Hello everyone!

[Sonseed]

I signed up after reading Youth Minister Harry's excellent post on modern negro music and its hidden satanism. I don't know that there's much to say about myself personally, I love Jesus and hate Catholics, I drive a Ford F350 (I wanted to paint it red white and blue at first, but paint isn't cheap so it'll stay gray for now) but I'm looking to buy something bigger (the louder the exhaust, the better)


Patience, hard work will bring its rewards, I always tell myself.

[Pastor Ezekiel]

Re: Hello everyone!

Welcome to God's favorite forum. Please tell us about yourself, your church, and your relationship with Jesus.


If you'd like to find out more about Landover Baptist Church, please read THIS thread created especially for new posters.

If you have a question, use the "search" function before posting it. Most likely it is being discussed somewhere on this Godly forum. Please don't waste God's precious bandwidth.

You will keep a respectful tongue in your head whenever addressing your betters, which includes all True Christians™. Failure to do so, or any attempt at inciting debate or mockery of God's Divine Plan, can and will result in the suspension of your posting privileges.

Your rights on this forum are listed HERE. If you feel that any of these rights have been violated, please don't hesitate to contact a Pastor at once.

[Sonseed]

Re: Hello everyone!

Pastor Ezekiel, I'm going to be as straightforward and honest as I can with you. If the person pictured in your avatar is you, then I'm 90% positive you're a closet homosexual (that "winking" doesn't help.) Your hair is much too "stylish" to be on the head of any straight, self-respecting man. And you look like you drive a compact foreign car.


Of course, if that's not you then I'm not too worried but I'd still change that avatar because I sure got the wrong impression.

[Voll_EQ]

Re: Hello everyone!

Pastor Ezekiel, I'm going to be as straightforward and honest as I can with you. If the person pictured in your avatar is you, then I'm 90% positive you're a closet homosexual (that "winking" doesn't help.) Your hair is much too "stylish" to be on the head of any straight, self-respecting man. And you look like you drive a compact foreign car.


Of course, if that's not you then I'm not too worried but I'd still change that avatar because I sure got the wrong impression.

How can you come with theese acutation???

Matthew 7:1-5

1Judge not, that ye be not judged.

2For with what judgment ye judge, ye shall be judged: and with what measure ye mete, it shall be measured to you again.

3And why beholdest thou the mote that is in thy brother's eye, but considerest not the beam that is in thine own eye?

4Or how wilt thou say to thy brother, Let me pull out the mote out of thine eye; and, behold, a beam is in thine own eye?

5Thou hypocrite, first cast out the beam out of thine own eye; and then shalt thou see clearly to cast out the mote out of thy brother's eye.

[Redeemed Papist]

Re: Hello everyone!

Pastor Ezekiel, I'm going to be as straightforward and honest as I can with you. If the person pictured in your avatar is you, then I'm 90% positive you're a closet homosexual (that "winking" doesn't help.) Your hair is much too "stylish" to be on the head of any straight, self-respecting man. And you look like you drive a compact foreign car.


Of course, if that's not you then I'm not too worried but I'd still change that avatar because I sure got the wrong impression.

I'll give this fellow his due. He's got some self belief if he thinks he can turn Pastor Zeke gay for him!

[Brother Enoch]

Re: Hello everyone!

I have to admit you had me at Ford 350, oh how I love that manly machine! Mine had a massive box on the back because my employer technically owned it. But only a real man can back up a beast like this with only side mirrors!

Oh, how I miss Bertha!

[Faith_Machine]

Re: Hello everyone!

Pastor Ezekiel, I'm going to be as straightforward and honest as I can with you. If the person pictured in your avatar is you, then I'm 90% positive you're a closet homosexual (that "winking" doesn't help.) Your hair is much too "stylish" to be on the head of any straight, self-respecting man. And you look like you drive a compact foreign car.


Of course, if that's not you then I'm not too worried but I'd still change that avatar because I sure got the wrong impression.

Boy, you can just thank the Good Lord that you and I are separated by hundreds or thousands of miles of Internet cables, because if I heard you disparage Pastor Zeke like that in person, I would lay a Godly beating on you that was so severe, I'd actually be sheepish about asking the Lord to forgive me afterwards.

Let's you and me get one thing straight right now: Nobody hates homosexuality more than Pastor Zeke, and I will not tolerate anybody, least of all the likes of you, who come on this site with a username that's apparently meant to be a semen joke, implying otherwise.

Now that we've gotten that out of the way, why don't you tell us a bit more about yourself?

How many sons do you have, and is it safe to assume they're mowing lawns or doing other odd jobs to help pay for your next truck purchase?

The F-350 is nice enough, but I sure can't blame you if you're feeling like it's a little small. Have you considered an F-650 or F-750?

[Rev. M. Rodimer]

Re: Hello everyone!

Pastor Ezekiel, I'm going to be as straightforward and honest as I can with you. If the person pictured in your avatar is you, then I'm 90% positive you're a closet homosexual (that "winking" doesn't help.) Your hair is much too "stylish" to be on the head of any straight, self-respecting man. And you look like you drive a compact foreign car.


Of course, if that's not you then I'm not too worried but I'd still change that avatar because I sure got the wrong impression.

It's generally not considered good form to join a Christian church's private discussion forum, then immediately accuse the head Pastor of being a Hellbound homosexual.

Are you at least a fan of Sonseed, or does your name mean something disturbing and homosexual?

[Sonseed]

Re: Hello everyone!

Faith_Machine, as Rev. Rodimer pointed out, Sonseed is in fact the name of a band, however it is also a semen joke, because the band is Catholic, and as we all know Catholics can't get enough of that stuff (my Catholic neighbors have 8 kids! With 2 more on the way!)

I love that 750! You can rest assured that when my 3 sons aren't out getting themselves an education, they're working tirelessly to get me a down payment on that thing!

And I'm sorry about Pastor Ezekiel. Maybe it's because where I'm from men work for a living, but I'm just not used to seeing such... flamboyance.

[Born Again Bob]

Re: Hello everyone!

Dear Friend,

And I'm sorry about Pastor Ezekiel. Maybe it's because where I'm from men work for a living, but I'm just not used to seeing such... flamboyance.

Don't you think you're paying excessive attention to Pastor Zeke's honey-dappled good looks?

Yours in Him,
BAB

[Rev. M. Rodimer]

Re: Hello everyone!

And I'm sorry about Pastor Ezekiel. Maybe it's because where I'm from men work for a living, but I'm just not used to seeing such... flamboyance.

So now you're calling Zeke a layabout? And suggesting he's effeminate?

First step toward getting out of a hole, bub, is to stop digging.

Zeke works his rock-hard tail off to keep people on the straight and narrow to Heaven, and his boyish good looks -- prettier than most women, true -- are a gift from God. He didn't have any plastic surgery to look like that!

[Redeemed Papist]

Re: Hello everyone!

Zeke is supposed to apologise for his rugged good looks and rock hard powerful body? Someone seems to be projecting, methinks.

[Nobar King]

Re: Hello everyone!

Maybe I can get some style tips, too?

[Sonseed]

Re: Hello everyone!

Zeke works his rock-hard tail off to keep people on the straight and narrow to Heaven, and his boyish good looks -- prettier than most women, true -- are a gift from God. He didn't have any plastic surgery to look like that!

Okay, I get that, but is the winking necessary? It honestly doesn't help.

Maybe I can get some style tips, too?

Sure, wear that hat properly. I'm sure you think your rebellious attitude is clever, but it makes you look like a gangbanger, and I don't think THE LORD would appreciate that.

[Pastor Ezekiel]

Re: Hello everyone!

Dear Friend,



Don't you think you're paying excessive attention to Pastor Zeke's honey-dappled good looks?

Yours in Him,
BAB

I'm used to it, Brother BaBs. Just because I have been blessed with the same blond hair and blue eyes as Jesus, and just because I have a set of rock hard abs and a body that doesn't quit, it doesn't follow that I want to commit sodomy with this Sonseed loser.

I've heard it said that some queers have actually set up websites scattered across the internets dedicated to the worship of my body, in the vain hope of turning me queer so they could pass me around like a sextoy and commit sodomy on me.