?
Because it is good for the dishwasher to match the stove and refrigerator.


How many men does it take to open a beer?
None. It should be opened by the time she brings it to you.





How do you know when a woman’s about to say something smart?

• When she starts her sentence with "A man once told me..."

How do you fix a woman’s watch?
You don’t, there’s a clock on the oven!

Women are like guns, keep one around long enough and you’re gonna to want to shoot it.



If your dog is barking at the back door and your wife is yelling at the front door, who do you let in first?
The dog of course...at least he’ll shut up after you let him in.


What are the three fastest means of communication?
1) Internet
2) Telephone
3) Telawoman



If your wife keeps coming out of the kitchen to nag at you, what have you done wrong?
Made her chain too long

[self_abusing_sinner]

Re: Manly Jokes

Why do women laugh at men?
Because they think they are smarter.

Why do men chuckle at women?
They know God gave them the power.

Why do men listen to women?
Because they are humble.

Cheers,
sas

[landoverlover]

Re: Manly Jokes

Q. What do you get when you cross a Mexican with a Mormon?

A. A basement full of stolen groceries.

[Benedict A. Davis]

Re: Manly Jokes

I have to stop watching the news it gets me depressed, there is bad news everywhere.
Just last night I heard stories of the world going to hell in a handbag, The American nation cow-towing to the mooselims, have to borrow money from the sand jockeys to keep the world running, no jobs for anybody, people loosing their homes....and it got worse!
It got so bad that I decided to call the suicide hotline.....and it got worse!
The hotline had been out sourced to a phone line in Pakistan...and it got worse!
When I told the guy how depressed I was and how I just didn't know how I was going to get thru it. He called over a bunch of his co workers and had me repeat my story....and it got worse!
When I was finished telling them my story all they wanted to know was if I could drive a truck!

[Rev. M. Rodimer]

Re: Manly Jokes

******
(ps, Do I get a medal now?)

I believe they're working on a "witless gorm" medal.

[landoverlover]

Re: Manly Jokes

Guy gets a call to go to the hospital - his wife had been in a horrible car accident.

The doctor calls him aside and says, "I'm sorry to have to tell you that your wife will be in a semi-vegetative state for the rest of her life." The guy is shocked and feels faint. The doctor says, "She will need around-the-clock care. Your wife will not be able to control her bowels. Unless she has complete facial reconstruction there will be a great deal of her skull visible. Because of brain damage she will have bouts of uncontrollable violent seizures. She will be unable to speak except for shrieks and grunting. You will have to spoon-feed her baby food. Sex will be out of the question."

By now the guy is ready to pass out with panic and feels the room spin. The doc continues, "And I'm sorry to tell you that your insurance won't cover any long-term care, which will be about $600,000 each year."

This is just too much. The guy starts to collapse to the floor when the doctor starts laughing, and says, "Hey, relax, it's OK, I'm just messing with you.....she's dead...."

******
(ps, Do I get a medal now?)

[iluvdarwin]

Re: Manly Jokes

Jesus walks into a bar, lies 3 nails on the counter and asks, "Can you put me up for the night?"

[Benedict A. Davis]

Re: Manly Jokes

What do we have that Adam never had?

Ancestors

What we have that you never will?

A future

[Sidoain]

Re: Manly Jokes

What do we have that Adam never had?

Ancestors

[Benedict A. Davis]

Re: Manly Jokes

What do you say to a messicant on a $800 bicycle?

STOP, THIEF!

[Bryan Tamariki]

Re: Manly Jokes

What did Dodi Al-Fayed say to his bodyguard?
"Would you like to go to Paris with me and Di?"

[Mark Christ]

Re: Manly Jokes

Three women were walking through the forest when they came upon a set of tracks.
The first woman said, "Those are deer tracks."
The second woman said, "No, those are elk tracks."
The third woman said, "You're both wrong, those are moose tracks."
The women were still arguing when the train hit them.

[Jimmy C Lombardo]

Re: Manly Jokes

Q:What did Cinderella say when she got to the ball?
A: Mmhpmph

Q: What did one woman say to the other?
A: Who cares

[WinnerNotSinner]

Re: Manly Jokes

from the "old pervert gives pedophelia underwear to underage" thread

Maybe you should mention that to your fellow "christian brother"...Ass Hat!

His situation is unique, in that he has been married to his wife for 3 years and she is suspected of ADULTERY.

Matthew 5:32
But I say unto you, That whosoever shall put away his wife, saving for the cause of fornication, causeth her to commit adultery: and whosoever shall marry her that is divorced committeth adultery.

So no, I wont be mentioning it to him. I still cannot believe you made that horrible joke .

[iluvdarwin]

Re: Manly Jokes

Were the couple married? Divorce is a sin, not something to be joked about.

from the "old pervert gives pedophelia underwear to underage" thread

Since Reverend Jim is in the middle of divorce proceedings,

Maybe you should mention that to your fellow "christian brother"...Ass Hat!