Good Evening Christians

[steva]

Obviously I'm here to introduce myself. I'm Steven. I am a young man hoping to become a true Christian although I believe I am close-ish. I am currently applying to as many bibles colleges as possible hoping to become a creation scientist. Are there any lessons any faithful Pastors can give me which will lead me on the way to becoming a true Christian (other than the obvious read the Bible)?

[Pastor Ezekiel]

Re: Good Evening Christians

How old are you, boy? What church did you grow up in? Tell us about your parents. How often does your father lay good Christian beatings on you?

If you'd like to find out more about Landover Baptist Church, please read THIS thread created especially for new posters.

If you have a question, use the "search" function before posting it. Most likely it is being discussed somewhere on this Godly forum. Please don't waste God's precious bandwidth.

You will keep a respectful tongue in your head whenever addressing your betters, which includes all True Christians™. Failure to do so, or any attempt at inciting debate or mockery of God's Divine Plan, can and will result in the suspension of your posting privileges.

Your rights on this forum are listed HERE. If you feel that any of these rights have been violated, please don't hesitate to contact a Pastor at once.

[steva]

Re: Good Evening Christians

How old are you, boy? What church did you grow up in? Tell us about your parents. How often does your father lay good Christian beatings on you?

If you'd like to find out more about Landover Baptist Church, please read THIS thread created especially for new posters.

If you have a question, use the "search" function before posting it. Most likely it is being discussed somewhere on this Godly forum. Please don't waste God's precious bandwidth.

You will keep a respectful tongue in your head whenever addressing your betters, which includes all True Christians™. Failure to do so, or any attempt at inciting debate or mockery of God's Divine Plan, can and will result in the suspension of your posting privileges.

Your rights on this forum are listed HERE. If you feel that any of these rights have been violated, please don't hesitate to contact a Pastor at once.

I wish that I didn't have your hostility. As for my age, although I prefer for people not to know about it (a homo might have lust for me and it would be a shame if that happened), I'll tell you. I'm twenty years old. I grew up in a strong fundamentalist Baptist Church and my father gave me countless beatings until I was 14 and from then on I religiously studied the Bible and dedicated my life to God.

Pastor Ezekiel, may I ask you why you are so hostile with me? I only wish to benefit from your wisdom. If I have wronged you, how may I make up for it?

[Pastor Ed Lowman]

Re: Good Evening Christians

I wish that I didn't have your hostility. As for my age, although I prefer for people not to know about it (a homo might have lust for me and it would be a shame if that happened), I'll tell you. I'm twenty years old. I grew up in a strong fundamentalist Baptist Church and my father gave me countless beatings until I was 14 and from then on I religiously studied the Bible and dedicated my life to God.

Pastor Ezekiel, may I ask you why you are so hostile with me? I only wish to benefit from your wisdom. If I have wronged you, how may I make up for it?

The good Pastor is merely looking out for you while laying down the law in these Godly forums. After all, you're young and these are the times you need correction the most in life. You are nubile and pure and in need of guidance. We can provide that, be it in a tough, biblical fashion.

Most young people who frequent us are air-head text-speak junkies who laugh at anything and offend Jesus by masturbating and wallowing in the ignorance of public school indoctrination. If indeed you are an exception, your tenacity will set you apart...

"They went out from us, but they were not of us; for if they had been of us, they would no doubt have continued with us: but they went out, that they might be made manifest that they were not all of us." (I John 2:19)

Pastor Ed

[Zechariah Smyth]

I wish that I didn't have your hostility. As for my age, although I prefer for people not to know about it (a homo might have lust for me and it would be a shame if that happened), I'll tell you. I'm twenty years old. I grew up in a strong fundamentalist Baptist Church and my father gave me countless beatings until I was 14 and from then on I religiously studied the Bible and dedicated my life to God.

Pastor Ezekiel, may I ask you why you are so hostile with me? I only wish to benefit from your wisdom. If I have wronged you, how may I make up for it?

You mistake concern for hostility. Instead of looking for ways to be offended, how about seeking ways to be saved? Reading the Bible cover-to-cover should take you about 3 weeks or so: that investment will pay dividends you can't even begin to imagone.

YiC,

Z. Smyth
Posted via Mobile Device

[steva]

Re: Good Evening Christians

The good Pastor is merely looking out for you while laying down the law in these Godly forums. After all, you're young and these are the times you need correction the most in life. You are nubile and pure and in need of guidance. We can provide that, be it in a tough, biblical fashion.

Most young people who frequent us are air-head text-speak junkies who laugh at anything and offend Jesus by masturbating and wallowing in the ignorance of public school indoctrination. If indeed you are an exception, your tenacity will set you apart...

"They went out from us, but they were not of us; for if they had been of us, they would no doubt have continued with us: but they went out, that they might be made manifest that they were not all of us." (I John 2:19)

Pastor Ed

I have personally rejected all public school teachings and have never touched my pecker with an intention other than aiming. I believe that the Bible solely teaches us truth. Pastor Ed, could I possibly hear about your journey to becoming a true Christian so that I could possibly follow in your footsteps?

[steva]

Re: Good Evening Christians

You mistake concern for hostility. Instead of looking for ways to be offended, how about seeking ways to be saved? Reading the Bible cover-to-cover should take you about 3 weeks or so: that investment will pay dividends you can't even begin to imagone.

YiC,

Z. Smyth
Posted via Mobile Device

True, unfortunately I've only read the Bible from cover to cover only 3 times in my life. I think I will read it another time just to learn even more from it.

[James Hutchins]

Re: Good Evening Christians

True, unfortunately I've only read the Bible from cover to cover only 3 times in my life. I think I will read it another time just to learn even more from it.

You have read the Bible three times in 20+ years? What have you been doing, masturbating farm animals? Deplorable!

[steva]

Re: Good Evening Christians

You have read the Bible three times in 20+ years? What have you been doing, masturbating farm animals? Deplorable!

The problem is that because I was home schooled, I didn't learn to read till I was 13 and I have only gradually increased my reading speed since then. Although I assure you that when I was not reading the Bible I was attending church learning about it, therefore I am very knowledgeable in it.

[Pastor Ezekiel]

Re: Good Evening Christians

The problem is that because I was home schooled, I didn't learn to read till I was 13 and I have only gradually increased my reading speed since then. Although I assure you that when I was not reading the Bible I was attending church learning about it, therefore I am very knowledgeable in it.

I see, so you're blaming your parents. That is just pathetic. They obviously didn't spank you enough.

I was homeschooled and I had the Holy Bible committed to memory at a very young age. Read my church bio and learn something about the power of God as delivered through a paddle on a young boy's behind!

[steva]

Re: Good Evening Christians

I see, so you're blaming your parents. That is just pathetic. They obviously didn't spank you enough.

I was homeschooled and I had the Holy Bible committed to memory at a very young age. Read my church bio and learn something about the power of God as delivered through a paddle on a young boy's behind!

Ah but you don't know me Pastor Ezekiel, I've been building furniture all my life since I was 3 so that I could help my father support the family. Anytime I wasn't building something I was being spanked while being taught Bible verses. Unlike you who probably had PLENTY of time to do whatever it is you do, I've never had free time because I dedicated my entire life to Jesus. I'm sorry if it disappoints you that I have never had an easy life like you, but I count my blessing and I know the Bible very well.

[Sister Kitty]

Re: Good Evening Christians

Ah but you don't know me Pastor Ezekiel, I've been building furniture all my life since I was 3 so that I could help my father support the family. Anytime I wasn't building something I was being spanked while being taught Bible verses. Unlike you who probably had PLENTY of time to do whatever it is you do, I've never had free time because I dedicated my entire life to Jesus. I'm sorry if it disappoints you that I have never had an easy life like you, but I count my blessing and I know the Bible very well.

If you disrespect Pastor Ezekiel then you do not know Christ. However, you shall know me as I will make your suffering legendary.

[Redeemed Papist]

Re: Good Evening Christians

Ah but you don't know me Pastor Ezekiel, I've been building furniture all my life since I was 3 so that I could help my father support the family. Anytime I wasn't building something I was being spanked while being taught Bible verses. Unlike you who probably had PLENTY of time to do whatever it is you do, I've never had free time because I dedicated my entire life to Jesus. I'm sorry if it disappoints you that I have never had an easy life like you, but I count my blessing and I know the Bible very well.

Is this person here to praise Jesus or to flap his sassy gums?

[steva]

Re: Good Evening Christians

Is this person here to praise Jesus or to flap his sassy gums?

Well I am here to praise Jesus. I just don't take kindly to people assuming false things about me then continue to proclaim them as truth. If you people can get past your presumptions, we can move on and praise Jesus. If not, I'll be forced to assume that your fathers haven't beat you enough (seeing as that is exactly what you assume). So can you accept me for the truth rather than by false accusations?

[steva]

Re: Good Evening Christians

If you disrespect Pastor Ezekiel then you do not know Christ. However, you shall know me as I will make your suffering legendary.

Not that I've disrespected anybody, but how can disrespecting a pastor equate to not knowing Christ unless you equate the pastor to being the same as a Pope?