Haven't Burst into Flames Yet

[Didymus Much]

Hi. I am an atheist. (everybody else: Hi, atheist!) I saw the "Unsaved? Unwelcome!" sign, but there are a few allowed to stick around, so I'll get on with my intro and hope for the best.

I am an atheist, and I mean it when I say that. I do not believe in God. I am not an agnostic. I will never say (on this forum) that there is no God, because I can't prove it (especially not by Scripture).

Even if I wanted one, there's no True Christian™ pastor locally. All the local major churches don't use the KJV1611 (too hard for people to understand, apparently). The guy whose church consists of a pulpit and two chairs in his garage is so obviously not connected to such a well-endowed institution as Landover that I didn't bother to enquire further.

I was raised in the United Church of Godless Soviet Canuckistan (ie. Pablum for Protestants).

I have read the Bible, more than once, but it may not have been the KJV1611. First time was at the age of 11, when my parents split up. I am reading the KJV1611 now, albeit electronically. I'm looking for a hardcopy, as there seem to be a few possible typos in the online ones, and God is in the details I've heard.

I've been looking around this website (directed here from *rhymeswithmorechan*), read the whole "should my daughter marry her rapist?" thread (yes, all 267 pages worth), the noob threads, and many of the intros, and I see what you're doing as enlightening the unsaved trash™ as to the real nature of True Christianity™, and I approve wholeheartedly. The honesty (at least from the True Christians™) is quite refreshing. Education is always a good thing imo, too bad it's so tragically wasted on most people these days. What can you do when
people refuse to read their own holy books?

So, why am I here? I could give you a long, detailed, rambling, and quite irrelevant lifestory here like so many false christians seem to do (this isn't a confessional, stop treating it like one, and wipe that up before you leave, thanks), but why waste God's Favourite Bandwidth™? I'm not here to convert anyone to anything; I'd like to learn more about the KJV1611, help others to learn more about their own beliefs, and maybe learn something about my own. Many of the Pastors and others here have obviously had life journeys as interesting as mine.

What else should you know about me? I've been on the interwebz a pretty long time, since the "hey it's got a GUI neat" days. Cut my teeth in rec.motorcycles.harley. I'm a freelance internet safety apparel designer by hobby. As a matter of fact I'm wearing my latest flameproof suit as we speak. It's based on 34 layers of carbon, kevlar, and Teflon in a proprietary (pat. pend.) weave, built-in 2-phase tri-zone cooling, rated 30 minutes
at 4700 deg. F, yet still allows full keyboard/mouse use. I'd been hoping to make a few sales here, but with that mixed-fibre no-no, oh well.

Further on that subject, if one of the Brothers here manages to bag a dragon, I'd pay top dollar for the skin. I guess there just aren't any around here because I've never seen one. And a small sample of the Mormon magical underwear you managed to acquire for ballistic and thermal testing would be handy...

I also have a hand-carved HypocrisyStick (which I won't have to use on any True Christian™ apparently), and a TrollPoker™ MkVII that I've added a choke to so I can push more of someone's buttons at the same time. Of course I promise to handle these very carefully during my stay at LBC. I've wielded BanHammers, and felt their wrath.

So besides male, unwed, no kids, two score and 6, 5'9", 160lb., university educated in Mechanical Engineering, 23 inches of light brown ponytail, and favourite thing is eating pie by candlelight with Pink Floyd on the stereo, what else would you like to know? Thanks for reading this far.

PS: Ever since I logged on here, there's been a pizza van parked down the street, and none of the local places use vans, and there's no Habbakuk(DoF) Pizza Ltd. in the yellow pages...
PPS: wait yeah ok they're driving away now. Iowa plates so they must just have been lost.

Good thing I'm not paranoid!

Proverbs 10:12 (KJV1611) Hatred stirreth up strifes: but love covereth all sins

[Levi Jones]

Re: Haven't Burst into Flames Yet

I see what you did there. Dispensing with the normal formalities as you seem to be shielded something akin to the armor of God (Read Ephesians 6), I would ask you what your plan is.

Are you here to mock God and turn others from the Truth® or are you here to help with our Divine Mission?

Matthew 12:30 He that is not with me is against me; and he that gathereth not with me scattereth abroad.

You cannot be luke warm or the Lord will spew you out.

Revelation 3:16 So then because thou art lukewarm, and neither cold nor hot, I will spue thee out of my mouth.

[Jedediah]

Re: Haven't Burst into Flames Yet

what else would you like to know?

Why do you hate Jesus? Don't you want to join us in Heaven?

[Praise Me Sideways]

Re: Haven't Burst into Flames Yet

I see what you did there. Dispensing with the normal formalities as you seem to be shielded something akin to the armor of God (Read Ephesians 6), I would ask you what your plan is.

Are you here to mock God and turn others from the Truth® or are you here to help with our Divine Mission?

Somebody put this dumbfuck out of my misery already. For fuck's sake, how long, and many spam threads is this thing going to start before being put down?

I say it's time to get a posse together and kick this little shit back to utah.

[Johny Joe Hold]

Re: Haven't Burst into Flames Yet

Our forum here seems to attract the I'm-smarter-than-you characters in large numbers.

Maybe we could market some products aimed at them like "Buy our Insurance for Smarter than Average People".

[Phebe Carlyle]

Re: Haven't Burst into Flames Yet

Mr Didymuch,

Gosh, if that was not a long-winded rambling in your eyes, I suppose the KJV1611 could well be quite an easy recitation for you!

Anyway, I can see through all the drivel that you are here to learn about the KJV1611, but you have had a difficult time getting a "hard copy" of it.

Just know that at this link you can get one online and have it delivered to your door.

http://www.thekjvstore.com/product_list.php?mcid=1&scid=3&sid=78d1d391b31d1884a817326ca1b8e073

How about you get one of those and then when you have started reading it, get back to us.

YIC,

Mrs.P.Wintersnow

[Levi Jones]

Re: Haven't Burst into Flames Yet

many spam threads is this thing going to start before being put down?

I say it's time to get a posse together and kick this little shit back to utah.

Kick back who to where?

[WinnerNotSinner]

Re: Haven't Burst into Flames Yet

Hi. I am an atheist. (everybody else: Hi, atheist!) I saw the "Unsaved? Unwelcome!" sign, but there are a few allowed to stick around, so I'll get on with my intro and hope for the best.

Hi, atheist.

I am an atheist, and I mean it when I say that. I do not believe in God. I am not an agnostic. I will never say (on this forum) that there is no God, because I can't prove it (especially not by Scripture).

Well, we can prove there certainly is one (especially by Scripture).

You will find this irrefutable proof on the first page of the KJV:
Genesis 1
1In the beginning God created the heaven and the earth.

But the problem is many people (like yourself) don't care about proof, but your denial of the Truth™ has also been predicted by God:

"They shall turn away their ears from the truth, and shall be turned unto fables" (2 Tim. 4.4), e.g. atheism.

"Who changed the truth of God into a lie, and worshipped and served the creature more than the Creator" (Rom. 1.25).

"Now the Spirit speaketh expressly, that in the latter times some shall depart from the faith, giving heed to seducing spirits, and doctrines of devils" (1 Tim. 4.1).

Even if I wanted one, there's no True Christian™ pastor locally. All the local major churches don't use the KJV1611 (too hard for people to understand, apparently). The guy whose church consists of a pulpit and two chairs in his garage is so obviously not connected to such a well-endowed institution as Landover that I didn't bother to enquire further.

You didn't bother to enquire further? What if that man was a True Christian™ who was trying to help save sinners like yourself? I recommend you go right back to that garage, take a seat, apologise to the man you dismissed for not being well-endowed and spend several hours connecting with one another, whilst being entered by Jesus.

I've been looking around this website (directed here from *rhymeswithmorechan*), read the whole "should my daughter marry her rapist?" thread (yes, all 267 pages worth), the noob threads, and many of the intros, and I see what you're doing as enlightening the unsaved trash™ as to the real nature of True Christianity™, and I approve wholeheartedly. The honesty (at least from the True Christians™) is quite refreshing. Education is always a good thing imo, too bad it's so tragically
people refuse to read their own holy books? wasted on most people these days.

I'm really confused by your attitude, you say that you are an Atheist, yet you "approve wholeheartedly" of our enlightening of the unsaved trash such as yourself. What is your purpose here, as you seem deluded? You say you were directed here by *rhymeswithmorechan* but I think it more likely you were directed here by God - whom you know is real, but are too proud to admit it. I would put that pride to one side, order yourself a hard-copy KJV Bible (try Amazon) and start following it to the letter.

So, why am I here? I could give you a long, detailed, rambling, and quite irrelevant lifestory here like so many false christians seem to do (this isn't a confessional, stop treating it like one, and wipe that up before you leave, thanks), but why waste God's Favourite Bandwidth™? I'm not here to convert anyone to anything; I'd like to learn more about the KJV1611, help others to learn more about their own beliefs, and maybe learn something about my own.

Why? You are a self-proclaimed Atheist. Also please do not stereotype everyone who makes an introduction thread, it is not correct to claim that everyone who comes here is a false Christian, and that is why new members are placed under investigation immediately by not only the moderators here, but also more permanently by God. I have never seen the moderators make a wrong decision in regards to accepting false Christians.

What else should you know about me? I've been on the interwebz a pretty long time, since the "hey it's got a GUI neat" days. Cut my teeth in rec.motorcycles.harley. I'm a freelance internet safety apparel designer by hobby. As a matter of fact I'm wearing my latest flameproof suit as we speak. It's based on 34 layers of carbon, kevlar, and Teflon in a proprietary (pat. pend.) weave, built-in 2-phase tri-zone cooling, rated 30 minutes
at 4700 deg. F, yet still allows full keyboard/mouse use. I'd been hoping to make a few sales here, but with that mixed-fibre no-no, oh well.

You know you said you would spare us the life story, you should have kept your word. Why do you keep contradicting yourself? You are a confused individual, probably one who believes in Evilution, until now unfulfilled with it's numerous flaws. What you need to stop doing is being an Athiest, and start dedicating your life to God. It's so simple, because God has written what we have to do down for us in the Bible! In contrast atheist science has more holes than a golf course!

I also have a hand-carved HypocrisyStick

So do I, and I'm bludgeoning you for Jesus with mine.

So besides male, unwed, no kids, two score and 6, 5'9", 160lb., university educated in Mechanical Engineering, 23 inches of light brown ponytail, and favourite thing is eating pie by candlelight with Pink Floyd on the stereo, what else would you like to know? Thanks for reading this far.

Why are you unwed? Are you a homer? You realise a good Christian™ wife could have made you that pie.

Good thing I'm not paranoid!

You should be paranoid, if you carry on sinning like you have been it wont be long before you are struck down by the Lord.

Psalm 11:6
Upon the wicked he shall rain snares, fire and brimstone, and an horrible tempest: this shall be the portion of their cup.

Proverbs 10:12 (KJV1611) Hatred stirreth up strifes: but love covereth all sins

Indeed. As my fellow True Christians™ have said before me, stop hating Jesus by denying he exists.
Let yourself be taken by God, start fresh. There is still time to REPENT and be Saved©, I used to be like you.

[Once was lost]

Re: Haven't Burst into Flames Yet

Didymus much

I have read the Bible, more than once, but it may not have been the KJV1611.

Maybe that was your biggest mistake in life.
I can read between the lines and know you have been sexually molested by your parents,family,family dog,etc.

So, why am I here? I could give you a long, detailed, rambling, and quite irrelevant lifestory

You have come here because God has guided you here to us. You can seek the help you need by asking our Elders for help or you can simply turn away and go on with your perverted lifestyle. I'm sure your Dog misses you.

The choice is yours.

[Brother Enoch]

Re: Haven't Burst into Flames Yet

Well met, atheist. I, for one, am heartened that you are taking an interest in, and actually reading, the KJV. Though you are approaching this potentially wondrous journey as a skeptic, I have faith that the full Truth(tm) of God's Holy Word will touch your soul, and you will one day become a True Christian(tm).

If you have any questions along your journey, I, and my brothers and sisters in Christ, are here to answer them and guide you to Redemption.

[BelieverInGod]

Re: Haven't Burst into Flames Yet

Why do you keep repeating "I'm an atheist"? Who are you trying to convince? Us or yourself?

Jesus is knocking, open your heart and let him in.

As for dragons, I believe they were hunted to near extinction (if not into extinction) in the 17th century. I know I haven't seen any around.

[Pastor Ezekiel]

Re: Haven't Burst into Flames Yet

Psalm 14:1 The fool hath said in his heart, There is no God. They are corrupt, they have done abominable works, there is none that doeth good.

Ecclesiastes 4:5 The fool foldeth his hands together, and eateth his own flesh.

Enjoy hell, fool.

[Ezekiel Bathfire]

Re: Haven't Burst into Flames Yet

Hi. I am an atheist. (everybody else: Hi, atheist!) I saw the "Unsaved? Unwelcome!" sign, but there are a few allowed to stick around, so I'll get on with my intro and hope for the best.

I am an atheist, and I mean it when I say that. I do not believe in God. I am not an agnostic. I will never say (on this forum) that there is no God, because I can't prove it (especially not by Scripture).[...]

...and that's as far as I need to read, son.

If you cannot disprove the existence of God; you must therefore consider it to be a possibility that there is a Being out there somewhere, may be in another dimension, which, through mystical powers beyond the comprehension of mankind, is able to affect our lives and our lives after death.

This is a good start. It gives Jesus a starting point to save your soul from eternal torment.

[Didymus Much]

Re: Haven't Burst into Flames Yet

Levi, as always taking 1 Peter 5:8 to heart: If I roared at all (no allcaps in my post), I do apologize, but I'm not seeking to devour anybody (pies on the other hand...). The walking is just because I don't have a car.

I understand your approaching me with caution, as literate atheists seem a rare species in Landover, you probably don't have much experience in dealing with a live one up close. I can only assure you that I am friendly.

"I see what you did there..."
-By Genesis 3:1, I'm hardly "more subtil than any beast of the field" by walking in here and saying I'm an atheist.

"...you seem to be shielded something akin to the armor of God..."
-The lifetime warranty does not apply to the afterlife. Ephesians 6 tells us that no armor is any good against the sword of God, but it also tells us that the shield of faith is invulnerable to the "fiery darts of the wicked". I haven't got any fiery darts; some of them are warm to the touch is all.

"Are you here to mock God..."
-As the Bible, by my reading and imperfect memory, states that anything short of blind faith is "mocking" God, any question I ask (or even think) makes me guilty. If by "mock" you mean poke fun at or make fun of, I will refrain.

"...and turn others from the Truth®..."
-from my intro: "I'm not here to convert anyone to anything;".

Jedediah: "Why do you hate Jesus?"
-That's not the word I would use, but it is what the Bible tells you.

"Don't you want to join us in Heaven?"
-It would be ridiculous to say I want to go to Hell.

Takes it Sideways: Is all this really going that far over your head? Wow. And "...back to utah"?? Is Nurse Clampett around? I do fear the poor boy is concussed. Now just take it easy, son, help's on the way, just keep remembering to breathe and you'll be ok.

Mr. Mayor: Maybe if you called it "Ooooh I'm just so much smarter than any atheist could ever possibly be" insurance you might have something.

Mrs. Wintersnow: Thank you for the link, but I prefer to source locally when I can.

Once was lost: I can also read between lines, and as that knowledge you claim of my history is based on even less evidence than your faith, I'll take your contribution for what it is worth. Personally, I'd feel horrible saying that to someone else. I'm sure my old dog does not miss me, as he's dead. You're saying you believe dogs have souls? Where is my dog missing me from? I do miss him tho; he was so friendly and non-judgemental.

Brother Enoch: thank you for you kind, welcoming words.

BelieverInGod: I just wanted to make my position clear. Miscommunication serves no purpose other than to get someone upset over something that's not even there. Quite a common occurrence in the world's religious history, I've noticed. And no dragons there either? I'll have to keep looking then.

Pastor Zeke: I look forward to more of your enlightening wisdom in the future.

Pastor Bathfire: If I had to articulate my beliefs as they stand now, it would be very close to your description. God is a possibility (further discussion on this should be in an appropriate thread, would you like me to inform you when I've found a good one?).

WinnerNotSinner: I have not forgotten you, it's that a properly thought-out response to all your points will take a while. If you truly used to be like me, then you know where I am coming from.

[Nobar King]

Re: Haven't Burst into Flames Yet

I must be stupid. I didn't understand any of that.