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Re: Dear Disciples
Dear Naomi Ruth Lamb,
What a wonderfully sweet, considerate and thoughtout message, thank you so much. I respect and value your concern, time and effort. Thank you, also, for such a warm welcome.
I mentioned abuse and I understand that was a non-specific. I will outline briefly what I meant. However, please understand that the following are not the ideas or ideologies of an older Mary Grace. The following is a recital of events from the youth of a very young girl, coming from a broken home.
The man in question was a drug taking, drug dealer who sold drugs to children and vulnerable adults, alike. He had a girlfriend at the time, who he cheated on with other girls (not me). He was some years older than me but nonetheless became my friend because he was a good listener and I liked to talk. Through sociolising with him daily, I did what he does and I became a cannabis smoker. On several occasions we also took ecstasy pills. Both he always provided. He was a negative influence in my life.
One night, we took ecstasy. Everything was going fine until I felt very, very, unwell. I told him I was feeling unwell and then I fell unconscious. Given that we were friends, I would have expected that in such a situation he would do many things to help me, such as call an ambulance and stay with me. But he did neither. He gathered up his stuff, ran away from the scene, and left me there alone in an apartment. By God's Grace, I came round alone. He saved me (so many times).
But I had fallen in love with this boy. We spent a lot of our time together and most of it was in the addictively toxic world of drug taking, which masked my discernments. He broke up with his girlfriend and asked me. We moved in together immediately. We had a great time, until I realised that he was victim of the drugs and his emotions. Often daily life would get too much for him and he would throw our furniture out of the window. There were times that he would open the door and fling it so that it would hit me, not because I did anything in particular, just because I would not buy him drugs, for example. There were times when he would get angry at me for not wanting to have his baby (out of wedlock), that he would take my money and leave me stranded in town, far from home, very late in the night. There were times when he would spit on me. There were times that he cheated on me. There were times when he continuously lied to me. There were times when he would answer the telephone and speak romantically to a girl in front of me.
If you asked him what I did to cause this, even he would say that it was not me, it was the drugs. He blames the drugs so that he does not have to accept responsibility for his actions, so that he can repeat them. Halfway into the relationship, I stopped all the drugs and all drinking. This annoyed him to get angry at me more. Since we broke up, several years ago, I went to university and then again to study for my masters. He calls to tell me to remember that I am nothing special. He sends me emails calling my mother a dog (because she did not approve of him). When I told him that he is an ill person and needs to get help, he threatened to come to my house. This is also a person who sees himself as always the victim, and a person who hits beats his dog with a boot.
So, as you can see, this is a man without remorse, without conscience, without any fear or obedience. I tried to contact his mother, so that she could mediate. But she does not want to return my message. I can understand that it is her son and she will be on his side no matter what, unfortunately.
I do not wish to press charges because it would gratify me in some way. Frankly, it would not and if that was the case, I would have done it all those years ago. I see his behaviour worsening and he has no clue or care that it is. I feel like he is carrying out satan's assignments and if I dont speak, I am allowing it to gather momentum. It is not for the good of me, but for the good of the church, including him. At least I am inclined to see it that way, although I welcome correction. That is the story, sadly. I hope I have been graphic just enough to describe how I perceive him to have defiled me. On that too, I welcome correction. He has a daughter now, but is not with the mother, and that is another reason that I feel he is dangerous, as a behavioural example.
I have accepted your words in true Christian love, of course, and, again, I thank you for caring and reaching out to me. Thank you also for inviting me to the Women's Forum. It is so kind of you. I will attend gladly.
In union of prayer. <><
Originally posted by Naomi Ruth Lamb
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What a wonderfully sweet, considerate and thoughtout message, thank you so much. I respect and value your concern, time and effort. Thank you, also, for such a warm welcome.
I mentioned abuse and I understand that was a non-specific. I will outline briefly what I meant. However, please understand that the following are not the ideas or ideologies of an older Mary Grace. The following is a recital of events from the youth of a very young girl, coming from a broken home.
The man in question was a drug taking, drug dealer who sold drugs to children and vulnerable adults, alike. He had a girlfriend at the time, who he cheated on with other girls (not me). He was some years older than me but nonetheless became my friend because he was a good listener and I liked to talk. Through sociolising with him daily, I did what he does and I became a cannabis smoker. On several occasions we also took ecstasy pills. Both he always provided. He was a negative influence in my life.
One night, we took ecstasy. Everything was going fine until I felt very, very, unwell. I told him I was feeling unwell and then I fell unconscious. Given that we were friends, I would have expected that in such a situation he would do many things to help me, such as call an ambulance and stay with me. But he did neither. He gathered up his stuff, ran away from the scene, and left me there alone in an apartment. By God's Grace, I came round alone. He saved me (so many times).
But I had fallen in love with this boy. We spent a lot of our time together and most of it was in the addictively toxic world of drug taking, which masked my discernments. He broke up with his girlfriend and asked me. We moved in together immediately. We had a great time, until I realised that he was victim of the drugs and his emotions. Often daily life would get too much for him and he would throw our furniture out of the window. There were times that he would open the door and fling it so that it would hit me, not because I did anything in particular, just because I would not buy him drugs, for example. There were times when he would get angry at me for not wanting to have his baby (out of wedlock), that he would take my money and leave me stranded in town, far from home, very late in the night. There were times when he would spit on me. There were times that he cheated on me. There were times when he continuously lied to me. There were times when he would answer the telephone and speak romantically to a girl in front of me.
If you asked him what I did to cause this, even he would say that it was not me, it was the drugs. He blames the drugs so that he does not have to accept responsibility for his actions, so that he can repeat them. Halfway into the relationship, I stopped all the drugs and all drinking. This annoyed him to get angry at me more. Since we broke up, several years ago, I went to university and then again to study for my masters. He calls to tell me to remember that I am nothing special. He sends me emails calling my mother a dog (because she did not approve of him). When I told him that he is an ill person and needs to get help, he threatened to come to my house. This is also a person who sees himself as always the victim, and a person who hits beats his dog with a boot.
So, as you can see, this is a man without remorse, without conscience, without any fear or obedience. I tried to contact his mother, so that she could mediate. But she does not want to return my message. I can understand that it is her son and she will be on his side no matter what, unfortunately.
I do not wish to press charges because it would gratify me in some way. Frankly, it would not and if that was the case, I would have done it all those years ago. I see his behaviour worsening and he has no clue or care that it is. I feel like he is carrying out satan's assignments and if I dont speak, I am allowing it to gather momentum. It is not for the good of me, but for the good of the church, including him. At least I am inclined to see it that way, although I welcome correction. That is the story, sadly. I hope I have been graphic just enough to describe how I perceive him to have defiled me. On that too, I welcome correction. He has a daughter now, but is not with the mother, and that is another reason that I feel he is dangerous, as a behavioural example.
I have accepted your words in true Christian love, of course, and, again, I thank you for caring and reaching out to me. Thank you also for inviting me to the Women's Forum. It is so kind of you. I will attend gladly.
In union of prayer. <><
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