Introducting Geldberg!

[Israel Geldberg]

Dear Christians!
I'm glad I can introduct myself to this tolerant community of Christians. As you see, my name is Israel Geldberg, born in 1987, raised by communist jews and baptized by my uncle. My ship is anchored in Louisville, Mississippi, where I run my child soldier equipment company (Geldberg Child Soldier Equipment Ltd PTY), which is based in Namibia, because of communist liberals in America.

[Mark L. Snyde, PhD]

Re: Introducting Geldberg!

I am glad to hear you escaped the grubby clutches of the Christ-killers!

How many sons have you produced for Jesus? What's your favorite Bible verse?

[Dr Laurence Niles]

Re: Introducting Geldberg!

Dear Christians!
I'm glad I can introduct myself to this tolerant community of Christians. As you see, my name is Israel Geldberg, born in 1987, raised by communist jews and baptized by my uncle. My ship is anchored in Louisville, Mississippi, where I run my child soldier equipment company (Geldberg Child Soldier Equipment Ltd PTY), which is based in Namibia, because of communist liberals in America.

Why did your people kill Jesus? Just why?

YIC

[Pim Pendergast]

Re: Introducting Geldberg!

Well, Israel, what church do you go to? How did you find Jesus?

[Titus Templeton]

Re: Introducting Geldberg!

Why did the Romans hate the jews?

[Israel Geldberg]

Re: Introducting Geldberg!

Dear people of our Lord,
Yes, I am ashamed that "my people" killed our Lord and Saviour, Jesus Christ. I already talked about this with a rabbi, who shall be cursed, because he didn't know the answer.

@Mark L. Snyder, PhD,
I am the father of 4 God-given boys and one girl, who is rather a punishment for me being born as Jew.

@PimPendergast,
I regularly attend service at South Louisville Baptist Church, which is where I pay my Tenth as well.
My uncle, who fortunately is a Christian, showed me the love of Jesus by taking me away from my Jew liberal pot-smoking parents and chastening me over and over until Jesus appeared in my sleep, which might be caused by a blood loss of about 1 pint. But from this moment on I was convinced.

[James Hutchins]

Re: Introducting Geldberg!

Welcome friend, it is always interesting when misguided souls come looking for Christ (especially when they are not trying to kill Him).
Tell me, when your uncle baptized you, did he swallow or spit? That is one of the weird things about you people I never knew. I'd imagine he swallowed because joos are famous for not giving anything up.

[Alvin Moss]

Re: Introducting Geldberg!

Welcome, Israel.

I would be remiss if I did not admit from the outset that I am somewhat suspicious of Jews who have been saved. I praise God that you have been led to Jesus, if that is the case, but I fear that many "saved" Jews are actually just laying off the bet, so to speak. In other words, a shrewd Jew (and you people are known to be shrewd) who did not believe that Christ Jesus died for his sins up on Calvary, but was willing to admit it was possibly true, might seek to make provision for the future in case it really is true by professing a love for Jesus, just in case.

If that is your game, you are already lost. God knows what you are thinking.

Tell us, Brother Jew, what is your favorite Bible verse?

God Bless!

[Pastor Ezekiel]

Re: Introducting Geldberg!

Dear Moishe;

I'm going to need the name of your Church and the Head Pastor there before I can recommend that you be allowed to stay here on God's favorite forum. Unless and until I get your bona-fides verified by the DOF (Department Of Faith), I have to treat you like the Christ-killing joo-boy that you are. For the safety of the congregation.

If you'd like to find out more about Landover Baptist Church, please read THIS thread created especially for new posters.

If you have a question, use the "search" function before posting it. Most likely it is being discussed somewhere on this Godly forum. Please don't waste God's precious bandwidth.

You will keep a respectful tongue in your head whenever addressing your betters, which includes all True Christians™. Failure to do so, or any attempt at inciting debate or mockery of God's Divine Plan, can and will result in the suspension of your posting privileges.

Your rights on this forum are listed HERE. If you feel that any of these rights have been violated, please don't hesitate to contact a Pastor at once.

YIC,

--Pastor Ezekiel

[Israel Geldberg]

Re: Introducting Geldberg!

Oh My GOD! I really forgot to post my favorite Bible verse. Well, I'll post it now.

Proverbs 22:14:
The mouth of strange women is a deep pit: he that is abhorred of the LORD shall fall therein.


Dear Pastor Ezekiel,
My Church is South Louisville Baptist Church, whose Head Pastor is Trent Jaudon, who is a good friend of mine.

[Faith_Machine]

Re: Introducting Geldberg!

Mr. Geldberg, I am glad to make your acquaintance. A child soldier equipment company, you say? Why that's such a good idea! "Find a need and fill it," as they say in business school.

Speaking of which, how has Jesus been filling the needs in your life? I love to hear about the great things He's doing!

[Israel Geldberg]

Re: Introducting Geldberg!

Dear Faith Machine,
Almighty Jesus seems to like child soldiers who fight gays and heretics in His name. That's probably why He made my company very successful - I just got an order for 75 miniature MPs for kids. They look very cute with them.

[Halleluyah Rob]

Re: Introducting Geldberg!

Dear Faith Machine,
Almighty Jesus seems to like child soldiers who fight gays and heretics in His name. That's probably why He made my company very successful - I just got an order for 75 miniature MPs for kids. They look very cute with them.

I can only hope you're acting purely out of desire to please the LORD. Jews are known to be sneaky and interested only in money, they even tried to make profiteer in their own temple! (Matthew 21:12-14) But with a quick burst of Godly rage, Jesus put them in their place, praise!

(P.S. I'd like to purchase a miniature submachine gun for my son. Not a Heckler & Koch though, it must be of American manufacturing.)

[Israel Geldberg]

Re: Introducting Geldberg!

Dear Rob,
As I'm not a filthy jew anymore but a good Christian, my only desire is to please GOD.
Of course I don't sell Nazi shit tier weapons. Would your son like a Colt 9mm SMG?

[Mary Etheldreda]

Re: Introducting Geldberg!

As I'm not a filthy jew anymore but a good Christian, my only desire is to please GOD.

Oh PRAISE GOD!

I do so hope you're serious, and not one of these fluffy-bunny Christians who thinks they know God's Will better than God does. In good faith, I will join the angels in heaven singing their joy over the repentance of one more sinner!

Likewise, I say to you,
there is joy in the presence of the angels of God
over one sinner who repents.”
Luke 15:10