Advice needed: What is the fastest way to get Covid-19?

[Cranky Old Man]

All American hero Donald Trump described Covid-19 as 'a blessing from God'.

I think that is truly amazing. I want to receive the same blessing!

What is the most reliable way to get Coronavirus?

I already threw away all my protective gear and invited a few friends who have Covid-19, and refuse treatment of course, to receive the same blessing. I also stopped washing my hands and started hugging random people.

Would this do the trick? Is there more I can do?

[Brother Gonzalez]

Re: Advice needed: What is the fastest way to get Covid-19?

As far as I know, a Trump rally is the fastest way.

[Isabella White]

Re: Advice needed: What is the fastest way to get Covid-19?

Oh, dear Brother Cranky: In addition to Brother Gonzalez' brilliant suggestion, I might also suggest that you attend any public protests that are nearby. It would be especially to your benefit in catching the Chinese Flu if you went to protests that pertain to the lockdown, the silly restrictions, Governors' anti- orders, etc. Now, in order to get the full effect, might I suggest that you "get in people's faces" as much as possible, as you shall see in the second photo? Good luck, Dear, and do let us know of your progress.

[WWJDnow]

Re: Advice needed: What is the fastest way to get Covid-19?

As far as I know, a Trump rally is the fastest way.

That, or working in the White House. Truly, Donald Trump wants to share this blessing with all of America. That's how much he cares!

[Prayer Warrior]

Re: Advice needed: What is the fastest way to get Covid-19?

https://www.mediaite.com/trump/trump-says-he-feels-perfect-thinks-he-isnt-contagious-and-wants-to-hold-a-rally-tonight/

https://www.cnn.com/2020/10/09/media/trump-coughs-on-fox-news/index.html

Trump hasn't received a negative test yet and tested positive a week ago so if you're lucky you might be able to get it from Trump himself! What a blessing that would be.

[Cranky Old Man]

Re: Advice needed: What is the fastest way to get Covid-19?

As far as I know, a Trump rally is the fastest way.

Trump hasn't received a negative test yet and tested positive a week ago so if you're lucky you might be able to get it from Trump himself! What a blessing that would be.

Great advice! I will be on the first flight to Florida as Donald Trump will have a rally there real soon. And, of course, no one will wear a mask!

I can not wait to catch Covid-19!

I am almost 10 years older than Donald Trump. I have no doubt I will be extra blessed!

[Bjorn Jensen]

Re: Advice needed: What is the fastest way to get Covid-19?

According to the Japs the fastest way is to eat a bat I believe.

[Cranky Old Man]

Re: Advice needed: What is the fastest way to get Covid-19?

This is higly annoying. I just arrived in Florida but Donald Trump has been delayed until Monday.

According to the Japs the fastest way is to eat a bat I believe.

That sounds like good advice. I will try Krakatoa Indonesian Cuisine and see if they serve bats there.

[Uncle Rutherford]

Re: Advice needed: What is the fastest way to get Covid-19?

I can see it now. Much like the modern day prophet Peter Popoff, Donald J Trump who we all know is God’s best businessman aside from Jesus, will start marketing “Trump DNA”. Let Trump’s DNA slide right into your insides and his godliness will surely bless you with a fool proof vaccine against COVID-19 as told in Isiah 41:10! Fear thou not; for I am with thee: be not dismayed; for I am thy God: I will strengthen thee; yea, I will help thee; yea, I will uphold thee with the right hand of my righteousness.

[Basilissa]

Re: Advice needed: What is the fastest way to get Covid-19?

I can see it now. Much like the modern day prophet Peter Popoff, Donald J Trump who we all know is God’s best businessman aside from Jesus, will start marketing “Trump DNA”. Let Trump’s DNA slide right into your insides and his godliness will surely bless you with a fool proof vaccine against COVID-19 as told in Isiah 41:10! Fear thou not; for I am with thee: be not dismayed; for I am thy God: I will strengthen thee; yea, I will help thee; yea, I will uphold thee with the right hand of my righteousness.

Isn't DNA in the human spit? That means rather than drawing blood and looking for antibodies or whatever, Trump can now heal the sick by spitting at them - just like Jesus!

Mark 8:23-24
23 And he took the blind man by the hand, and led him out of the town; and when he had spit on his eyes, and put his hands upon him, he asked him if he saw ought.
24 And he looked up, and said, I see men as trees, walking.

[Joanna Lytton-Vasey]

Re: Advice needed: What is the fastest way to get Covid-19?

Isn't DNA in the human spit? That means rather than drawing blood and looking for antibodies or whatever, Trump can now heal the sick by spitting at them - just like Jesus!

Mark 8:23-24
23 And he took the blind man by the hand, and led him out of the town; and when he had spit on his eyes, and put his hands upon him, he asked him if he saw ought.
24 And he looked up, and said, I see men as trees, walking.

Those verses have always worried me, Sister. If the blind man saw walking trees instead of actual men ... well, that wasn't ideal, was it? But perhaps something has been lost in translation.

I do agree, though, that the President should be looking at sharing his own precious bodily fluids with selected Real Americans™ in the interests of True Christian™ scientific studies.

[Cranky Old Man]

Re: Advice needed: What is the fastest way to get Covid-19?

Donald Trump is almost here in Florida! I cannot wait to get blessed with Covid-19!

[WilliamJenningsBryan]

Re: Advice needed: What is the fastest way to get Covid-19?

My understanding is that the best way to contract the "Rona" is to check yourself in to one of New York Governor Andrew Cuomo's nursing homes.

People are leaving New York so fast that Jesus has reportedly parted the waters of the Hudson, so rents should be real cheap now.

[Cranky Old Man]

Re: Advice needed: What is the fastest way to get Covid-19?

I got kissed by Donald Trump!!!

As we all know Donald Trump is about keeping promises and he kept his "I'll kiss the guys and the beautiful women and the -- everybody. I'll just give everybody a big, fat kiss" promise with me! It was not gay at all. A real wet and manly kiss on the lips!

My understanding is that the best way to contract the "Rona" is to check yourself in to one of New York Governor Andrew Cuomo's nursing homes.

That is a great idea! I have an old friend, whose horrible children put him there, I can visit. His children don't even bother to visit lately, it's really awful. I'll comfort my friend by assuring him his children will all burn in Hell for all eternity! It's partly his fault though because he didn't hit his children enough. (Proverbs 23:13-14)

I an certain I will be blessed with Covid-19 real soon now!

[Uncle Rutherford]

Re: Advice needed: What is the fastest way to get Covid-19?

I got kissed by Donald Trump!!!

As we all know Donald Trump is about keeping promises and he kept his "I'll kiss the guys and the beautiful women and the -- everybody. I'll just give everybody a big, fat kiss" promise with me! It was not gay at all. A real wet and manly kiss on the lips!

That is a great idea! I have an old friend, whose horrible children put him there, I can visit. His children don't even bother to visit lately, it's really awful. I'll comfort my friend by assuring him his children will all burn in Hell for all eternity! It's partly his fault though because he didn't hit his children enough. (Proverbs 23:13-14)

I an certain I will be blessed with Covid-19 real soon now!

In exchange for a hefty donation to the land of Freehold, could I buy a hug so that some of its greatness may rub off of me? I’ll be sure to say “no homer” so that it isn’t against God.