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Hi guys, cool forum.
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Re: Hello
Gee, thanks. Is that all you have to say? Don't be shy! Tell us all about your relationship with Jesus Christ!WARNING:
In accordance with article 7 of the Swaggart Amendment to the Landover Baptist Church Constitution, you are hereby notified that this forum user is a
REGISTERED SPIRITUAL PREDATOR, and prohibited from sending or receiving personal messages, text messages, or instant messages to forum users below the rank of True Christian™. This user is further prohibited from engaging with any persons in real-time audio or video "chats" via Web cams, Skype, Facetime, or any other Internet audio/video technology or service. -
Re: Hello
Four words and an emoticon. Is this a new record? Is this how you introduce yourself in everyday life? If so, you must be a world-class bore!Originally posted by JumpingJehosafats View PostHi guys, cool forum.Trump 2020: "For Real This Time"Comment
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Well, sorry. Allow me to introduce myself in a more in-depth fashion. My name is Joe and I have a personal relationship with Jesus Christ. Notice the word personal is in parenthesis, because that relationship is between me a God and that is all that matters, no earthly words can sum up such a bond as the bond between a man and his savior.Originally posted by Faith_Machine View Post
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Excuse my typo please, I meant to type "and God, not a God", obviously. There are no other God's but God himself.Comment
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Try again.Originally posted by JumpingJehosafats View Post
Try again.Originally posted by The top of this thread
You can do it. You've at least come to understand Jesus is the answer, so we know you've done at least one thing in your life that is right.How Do I get Saved?
Minecraft: Turning children into Sex slaves
My Little Pony is a tool of Satan at best
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† Hebrews 13:8 - Jesus Christ the same yesterday, and to day, and for ever. †
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Tell us what church you go to and what your favorite Bible verse is and how you came to find Jesus.sigpic
Isaiah 34:6 The sword of the LORD is filled with blood, it is made fat with fatness, and with the blood of lambs and goats, with the fat of the kidneys of rams: for the LORD hath a sacrifice in Bozrah, and a great slaughter in the land of Idumea.
John 5:46,47 For had ye believed Moses, ye would have believed me: for he wrote of me. But if ye believe not his writings, how shall ye believe my words?
Join me in scoffing at backwards Muslims clinging to their beliefs in the face of the evidence!
The truth about volcanos
Sex and debauchery in public schools
Faith wins over science (explained for even the very stupid)
God Cures AIDS - GLORY!
Desert whale bones prove Great Flood once and for all.Comment
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That's nice, Joe. I have a personal relationship with reality: I know the real Jesus, the Son of God as found in the Holy Bible. Which of the many fabricated phantom Jesuses developed over time have you been duped by?Originally posted by JumpingJehosafats View PostHello, my name is Mary. I hope to fellowship with you! That is, unless you don't listen to church authority (Deuteronomy 17:12); are a witch (Exodus 22:17); are a homosexual (Leviticus 20:13; Romans 1:24-32); or fortuneteller (Leviticus 20:27) or a snotty kid who hits their dad (Exodus 21:15); or curses their parents (Proverbs 20:20; Leviticus 20:9); an adulterer (Leviticus 20:10); a non-Christian (Exodus 22:19; Deuteronomy 13:7-12; Deuteronomy 17:2-5;Romans 1:24-32); an atheist (2 Chronicles 15:12-13); or false prophet (Zechariah 13:3); from the town of one who worships another, false god (Deuteronomy 13:13-19); were a non-virgin bride (Deuteronomy 22:20-21); or blasphemer (Leviticus 24:10-16), as God calls for your execution and will no doubt send you to Hell, and I have no interest developing a friendship with the Spiritually Walking Dead.
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Is your first language not English, boy? You haven't yet reached even a basic understanding of words, nevermind your terrible grammar. "God's" is possessive (e.g. "God's Will") whereas "gods" is a plural (e.g. "the gods are angry"). Another victim of the public school system, I suspect...Originally posted by JumpingJehosafats View PostTrump 2020: "For Real This Time"Comment
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GLORY AND PRAISE! When did you give up anal sex, JumpingJehosafat? Did you feel guilty for spreading the AIDS?The Only Real Climate Change Will be Hell!
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Well Joe, you may well be the most ashamed 'Christian' I have ever met. Are you sure you are not a joo?Isaiah 45:7 I form the light, and create darkness: I make peace, and create evil: I the LORD do all these things.
Amos 3:6 Shall a trumpet be blown in the city, and the people not be afraid? shall there be evil in a city, and the LORD hath not done it?
Numbers 21:6 And the LORD sent fiery serpents among the people, and they bit the people; and much people of Israel died.
Matthew 10:34 Think not that I am come to send peace on earth: I came not to send peace, but a sword.
Matthew 10:35 For I am come to set a man at variance against his father, and the daughter against her mother, and the daughter in law against her mother in law.
Matthew 10:36 And a man's foes shall be they of his own household.Comment
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Originally posted by JumpingJehosafats View PostWell, sorry. Allow me to introduce myself in a more in-depth fashion. My name is Joe and I have a personal relationship with Jesus Christ. Notice the word personal is in parenthesis, because that relationship is between me a God and that is all that matters, no earthly words can sum up such a bond as the bond between a man and his savior.
Forgive me for saying so, but it almost seems like you're hiding something.WARNING:
In accordance with article 7 of the Swaggart Amendment to the Landover Baptist Church Constitution, you are hereby notified that this forum user is a
REGISTERED SPIRITUAL PREDATOR, and prohibited from sending or receiving personal messages, text messages, or instant messages to forum users below the rank of True Christian™. This user is further prohibited from engaging with any persons in real-time audio or video "chats" via Web cams, Skype, Facetime, or any other Internet audio/video technology or service.Comment
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Dear Godmocking Troll;Originally posted by JumpingJehosafats View PostWell, sorry. Allow me to introduce myself in a more in-depth fashion. My name is Joe and I have a personal relationship with Jesus Christ. Notice the word personal is in parenthesis, because that relationship is between me a God and that is all that matters, no earthly words can sum up such a bond as the bond between a man and his savior.
What church do you attend? Please introduce yourself properly. Tell us about yourself, your family, your sins, and your walk with Jesus.
If you'd like to find out more about Landover Baptist Church, please read THIS thread created especially for new posters.
If you have a question, use the "search" function before posting it. Most likely it is being discussed somewhere on this Godly forum. Please don't waste God's precious bandwidth.
You will keep a respectful tongue in your head whenever addressing your betters, which includes all True Christians™. Failure to do so, or any attempt at inciting debate or mockery of God's Divine Plan, can and will result in the suspension of your posting privileges.
Your rights on this forum are listed HERE. If you feel that any of these rights have been violated, please don't hesitate to contact a Pastor at once.
Here is a partial list from just a few scripture verses:
Hypocrites (Matthew 24:51), The Unforgiving (Mark 11:26), Homosexuals (Romans 1:26, 27), Fornicators (Romans 1:29), The Wicked (Romans 1:29), The Covetous (Romans 1:29), The Malicious (Romans 1:29), The Envious (Romans 1:29), Murderers (Romans 1:29), The Deceitful (Romans 1:29), Backbiters (Romans 1:30), Haters of God (Romans 1:30), The Despiteful (Romans 1:30), The Proud (Romans 1:30), Boasters (Romans 1:30), Inventors of evil (Romans 1:30), Disobedient to parents (Romans 1:30), Covenant breakers (Romans 1:31), The Unmerciful (Romans 1:31), The Implacable (Romans 1:31), The Unrighteous (1Corinthians 6:9), Idolaters (1Corinthians 6:9), Adulterers (1Corinthians 6:9), The Effeminate (1Corinthians 6:9), Thieves (1Corinthians 6:10), Drunkards (1Corinthians 6:10), Reviler (1Corinthians 6:10), Extortioners (1Corinthians 6:10), The Fearful (Revelation 21:8), The Unbelieving (Revelation 21:8), The Abominable (Revelation 21:8), Whoremongers (Revelation 21:8), Sorcerers (Revelation 21:8), All Liars (Revelation 21:8)
Need Pastoral Advice? Contact me privately at PastorEzekiel@landoverbaptist.net TODAY!!Comment
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Re: Hello
I attend Viewmont Baptist Church in North Carolina. My name is Joe and I am of the male sex. I am a single man, my parents (pluralOriginally posted by Pastor Ezekiel View Post
) are Baptist. My sins have been confessed to God and I do so on a daily basis because, as you know, one never knows if this day will be their last day on Earth. I walk with Jesus in the morning when I take my a.m. stroll, in the sand on the beach, ect.
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...and as for my favorite Bible verse, how can a true Christian pick just one? The entire text is holy and there is no one excerpt that is more important than another,
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